The Things That I Have To Do ...

"Doc, is this gonna hurt? You will feel a burning sensation. It will sting. And yes, I am increasing the intensity. Why doc? Well, Mahaakshay because I know you can take it. Yes doc. So, shall we? Yes doc. Let's begin the procedure."

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to My World. You know, in My life, there is one word which is very commonly used by Me. And that is Irony. No matter how hard I try and fight for acceptance, people never see the process, they never see the struggle, they never see the fights. They only see the Cars, the Clothes, the Watches and they say, "Look at him, he doesn't have to try hard, he has got it easy." But today, I will give you a glimpse of My World. Trust Me, it is not easy being Me. I am on the job 24/7. There is no OFF day for Me. I follow a strict diet everyday which consist of only plain food. Whether it's Salads or Soups or sometimes just juices. I have a tendency to put on Weight very fast so I have to be super cautious of what I eat. And I have a major water retention problem which terrifies Me because the Water gets stored in the Face and in our industry, our Face is what sells. So I have to wake up three hours before the world wakes up and go for my morning Run and 1,000 jumps with the Skipping Rope everyday when I am Shooting. There are No Cheat Days for Me no matter how much I get tempted by the food. For a guy like Me, even a simple Dal, Bhaji is tempting. But because I am a junior here, all the Seniors eat all the sweets and the junk food in front of Me and no one has the guts to tell them anything but these same seniors taunt Me and make fun of Me even if I look at Food. In that fear, I don't even eat food with them. Whenever I am Shooting I make sure I always eat My Food in the Vanity Van even though I know that I shouldn't be affected by their talks. But what can I do, I am insecure. I am scared all the time because after so many years I have earned My right to be here. And I can't see Myself without it. You have no idea what all I have sacrificed to be here. I have sacrificed friends, people who cared for Me, people who loved Me and wanted to be with Me. I pushed everyone away from Me and today, I know I am empty from inside because I feel this emptiness. There are times when I feel "feelings" but they only last for a moment and then, they disappear. I let go of everything and everyone because I knew that no matter how much it gave Me pain, I had to do those things ...

In today's world, where six packs abs are considered to be "Talents" there is no place for imperfects. So for Me, it is a battle 24/7. The reason I do MMA is because it is the toughest sport out there and it takes out the best in Me and that helps Me relax.But along side it, I make sure that I do a lot of Running, skipping, sports like squash and also Swimming. I have more than 6 calendars at Home and on every calendar I have different markings. One is for My Weight, one is for My measurements, one is for keeping track on My Diet Days and so on … But all this is what I do. But trust Me, no matter how much I do, there is always that little extra which is necessary too. And that is where I need help and thanks to My Friend Anu, I found that help in the form of Dr.Rashmi. She is one of the best out there and today, whatever I am, how ever I look, it is because of the Treatments she gives Me. Mostly every celebrity and Model goes to her but I am not here to tell you about them. I am here to tell you that I am not afraid to say that I take help in looking like an Actor. She herself is a very low profile person and she never asks for any attention but I think she deserves her due. I remember, it was the year 2005 and I met her for the 1st time and she said that I am still too young for any kind of treatment. So she sent Me back and told Me to come to her after a year and 10kgs lesser. I did just that and from that day, when she started Treating Me, to this day, I go to her once every month for My Treatments. She helps Me looks better whether it is through injections, facials or skin tightening treatments. She always tells Me that, "Mahaakshay, are you sure you wanna do this?" And I say, "This is who I am doc and I have no other choice. This is what is required from Me. This is what i have to do." I have realized that after a point of time, Pain becomes the only thing that keeps you alive. Trust Me, I have tried, I have tried so hard to fit it. To be "normal" but I guess, "normal" is not cut out for Me. I guess the things I do has made Me something I wasn't expecting to become. People and their life styles don't interest Me anymore. Only when I am on a Movie Set, only when I do MMA do I feel I belong somewhere. Do I feel alive. I guess this is who I am now ...

So you see My friends, this is what I call irony because I Work for Food and Food is something that I can't afford to eat. Don't take Me wrong. I am not complaining. I love this business and because I wanna stay here and I want to succeed, I will do anything and everything to be here. I don't mind the starvation or the injections or the taunts or the humiliation. As I said in My last blog, I wanna die with My Make-Up On. Those Words still stand tall for Me. I am in a very happy place in My Life. They year 2011 has been very productive for Me. This was the year when I got my own Identity. People now call Me Haunted Film Ka Hero. That is Bliss for Me. Hearing Daughtry's New Album Break The Spell right now is Bliss for Me. The reason I told you all the above is I want you to know that It is not always all flowers for Me. With every flower, I get a few thorns too. Through My Blogs, I just wish that one day the world sees Me for the person that I am and what all I have to do to become the Man the World wants Me to be. Yes, I am an Actor and yes, I consider Myself as a Public Servant. I am at the disposal of the Audience, of the Fans and I owe it to them to be the best version of Myself, every single day. I am not telling you to have sympathy on Me. I am not even telling you to care. All I am asking from you is to Understand. Understand that I am not a bad human being. I am just misunderstood. That sometimes, there is more to Me than the Clothes I wear or the car I drive. That I am Human too ...

This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty and this is My Story.