Our Greatest Pretences Are Built Up Not To Hide The Evil And The Ugly In Us, But Our Emptiness. The Hardest Thing To Hide Is Something That Is Not There. - Eric Hoffer
They say they understand. They all understand. They all say the same thing. And for all this time I just wanted them to understand. But they don't. Some try. They do. But they don't get it. Some don't even want to listen 'cause they are too busy in their own lives and wanna vent out their feelings. People are strange. And I am one of them. For a very long time I didn't understand. Why I was this way. But today, I do. I finally get it. The answers are coming to Me. Some come as blessings while some come as Punishments. But They do. Right now, typing these words, at 11:22pm in the night, after a long day of work at our Paparattzy Productions Office and then a brutal 60mins of Mma, I understand. Listening to Castle Of Glass from Linkin Park which is stuck on repeat, I understand. Being alone in this room while My brothers and sister watch their favourite tv shows, I understand. I understand this is not where I belong. For I now The Place That I Belong ... I know The Place That I Belong ...
Take Me Down To The River Bend,
Take Me Down To The Fighting End,
Wash The Poison From Off My Skin,
Show Me How To Be Whole Again ...
Time waits for none. And nothing is as permanent as change. People move on. People learn to forget. People learn to forgive. I am not saying that I have seen much of life. But being 28 years old, I think I have seen My share of experiences and I have tried to understand the life which came My way. I don't know even if this blog of Mine will actually convey the message I want to say. Or will it just be another entry. I have tried talking to My Friends and Family. About this, this Emptiness I feel. They all love Me, so they support Me. They say, "Don't worry, it is a phase, it will get over soon." Or "No more War Talks. You have had enough of those for a lifetime!". So I stopped asking them. I stopped expecting that they would understand. They don't. No one does. For only I know The Place Where I Belong. It is out there. Fighting. Surviving. Struggling. Sacrificing. Going through all that pain. Being in that constant madness where My body has broken many a times. Where I have no one but the reflection in the mirror. Where I am judged for everything that I do and where every action of Mine has a ripple affect. I belong to My War. I agree that My War doesn't have any blood or death but it has Me, Fighting. Always Fighting. My War, a place of Purpose. My War, a place of Worship. The Place Where I Belong ...
Fly Me Up On A Silver Wing,
Past The Black Where The Sirens Sing,
Warm Me Up In A Nova's Glow,
And Drop Me Down To The Dream Below ...
I have tried. Trust Me, I have tried. When I come back from My long outdoor schedules, I have tried to fit in. To adjust to the world I left behind. But I can't. I just can't connect anymore. Multiplexes don't excite Me anymore. Coffee Shops are not pit stops anymore. And the attention from Women doesn't tingle Me anymore. But I have tried. I have seen people holding hands and laughing. Couples kissing and hugging. Families celebrating. But I don't feel. I don't feel besides the emptiness ... besides the emptiness. Out there, I am alive. I am Me. Here, I am not even My shadow. The things that excited Me, don't matter to Me anymore. The things I thought were important for Me are not anymore. A part of Me thought that the world will wait for Me to come back but it has moved on. My Brothers and Sister have their friends now. The women whom I admired are now married. The friends I chatted constantly on bbm then, now have new phones. All have moved on now. So now, I have no place here. No one needs Me here. This is not where I belong. So I go ... I Go To The Place Where I Belong ...
Bring Me Home In A Blinding Dream,
Through The Secrets That I Have Seen,
Wash The Sorrow From Off My Skin,
And Show Me How To Be Whole Again ...
But I wait ... I mean I have to wait. Like I have always waited. Until I hear the Call, I Wait and wait in Silence. But sometimes this silence turns into anger. There are many things Emptiness can do to a person. I guess it has just made Me A Bitter, Shallow, Dark, Lonely Creature who is waiting. While the world gossips, bitches, hates and spits, I wait. People don't understand. For some I am boring. For some I am ugly. For some I am the Devil and for some I am as good as dead. But they don't understand this emptiness. The don't understand How much I long for My War. People give advice. Yes, they all do. Even when not asked. They apparently wanna see Me 'happy'. They say 'love' is the way. Or 'chill bro'. 'Live a little.'. People and their opinions. They don't understand that I only long for War. The sound of 'Action' and 'Cut'. I only long for those gruelling hours on the sets when My legs die to rest but I still carry on and give that perfect shot. I long for that life which cuts Me away from everything else. From all loose ends. From all emotions. From all connections. I long for My War. I Long For The Place Where I Belong ...
'Cause I Am Only A Crack In This Castle Of Glass,
Hardly Anything There For You To See,
... For You To See ...
Some or all of you will hate Me. You will say, "You Ungrateful Prick! I am suffering here. People are dying out there. Kids are starving! And you are complaining! You deserve to burn in hell you rich-spoilt brat!" I know many of you will think this of Me. But I am beyond all of that. I am beyond temptation or lust or sex. I am beyond the dates and the dinners. I am beyond the parties. I am beyond them all for I feel only emptiness here, in this 'normal' world. So I pray to that God-Awful-Monster. I pray to Ares, I pray to them all to call Me back. Call Me back to My War. Call Me back to The Place Where I belong. I once, a very long time ago, thought I could had been normal. But it looks like I am not. I don't belong here. I never did. I never will. I guess people like Me are cursed and doomed by our own Greatness. I guess that is the price we pay. You may judge Me. You may hate Me. Do what you feel like because it doesn't matter to Me who you are and what I have done to you. I am here, waiting with My Back-Up. Waiting for the Call. Waiting for My War. A War that will one day destroy Me. But this War is what I call Home. This is The Place Where I Belong ...
If We Don't End War ... War Will End Us. - H. G. Wells
This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty And I Know Where I Belong ...
With All My Might,
Your No.1 Fan,
Mahaakshay Chakraborty.
They say they understand. They all understand. They all say the same thing. And for all this time I just wanted them to understand. But they don't. Some try. They do. But they don't get it. Some don't even want to listen 'cause they are too busy in their own lives and wanna vent out their feelings. People are strange. And I am one of them. For a very long time I didn't understand. Why I was this way. But today, I do. I finally get it. The answers are coming to Me. Some come as blessings while some come as Punishments. But They do. Right now, typing these words, at 11:22pm in the night, after a long day of work at our Paparattzy Productions Office and then a brutal 60mins of Mma, I understand. Listening to Castle Of Glass from Linkin Park which is stuck on repeat, I understand. Being alone in this room while My brothers and sister watch their favourite tv shows, I understand. I understand this is not where I belong. For I now The Place That I Belong ... I know The Place That I Belong ...
Take Me Down To The Fighting End,
Wash The Poison From Off My Skin,
Show Me How To Be Whole Again ...
Time waits for none. And nothing is as permanent as change. People move on. People learn to forget. People learn to forgive. I am not saying that I have seen much of life. But being 28 years old, I think I have seen My share of experiences and I have tried to understand the life which came My way. I don't know even if this blog of Mine will actually convey the message I want to say. Or will it just be another entry. I have tried talking to My Friends and Family. About this, this Emptiness I feel. They all love Me, so they support Me. They say, "Don't worry, it is a phase, it will get over soon." Or "No more War Talks. You have had enough of those for a lifetime!". So I stopped asking them. I stopped expecting that they would understand. They don't. No one does. For only I know The Place Where I Belong. It is out there. Fighting. Surviving. Struggling. Sacrificing. Going through all that pain. Being in that constant madness where My body has broken many a times. Where I have no one but the reflection in the mirror. Where I am judged for everything that I do and where every action of Mine has a ripple affect. I belong to My War. I agree that My War doesn't have any blood or death but it has Me, Fighting. Always Fighting. My War, a place of Purpose. My War, a place of Worship. The Place Where I Belong ...
Fly Me Up On A Silver Wing,
Past The Black Where The Sirens Sing,
Warm Me Up In A Nova's Glow,
And Drop Me Down To The Dream Below ...
I have tried. Trust Me, I have tried. When I come back from My long outdoor schedules, I have tried to fit in. To adjust to the world I left behind. But I can't. I just can't connect anymore. Multiplexes don't excite Me anymore. Coffee Shops are not pit stops anymore. And the attention from Women doesn't tingle Me anymore. But I have tried. I have seen people holding hands and laughing. Couples kissing and hugging. Families celebrating. But I don't feel. I don't feel besides the emptiness ... besides the emptiness. Out there, I am alive. I am Me. Here, I am not even My shadow. The things that excited Me, don't matter to Me anymore. The things I thought were important for Me are not anymore. A part of Me thought that the world will wait for Me to come back but it has moved on. My Brothers and Sister have their friends now. The women whom I admired are now married. The friends I chatted constantly on bbm then, now have new phones. All have moved on now. So now, I have no place here. No one needs Me here. This is not where I belong. So I go ... I Go To The Place Where I Belong ...
Bring Me Home In A Blinding Dream,
Through The Secrets That I Have Seen,
Wash The Sorrow From Off My Skin,
And Show Me How To Be Whole Again ...
But I wait ... I mean I have to wait. Like I have always waited. Until I hear the Call, I Wait and wait in Silence. But sometimes this silence turns into anger. There are many things Emptiness can do to a person. I guess it has just made Me A Bitter, Shallow, Dark, Lonely Creature who is waiting. While the world gossips, bitches, hates and spits, I wait. People don't understand. For some I am boring. For some I am ugly. For some I am the Devil and for some I am as good as dead. But they don't understand this emptiness. The don't understand How much I long for My War. People give advice. Yes, they all do. Even when not asked. They apparently wanna see Me 'happy'. They say 'love' is the way. Or 'chill bro'. 'Live a little.'. People and their opinions. They don't understand that I only long for War. The sound of 'Action' and 'Cut'. I only long for those gruelling hours on the sets when My legs die to rest but I still carry on and give that perfect shot. I long for that life which cuts Me away from everything else. From all loose ends. From all emotions. From all connections. I long for My War. I Long For The Place Where I Belong ...
'Cause I Am Only A Crack In This Castle Of Glass,
Hardly Anything There For You To See,
... For You To See ...
Some or all of you will hate Me. You will say, "You Ungrateful Prick! I am suffering here. People are dying out there. Kids are starving! And you are complaining! You deserve to burn in hell you rich-spoilt brat!" I know many of you will think this of Me. But I am beyond all of that. I am beyond temptation or lust or sex. I am beyond the dates and the dinners. I am beyond the parties. I am beyond them all for I feel only emptiness here, in this 'normal' world. So I pray to that God-Awful-Monster. I pray to Ares, I pray to them all to call Me back. Call Me back to My War. Call Me back to The Place Where I belong. I once, a very long time ago, thought I could had been normal. But it looks like I am not. I don't belong here. I never did. I never will. I guess people like Me are cursed and doomed by our own Greatness. I guess that is the price we pay. You may judge Me. You may hate Me. Do what you feel like because it doesn't matter to Me who you are and what I have done to you. I am here, waiting with My Back-Up. Waiting for the Call. Waiting for My War. A War that will one day destroy Me. But this War is what I call Home. This is The Place Where I Belong ...
If We Don't End War ... War Will End Us. - H. G. Wells
This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty And I Know Where I Belong ...
With All My Might,
Your No.1 Fan,
Mahaakshay Chakraborty.
Super blog champ :-) yeah life goes on and People move on but amazing people like you can never be forgotten!
ReplyDeleteCheers!