The Things That I Have To Do ...

"Doc, is this gonna hurt? You will feel a burning sensation. It will sting. And yes, I am increasing the intensity. Why doc? Well, Mahaakshay because I know you can take it. Yes doc. So, shall we? Yes doc. Let's begin the procedure."

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to My World. You know, in My life, there is one word which is very commonly used by Me. And that is Irony. No matter how hard I try and fight for acceptance, people never see the process, they never see the struggle, they never see the fights. They only see the Cars, the Clothes, the Watches and they say, "Look at him, he doesn't have to try hard, he has got it easy." But today, I will give you a glimpse of My World. Trust Me, it is not easy being Me. I am on the job 24/7. There is no OFF day for Me. I follow a strict diet everyday which consist of only plain food. Whether it's Salads or Soups or sometimes just juices. I have a tendency to put on Weight very fast so I have to be super cautious of what I eat. And I have a major water retention problem which terrifies Me because the Water gets stored in the Face and in our industry, our Face is what sells. So I have to wake up three hours before the world wakes up and go for my morning Run and 1,000 jumps with the Skipping Rope everyday when I am Shooting. There are No Cheat Days for Me no matter how much I get tempted by the food. For a guy like Me, even a simple Dal, Bhaji is tempting. But because I am a junior here, all the Seniors eat all the sweets and the junk food in front of Me and no one has the guts to tell them anything but these same seniors taunt Me and make fun of Me even if I look at Food. In that fear, I don't even eat food with them. Whenever I am Shooting I make sure I always eat My Food in the Vanity Van even though I know that I shouldn't be affected by their talks. But what can I do, I am insecure. I am scared all the time because after so many years I have earned My right to be here. And I can't see Myself without it. You have no idea what all I have sacrificed to be here. I have sacrificed friends, people who cared for Me, people who loved Me and wanted to be with Me. I pushed everyone away from Me and today, I know I am empty from inside because I feel this emptiness. There are times when I feel "feelings" but they only last for a moment and then, they disappear. I let go of everything and everyone because I knew that no matter how much it gave Me pain, I had to do those things ...

In today's world, where six packs abs are considered to be "Talents" there is no place for imperfects. So for Me, it is a battle 24/7. The reason I do MMA is because it is the toughest sport out there and it takes out the best in Me and that helps Me relax.But along side it, I make sure that I do a lot of Running, skipping, sports like squash and also Swimming. I have more than 6 calendars at Home and on every calendar I have different markings. One is for My Weight, one is for My measurements, one is for keeping track on My Diet Days and so on … But all this is what I do. But trust Me, no matter how much I do, there is always that little extra which is necessary too. And that is where I need help and thanks to My Friend Anu, I found that help in the form of Dr.Rashmi. She is one of the best out there and today, whatever I am, how ever I look, it is because of the Treatments she gives Me. Mostly every celebrity and Model goes to her but I am not here to tell you about them. I am here to tell you that I am not afraid to say that I take help in looking like an Actor. She herself is a very low profile person and she never asks for any attention but I think she deserves her due. I remember, it was the year 2005 and I met her for the 1st time and she said that I am still too young for any kind of treatment. So she sent Me back and told Me to come to her after a year and 10kgs lesser. I did just that and from that day, when she started Treating Me, to this day, I go to her once every month for My Treatments. She helps Me looks better whether it is through injections, facials or skin tightening treatments. She always tells Me that, "Mahaakshay, are you sure you wanna do this?" And I say, "This is who I am doc and I have no other choice. This is what is required from Me. This is what i have to do." I have realized that after a point of time, Pain becomes the only thing that keeps you alive. Trust Me, I have tried, I have tried so hard to fit it. To be "normal" but I guess, "normal" is not cut out for Me. I guess the things I do has made Me something I wasn't expecting to become. People and their life styles don't interest Me anymore. Only when I am on a Movie Set, only when I do MMA do I feel I belong somewhere. Do I feel alive. I guess this is who I am now ...

So you see My friends, this is what I call irony because I Work for Food and Food is something that I can't afford to eat. Don't take Me wrong. I am not complaining. I love this business and because I wanna stay here and I want to succeed, I will do anything and everything to be here. I don't mind the starvation or the injections or the taunts or the humiliation. As I said in My last blog, I wanna die with My Make-Up On. Those Words still stand tall for Me. I am in a very happy place in My Life. They year 2011 has been very productive for Me. This was the year when I got my own Identity. People now call Me Haunted Film Ka Hero. That is Bliss for Me. Hearing Daughtry's New Album Break The Spell right now is Bliss for Me. The reason I told you all the above is I want you to know that It is not always all flowers for Me. With every flower, I get a few thorns too. Through My Blogs, I just wish that one day the world sees Me for the person that I am and what all I have to do to become the Man the World wants Me to be. Yes, I am an Actor and yes, I consider Myself as a Public Servant. I am at the disposal of the Audience, of the Fans and I owe it to them to be the best version of Myself, every single day. I am not telling you to have sympathy on Me. I am not even telling you to care. All I am asking from you is to Understand. Understand that I am not a bad human being. I am just misunderstood. That sometimes, there is more to Me than the Clothes I wear or the car I drive. That I am Human too ...

This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty and this is My Story.

I Want To Die With My Make-Up On ...

Hello everyone. First things first. I am a very punctual guy and I know how important deadlines are. I always write My Blogs on a Sunday but I couldn't last night as I was coming back Home from Hyderabad. Yes, I have wrapped up the Shooting of ENEMMY. We only have a few days left here in Mumbai. TUKKAA FITT and ENEMMY both have been amazing experiences for Me and I hope you all feel the same way too. The weekly round-up would be that the Action Scenes in ENEMMY took a serious tool on Me as we were Shooting for more than 16 hours a day. But thanks to everyone's dedication, we pulled it off. And the "Mahaakshay's Eye Catch News" is that North Korea's KCNA refers to Kim Jong Un the son of Kim Jong II as the Great Successor to the Revolutionary Cause. Hmm, wonder what I would had done with power like that! And My "Shout-Out" this week goes to My TUKKAA FITT Co-Stars, Vaishali Desai and Hitan Paintal as they both celebrated their Birthdays this week. My Love and respect to both you. You guys are gems and you deserve all the happiness in the world! :-) And now, Blog Time! :-)

Life. It is beautiful, isn't it? It is also weird and strange. But it is truly amazing! Can you believe a fat kid with huge glasses on would one day be an Actor in the Indian Film Industry? I was suppose to go to NASA. I wanted to be an Astronomer and I was getting ready for My Exams for the Internship in NASA. But life had other plans for Me. I remember I was doing My course at the New York Film Academy and we were shooting in an abandoned prison. One of the directors used Me as an extra. I was one of the crazy inmates and the camera just passes through Me. It was a One Take OK Shot. But what happened to Me after that was the Bliss I felt. After that moment I just knew, I knew from the bottom of my heart that this is where I belong! That day was in July in the year 2003 and nothing has changed ever since. I still feel that bliss whenever I put My Make-up On. Whenever I hear Action and Cut. This Place. This Industry. This is Heaven for Me. This is where I belong. This is where I wanna die. Take my last breath with My Make-up on. I know when that happens, I will surely die with a Smile. I will die in peace. There are many few who are blessed to do what they Love, every single day. And I know I am one of them. :-)

I remember it was 2006. Amitabh Uncle wasn't well. So, Me and Dad had gone to see him. And that same point My Film's Launch was happening. I met Uncle and He blessed Me and it was truly an Honor to be in his presence. The moment we where about to leave, Abhishek Bhai met us and greeted us with love. After a while he took Me aside and told Me something I will never forget. He said, "Mahaakshay, welcome to the Industry. I am glad you are a part of it. And take it from Me, there will be many people who will try to break you down. You don't let them. You Fight back and never stop Fighting! Give this Industry all that you have and take whatever it gives you. The good and the bad because only then will you become the man that you want to be!" He was so true and today, whenever I am low, I remember his words and they charge Me up because those words remind Me who I am and what I am fighting for! I know that in My last blog I was pissed and angry and hurt. Well, what can I say, I'm only Human. But you see, that is what makes Life so interesting. One day, I am angry and the next day I am dancing like crazy! I guess this is all a plan of Fate showing us the way. Making us realize what is truly worth fighting for. Take it from Me, it is not easy being Me for this Industry is a place where everyone is out to eat each other and take the other person's spotlight. My Brother, Rimoh told Me a very beautiful thing recently. He said, "Bhai, In Our Industry, even on the Sets of a Movie, everyone hates each other or dislike each other. But no matter how much they hate or despise each other, they come together because of their love for the Movies!". And yes, He is so true! I have seen everything and even till today I see all that. I see how 'Stars' or 'Seniors' get more attention. I have been treated like a nobody even when I was worth of a Somebody. I have seen how the press gives the other guy more attention than I am getting. I see people taking autographs and photographs of others when I am standing with them. And trust Me, it does hurt. It hurts like hell! But in the end, after all those tears dry up, I am still fighting. I am still smiling.Do you know why? It's because in the end, all I have is Love for My Work for this is the only place I know, where all My dreams will come true!

As Tom Hanks said in the Movie Forrest Gump. "Life is like a box of chocolates. You don't know which you will get when." That is how I see My Life. That is how I see My Work Place. It is filled with everything. The Pros and the cons. But when you know, without a shadow of a doubt that this is what you want, you take all the hits. You just suck it up, accept the pain, become stronger and stand up for round:2! As a human being. As a boy who is becoming a man. As the guy who has to carry on the Chakraborty legacy, I have many responsibilities, expectations and pressures. Sometimes, it is people talking behind My back or people making fun of Me or some washed up critic writing shit about Me or even maybe some girl who rejected My offer to take her out on a date! I go through various emotions everyday but trust Me, the moment I am called for My Shot. When I am in front of the camera. When the lights are on Me, I forget the outside world and something in Me switches ON! I feel alive and then suddenly, everything in the world makes sense. I start smiling and blushing and I only feel happiness! 

So right now, as I am writing this Blog, I know that all My battles and hardships are worth it because in the end this is where I want to be! In the end, I want to die with My Make-Up On. There is no other place I wanna be. As My readers, I really wish and pray that you find what you are looking for. That you also find your bliss like I have found Mine. Some dreams are worth Fighting for and remember, Dreams are only beautiful when you wake up and make them come true. I am doing that as we speak. I hope you do too. 

This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty and this is My Story.

Your Questions, My Answers ...

Hello everyone. I know I am very very late with My Blog entry. I usually write every sunday but this sunday, My Family came from Mumbai to spend time with Me here in Hyderabad so I thought I should be with them. Yesterday, to be honest, I was just not in the mood and today for many reasons more than one, I was just too damn pissed to take out time and write. I, in fact, wrote 2 pages in My Diary and tried to vent out My Hate. I don't know whether it worked or not. I usually do weekly round-ups and shout-out features but this week, I am not in the right frame of mind to do anything. In fact, I am gong to use this Blog Space to vent out some more of My Anger and try to Answer some questions that are regularly thrown at Me even without My consent. So this time, It Is Your Questions And My Answers ...

Q1. Why are you so Serious all the time and take everything on Face Value?
Ans1. Well, it is not easy being Me. Ask Me what all I go through everyday. The expectations. The taunts. The insults. The opinions. Just because I keep quiet doesn't mean you can say whatever you want. But you see, people don't understand that. They think that just because they have more experience than you and just because they 'care' for you, they have the right to say whatever they want! Like for example, I changed My twitter pic a few days ago. It was completely My Choice. I did it because I wanted too. Not because I was fetching compliments. But one follower tweets Me, you know, I liked the last one better! I mean, hello! When did I ask you for your opinion? I wear a shirt and people say, this doesn't suit you. I make a certain hair style and people say, you still don't have the Star Look. I do this, I get taunted. I do that and I get scoldings. So you see, I have to be serious all the time. I have no time to chill and take it easy because I know that at any given moment, some 'experienced' person is going to threw their view point on Me.

Q2. Why don't you have any friends?
Ans2. Oh trust Me, I have asked this question to Myself so many times! But I just don't get it. People at the start are so nice and are so caring. But as time goes by, they show their true colors and then, they don't call, they don't message and they don't even care whether you are dead or alive. I have tried man! I have really tried to be a good friend. Without fail, I will message My so-called friends everyday wishing them good morning and how was your day. But you see, they are very busy people. In fact, they are the only ones who are busy and they are too caught up in their work. And if luck is on My side and they do pick up My call, they are half the time doing some other activity or watching Master Chef Australia! So you see, there is a reason I don't have friends. They have let Me down more than a billion times.

Q3. Why can't you let go?
Ans3. I think I answered that in My last blog. I have a lot of Hate in Me and trust Me, even today, every day I go out there and fight a new war with the world because the world will never quit throwing their opinions at Me. I know one reader who said, you have to love and let go, only then will you find peace. Uhm, excuse Me! Are you in My shoes? I don't think so! Did I ask for your advice? No! I didn't! Let Me be the way I am. I am alone and I love being alone! Why can't that be easy to understand? !?!

Q4. Why don't you like Long Drives and typing LOL and HHMMM and dislike the words Yaar and Dude?
Ans4. The reason I don't like long drives because I don't understand the point! I mean, come on! You are making Me waste so much of fuel! And if I am driving, how the hell will I talk to you? And yes, I don't get it that after every sentence, why in the bloody hell, do people type LOL! I mean, what is so damn funny that you have to Laugh Out Loud? And yes, I really, from the bottom of My heart hate the word HHmmm. I mean, what in the bloody hell does it freakin' mean? I still don't have the answer to that! There is something called English you know. And when it comes to Yaar and Dude, trust Me, I am not a Yaar and neither a Dude. I am just too happy being called by My Name. And guess what I have 2 Names to choose from! One is Mimoh and the other is Mahaakshay!

Q5. Why are you so moody and have such a huge ego?
Ans5. Well, you see, I am still very much human. There are days when I am happy and there are days when I am sad. I can't live according to the will of others. Though with the way things are, I now have no choice but to listen to others and let go off the things that make Me happy because I am only 27 and I have no knowledge of life what so ever!  I do MMA twice a day with 100% dedication and all I get is that you should cut down on your Training because now you are looking like a wrestler and you see, that is not the trend nowadays. You see Mimoh, there will be plenty of time to do everything else. Now, you should just concentrate on your career! Hello! What the hell am I been doing for the last 3 years? And I have an ego? Hello! Correction! The last time I called, you didn't pick up because you were too busy replying to Tweets or writing a new one!

If I continue, there will be a billion more questions from where this is all coming from. But I think I have bored you guys enough. Trust Me, I am not looking for self-sympathy or any attention. I publish My Blogs on the web. I send it to over 200 people via email and I don't know or even care whether they open it and read it or not. All I know is that sometimes, these so-called expectations and opinions and pressures get to Me and believe it or not, I am Human too and all I want is to live My life My way with My rules. Good or bad, I wanna learn and I wanna live. As The Hulk keeps on saying, "All I Want Is To Be Left Alone". That is exactly what I want! I wanna wake up everyday, go to Work and then coe back Home. That is all I want without the world telling Me what to do! I know tomorrow is a new day with new opportunities and a new hope and trust Me, no matter how hard things get, I will never stop the giving because only through the giving will I be given. I am not telling you to care. All I ask is for you to understand.

This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty and this is My Story.

To Let Go Or Not To let Go ...

Hello everyone. Sorry for the late entry. I have been Shooting for ENEMMY everyday, for more than 12 hours a day. But I'm loving every bit of it! It is a high-octane ride to work with KK! As My brother says, he is an Actor, not a Product like so many out there. I hope I remain an Actor too! Yesterday, Dev Saab expired. The world will never be the same. He is truly a Legend and will always be! May His Soul Rest In Peace. Last week, I heard that Sharad Pawar got slapped. Well, that was in a way a good thing, right? I mean, I'm hearing people praising that fact and also diminishing it. And as you know that I do a weekly round-up every week, From this week onwards, there will also be a 'Shout-Out' feature. I start the Shout-Out feature by giving a Shout-Out to My co-star and and dear friend Tia Bajpai. Her film LANKA will be releasing soon and I wish her the very best for it! She deserves all the success in the world and we both shared the same Dreams during Haunted and I love her for that! Now, Blog Time …

To Let Go Or Not To Let Go. Every week when I post a Blog I get comments from people with different view points. One of the reader's said that I am a very Boring Person. The other one said that you are too locked up. You are not enjoying life, not living the moment. You just have to let go man! Well, I am open to all view points as My Blog is My view point. I have gone through Blogs of many different people as well and some are hilarious filled with humor while others are on day to day lives. My Blogs are My expressions. A part of Me that I can express with the world. A part of Me which I hope, one day, the world will understand. So no matter how many times I hear people calling Me boring and that I am too locked up, I can never let go of what I have been through. Of the things I have seen. Of the feelings I have left because everyday when I wake up, the past reminds Me how I got here. Sometimes, it gives me strength to fight back. Sometimes, it breaks Me down with insecurity. People say, never live in your past. It has gone and it is never coming back. But now I ask you a question. Can you let go? Can you really let go of all that Pain and Insults and people laughing at you? Can you let go of all those tears that rolled down your cheeks when you realized that there is no one who understands you and that you are all alone. Can you let go of all the things people said and when they made fun of you and your family? I ask you, can you really let go? Well, if you ask Me, I can't and I will NEVER let go.

This is not Vengeance. This is just Anger. And sometimes, even Anger becomes Will. A Will that becomes an unstoppable force of nature. A will that can move mountains. A will that makes you wake up 05:00am in the morning and be in the Gym by 06:00am. A Will that tells you to Starve so that you can look leaner for your next Film. A Will that makes you sacrifice all your friends and the girl you liked because you know that you are on a Mission. A Mission to prove to all those people that you are much better than they thought you were. I have heard people telling Me that the Greatest Battle we fight is with ourselves and we should prove to ourselves that we are the best. To be honest, I take all that as hypocritical bullshit because all we want to do is show the other person that we are better than him or her. Not to ourselves! I am not telling you to always be angry and have a frown on your face and be rude to people and yell at them. I am telling you to live your lives to the fullest and find happiness wherever you go. All I am saying is that never let go because sometimes that Pain reminds you who truly are. As the words from the Film, Colombiana were, "Never Forget Where You Are Coming From." I urge you to never forget because sometimes we do get overwhelmed by our accomplishments and the love and adoration people give us. We tend to forget our past. We somehow loose the Hunger. Let go of that Anger. That Anger that brought you where you are right now. 

You see, sometimes Anger is a good thing. It has worked for Me and still does. One bad remark from a person pisses Me off and makes Me run and extra kilometer at 12kmph! And in the same way, when someone compliments Me, the images from my past come flashing in front of My eyes and remind Me where I am coming from, which also makes Me run that extra kilometer! I have many things to achieve and I know I won't stop until I make all my dreams come true. Yes, I know that I am boring and that I am too locked up. To be honest, I don't care because I know that in order to reach where I have to, I have to have Anger, I have to have the Will to use My Anger as My tool of Strength and make it My weapon. Maybe someday when I reach where I want too I will take a deep breath and exhale and let go of all this anger inside of Me. But until then, I have many people to defeat. I have many things to prove and I have many things to over come. Love didn't work for Me. I guess Anger will.

This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty and this is My Story.