"The Day, When I Am At The Top Of The Mountain. When I Have It All. The Day When I Am Asked, How Did You Make It So Far? ... I Will Tell Them That It Wasn't Through Compassion Or Love. But Through Battles And Wars."
-Mahaakshay Chakraborty.
I guess in our lives, all of us had our chats with God. You know, our private sessions. Our One-On-Ones. Our secrets to share and our sins to forgive. We all have at least once in our lives spoken to god. Whether it was for peace, wealth, fame or love. We all have asked for help. I know this because I have been one of them. My life, like everyone's else's, has been a struggle of ups and downs. Good days and bad. So I know and relate to all of you in some way or another. But this blog isn't about my conversations with god. You see, when I asked him all my questions, he didn't reply back and I felt kinda hurt by that. I know he has the whole universe to take care of but I still felt that he abandoned me. I know I am in a safe and better position than many others who are in worse. But I am not comparing myself to those people now. To be honest, I find them to be more tougher than I am. Being in worser conditions and still believing in their dreams and never giving up. I salute them for this. But again, this blog isn't about them either. This blog is a reflection or an inspired version of a conversation I had with a God sometime back. Which God you ask? Well, I am talking about Ares. The God Of War. Yes, I know I may sound cuckoo to you now but I assure you that by the end of this blog, you will know why I did and what I did it for. You see, sometimes, god doesn't come knocking on your door to rescue you. Sometimes you have to knock on a few doors yourself. And sometimes, it isn't God that opens the door for you. Sometimes, it is someone else completely. So my fellow readers, below is my Conversation with the God Of War ...
A: And what did you learn by embarking on this 'new' path of yours?
M: At first, I felt I had changed. I felt the change in me also. I met people who I started calling my friends. I felt better and much at peace and I thought that it was wrong for me to hate. But now ...
A: Now? What is it that you feel? Tell me, what is it that you feel?
M: I ... I feel empty my lord. I feel like a ghost who is a part of the mist. Who is not here and neither there. I feel like an empty vessel.
A: So, you have come to me for help huh? You come to me 'cause no one else was helping you. Isn't it?
M: No my lord. It isn't because of that. I have returned to you because something in me was telling me too. Like, it was guiding me to you. Like it wanted to be a part of you again.
A: Your words flatter me mortal. But they don't impress me. You know who I am, don't you? I am The god Of War. I am Ares. I bring Chaos and Death and Misery to all who summon me. Even My Father Zeus is against my tactics. And you are just a mortal. I can squash you right now or make you burn in the underworld for a 1,ooo millenniums.
M: You are right to Punish me, my lord. I should had never left you. I beg you to show me mercy and to take me back. I beg you to save me.
A: Save you? Ha! Ha! Ha! You amuse me mortal. I can't save you. I can only damn you to war. I can only bring you battles and war. Is that what you want? Is that what you truly want?
M: YES. Yes, my lord. That is what I want. I want battles and fights. And I want a War that will never end. A. War. That. Never. Ends.
A: For a mortal, you are very good with your words. Ok. I will grant you your wish. But first you to accept this. Accept this completely. Without hesitation or count. Pure acceptance. And trust me mortal, once you accept there will be no going back. Do you accept?
M: YES. I accept.
A: Ok. Then let us begin.
A: Do you know what war is?
M: Yes, it is place of warriors and men of steel.
A: True. But war is more than that. Do you want me to explain?
M: Yes my lord. Please.
A: War is a place for the wicked. It is a place where all the good and evil come together for their judgement. It is a place where all humanity is lost. It is a place where men shed their clothes of sheep and roar as lions. It is a place where hell is born. A dark place where innocence is lost. A place no man ever wants to see. A place of horrors. Not the horrors of human flesh and rotten bodies but the horrors that possess within the souls of every man. War is a place where you know who you truly are. Where you aren't fighting the enemy. It is a place where you are fighting yourself. I have seen war. I created it 'cause I realised the human need for it. Since the dawn of man, man has made spears to kill and used hands to strangle. Man, is my ultimate weapon. And sooner or later, all men are lead to war. Some wear uniforms. Some give in to their own monsters. That is the true meaning of War. That is what War is. The Killer of Man and his innocence.
M: I have always felt drawn towards it my lord. Like a calling. Like there is something out there waiting for me. But I never fully understood it. I never really could come around it. But now I know what it was. It was the calling of war.
A: How did you realise this was your calling mortal?
M: It is because instead of looking for answers outside, I searched within me.
A: Yes. That is the only way you will ever know who you are.
M: But my lord, I have seen people change through love. I have seen love make monsters into men. I have seen Hulks and Beasts become Givers and Saints. Then why not me, my lord? Why did I come back?
A: You were always meant for this mortal. Ever since you were born, you were chosen for this path. You were chosen by me.
M: Really my lord? You chose me? What was so special in me that you saw?
A: I saw power in you. True power. A power that doesn't come from love. But a power that comes from darkness. From a place of purity. And that is why I chose you.
M: But my lord, if you chose me, then why did you let me go away?
A: I let you go because I wanted you to realise yourself who it is that you truly are. No god or man or love or friend or family or foe can show you that. You alone had to make this journey to realise who you truly are. And you see, here you are. Where it all began. Where you truly belong.
M: Then why all the hardships my lord? Why all the anguish and struggles and pain and guilt?
A: Those were your trials. Those were your tests. To see whether you break or not. 'Cause what I have planned for you is far more than you can ever imagine.
M: You are right my lord. I am more of a man today than the day I left you. Life has taught me many a things but the one thing I have understood completely is that we are who we are and one way or another, we always come home. We always come back full circle. We always come to our beginnings.
A: Yes. And now you are ready.
M: Ready? Ready for what my lord?
A: To become like me. To become The God Of War.
M: What?!? Me! And The God Of War? How my lord?
A: It is because I believe in you. And there is something about you. Something my father Zues said that I possessed when I was just a boy. He saw it in my eyes.
M: What was it that he saw?
A: He say emptiness in me. An emptiness he knew that could never be filled with love. But an emptiness that could only be filled with War.
M: You are right my lord. I tried to love. I tried to forgive. And I tried to forget. But when I did all those things, I felt something dying in me. I could hear a 1,000 screams from within me. Like they were burning. At first I thought I got rid of my demons. That I was a free man. But then I realised I wasn't a free man. I was a nobody. I was a body without a soul. A Voice without a sound. A Food without a taste. I was a man without purpose. Love took the one thing that mattered to me. Love took away my purpose. And then one day I closed my eyes and searched within. I searched deep within to find the answers. To know who I truly was. And then, suddenly, in a flash of a second I saw it. That glowing fire out their in the horizon. And I heard my calling. I heard my calling for War. It was like nothing I had heard before. There was a sanity to this siren. There was a disturbing peace to it.
A: Yes. It is because you heard Purity. You heard the Call Of War. Not the call of Hate.
M: Are Hate and War two separate things?
A: Of course they are! Hate is for Hades. He feeds on fear and despair. I feed on War. At first, when you had come to me, you were a young boy. Silly and Confused. You didn't know the difference between Hate and War. That is why you went and hurt others. You took pleasure in their pain 'cause you thought your pain would mean something if you saw others in pain too. But then one day, you grew up. And you started to see the difference. You saw Hate only gives you more hate. But War ... War gives you power.
M: But the world won't understand this, would they? If I ever try to make them understand my story, on why I chose War, they will cast me out. Wouldn't they?
A: The world and the people in it only cast out and banish the things they don't fully understand.
M: Yes. That is why I always felt they never understood me. They cared for me. They loved me. But somehow they could never fill me up. They could never solve the riddle that is me. They always left me emptier. Always with a bigger hole in my heart. Always with more despair than joy. And that is why I want to be heard. I want the world to listen. Even if they don't understood, I want them to listen.
A: I understand what you are gong through. And I will grant you your wish mortal. I will mould you and design you and make you my weapon of justice. I will give you scars, wounds and bruises. I will give you pain which will only make you stronger. I will give you a war that never ends. But know this, what you ask for comes with a great price and sacrifice. Are you willing to accept this?
M: YES.
A: I knew you would say that.
A: What you ask is of grave importance mortal. Many have tried to walk this journey but only a handful have reached the other side.
M: I am willing to accept whatever it is you have to offer me my lord. I have reached this juncture of my life where I know finally, without a shadow of a doubt, who it is I truly am. I am a Soldier of War. I am a Monster. A Beast. A Man Who wants to taste his own blood and drown in it. I know pain only satisfies me. I know this journey is mine and mine alone and what I ask from you will rip away all the shreds of normality I have left. But I need it my lord. I need this fire. This burning demon in me. I want him to awaken and make me burn in his wrath. I want to wake up everyday with that power. With that indestructible force of the god of war. I want to live again. And I know that the only way I can do that is by kneeling down to you.
A: What you seek is power. True power. And true power only comes when you are tested. And I will test you. I will take away all that love you possess. I will rip away your reality and make you bound to the fires of war. You will be alone again. You will be in darkness. All the ones who love you will hate you again. They will fear you. They will leave you. For they will not understand you. You will be my servant. And I will treasure you. I will feed in your battles and I will relish in your pain. I will make you go through suffering like you have never imagined. I will take you back to your darkness and destroy all the light. But I swear I will not abandon you. I will make you my weapon. You will become the greatest man that ever walked the earth. One day a time will come when I will show you to the world and they will be in awe of you. All will bow down to you and even the gods will notice you. Zeus himself will come down from olympus and praise you. I will make you my greatest tool. I will make you a God Of War.
Me: End my suffering my lord. Make me return to the fire. Give me a War that Never Ends. Show me the way. Answer my prayers. Hear my calling. Give me what I want. Make me who I truly am.
Ares: Pray And You Shall Receive, My Student. Ask And You Shall Be Given, My Son. Seek And Shall Find. My God Of War.
This Is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty And I Am ... The God Of War.
With All My Might,
Your No.1 Fan,
Mahaakshay Chakraborty.
-Mahaakshay Chakraborty.
I guess in our lives, all of us had our chats with God. You know, our private sessions. Our One-On-Ones. Our secrets to share and our sins to forgive. We all have at least once in our lives spoken to god. Whether it was for peace, wealth, fame or love. We all have asked for help. I know this because I have been one of them. My life, like everyone's else's, has been a struggle of ups and downs. Good days and bad. So I know and relate to all of you in some way or another. But this blog isn't about my conversations with god. You see, when I asked him all my questions, he didn't reply back and I felt kinda hurt by that. I know he has the whole universe to take care of but I still felt that he abandoned me. I know I am in a safe and better position than many others who are in worse. But I am not comparing myself to those people now. To be honest, I find them to be more tougher than I am. Being in worser conditions and still believing in their dreams and never giving up. I salute them for this. But again, this blog isn't about them either. This blog is a reflection or an inspired version of a conversation I had with a God sometime back. Which God you ask? Well, I am talking about Ares. The God Of War. Yes, I know I may sound cuckoo to you now but I assure you that by the end of this blog, you will know why I did and what I did it for. You see, sometimes, god doesn't come knocking on your door to rescue you. Sometimes you have to knock on a few doors yourself. And sometimes, it isn't God that opens the door for you. Sometimes, it is someone else completely. So my fellow readers, below is my Conversation with the God Of War ...
"Never in the field of human conflict was so much owed by so many to so few."
Me: Hello Ares, It Is Me.
Ares: Welcome. Oh should I say, welcome back. You have been gone for a while.
M: Yes My Lord. I was gone. In fact, I left. And I thought I would never come back. I ... I thought I would have a normal life. I had thought that I could prosper with love and purity.A: And what did you learn by embarking on this 'new' path of yours?
M: At first, I felt I had changed. I felt the change in me also. I met people who I started calling my friends. I felt better and much at peace and I thought that it was wrong for me to hate. But now ...
A: Now? What is it that you feel? Tell me, what is it that you feel?
M: I ... I feel empty my lord. I feel like a ghost who is a part of the mist. Who is not here and neither there. I feel like an empty vessel.
A: So, you have come to me for help huh? You come to me 'cause no one else was helping you. Isn't it?
M: No my lord. It isn't because of that. I have returned to you because something in me was telling me too. Like, it was guiding me to you. Like it wanted to be a part of you again.
A: Your words flatter me mortal. But they don't impress me. You know who I am, don't you? I am The god Of War. I am Ares. I bring Chaos and Death and Misery to all who summon me. Even My Father Zeus is against my tactics. And you are just a mortal. I can squash you right now or make you burn in the underworld for a 1,ooo millenniums.
M: You are right to Punish me, my lord. I should had never left you. I beg you to show me mercy and to take me back. I beg you to save me.
A: Save you? Ha! Ha! Ha! You amuse me mortal. I can't save you. I can only damn you to war. I can only bring you battles and war. Is that what you want? Is that what you truly want?
M: YES. Yes, my lord. That is what I want. I want battles and fights. And I want a War that will never end. A. War. That. Never. Ends.
A: For a mortal, you are very good with your words. Ok. I will grant you your wish. But first you to accept this. Accept this completely. Without hesitation or count. Pure acceptance. And trust me mortal, once you accept there will be no going back. Do you accept?
M: YES. I accept.
A: Ok. Then let us begin.
"The best weapon against an enemy is another enemy."
M: Yes, it is place of warriors and men of steel.
A: True. But war is more than that. Do you want me to explain?
M: Yes my lord. Please.
A: War is a place for the wicked. It is a place where all the good and evil come together for their judgement. It is a place where all humanity is lost. It is a place where men shed their clothes of sheep and roar as lions. It is a place where hell is born. A dark place where innocence is lost. A place no man ever wants to see. A place of horrors. Not the horrors of human flesh and rotten bodies but the horrors that possess within the souls of every man. War is a place where you know who you truly are. Where you aren't fighting the enemy. It is a place where you are fighting yourself. I have seen war. I created it 'cause I realised the human need for it. Since the dawn of man, man has made spears to kill and used hands to strangle. Man, is my ultimate weapon. And sooner or later, all men are lead to war. Some wear uniforms. Some give in to their own monsters. That is the true meaning of War. That is what War is. The Killer of Man and his innocence.
M: I have always felt drawn towards it my lord. Like a calling. Like there is something out there waiting for me. But I never fully understood it. I never really could come around it. But now I know what it was. It was the calling of war.
A: How did you realise this was your calling mortal?
M: It is because instead of looking for answers outside, I searched within me.
A: Yes. That is the only way you will ever know who you are.
M: But my lord, I have seen people change through love. I have seen love make monsters into men. I have seen Hulks and Beasts become Givers and Saints. Then why not me, my lord? Why did I come back?
A: You were always meant for this mortal. Ever since you were born, you were chosen for this path. You were chosen by me.
M: Really my lord? You chose me? What was so special in me that you saw?
A: I saw power in you. True power. A power that doesn't come from love. But a power that comes from darkness. From a place of purity. And that is why I chose you.
M: But my lord, if you chose me, then why did you let me go away?
A: I let you go because I wanted you to realise yourself who it is that you truly are. No god or man or love or friend or family or foe can show you that. You alone had to make this journey to realise who you truly are. And you see, here you are. Where it all began. Where you truly belong.
M: Then why all the hardships my lord? Why all the anguish and struggles and pain and guilt?
A: Those were your trials. Those were your tests. To see whether you break or not. 'Cause what I have planned for you is far more than you can ever imagine.
M: You are right my lord. I am more of a man today than the day I left you. Life has taught me many a things but the one thing I have understood completely is that we are who we are and one way or another, we always come home. We always come back full circle. We always come to our beginnings.
A: Yes. And now you are ready.
M: Ready? Ready for what my lord?
A: To become like me. To become The God Of War.
"If we don't end war, war will end us."
A: It is because I believe in you. And there is something about you. Something my father Zues said that I possessed when I was just a boy. He saw it in my eyes.
M: What was it that he saw?
A: He say emptiness in me. An emptiness he knew that could never be filled with love. But an emptiness that could only be filled with War.
M: You are right my lord. I tried to love. I tried to forgive. And I tried to forget. But when I did all those things, I felt something dying in me. I could hear a 1,000 screams from within me. Like they were burning. At first I thought I got rid of my demons. That I was a free man. But then I realised I wasn't a free man. I was a nobody. I was a body without a soul. A Voice without a sound. A Food without a taste. I was a man without purpose. Love took the one thing that mattered to me. Love took away my purpose. And then one day I closed my eyes and searched within. I searched deep within to find the answers. To know who I truly was. And then, suddenly, in a flash of a second I saw it. That glowing fire out their in the horizon. And I heard my calling. I heard my calling for War. It was like nothing I had heard before. There was a sanity to this siren. There was a disturbing peace to it.
A: Yes. It is because you heard Purity. You heard the Call Of War. Not the call of Hate.
M: Are Hate and War two separate things?
A: Of course they are! Hate is for Hades. He feeds on fear and despair. I feed on War. At first, when you had come to me, you were a young boy. Silly and Confused. You didn't know the difference between Hate and War. That is why you went and hurt others. You took pleasure in their pain 'cause you thought your pain would mean something if you saw others in pain too. But then one day, you grew up. And you started to see the difference. You saw Hate only gives you more hate. But War ... War gives you power.
M: But the world won't understand this, would they? If I ever try to make them understand my story, on why I chose War, they will cast me out. Wouldn't they?
A: The world and the people in it only cast out and banish the things they don't fully understand.
M: Yes. That is why I always felt they never understood me. They cared for me. They loved me. But somehow they could never fill me up. They could never solve the riddle that is me. They always left me emptier. Always with a bigger hole in my heart. Always with more despair than joy. And that is why I want to be heard. I want the world to listen. Even if they don't understood, I want them to listen.
A: I understand what you are gong through. And I will grant you your wish mortal. I will mould you and design you and make you my weapon of justice. I will give you scars, wounds and bruises. I will give you pain which will only make you stronger. I will give you a war that never ends. But know this, what you ask for comes with a great price and sacrifice. Are you willing to accept this?
M: YES.
A: I knew you would say that.
"There is no avoiding war; it can only be postponed to the advantage of others."
M: I am willing to accept whatever it is you have to offer me my lord. I have reached this juncture of my life where I know finally, without a shadow of a doubt, who it is I truly am. I am a Soldier of War. I am a Monster. A Beast. A Man Who wants to taste his own blood and drown in it. I know pain only satisfies me. I know this journey is mine and mine alone and what I ask from you will rip away all the shreds of normality I have left. But I need it my lord. I need this fire. This burning demon in me. I want him to awaken and make me burn in his wrath. I want to wake up everyday with that power. With that indestructible force of the god of war. I want to live again. And I know that the only way I can do that is by kneeling down to you.
A: What you seek is power. True power. And true power only comes when you are tested. And I will test you. I will take away all that love you possess. I will rip away your reality and make you bound to the fires of war. You will be alone again. You will be in darkness. All the ones who love you will hate you again. They will fear you. They will leave you. For they will not understand you. You will be my servant. And I will treasure you. I will feed in your battles and I will relish in your pain. I will make you go through suffering like you have never imagined. I will take you back to your darkness and destroy all the light. But I swear I will not abandon you. I will make you my weapon. You will become the greatest man that ever walked the earth. One day a time will come when I will show you to the world and they will be in awe of you. All will bow down to you and even the gods will notice you. Zeus himself will come down from olympus and praise you. I will make you my greatest tool. I will make you a God Of War.
Me: End my suffering my lord. Make me return to the fire. Give me a War that Never Ends. Show me the way. Answer my prayers. Hear my calling. Give me what I want. Make me who I truly am.
Ares: Pray And You Shall Receive, My Student. Ask And You Shall Be Given, My Son. Seek And Shall Find. My God Of War.
This Is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty And I Am ... The God Of War.
With All My Might,
Your No.1 Fan,
Mahaakshay Chakraborty.
"In peace, sons bury their fathers. In war, fathers bury their sons."
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