Thursday, 5 January 2017

Code Name: Reaper ...

“We have seen them all. We have seen the tyrants and the healers. We have seen the monsters and the gods. But never have we seen a specimen like this. A man so relentless, so focused that even ‘The Higher Ones’ fear his power. He is like no other. He is truly The Chosen One.”

-The Book Of Prophecies.



The weather is beautiful today. The wind is in a playful mood as it touches my cheeks and withers away. It teases me to come and play with it. The sun and the tress are in a quarrel of their own. The trees as tall as buildings with leaves greener than the garden of eden are not allowing the rays to come through. But eventually, with it’s brute force, the rays win and pierce through the leaves and remind me with their warmth that there is only true dominant force that governs us all. Below in the plains I see the HVT. {High Value Target} He is sitting in his lazy boy chair and smoking his favourite cuban cigars. He does that everyday sharp at 4pm. The HVT is a man of strict habit. I would know that ‘cause I am just like him. But the only difference between me and him is that I have my finger at the trigger and he has his on his cigar. I am hidden well under the trees and the brown soil below me gives me the perfect cover. I have three different variants of the Camo Suit. {Camouflage Gear} And today I have chosen the Desert Camo Gear so I blend in with mother nature. While the sunlight is almost heavenly today it is also my greatest asset as below no one can suspect where the shot will come from. The sound of the bullet will be echoed throughout the valley but no one will be able to pinpoint the actual location of the shot. And by the time they do, I will be long gone. I notice the HVT is having a laugh with his men. Men covered in masks and who carry AK Machine Guns. There weren’t any lip-reading classes back in BUD/S {Basic Underwater Demolition/Seal Training} but if there was an option I would had taken it. Maybe I would had laughed along with these men. But for the last 3 months, laughter isn’t something I associate myself too that well. For the last 3 months I have been here, behind enemy lines in a place too classified to even mention. That part of the world where humanity died long before humans ever existed. A country torn by civil war and people like the HVT who picked up the remaining pieces and corrupted men and children into joining his crusade to free the world of the west. For many people here he is like a hero, a icon, a messiah even. But I know what evil looks like. And that HVT over there, he is the impersonation of pure evil. 

"'T is strange that death should sing.
I am the cygnet to this pale faint swan,
Who chants a doleful hymn to his own death,
And from the organ-pipe of frailty sings
His soul and body to their lasting rest."

-William Shakespeare


Who am I you ask? My name is Max Shepherd. A cali boy. Born and raised near the ocean with loving parents who left me a long time in a drunk driver accident. Al though I am right now telling you all about this ‘Classified’ mission I am actually a very shy, soft-spoken guy who talks only when necessary. In other words I am more of an observer. If you don’t believe you can ask the friends I had back home in California who used to call me Max ‘The Mute’ ‘cause I hardly spoke. I sometimes wonder why they were so kind to me and always included me in their group. This one time, before any of this. Before the enlistment, before the realisation of the journey a boy needs to take to become a man, my friends dragged me to this party at the beach which I had no interest to go too. But there, in the twilight of the night, right at the shore line, where the waves come and merged with the grains of sand, I saw the woman whom I fell in love with the moment I laid eyes on her. Her name was Lindsay Emerson and she was studying at the University of San Diego taking up Biophysics. When she looked at me and gave me that smile, I never guessed that in a million years that a beauty like Lindsay would go out with a quiet jock like me. She was truly an angel and it was the most beautiful date I had ever been too. Before I dropped her off I went in for a kiss while trying to hug her and she being the smarty she was, chuckled and told me, “Silly, that isn’t how you kiss a girl.” And then she kissed me and I swear to god it was like the fourth of july! And after that we never looked back. We become the couple everyone loved and all knew that very soon I would go on my knees and ask her the most important question of any bachelor’s life. But you see, life isn’t always how we think it to be. It was at that point of time the war broke out and our country needed men to enlist and show those evil bastards that tyranny won’t have the last laugh. And I knew I had to enlist. Even though Lindsay didn’t agree I knew it in my gut, like a calling that I had to be there, fighting for freedom. And then just like that everything changed forever. 

"Cowards die many times before their deaths;
The valiant never taste of death but once."

-William Shakespeare


It was 3 years ago when I enlisted for the Marines. Our country needed her young men and women to stand up and fight and to be Marine and serve your country, was the greatest honour of them all. And the moment I walked inside those doors I knew it in my bones that it was a marine that I was meant to become. And so, my journey with the Marines began. All those days at Camp Pendleton truly took me to the limit. Day in and day out we trained. In the dirt, in the rain, in the mud and in the heat, we pushed and pushed until we had nothing left to give. And when our bodies gave up, our drill sergeant made us push harder. After all, the Marines Are The Few, The Proud. And after those gruelling 13 weeks I was a Proud Marine. And I was no longer Max ‘The Mute’ Shepherd either. It was like something in me woke up. like a beast who had gone for a long hibernation. Lindsay didn’t come for my inauguration. A part of me knew she wouldn’t. She was against the war and also she told me she won’t support me going ‘Over There’. She said I was making a mistake. “It isn’t like you have to enlist! You can be here with me. You can be safe. I don’t want to loose you. I don’t want that man in uniform knocking at my door and telling me with his grieving eyes that your husband died while fighting for his country. I don’t want that Max. I faced that horror with my dad. I can’t go through it again with you. I won’t allow that.” That was the last thing she told me before she hung up the phone. I knew I heard her sobbing. But she being the stubborn woman she was, she didn’t wanted to admit it. She didn’t know that if she would had come that day I would had put a ring on her finger and would had told her how much I loved her. But I didn’t get that opportunity. You see, I have come to realise that people do get to fall in love but the fire in them always reminds them that they are meant for bigger much greater things. 

"A person doesn't die when he should but when he can."

-Gabriel García Márquez


We were deployed the moment I got my badge and I was part of the MARSOC {Marine Corps Special Forces}. Marines as you know it are one of the finest breeds of warriors on the planet. We go where the action is and we went and took care of the missions that were bestowed upon us. For the next 3 years since I said my 1st “Oorah” we overcame every obstacle. But it was when I was is Fallujah that I realised that the powers above had something else planned for me. We were fighting back the insurgency in the city and we knew that within the next 48 hours the city would be free of the imperial forces. I was by that time promoted to Lance Corporal {LCpl} from Private First Class {PFC}. Our mission was to clear three blocks of buildings which intelligence indicated to be enemy strongholds. The mission was going smooth. Barge in, check, double check and then onto the next building. Since I was in charge of the mission I was first in, last out, just how I liked it. But then, when we were in the last building that strange gut feeling started tingling inside of me. Like the ‘spidey’ sense spider-man gets. Even though that ‘instinct’ was growing, I shook it off and started approaching the building. I was only 25 feet away from the main door when I felt the wind move and my eyes went to the building right across and there I saw an insurgent with a RPG {Rocket Propelled Grenade} and he had me on his sights. Even though my reaction time would had kicked in, I knew I wouldn’t survive the impact. But just a mili-second later, which felt like an eternity I heard the sound of a bullet and before you knew it, the insurgent’s head was splattered in two and the entire platoon cheered and howled like wolves. It was at that time my eyes locked with the Navy Seal Sniper that saved my life and I knew from that moment on, my life would never be the same again.

"Death is the king of this world: 'tis his park
Where he breeds life to feed him. Cries of pain
Are music for his banquet."

-George Eliot


The moment I came back form my 3rd tour in Iraq I went and visited the Navy Seals Centre. The recruiter told me that to be a Navy Seal was one of the most privileged things a man can do. But only if a man can survive it’s brutal training. I loved being a Marine but that voice inside of me sang a different tune now and I knew that it wanted me to be a Navy Seal Sniper. Without wasting another moment I signed up to enlist as a Navy Seal and the recruiter told me that my training would begin in 3 weeks. Since I had no time to waste the first thing I did was inform my chain of command with the marines that I am trying to be a Seal Sniper. “You are one of the finest soldiers I know Max. I will hate to loose you. But if this is something that you wanna do, then God Speed to you son.” And then I gave him my salute and my last “Oorah” and walked away. Lindsay and me were not in the best of terms during this period. But when I had made that phone call from Iraq and told her I was coming home, I sensed that she still loved me and was delighted to see me back, al though she didn’t wanted to admit it. That night, after we made love and were having our candle light cheeseburgers dinner I told her that I would be enlisting again. But this time, as a Navy Seal and eventually become a Sniper. I have never seen her so torn. Here was this woman who loved me yet was hurt by the fact that I would be going away again. “What will it take me to stop this Max? When will you ever feel complete with me? Will I never be enough for you? Do you love war that much that you are killing the one thing that makes us stronger? Why are you pushing me away?” And I told her something I didn’t expect ever sharing with anyone. I said, “I love you Li. You are the love of my life. There is no other who can ever take that place. But I just can't shake this feeling. This feeling inside of me that I have to fight. That I have to give every evil in this world what it deserves. I have to be out there in the fight. And I know even though you and me can have the perfect world here and one day grow old and see our children become lovely human beings, I know in my heart that this is something that I have to do. And I am sorry for that. I am so sorry.” The next day when I woke up I saw a letter in the bed. It read, “I will always love you. But now I have come to realise that you are a fighter and you will always be whole and complete when you are fighting. Good bye Max.” After that, I didn’t care to wipe off the tears which were rolling down my cheeks. I didn’t care when I screamed out so loud that my lungs hurt. I didn’t care to clean the floor of the glasses I broke ‘cause after the world of hurt I felt and the sense of loneliness had engulfed me I sensed a feeling I didn’t feel before. I felt a deep sense of desire. A burning passion. A quest. An invoking. And when I saw my reflection in the mirror I didn’t see the boy who was called ‘The Mute’ but I saw a man who knew what had to be done. At that point I knew it in my bones that I truly was chosen to be something more than just a man. I was meant to be a Sniper.

"While man is growing, life is in decrease;
And cradles rock us nearer to the tomb.
Our birth is nothing but our death begun."

-Edward Young


“Give me 50 push-ups! Come on you little piece of shit! Get a move on! You wanna be a Seal? You want to be the best in the world? Then get on the ground and smell the dirt and give me those god-damn push-ups!” That is what I heard on the 1st day of my Training at Seal School. To be a Navy Seal you have to have heart. Like a fortitude of a Lion. It has been said that more than thousands apply to be a Seal. But on day one itself 90% of candidates walk over to the bell with a beaten heart and quit. In fact, during ‘Hell Week’ the drill sergeants keep telling the men to quit ‘cause quitting will be much more easier than to bare the pain of training which awaits them. But thanks to my Marine Training, I pushed through. But it wasn’t easy. Well, nothing great is ever easy. After I survived ‘Hell Week’ I knew things were about to get only tougher and more challenging but whenever the pain had gotten unbearable that voice inside of me always reminded me who I truly was and what was needed to be done. Over the next 24 weeks, me and my batch mates went through the most hellish training the human body and mind can endure. That was needed in order to pass through the BUD/S Training. But that wasn’t enough. I wanted to be a sniper and there were times when my fingers tensed and longed to pull the trigger when I use to hear gunshots in the distance. Even though it was tempting to go and see the pros at work at the range I knew one day I would be there firing those bullets instead of just looking at them. One weekend, sometime in-between the training we all were given an off to go and splurge and enjoy in the city. Many of my batch mates had wives and girlfriends and some of them just wanted to go to bars and get drunk, and so as the leave was granted not one was left at the bunker station. Well, no one except me. I decided to stay. You know by now I had no one waiting for me in the city and second of all, I wanted to go back to training. It wouldn’t had made me a sniper right there and then but I longed for the challenge of training. The more I trained, the more I calmer and focused I got. And the pain of not having Lindsay in my life was used as a tool to ignite my performance. My Drill Sergeant, Sgt. Lance Mitchell saw me doing the 5k early on saturday morning on the grounds and called me over. “Come take a walk with me Max.” In all my weeks here I never heard him a say a word which sounded ‘Normal’. Hearing that sentence from him surely started an excitement in me. The weather was perfect on this saturday morning at Coronado, CA and in the distance the pelicans were playing catch with each other and the waves were being mischievous. For a while we walked in silence and then finally the Lieutenant spoke. “Do you know what I see when I see you Max? I see a Boy becoming a Man. I see a man who has this tremendous hunger and energy. You really have it in you to become a Seal Max.” “Thank you sir.” I said, as those were the only words that came out of my mouth. “But do you know what makes you special Max? I sense a great darkness in you. A Darkness which normalcy can’t contain. Maybe that is why you became a Marine. Maybe that is why you are here wanting to become one of the most elite of the elite.” “Sir, I don’t know what to say. I … I feel, I know deep within in my bones, in my soul that fighting is what I was born to do. Before the war, before the enlistment, it felt like I was just existing. But ever since I learned how to fight, I felt I became alive!” The LT smiled and said, “Many men live ordinary lives because they think that just by getting by and not pushing themselves, or challenging obstacles or taking risks they will be happy. But I have believed in all my years of living that a man can only be complete when he faces his fears, when he pushes through the barrier of pain, when he is ready to sacrifice everything to achieve his goal. And I believe you are that man.” “I promise I won’t let you down sir. In fact sir, if I have permission to say, I really want to become a Navy Seal Sniper.” “It’s like you are reading my mind Max. I was just about to say that as soon as your BUD/S Training gets completed I want you to apply for Sniper School and I also do believe you will be a great sniper. A sniper needs his soul to be sold to the Reaper in order to take out his targets from far away distances.” “Reaper sir?”. “Yes, the Reaper. You know, like The Grim Reaper. The Grim Reaper is associated with Death. He is the Monster sent from hell to collect the souls of the damned. He comes without warning and once he has sights locked on you, not even god can stop him. A Sniper is very much like a Reaper. He is a Lethal Weapon of Justice. His bullet comes from nowhere and puts an end to the enemy who has no idea that his end is only a mere seconds away.” “That’s a great way to put it sir.” “Yes, it is. I would know ‘cause I was a Sniper once. And now go and do another 5k and meet at the weapons range.” “Sir! Yes Sir!” When I started that run, I felt a deep sense of happiness. Like it was flooding over me. It was an answer from the universe showing me that every decision that I have taken till now has been absolutely right. And before the cool wind came and touched my face I also had another realisation … I just had found my codename. It would be Code Name: Reaper.

"Since the day of my birth, my death began its walk.
It is walking toward me, without hurrying."

-Jean Cocteau


“Reaper, this is 2-1 Actual. Do you Copy?”. “Yes, 2-1, this is Reaper. Hearing you loud and clear. Over.” “Can we have a status update? Over.” “Yes 2-1. I am right now at the designated location. I have the HVT in my sights. It is a Go. I repeat the mission is a Go. Do I have your orders to comply? Over.” “Yes Reaper, your request is approved. Proceed with the mission. Contact again from the exfil position. Good luck. Over and Out.” It has been 3 years since that day at the beach. Three years since the word Reaper dawned on me. And three years since I ever thought I had any ounce of normalcy left in me. The generals and the majors and the captains call me The Reaper for a reason. It is not just a call sign for me. They say I am cold and deadly and like a demon I am truly the taker of souls. Some even call me The death Machine. A Punisher of sorts. The man who was truly made for war. That is what I have heard. They say the enemy has a bounty on my head. Something like 300,000 dollars and 350,000 if I am captured alive so they can execute me on live television. But since the time I fired my first .50 cal bullet, not once have I missed a target. Somethings are just meant to be. I know I was destined to be a sniper but I never knew that I would become the most feared and lethal sniper in American History. I’ve heard many stories about me. Some of which are true and some which are just pure fantasy. The young cadets sometimes even have the courage to come and ask me how it is to kill a person, I simply tell them, “It’s as easy as breathing.”. I agree, I sometimes must have projected to be strict and tough and would have that ‘No-Time-To-Give-A-Flying-Fuck’ face but I was like that or maybe I am still that way ‘cause I love what I do and I take my job very very seriously. Maybe that is why even after 3 years I don’t have people I can call my friends or family. Maybe that is why I never could find a connect with a person or any human emotion which binds us together. Maybe that is why I have been alone. Maybe that is why I am cut off from the world and always looking for another mission, another target, another war to be a part off. I guess the beast inside of me always wants feeding ‘cause for some reason he never gets fulfilled with the death I give him. No matter how many men I kill, no matter if the kill count has now reached upto 1,200, the beast inside of me wants more and more. Maybe that is why I am out here, behind enemy lines. I guess there is a rush in this. There is a thrill which love or friendship can never give me. And even though there are times when I feel those moments of ‘What ifs?’ I know when I pull the trigger and see the scumbag in my sights take his last breath, everything in the world makes sense. I heard Lindsay moved on and got married recently. I am happy for her. I wanted to wish her personally but I know she wouldn’t want to talk to me. I still have her ring though. It is a constant reminder of the one thing that really meant so much to me.The one thing that I gave up to be here. That knowingness makes me feel stronger. I wouldn’t disagree with you, sometimes it gets very lonely. But all men who become wolves have to wander the jungle alone. Greatness has a price. I know that more than anyone else.

"And I will show that nothing can happen more beautiful than death."

-Walt Whitman


I adjust the scope for the very last time. The wind is perfect. I inhale a long breath and see the HVT. He also inhales from his cigar. I wait for him to blow the smoke out. The moment he does, I gently pull the trigger. Within a matter of a second, I see bullet pierce through his head and a fraction later his body is on the ground with the fragments of his brains every where. His personal guards go into a state of shock. They start yelling and within a few seconds later the emergency siren rings. I learnt one thing in sniper school and that is to never underestimate your enemy so instead of giving them the time to even guess where I am, as a surprise I planted some C-4 Explosives all around the facility to go off in sequence. You know, to create a diversion. And the moment I press the button on the remote control, the C-4s, perfect as clockwork start going off one after the other. By this time the whole base has come alive. Guards and soldiers are in a state of disarray. They don’t know what to do or from whom to take orders from. Some men get into their jeeps and drive off towards the blasts, while some stand where they are too scared to do anything. The mission was a success. The HVT is down and now it is time for me to reach the exfil. By now, the blasts must have been the signal to the satellites above that my mission was a success and within 30mins the heli would be waiting for me for my extraction whether I make it there or not. I am right now in radio silence so I don’t give the enemy a way to find my signal and location. I go back to base. Make sure nothing is left behind and just to be sure rig the entire cave with C-4. I give it one last look. This cave was my home for the last 3 months. And then I head out. When I am about 500 metres away I press the button and the entire caves collapses with the might and sound of the explosives. I reach the extraction point and within minutes the heli arrives. It lands and come out the navy seals on board who are ordered to bring me back home. They do as told. I give them the thumbs-up that I am ok and we are ready to move. The heli roars its engines and we are in the air. After a while with my rifle still in my hand and my hands still twitching for another mission as glorious as this, one of the seals comes upto and asks, “How was it?” and I tell him, “It was as easy as breathing.”

"And I looked, and behold a pale horse: and his name that sat on him was Death."

-Revelation 6:8

This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty and this is the Story of The Reaper.

With All My Might,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.


*********************************************************************************************************************************

Thursday, 13 October 2016

The Number 32 And Everything In Between ...

“We tried to break him. Oh believe us, we tried. But this mortal was made of steel. And it wasn’t only his skin that we are talking about. His will was unbreakable. His determination to succeed became his fuel. His passion to make his dreams come true was were he found his strength. And as the years turned into decades, we knew that one day this mortal’s time would come and until then he would wait, ‘cause we gods know that the true test of a man is the patience he gains while he sees the world pass by, for even we gods fear The Fury Of The Patient Man.”

-The Book Of Prophecies.



The last blog I wrote was when I was in the states and it was a few days before my birthday. So I guess I should start from where I left off and what better place to start that than my birthday! If you wanna know what I did for my birthday, well, I went to Six Flags Magic Mountain! It was me, my brother rimoh and his friend annalise and the three of us left by 10am in the morning and thanks to anna and her car we reached within 30mins. Rimoh being the sweet heart brother he is got me the platinum flash pass which gave me access to all the rides while cutting the wait in the lines! I couldn't thank him more for that. This was rimoh’s and anna’s 1st time at six flags and by the time they went on their 5th roller coaster, they were gassed out and it was very cute to see them telling me to go to all the other rides without them, like two grand parents letting their grandson go and play. Well, as for me, I went on 10, oh yes, you read it right, 10 roller coasters that day! And these weren’t the child play coasters, I went on the toughest and most challenging ones at the park! And to add to my achievements I only screamed my lungs out on the 1st coaster I went on {X2} and after that I was just blinking away and was all smiles. I realised that day that I am indeed an adrenaline junkie and the ‘rush’ gives me a kick! In the future you never know I would be finally taking that Bungee Jump and Sky dive test after all. But all I can say is that my 32nd birthday was amazing! And I couldn’t have asked for more. I would want to thank all the people who wished me on my birthday but I also want to add that sometimes spending the birthday alone going through crazy roller coasters while your brother sits and recovers {lolz} is truly a very gratifying moment indeed.

"You got to start by doing little things if your quest is to take over the world."
-J. B. Smoove



After a few days, my mom, brother and sis came to La and we were delighted to see them there. For the 1st few days we took them to all the famous tourist spots in La and then My sis started her acting course at NYFA and my youngest brother joined La Fitness and trained regularly over there. For the next one month Dad and Mom did all the cooking. Me and Mom did all the cleaning and I did all the cleaning {since I have OCD}. It was an amazing experience to do everything on your own and watching all the latest movies at Universal City and of course receiving my packages from the United States Post Office. I also had my own P.O. Box key! But the things which I will always remember would be the Dance Classes at IDA, the gruelling Crossfit sessions at Depot Crossfit and my Comedy Improv classes at UCB. The dance classes were very challenging at first. I mean if you came to one of the classes and would had seen these amazing boys and girls and children, I am telling you that you would be in awe! They were absolutely fantastic and for the first few classes I was in the back of the line ‘cause I knew I had a lot to learn. But as the classes proceeded and I started to catch the Hip-Hop groove, I got my confidence and by week 3, I was one of the top leads in the class. I don’t mean to brag but trust me, when you are at par with one of the finest in the world, it is a proud moment to show off about. There was a teacher there and he was the most popular of all of them and he used to teach the monday class. For many mondays I was lagging behind ‘cause I couldn’t match up to his choreography. But I never gave up and one day, I think it was the 4 week of training, the teacher told me to meet him after class. I got nervous as I thought he would tell me to do some other class ‘cause maybe I wasn’t coming up to his expectations. But then, the magic happened. He came up to me and told me this. “I am so happy to see your progress! You are killing it in class! When I first saw you, I thought you wouldn’t catch up but I am so happy to see you transform!” I was left speechless and I could tell him was Thank You Thank You Thank You Sir! I had finally won his acknowledgement and for me that was a huge victory! And when I went to La, it was my top priority to visit the Ufc Gym in Rosemead. I did that and I got to tell you, it was the mecca of all the gyms! It was huge and state of the art and it was a Mma Fan’s dream! Training there was one of the best moments of my life and even though I wanted to go there everyday, I knew I couldn’t as it was nearly 40mins away from where I was staying and taking a 60 dollars uber ride everyday would had costed me a fortune on travelling alone! So for my luck, there was a Crossfit Box right next to my dance classes and even the timings were appropriate for me to train at both the places everyday! {4pm to 5pm Crossfit. 6pm to 7pm Dance.} The trainers at depot were very nice and kind and as the days passed my muscles and mind strength started to get the hang of it. In the weeks to come, I realised that Crossfit is the future of fitness and I am glad I had joined the revolution. There was a coach there called Marcel and he was my favourite coach and I knew I was his favourite student as well. Yes, I do agree I am a sucker for approval by my teachers and maybe I guess that is what pushes me further. There was this one time when I was snapchatting the box and I told coach {marcel} to say a few words. He did that for me without hesitation. But later did I know from his wife that he is very camera shy but he did for me ‘cause he really liked me. That was a huge compliment for me apart from the fact I reached my Max 1 Rep Pr on my Bench Press, Shoulder Press and Back Squat all ‘cause of his amazing guidance. I will never forget Coach Marcel and the lovely people at Depot Crossfit. Didn’t I mention before how the universe works in mysterious ways? Well, not only did I manage to learn Hip-Hop and do Crossfit 5 days a week but I also got the chance to learn Comedy Improv at UCB! I enrolled myself there when there was only one seat left and the level 1 showcase performance was being held one day before we were coming back to India. Talk about perfect timing! My classes were once a week on wednesdays and every class was a delight ‘cause I had the opportunity to do improv with some of the nicest people I have ever met. Our teacher Tim taught us a lot and I know that I am a more relaxed and confident actor now than I was before. My level 1 and level 2 classes in Mumbai were a blessing for me and this classes gave me the confidence to always be the 1st student to do the exercises even though I knew I was making mistakes. By the end of the 8 weeks I realised that as an actor I still have a long way to go and given a chance I would keep on learning the art of improv to get better and also more funnier. The reason I told you all this is because I had promised you all that I would come back and share my experiences with you and to sum it up all I can say is that I am truly blessed to have been in the City Of Angels and I would love to visit it again very very soon.

"I feel the older I get, the more I'm learning to handle life. Being on this quest for a long time, it's all about finding yourself."
-Ringo Starr



But now I am home and even though it took me nearly 2 weeks to get used to the mumbai traffic again, I can now say I am back home and back to the grind in full swing. You see, this is who I am and this is who I will always be. A man on his personal quest to find his greatness. For many these talks are beyond spiritual and even border line boring. But for me it is a part of me and what better way to express them than through my blogs. I have come a long way from my 1st blog entry. For crying out loud I am 32 already! And sometimes I can’t believe myself that I have reached my 30’s. {although people say I look like 27 or something! Lolz!} But I am glad I am getting older ‘cause in this process I am also getting wiser. I know what my priorities are, I know what I like and I don’t like and what I can stand for and the things that still make me weak. I have come to terms with myself and facing and embracing my realities has only made me a much more stronger person. If you go to my Facebook page or my twitter page, you will see fans and haters asking me about my next venture. And the reason I don’t answer them about it is because I am waiting for the right time to come. Over the years I have become a very private person and some things I know I will never share under any circumstances. Now whether I am liked or hated for it is not my concern. This is my choice and I stand by it. I see the world go by in front of me. I see how some are favoured while many still are waiting for their moment to come. And for a very long time, I know I was running away from my own reality ‘cause I was too scared to accept it. But now, I think since a year, I sense a deep calm within me. A calmness I never felt before. A knowing I never sensed before. A belief I never knew I had. And this feeling has freed me in a way. And do you know why I don’t worry? It’s because I have many things to be grateful for. I feel those blessings with immense love and joy within my heart and I see how the world is so beautiful in front of me. I am no longer a figment of my past but the architect of my grand future. I know, I just know with the utmost belief that one day very soon my time will come. And no matter how many right now get their chance to shine in the sun I know I will get that opportunity also and until that day comes I will grind and I will give and I will be patient and I will train and give my heart and soul to my purpose ‘cause when that time will come I will make the most of it. So I do Mma. I do Crossfit and read my novels and take online courses on Greek and Roman Mythology and do my Voice Practice and improve my diction and take more Improv Classes ‘cause only when I will give it my all will I be worthy of the greatness that is coming to me.

"The eternal quest of the individual human being is to shatter his loneliness."
-Norman Cousins



But I also do other things too. I have other passions also. Passions and feelings which drive me and give me more motivation everyday. Did I tell you that I am competed hooked to american television? Whether it is Supernatural or the latest Designated Survivor, my Tv Schedule is filled throughout the week and I still have over 60 shows to watch! And now thanks to Netflix, Hotstar and very soon Amazing Prime and of course fast-speed internet, streaming has become a lot easier and also a whole lot fun! And speaking of new shows I highly recommend Designated survivor and Lethal weapon. Both are binge worthy shows. In one you see a common man take the responsibility of the leader of the free world and in the other you see the friendship of two people who are poles apart! And besides television this is now gaming season which means many great games are on the horizon with Gears Of War and Call Of Duty to name a few. But the game which I am waiting for with awaited breath is Sniper Ghost Warrior 3! Can you imagine being a special forces navy seal sniper deep in the heart of enemy territory where you are all alone and where you have to stock your target {or prey} for days, do proper recon and then under the cover of mother nature give that bastard that bullet with his name written on it! It is like a dream come true and very soon I will have the opportunity to play that game! So you see, there are many things in life a person can be happy and excited and grateful about. All we have to do is open our hearts and not just our eyes to the beauty of life.

"Clarity and consistency are not enough: the quest for truth requires humility and effort."
-Tariq Ramadan



I write these blogs because I like expressing. Well, I like expressing things which I can with all of you. There are still parts of my life which are unknown to the world and I would like to keep it that way. There should always be some mystery left you see. But the reason this blog entry was a long one was because I wanted it that way. If you remember there was a time when I had a new entry every week but now they are only once in every 2 months and even though I agree that is a long gap between entries I feel this has been my own evolution in a way. To only say things when it is the most important to do so. But just because I don’t write that much doesn’t mean I don’t feel. In fact I feel more deeply now. I feel my mind opening to knowledge when I see the lectures on the origins of the myths of the greeks and romans. I feel a rush of excitement when I annihilate demons on mars in the game Doom. I feel like laughing my ass off whenever I see an episode of South Park and I feel this dark joy whenever I read a chapter in American Psycho. Yes, I do feel but I guess with age, comes evolution. Evolution I am accepting with open arms and with each passing day I become more calmer and I observe more and life becomes more clearer. I know how to edit people who don’t support my growth and to smile when needed. I know when to be in charge and behave as the eldest in the family and also be alone at times when I need to think. I hope that whatever journey you are going through, you go through it with an open heart. Learn to forgive. Become wiser. Embrace the hurt that comes your way and always and I mean always have the faith in the universe and believe that you are taken care off. :-)

"The longest journey is the journey inwards. Of him who has chosen his destiny, Who has started upon his quest for the source of his being."
-Dag Hammarskjold



This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty and this is My Story.

With All My Might,
Your No.1 Fan,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.



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Thursday, 21 July 2016

13 Years In The Making ...

“We have chosen millions to represent us. And through trial and error the chosen have done their duties. But as creators of time and space and everything in between we always looked and longed for an individual who would, with free will become the man we wanted him to be. And through ions and ions we waited but none could show us the true mantle of the lone wolf. But then, a miracle happened. And then through that miracle we finally found our soldier. Our warrior who with free will would do the ultimate sacrifice and in that process become the legend who we always knew he would become.”

-The Book Of Prophecies. 



Prick. Jerk. Selfish. Asshole. These are the few words that would describe me if you met me 13 years ago here in Los Angeles. I had come here for my 4-weeks intensive acting workshop at the new york film academy back then and at that point of time the only thing I did was think about myself and what made me happy. I didn’t care what my parents thought or how much pain I caused them or to my family. Trust me, you would had hated me back then as well. And as the years passed and the more life started to unfold in front of me, the guilt of being that prick engulfed me like a storm!  I couldn’t accept the fact that I had become a mean self-centred arrogant asshole and the only way I could ever get my redemption was to come back here and make things right. Well, as they say, “The Universe will unfold all it’s wonders to you when you are ready.” And now, 13 years later I am finally here at La La Land and I can proudly say that I am now on the road to my redemption.

"Success is no accident. It is hard work, perseverance, learning, studying, sacrifice and most of all, love of what you are doing or learning to do."
-Pele



Like the billions around the world, I am also amazed by America. I am attracted towards her culture, her movies and her way of life. And for many years now I had dreamed to come back here. Even my siblings wished and longed for it. But because of busy schedules and prior commitments, coming here was always delayed. But 2016 was finally the year when we were meant to come back to Los Angeles. Right now I am here with my dad and bro and in August my sister, my mom and my brother will be joining us as well. Back in 2003, I was turning 19 so the rest of siblings were way younger to me which meant that we used to go only to the movies and to theme parks. Now, in the age of apps and maps, we have become grown ups and we four rather help our cute old-school parents to find places to go and see and visit and to dine. Before I go any further I must say that we are here only because of our parents. Mom has always been the rock and the silent guardian of the family who has kept us together and dad through his sacrifice and hard work is the reason we are here. I am truly blessed to have them as parents and also truly blessed to have such lovely siblings. Speaking of siblings, my younger brother Rimoh still feels surreal to be here! He sometimes comes up to me and says, “Bhai I can’t imagine I am here in La!”. And seeing his face filled with joy truly warms my heart. Touch wood he is having the time of his life! From grading 10 on 10 on his Screen Writing course at the NYFA, to going out and living the life true La style! He is destined to live and make it big here and I know that one day very soon, that dream of his will come true. And I can’t wait for the other two to arrive. I know it will be fun when I will see my sister go for the same 4 weeks intensive acting workshop which I did and to have my youngest bro Nama with me to watch all the latest films. All great things are truly worth the wait.

"You have to fight to reach your dream. You have to sacrifice and work hard for it."
-Lionel Messi



But this blog isn’t about all the fun we will have here as a family. This blog is about the opportunity that has given to me to find my redemption. A redemption 13 years in the making. Before coming here I had it all figured out. I had told myself that I will go to La and be like a normal person. I told myself that I will make new friends, meet new people and also go out to clubs and famous restaurants. But now I realise those plans were of a Mimoh long dead. I am not that guy anymore. That Mimoh died a very long time ago. Only remnants are left, which try to surface from time to time. But in the battle between the man who depended on others for his emotions and the lone wolf that I have become now, the lone wolf is winning and whopping that old mimoh’s ass! And I love being the lone wolf. As I said before many a times, “You get used to anything if you stay around it for a while.” So now, I am way more happier and comfortable being alone than being surrounded by people. Al though I am a devotee of The Punisher there is this one line from The Dark Knight Rises I want to share with you and no, it isn’t of Bane but of Catwoman and she says, “What can I say, I am adaptable.” And I see myself as an adaptable creature as well. The moment I settle in to the place that I am staying, I make it my home and start functioning myself around my given environment. Whether it is the roads or the food or even the places where I will be training, I figure everything out as soon as I can and then I make a plan of action and go about it. And now, it has been 2 weeks since I have come here and I can tell you I am very happy about how my schedule is like. I know I should be enjoying and chilling with these two months that I am here but what can I say, Training is what I do best and “The Wicked Never Rest.” 

"Follow your passion, be prepared to work hard and sacrifice, and, above all, don't let anyone limit your dreams."
-Donovan Bailey



I am right now in los angeles! I said that again ‘cause I want that to sink in. I mean this is La La Land! The land of Hollywood and the galore and the music and streets filled with tourist and movie bill boards everywhere with amazing amusement parks and men who look like greek gods and women who aren't less than angels! And I really mean that. the very 1st morning here I had gone to ihop for their lovely black coffee and the waiter who came to give me the coffee was truly drop dead gorgeous! If my guess was right, I bet he was also a model or an inspiring actor. And the women … well … wow! I mean every other girl here is stunning! Whether it is the crossfit trainers or the outstanding dancers at IDA, I must say, Los Angeles is truly the City Of Angels! You see people from all across america trying their luck in the movies and sometimes you even get to see people from different countries who have settled here. It is truly a sight to behold and I shit you not, I do go “Wow!” every other day over here. So ya, I must be kidding myself to be the lone wolf right now, won’t I? But you see, that is what it is. No matter how beautiful these people are and no matter how tempting it is to step into those “Normal” shoes, I can never be that guy. And the truth is, I was never meant to be.

"To give anything less than your best, is to sacrifice the gift."
-Steve Prefontaine



People don’t understand. The truth is that they have tried but in the end, they don’t really get it. I have been called many names and I have been misjudged and also hated by many for the way I am. Someone once told me that I deserve to be alone. That a person like me should never have friends and should never be a part of any group. Al though back then I took it as a huge offence, today when I put the pieces together I realise that I am intact that guy! I mean how can anyone be friends with a guy who spends his entire energy towards his responsibilities? I wake up in the morning, make coffee for myself and tea for dad and rimoh. Then go for a run. Then do the laundry, then give dad his medicines then help him cook lunch, serve him luch, eat lunch and then clean the dishes. After that clear the trash, change, go for Crossfit and then my Hip-Hop Classes, come back home, heat up dinner, give it to Dad and rimoh, then eat, then clean and then go to sleep. That is my everyday schedule here  in Los Angeles and from today, I have also started my Improv 101 Class at the UCB every wednesday. I only get saturday and sunday afternoons and evenings free which I use to go and watch the latest movies in Imax. So ya, with this routine and commitments I don’t think anyone can bare with me. And I don’t even blame them. I mean, this is who I am. This is me telling the universe that I will make things right. That I will make amends with the chance given to me and through this process finally find my redemption which I was waiting for 13 years. I want to be a good son to dad. I want to be a good brother to rimoh. I don’t want mom to worry about us. I want to make sure that I am there for everyone, even beyond my own happiness and wants ‘cause deep down I know that only through this commitment and sacrifice can I finally become the man I was born to be.

"Dreams do come true, if we only wish hard enough, You can have anything in life if you will sacrifice everything else for it."
-James M. Barrie



You must have seen on The Discovery Channel that when we are about to be submerged under water we grasp in the most amount of air. And when a boxer is fighting the 12th round of the fight and has no energy he gives his one last punch with all his effort and might. That very same way those remnants of the old mimoh consume me sometimes and I suddenly feel this feeling of loneliness. I feel overwhelmed and choked up and vulnerable. I get this deep sense of longing and also a feeling of emptiness within me. I feel the need to vent out and open up and talk to someone and this voice inside of me seeks self-pity and asks, “Why doesn’t anyone ever ask me how I am?”. But if you have seen the movie Alexander, when Alexander is in stress of being King after his Father Phillip is murdered, his mother slaps his twice and screams at him and tells him, “You are King now! Start acting like one!” And just like that, from that feeling of being hollow and needy, I shake it off, take a deep breath, close my eyes and remind myself of my goals and what it is that I truly want to achieve. And what I want is Greatness and I won’t ever settle for anything less, no matter how difficult it gets. Greatness requires sacrifice and all men who become kings know that they have take that walk alone. That at the top, there shall be no one there for them. It will only be the kings and their shadows. But they also know that the climb, the sacrifice, the dedication is worth every bit of it. My dad in fact asked me today, “Have you made any new friends? Why don’t you stay back after class and try to connect with new people?” And I told him, “Dad, I am a very friendly guy, trust me, but for someone I don’t know why people don’t want to make friends with me. And truth be told, I don’t even try to give any signals. I put my headphones on, I mind my own business, greet everyone with a bright smile, give me 100% in my classes and then silently I come back home. I don’t even know how to make friends anymore.” And since the last 2 weeks I have been watching all the movies by myself and trust me I am having a gala time doing so. The old Mimoh thinks he still has a chance to take over me but I know I am way stronger now and there is no way in heaven, hell or earth that that Mimoh is ever coming back.

"You have to execute. You have to sacrifice your body. "
-Pedro Martinez



So why did I tell you all this? To have your pity? No. To make you like me? No. I told you this ‘cause this is who I am. And this will one day be my story. I shit you not, all that I imagined me doing a few years ago, is what I am doing now. Whether it is training alone at the Ufc gym or walking alone at the Hollywood Walk Of Fame or even staying home alone when dad and rimoh are out, I am doing all those things exactly how I imagined. Truly, the universe gives us what we manifest and what we believe in. No matter what people think of The Secret or the Power of the Universe, I really believe in it. And I know through my commitment, dedication, sacrifice and focus I will one day very soon earn my greatness. Today, when I hear my Improv Batchmate tell me that I am ‘Pretty Good At It’ or when I hear my Dance Teachers tell me to stand in front of the Class and to come for all their classes and hear the other students and managers tell me That I’m Good and see Trainers at Crossfit take my video while Back Squatting, I am reassured by the universe that I am on the right track. I know it isn’t easy. There will be times when you feel like quitting. When you will feel like giving in. But I promise you, if you stay the path, you will be rewarded. Whether it is the countless hours of studying for your board exams, or that one girl you wanted to ask out for prom or that one Audition which you knew would give you that big break, stay at it. Believe in yourself, believe in the power of your dreams and know in your heart that your sacrifices won’t go in vain. Hard work is always rewarded. Discipline to your cause is always appreciated. And patience is always returned with all your dreams coming true. You will stumble and fall, you will loose hope, you will also maybe loose your way. But believe and know deep down that you were meant for greatness and that no emotion, no feeling and no urge can be more powerful than the desire to succeed. So go forth your dreams and make them come true. It took me 13 years to come back here, at the same Oakwood Apartments, at the same ‘M’ building and at the same city where it all began. Now, after all these years I am on my way to greatness. And I know that I will be rewarded for my sacrifices. It’s because I believe. I just hope you believe also.

"There is no decision that we can make that doesn't come with some sort of balance or sacrifice. "
-Simon Sinek


This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty. And this is My Story.

With All My Might,

Your No.1 Fan,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.



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