Beyond The Flesh ...

The following is Inspired from a True Story …

Jack: Dude I wanna get laid tonight. Let's go find Me some chicks!

Stan: Why bro? We can party all night long and have fun! You know, just us boys! And besides, what will your wife Angie say?

J: She won't know and you won't understand. I love her but this is a need and it has to be fulfilled. And besides, I'm a 1,000 miles away from her. She won't even know.

S: Fine, whatever. Do what makes you happy.

Some 20mins later in a happening club …

J: Dude, check that girl out! She is hot man! Look at the curves on that one! I so wanna hit that tonight! And look look! She is giving Me the eye! I seem to be lucky!

S: Bro, she is a hooker. That is what they do!

J: Who cares? She is hot! Go ask her how much she charges for the night.

S: Screw you! Why should I do it? You wanna sleep with her! You go ask!

J: Bro, I got to go talk to Angie. If she hears all the noise around Me, she will know I am out and we both know how much she hates Me getting drunk. I got to go and do the "regular" husband routine, give her flying kiss over the phone and wish her good night. Till the time I do that, keep that chick occupied. I don't want someone else taking her. 

S: You owe Me for this big time! You got that? Now come back soon! If you aren't here in a few, I bail!

J: Thanks bro! Love you man! Will be back in a jiffy! 

S: Uummm, hello miss. I am Stan. What is your name?

Kira: Hi! My name is Kira. Nice to meet you stan.

S: My friend really likes you and he wants you for the night. He was asking what is the price?

K: I can't hear you! Too much of noise! Come up in the lounge. it is quitter there.

S: Ok.

K: This is much more peaceful, isn't it? You wanna drink or something?

S: Na, I don't drink. You can drink if you like.

K: Ok. A beer will be nice.

S: Beer it is.

S: So? How much is it for the night?

K: I charge 500$ for the night. No hanky panky stuff. I keep it clear, clean and simple. Ok?

S: Ok. Will text him. Uuummm, can I ask you a question? Why do you do this? I mean, you know …

K: You really wanna know? Not many men ask Me this question? Usually they just wanna do their business and leave. Fine, I will tell you. You wanna know the long or the short of it?

S: My friend won't be here for a while. How about the entire story in a nutshell. I mean, I have never spoken to anyone from your line of business before, so yes, I am intrigued.

K: Ok. I will Say and you will listen. Don't interrupt. Here goes. My real name is not Kira. I am not from here. I come from a land very far away. My family doesn't know that I sell My body every night. If they would, they would kill Me. I have a son. He is 10 years old. He is very sick and he requires medical attention which costs a lot of money. My husband who was married to Me since I was 17 years old, decided to treat Me as a baseball bat every night when He was drunk and then decided to leave Me when I was pregnant. And In My country, they pay very less and My son means the world to Me and He is the only thing that keeps Me going. So that is why I am a Hooker. Is that a good enough story for you?

S: You. Have. A. Son?

K: Does that surprise you? You think we Hookers can't make babies? Have a life? Settle down? You think we do this because we like it?

S: I didn't say anything.

K: Exactly. You men only see us sex objects. Pieces of meat only meant to fulfil your desires. You never see Beyond The Flesh.

S: I am sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I am just taken aback. I mean, you are so beautiful! You are such an elegant woman. You … You deserve better than this!

K: Showing Me pity won't change the reality My friend. I am who I am. And I don't regret it. I do this for My son. He is the only Man I love. And I want him to have a happy life! I want him to grow up and do something great! Not end up like Me. I am a mother. And a mother always protects her child.

S: You are a wonderful mother. Your son is blessed to have you. But when will you stop doing this? Someday or the other you will. I hope you do. I pray that you do.

K: Pray to god? Hahaha! That is funny! I used to pray to him everyday. I guess he didn't care to help Me and answers my prayers. Even My friend prayed to him. She was very religious. She loved a guy and prayed to god she marry him. But he left her for a younger woman. She hasn't spoken to god since but I see it in her eyes. Every man she takes to bed, she expects Him to love her, even if it is for a minute. We all are broken souls. Beyond the flesh, we are just lost souls seeking a way out.

S: I don't know what to say. I … I …

K: You don't have to say anything. Is that your friend? Looks like My time is up with you. Lovely chatting with you.

S: Wait, listen, I know you may think there is no hope for you. But I still do. I know one day you will find peace. You will find love again and your son will grow up to be someone amazing and you never know, maybe one day I will meet you again and that time, if I am lucky enough, I will take you out on a date.

K: You never know …

This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty and I am the voice of the voiceless.

With All My Might,

Your No.1 Fan,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

The Prison Of Paradise ...

It is written in Genesis that it took God 6 days to create the world and on the 7th day He called it Paradise. We all have our own version of paradise. This version is Mine. But before I begin I hope you guys are taking out time to read My Mini-Blogs which I post everyday. I am trying to be as frequent as I can with them during these Shooting Schedules of Mine and your response to them will mean a lot to Me as I am taking another step to come more closer to you all. And speaking of Shooting, My Shoot is going great. Even though the heat here is killing, we all are Filming amazing scenes everyday and since I am the youngest on the sets, I am always bullied. The same thing happened last time, when I was here for LOOT, so I guess it is kinda of a deja vu for Me. And I wanna wish everyone a Very Happy Eid as well. And now, we begin …

As you all know My Work is My Worship. I belong on the Movie Sets and Working gives Me the ultimate happiness in the world. So yes, this is My Happiness. This is My Joy. And this is My Paradise. I have been very lucky and blessed to get this Film and to be honest, everyday when I come on the Sets the only thing I pray is that I want this forever! I never want to stop Working and I wanna die with My Make-Up on. I know I ask a lot and whenever you ask for heavenly things, you have to answer to the heavens. And I do that everyday. Believe Me, I really try. I do whatever I can to keep My side of that promise. My eyes beg for 30mins of more sleep but I fight it, have My espresso Shots, get ready and be the 1st Actor on Sets, sometimes even before the unit arrives! After nearly 10hrs of working in the blazing heat, I still make My way to the Gym, even though My Body cries for Rest. Trust Me, it isn't easy. But I still carry on, for this is My Paradise and I wanna be locked in here forever …

We Actors get the chance to play many characters. Some times, we even get the chance to play Super Heroes. But today, I tell you that in real life, I am the biggest coward you will meet. I may kick-ass during My Mma Sessions but when it comes to accepting the harsh realities of life, I run away from them like a chicken on fire. I mean, I am petrified! Out there in the real world, there are so many people with so many notions about Me. People who hate Me and laugh behind My back. Out there, all My rivals are getting what they want while I still have to fight for it. Out there, all I hear is gossip and which guy is sleeping with whom and who dumped whom. A place where temptation and lust always win over love and control. Out there, everyone is fake and are more concerned about box-office collections than their own way of life. People are more insecure than confident about their relationships. That is a harsh world. A very harsh world. And if given a choice, I never want to go back to it. I want God to keep Me in this paradise, lock Me up and throw away the key forever …

In this Paradise of Mine, I am king. I am indestructible. Here no one can call Me names or call Me stuck up or repetitive. Here I have an identity for out there I am still struggling to find My place. In this beautiful prison of Mine, I don't miss anyone. I don't care and show concern and get hurt in return. In here, I am not seeking redemption but I am finding salvation. Out there, I am just a mere mortal who is more concerned to be accepted than to be appreciated but in here, I am more of a machine who makes up everyday, puts on his make-up and waits to hear the siren. I fear to go back. I tremble at the very fact to step into that world which is full of negativity and people not believing in miracles anymore. I never want to go back. I wanna stay right here in this beautiful prison. For many, this may be called a fantasy but I choose to accept this over the reality that reminds Me everyday that I am still not good enough. I rather be alone in this Prison Of Paradise than to be out there with people who will eventually leave …

You may find My words to be negative but trust Me, they are not. I am just being honest. I know I over-think but these words are written with a lot of observation as I always see My life from a 3rd person's point of view. What I wanna say is that I know what makes Me happy and what takes that happiness away from Me and I am no longer afraid of accepting My truth. I am a coward, yes. I am weak, yes. But in the same time, I know where I belong. And it is right here, in this Beautiful Prison of My Paradise. The question is, where do you?

This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty and this is My Paradise.

With All My Might,

Your No.1 Fan,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

After The Calm ...

Hello Once again My Readers. I am now in Pattaya. I am Shooting for My next venture. I can't give you any more details of it as of now but in time I will because I will be here for a while. But all I can say for now is that this is My 1st Tri-Language Film and it is an Honor to work with Superstars Tarun and Kitti Sir from the South. These guys dominate the Telugu and Kannada Industry and they are super chilled out guys and very humble and down to earth. And I am working with the all awesome Shreyas Talpade in this Film for the very 1st time too. And what they say about him is very true … He is indeed one of the Finest and Greatest Actors in Bollywood today! And fans of My Film Haunted, you are in for a treat as you will see Me and Tia together in this Film again after Haunted. That is all I can talk about the Film. And now, Blog Time …

My last blog entry, "The Blogger Anonymous" got more than 600 hits! That is a 1st time for Me! I was truly over-whelmed! So thank you for that guys. Keep the reading going. And very soon, My blogs will become a part of the Break The Norms Society, which gives Me a huger responsibility on My shoulders as I have to spread My message to more people now. So I thought why not come up with a 'catchy' title for My next blog entry. Of course, during the course of this entry, you will know why it is called After The Calm but for now, I must say that I know that the eyes only want to see what interests them and that is why the more catchy the title, the more the clicks. And here I thought spreading the message is gonna be easy! 

There are no words. There are no words to express the feeling I am in. When I am shooting, I am a different person. I completely change. Like something dead in Me comes to life! I change as a human being. I stop checking My bbm statuses to see who put up a new pic. I don't ask people whether they are seeing someone or not. I don't miss the people I am suppose to miss. The things that used to hurt Me before don't matter to Me. And My life's existence only revolves around those lights and the sounds of 'lights, sound, camera and action'. I become the person god chose Me to be. But before I come on a Movie Set I am in this chaos mode. A mode in which I think of a 1,000 things and I shake and I tremble and I am excited and I am scared all at the same time! But then after that chaos, that madness comes a certain calm. A Calm which is so soothing, that nothing else in this world can match. A feeling of tranquility that can only be described as pure bliss. But then comes the question. What comes After The Calm …

I have met many wonderful people in this film set of Mine. Some are married, some single. All of them come with their dreams and hopes. I have experienced joy, happiness and laughter here and I have through them, saw in Myself too. Writing this blog, sitting in My room, My mind is going through a billion thoughts. It is tricking Me into the temptation of this city where lust is affordable. In a city where you can have anything you want. A place where I see men from all ages fulfil their animal desires. My mind tells Me to do the same. It tells Me that I have done My Work for the day. Now I need to go out there and feed the Animal. It gives Me the conviction that what I am dong is not wrong. But then My Soul awakens and tells Me not to for I still have a lot of work to do. My soul takes Me to this place After The Calm. It is an empty place. A place of nothingness. There is only Darkness there but it tells Me to stay here because it is here where you belong. For only in this darkness can you burn bright! 

But My brain doesn't stop it's wrath upon My Soul. It tells Me, why do you eat the same Chicken Tikka day and night? Why the same 3 litres of Water and the Black Coffee? My mind tells Me that My body cries for rest. It aches for sleep. It wants all that junk food in it's system. Fulfil it's hunger. Don't fight it! My mind laughs at Me and tells Me that I am fighting a hopeless war. A War that doesn't make sense. It tells Me, "Mahaakshay, you are trying to gain approval from people who don't care. No matter what you do, they will still hate you. They will still taunt you and tell you that you are not good enough. Your competitors will still spit on your face and call you a loser! Why fight a War you will never win? But then I answer back …

Just like a M-16 is soothing for a Soldier. Just like a Briefcase gives the office man that sense of belonging and just like love ensures that your relationship exists … Just like that, After The Calm I find where I belong. I belong to that madness. That gruelling ritual of Blood, Sweat and Tears. That never ending struggle of approval from a world which only knows how to hate you. That constant seeking of attention from the ones who will never love you. This is where I truly find Myself. Only a few out there will understand this but I fear no one will for every one has their own opinion and their own take in life. So they will never know how it feels to be here. To have that hunger to succeed because you know that Winning is the Only Option you have! Even when the Body breaks, you still push ahead. When the world is eating sandwiches and burgers, you are on a protein diet. When the world is out there partying, you are in the gym doing Biceps. I do the things that I do because these are the things that define Me and I know that one way or the other they always find their back to Me. They always do.

I am not here to say that I am better than you. In fact, 90% of the people I have met have said that I don't Iive the life. But little do they know that After The Calm comes this place where only few have gone. And once you go there, you never return. A place, only the few deserve. I am not here to change your lives, I am here only to tell you to find your calmness. For after that calmness comes a place, you don't wanna miss visiting. Trust Me, I know.

This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty and I know what comes After The Calm …

With All My Might,

Your No.1 Fan,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

The Mini Blogs ...

Entry No:7 …

08:08am …

On The Sets …

Pattaya, Thailand.

I am again the 1^st on the sets. I arrived, even before the unit did. I am getting good at this. I know I am not supposed to come this early but I still do. I respect time a lot and in our business, Time is Money. All the others come according to their own requirement. No one tells them anything. I just look at the abusive use of power and wait. Wait that even one day I will earn this power but I will not use it for the wrong doings. I hope I don’t. power has corrupted one and all. I just hope I am the exception.

Yesterday was Saturday night. The entire pattaya was awake and partying. Even some of the unit members were, that is what I heard. Everyone is asking Me what I did. I said I stayed in the room. I needed the rest so took advantage of the half day off. To be honest I wanted to go out last night. I had multiple choices. The famous Go-Kart area. Or a fancy restaurant or even the Russian strip club. But I didn’t go any where. Well, My body couldn’t move either. There are times when one’s mortality are questioned. I face those questions here everyday. But I avoid temptation and I wait. I wait in patience.

I know coming on the sets before time and being extra disciplined will not give Me extra brownie points. But I still do these things because I know how much My work means to Me. My Dad always reminds Me not to do the same mistakes that I did in Jimmy and tells Me, “Don’t screw it up.” I have many people to answer and many people’s dreams and hopes are riding along with Mine’s. I do the things I do for a reason even if that means being called Boring, Childish or The Odd One Out …

End Of Entry No:7 …

******************************************************************

Entry No:6 …

06:34am …

Getting Ready For The Shoot …

Pattaya, Thailand.

In an hour I will be on My way to the location. I am all set for the day. Looking forward to it. Even though I am deeply tanned I love being at My place of work. I hardly sit on the sets and people ask Me why. I tell them that you have no idea how much My work means to Me and I love every moment here. So I would love to stand and get tired Working than to be at Home doing nothing. It is an unusual feeling. I don’t know how many out there may relate to it.

It is strange how time changes everything. It even changes people. People, whom you thought were your friends now make fun of you. Friends you thought who understand tell you that you have become repetitive. It hurts to actually see these changes in the ones you love but today I am glad that I see their true faces. All happens for a reason. I have always believed in that.

There are ways I deal with these changes but yesterday after 45mins in the Treadmill I thought of taking My Staff out for dinner. I treated them with a fabulous meal and then we all saw The Expendables 2. The movie was amazing and I was very happy with the evening because to see these 3 guys happily enjoying their meals and clicking pics made Me really very happy. That happiness made Me realize that I still do have people I can count on. People I can still call My Family … J

End Of Entry No:6 …

******************************************************************

Entry No:5 …

On The Way To The Location …

07:46am …

Pattaya, Thailand.

Last night was fun. I went out with the boys and we bonded and laughed and had a great time. I really needed that. Sometimes it’s good to hang around with only boys and talk about things you are too scared to say in public. I am feeling refreshed and more than that, I know that we all actors have become friends and more brotherly towards each other after our heart to heart conversations last night. But I let go of Myself a little out of My norms which making Me feel guilty. Guilt … is it a sin or a reminder of what you are about to loose?

I have felt guilt before and even though I may hate Myself at that point of time, My guilt has always managed to make Me a better person and much more aware of the things that I wan to achieve in this life. I know that even a hard-ass like Me is a human and sometimes, I do get carried away too. But thanks to My guilt, I always see the bigger picture. Guilt puts the fear of god in Me and makes Me remind of the nightmares I have been through. It reminds Me of where I am coming from and where I will end up if I don’t make things right.

If it is meant to be then it is up to Me. I realized that a very long time ago. So here I am again, fixing what I broke. I mean I want too! I have so much on the line. Too many dreams at stake. Too many miles to cross. Too many things to do before I die. Too many things to do before I die …

End Of Entry No:5 …

******************************************************************

Entry No:4 …

07:27am …

On The Sets …

Pattaya, Thailand.

I am again ahead of time. The unit also hasn’t come yet. I was told to come by 07:30am, I reached here by 07:20am. I love being the 1^st guy on the set. I think My love for Movies is what brings Me here everyday before everyone else. Disciplines is very important in our chosen field because here time is money. I think I am have at least another 60mins or so before we take the 1^st shot and another 2-3 hours before the heat will start to affect us. One of My closet’s friends yesterday commented on My blog and thrashed. She said I am getting very repitive with the whole darkness thing and now she finds My blogs boring. She told Me to ‘Live A Little’ and ‘Smell The Aroma Of The Coffee’. Reading those words really hit Me hard. I mean come on! It was one of My friends saying this! Of course I would feel bad. But there is no point in over-thinking. What is done is done.

We packed up early yesterday so I got the chance to Workout, Shop, Watch A Movie and Have Dinner all by Myself! I don’t know but I love to go out all by Myself. There is a certain freedom to that you know. I could had taken My staff with Me like the other day when I treated them for a Foot Massage but whenever I get these opportunities, I love spending time with Myself and doing things I always wanted too. Sure I am connected to the world through twitter, bbm and text messages but when I am out all by Myself, I feel a certain happiness no friend or woman can fill. I know I am screwed up but I am this way. I think I always was. Sometimes being screwed up is the only ‘normal’ thing in you. The more I do these things, the more I come closer in knowing My true self. I don’t know if I ever will figure Myself out but I guess I can’t stop now, can I?

End Of Entry No:4 …

******************************************************************

Entry No:3 …

21:30hrs …

Pattaya, Thailand.

The food was supposed to come by 09:oopm now it is 09:30pm. I am starving. I seriously am. Although my dinner is only 2 portions of Fish Tikka, every bite of that feels like heaven for me. The caterers are taking their own sweet time in delivering me the food but the wait is killing me. Ask a man who diets how much food is important for him and he will dedicate essays to it! It is ok, I will wait. I mean, I have no other choice, do I? This city is a tourist spot and there are restaurants and bars in every corner. The moment you step outside you can only smell food and sex in the air. It is like walking into the garden of Eden. But still I make my way to the massage parlor. Those 60mins of foot massage therapy were much needed. My body cried for it. I know I am putting it through hell. I am punishing it. My skin is tanned because of the blazing heat, my feet ache because of all the strenuous work and I forgot the last time I slept properly. Even though I will be diagnosed as “Rest Required” I still push on. I know I will. And I will never stop …

I type these words and hear Age Of Rage in the back ground. Something about that song ignites me. Makes me realize I still have a lot of fight left in me and even though temptation tempts me I stand tall. Whether it is the women here, or the smell of the food or even the huge malls, I still make my way to the gym. I know I have to these workouts because I fear the guilt aftermaths. The aftermaths which lead to fear and fear which lead to insecurity. It is never ending cycle. I have to do things in order to succeed. I have to fight the pain my body goes through. But the thing that scares me the most is that I don’t want this pain to stop. It is a part of me now. I need pain because for me pain is progress. Every time I hear a muscle ache in pain, every morning when I force my eyes to open, every moment when I feel my senses depleting their powers I feel good for pain is temporary, pride is forever. I need to sleep now, tomorrow is another day. Another day in this un-ending, savage, brutal war I am fighting. A War that I can’t do without …

End Of Entry No:3 …

******************************************************************

Entry No.2 …

On The Sets,

Pattaya, Thailand.

The call time was 08:30am. I reached by 08:25am. The unit is still unloading it’s equipment from the vans. It will at least take another 60mins or so for the 1^st shot. I don’t mind the wait. I have waited far too long to be on a movie set and I would rather be early than be late. This place is from where I get my bread and butter from. This is the place where all my madness finally makes some sense. Yesterday after pack up I went for shopping, bowling and I even saw a film. I didn’t take anyone along. I wanted my ‘Me’ time. And trust me, I loved every moment of it! It was bliss! I was about to cry with happiness but what I did was Thanked the Universe for this feeling. It deserves it’s due. My staff wanted to come along. I said no, I want this moment for myself. What does that make me? A loner?

I don’t know. Why do I ask so many questions? Why do I over-think? Do I over-think? I really don’t know. I just type what I feel. Why am I writing these blogs? Is it because I want to be heard or am I so much in need of attention? My co-stars are gems. They are very down-to-earth and treat as one of their own. Then why don’t I get closer to them? What is keeping back? Have I really become so used to my loneliness that I have no need for anyone else? I think I am a hypocrite. On one hand I say I don’t want anyone and on the other hand I am writing these blogs for the whole world to read! I am screwed up. I was a broken piece of glass since day one. Only when I wanted to put myself together back again did I realize how broken I am.

There is a beautiful cat here but the owner of this place has tied her up to a pole. Maybe she must be notorious. But why do I see myself in her? Is she calling out to me? Do I also wanna be set free? What is it? I don’t know. But I sense it. That tingling feeling in my gut. That monster inside of me calling out, screaming out the same words it has for the last 13 years. “Set Me free! Set Me free!”. I still keep it contained. I am selfish. The monster within me harnesses a power. A power I use to go ahead. I am scared to let the monster loose. I know what it can do but I am more scared of the fact that he won’t need me anymore and I will be left without his power. I guess I am damaged goods after all …

End Of Entry No.2 …

******************************************************************

Part:1 …

Kaboom! What an inspiration that book is! Makes Me wanna blog more. It gives me the power to express and make the world listen to me. It is lunch time on the sets and everyone is having their food. I am all by myself having my chicken tikka and diet coke. The same I had yesterday and the day before that. The tongue has forgotten what food tastes like. I feel I have lost my sense of taste. I hear these men, married and single and the ones who have kids, telling their stories from the night before. Laughing and giggling and making themselves gods in their own tales. It never gets old. This feeling of power. They pay for sex and feel their own the bodies of these women. It is a tenacious cycle and I know it won’t stop. Should I do something about it? Should I get up and start a movement or just stay quiet? I don’t know what to do. I am lost in these thoughts but yet, in the same moment, I am know where I am and what I need to do.

I come on the sets on time in fact, before time and wait to be called for the shot. Some have given the liberty to come late because of their hangovers. I on the other hand don’t wanna go there. Use that get-out-of-jail-free-card and abuse my power. I haven’t reached that stage in my life. To be honest I never want too. That place is filled with scum and men who forgot their origins. I am a man who is filled with a certain darkness of his own but I know that there are some lines even I can’t cross. I wait to be on a movie set. It is my mecca. It is my temple and every breath here feels like gold. I never want this to end. I wanna die with my make up on. The world may not understand my hunger. In fact, I think they never will. But I still want them too. I don’t know why. I think I am a fool thinking that I will win this war. That one man can actually win over 7 billion! But I still fight on. I guess I am crazy.

I see people updating their bbm statuses. Putting up new pics of their boyfriends and girlfriends. Of their achievements and heart breaks. I used to care. I used to notice. But not anymore. I don’t care and maybe I just don’t want too. Is it because I am doing the one thing I was born to do? Am I really that selfish that I don’t give a damn anymore? I think I don’t even care about that. I am happy being here. Even here, I am the out cast. I was always the out cast. I don’t drink, smoke or get high and neither do I party. So how do I fit in? I can’t. So I move away. They laugh at me when I turn my back. They think I am still a kid. They don’t see beyond the make-up. They don’t see the emptiness in my eyes the years of struggle have taken away from me. They won’t understand. They are too busy living the life according to their opinions. While I am just the out cast. A name, they thought is best for Me. A name which now has began to define Me …

******************************************************************

The Blogger Anonymous ...

I wanted to write a different topic today. I mean I thought of it a few days back. And I was all prepared to write those letters down which will eventually form a sentence but then the course of My life took a slight turn and so here I am writing this Blog. The Blog Anonymous. I was recently talking to My friend about Power and what it does to us human beings. We all are looking for that ultimate power. That ultimate domination through which we can feel superior. In the end, it all comes down to the power game and everyone wants to play it. The question is what do we do with that power? My blogs in a way are a power tool for Me too. So the question rises, how do I use these letters, these words and these sentences? Do I use them to spread the message or lash out on the ones I hate ...

There are 7 billion people in this world! And according to a survey, there is a child being born every second! So you can imagine what mother earth must be going through right about now. But we are not concerned about her. Sure, we may have Earth Days now and awareness about how we are damaging the ozone layer but are we really doing something to help her out? No we are not because we are too busy thinking about others successes and enjoying their failures. Listening to the gossip of others and dishing out the details of as to whom slept with whom and which one of our friends is a womaniser or a slut. I try so hard to understand the human race but whenever I try, I fail. For we are so complexed. I will put My hand up and will be the first to admit that I am not perfect. Hell, I am the worst there is! There won't be that many DNA strands in My body to count the amount of flaws I possess and the things I do. For the record I am not looking for sympathy or pity. I am just trying to be honest and tell you that I have been bad too and will continue to do things for My selfish motives because I know that in order to survive in this brutal world and go ahead of the curve I have to do these things. I know people hate Me for who and what I am but as they say, you are not in My shoes and you don't know My war ...

They say Assumptions is one of the deadliest evils out there. Assuming things about a person can make that person hate or despise you. I face that everyday. Before, I used to get affected by it. The way people used to post comments on Me. Say things to Me because they 'assumed' that about Me. I feel angry today too. Trust me, I feel so angry but I know lashing back at those people will only make Me like them. People whom I don't know don't affect Me that much because their existence doesn't matter to Me. But what happens when assumptions start happening at the personal, safe and enclosed circle of yours? How do you convince your friend that you will keep your promise. It may take time but you will keep your promise. How do you make your girlfriend understand that in time the world will know what love is but right now, Work is more important and it is a priority and Work demands it's sacrifices. How do you convince your Fans that you are actually pretty damn serious about your work but they think you are not 'hungry' anymore because you are a star kid. What do you say to your family when they think you are not pushing hard enough? We all have our own battles to fight but sadly, the truth is, the 7 billion people out there don't wanna understand that. They think you got it easy. They always think you got it easy ...

You have no idea what I go through. You have no idea what it is that I have to do to survive. I have to fight too. I have My own private hell too which is filled with fears and insecurities but in the end it always come down to that one choice. The choice which in turn becomes a question. That what will I do? Will I write this blog and gain sympathy or will I stand up and fight and still accept your Hate? I choose to stand because I know that if I fall, I will never rise again and where I am right now, I can't afford to fall. For the domino affect will affect all those around Me. The ones I love. The ones whom I fight for. I once again apologise for My behaviour. Sometimes, the human side of Me wants to have a voice too. It wants to be heard and it wants to be understood. I know not all of you will love Me after this. Many of you will still hate Me and think that filth like Me can't be changed. But I hope that one day, someone out there, for just even one moment relates to Me through this blog and understands that behind all My choices are reasons. Reasons that are beyond the norms of good and evil, and right or wrong. I hope that someday I am remembered not for the faults but for the greater goods that only come after the realm of darkness. So this is Me, writing this blog without a topic, without any message or any view point. I am just letting out how I feel.

This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty and this is a Blog. A Blog Anonymous ...

With All My Might,
Your Number One Fan,
Mahaakshay Chakraborty.