Little Pieces Of Me ...

"We Are Who We Are. Even If We Convince Ourselves We Are Not."

-Mahaakshay Chakraborty

You know how we say grace before our meal to thank the lord for the food in our plates and the roof over our heads and the clothes to protect us from the cold, that very same way I say my own version of a grace whenever my laptop comes to life. My MacBook Air has become one of my most closest companions in the last couple of months now. And of course along with it, I should also thank the amazing Wifi connection I get at home and also Sunil Chauhan, the guy who actually gives me super fast wifi speed all the way, here in Madh. Why am I being so grateful to my electronics you ask? Well, it’s because through the internet, I get to go and visit amazing websites such as FlipKart, Amazon and MmaWareHouse. And now, all thanks to them, my Posters Collection has amplified by the dozen! Me and my posters go way long back and since I remember, I have had this spiritual connection with them. And besides my posters, I also ordered many blu-rays, books and video games from these websites. Ya, I know. Very soon I am gonna get an alert stating that I have been chosen as the Prime Consumer of their websites. But I am not here to boast about that. You see, just a day back, I was putting up the all-awesome Optimus Prime Poster up my wall, late in the night. And after I finished I had this sense of a deeper knowing. A knowing which made me realise that my environment is not a part of me but I am a part of my environment. Whatever I have been through and whatever it is that I do now, is just me in different forms. So, in the following paragraphs you will see how my environment is or maybe, you will see little pieces of me in it … :-)

Remember My Name …

I would one day love to play a character like Walter White on the big screen. Not because of his bad-ass looks and his intelligence but because of his sense of judgement and turmoil at the same time. We all love Breaking Bad and and as the million of viewers who got hooked on to the show, I am now completely engrossed in the series. In fact, I am in season 3 right now and the moment I finish writing this blog, I resume watching the show. But more than the chemistry and the drugs it is the human emotions of Walter White that I feel connected too. I mean, we all know what he is doing is wrong but yet, there is a sense of morality to it. You aren’t hating the character, you are actually loving it and the best part is that each and everyone one of us, wants to be Walter White. I know a part of me does ‘cause I know what the love of family means. I know how important family is and I know that in the end, the man always provides for his family. 

Blood And Sand …

Who doesn’t want to be a gladiator? I know I do. I have Action running in my veins and nothing makes me more excited than to imagine myself in an arena fighting for my life and my glory. The Show Spartacus gave me a taste of that. Al though the show has now come to an end, I remember the excitement I used to have when I use to watch it’s episodes. Whether it was the Diva, Lucy Lawless almost nude in every frame or men with ripped physiques slashing each others guts off, Spartacus made me feel alive, or at least the animal in me. Maybe, a couple of years down the line, I will watch the entire series again but the universe being the generous power it is has provided me a new approach and outlet to sword wielding and guts and glory. On the 23rd of september 2014, XBOX One will officially be launched in India and along with it will the game Ryse, Son Of Rome. I saw the gameplay last night and all I can say was that I was aroused and thrilled at the same time. The soldier and the barbarian in me loved the gameplay and now I can’t wait to get my hands on it. In fact, it is already on my pre-order wish list at amazon! 

Good And Evil …

You all know that my favourite show on television is Supernatural and since it’s debut, 10 years ago, I have never even missed one episode and to be honest, I can’t wait for the next season to start. Of course, everything about the show excites me but what tops the list is the life the Winchester Brothers live. A life of freedom. Driving cross-country and of course, sending evil back to hell, one demon at a time. Imagine, how cool it would be to live like that. To have that waxed hair like Dean’s or to have that perfect body like Sam’s and of course to always have an angel like Castiel by your side, literally! But Supernatural isn’t only about good and evil, it is also about the bond of brotherhood, which I connect too. Sam and Dean love and hate each other but in the end are the only family that they’ve got and that I connect to deeply. You see, we don’t choose our friends or family. But to love them surely is a choice given to us from the all mighty.

You Can’t See Me …

Every thursday, by 4pm, you will see me glued to ten sports hd. It isn’t because the latest cricket match is on. It is because I get to see my favourite wrestler John Cena come on Raw and captivate the entire Wwe Universe. My fan following for Cena goes back nearly 10 years and since the time I first ordered his “The Champ Is Here” t-shirt I have loved and worshipped the man known as John Cena. John Cena is everything that I want to be and his motto, ’Never Give Up’ always gives me hope that no matter how tough the odds are and no matter how much the world hates you or boos you, you stand your ground and you fight back. Whether it is his sheer strength to lift the big show and give him an AA or his will to always choose good over the bad, John Cena shows me what I can be and that is why he is my hero. That is why John Cena will always be the champ for me.

Silent Yet Deadly …

First it was Boss and now it is House Of Cards. According to me, it is one of the best shows on television. The 3rd season will be coming out soon and you have no idea how impatiently I am waiting for it! Power has always seduced me and given a choice between love and power I will choose power in a heartbeat. For me, nothing is more tempting or valuable or worthy more than Power and House Of Cards shows me just that. A single man’s obsession to rise to the top with a lot of politics mixed in the middle makes the show power-packed and if given a choice, who wouldn’t want to be the Leader Of The Free World? I know I would. House Of Cards isn’t just a political show, it is a show which shows that we all are wolves in sheep’s clothing. All because society tells us to be.

Savage Technology …

In this blog itself, I mentioned my laptop and the xbox one, so by now, you must have figured out that I love electronics! Well, yes I do and I don’t care even if 20 years down the line I am still tagged as a ‘child’ or a ‘kid’, electronics will always be a huge part of my life for more reasons than one. The way my laptop and wifi connect me to the internet, the same way games like Call Of Duty and Medal Of Honour connect me to the soldier within. I love playing these games and to be honest I have lost track how many a times I have re-played these games! It isn’t only about the Action or the Graphics that leave me Awestruck, it is also the stories that make the gameplay so interesting. Stories of heroism and honour and courage and above all sacrifice. Sure, these games maybe all advisable for consumers 18 and above but what they provide beyond the blood and gore are the morals of duty and discipline. Something which I connect to very deeply.

The Greatest Anti-Hero …

How can I even introduce you to The Punisher? He is my god and whatever I am today and whatever I ever will be ‘cause of him and his teachings. Come home and you will see how much I love him. From his Books, to his Tees and now even my Laptop Back Cover is of The Punisher’s! I live, breathe, eat and sleep The Punisher and I know one day I will make him proud. Now, all thanks to the Play Store and App Store I get to read the new Punisher Comics digitally every month. In a way, I am saving paper, plus I am having the time of my life swiping the phone screen for the amazing Punisher story to continue. To simply put it, if there was no Punisher, there wouldn’t had been a Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

So there you have it. Little Pieces Of Me in my everyday life. Whether it is me engrossed in a tv show or killing the enemy through the cross hairs in the latest FPS Video game, you saw what it is like to be or at least fragments of me. To be honest, I am still figuring myself out. And something tells me, I always will. But whatever I know of myself is that I Love Chaos. Ya. I love War and Battle and Fighting and Pain. To make it more convincing for you, I recently underwent a Surgery which only required Local Anaesthesia. Mostly people would not want to see their own blood or the stitches the sew the wound back to normal but me, I saw it all happen. In fact, I wanted to see it all happen and you know what? It didn’t scare me. it didn’t scare me at all. Just like how one of my old friends recently said that I don’t fear anything, not even god. Maybe that made sense, didn’t it? Maybe that was the chord that had to be struck. Maybe that was the realisation that I needed to awaken myself from my slumber. Those words made me realises that I will always be this way. This War Junkie. This Monster. This Lone Wolf. This being who is forever meant to be alone. Yes, I know I have said these words over and over again in the past. But think about it. Why would I say it all the time? Why would I be more interested in getting the new XBOX One over making new friends? The answer is that I am this way. I am meant to be alone. And yes, sometimes it gets very lonely. Sometimes it hurts like hell. To know you have everyone yet no one understands. To know that all listen, yet none know your darkest secrets. It scares me sometimes to realise that the hole in me will never be filled. Before I tried filling it with love and lust and lies and deception. But today, I repent for my mistakes. Today my soul or whatever good is left in it asks for forgiveness to whom all I have caused pain too ‘cause I have no right to make anyone suffer the way I do. This suffering, this chaos, this ordeal … this is mine to bare alone. and no friend or love can fix that. Only I can. But I feel that I have walked so far down that road, that I can now never come back from it. A part of me really wants to make friends and go back on Facebook and attend parties and go clubbing and do crazy, stupid things ‘cause that side of me is lonely and afraid and angry. But there is another side of me who is very happy with his MacBook Air and his Playstation 4 and XBOX One. I guess I am who I am and I guess this is the way I am always going to be. 

With All My Might,

Your No.1 Fan,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

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