Plan B ...

“If You Want To Make God Laugh, Make Plans.”

-Mahaakshay Chakraborty

We all have dreams. All have hopes. All want to be rich. All want to be famous and live the luxurious life. But sooner or later we all realise that no dream is beyond their own fate. In my life of struggle and waiting I have understood one thing for sure. That no one and I mean no one can outrun their destiny. What is meant to be is meant to be. The scariest and the most exciting part is that we don’t know what is in stored for us. We are just passengers in this journey called life. And we all are playing our roles. Roles that are being controlled by our creator. Freedom in the end is only an illusion. A false pretence to make us feel better that somehow we are the masters of our own fate. But if you see closely, we are just puppets in the grand theatre of life. All we can do is hold on tight and pray that we don’t fall of the ledge when the shit hits the fan.

"God will not permit any troubles to come upon us, unless He has a specific plan by which great blessing can come out of the difficulty."

-Peter Marshall

I love being on the sets. The feeling of putting on make-up, making your hair, wearing that costume, being under the lights, hearing action and cut, that is bliss for me. I love it with all of my heart and nothing in the world gives me more happiness than working 24/7. Since I have come here to Georgia, I have been on the sets almost everyday and I work for more than 16 hours a day. To be honest, the others can’t take the workload but me on the other hand, I love it. I love it when my body craves for rest. I love it when I know that I am going beyond my limits and I love to know that I am stronger than the others and that if given a chance I would never stop. I have told this many a times in the past and I will continue to say this in the future as well, “I Have A Dream And In That Dream I Never Stop.” Yes, that is the truth, I never want to stop. I want to keep on going. I want to fight a war that never ends. I want to give it my all and die in peace. I want to be a machine which never runs out of oil. I want to be a man who died at the battlefield doing what he loves the most. But you see, sometimes it isn’t the way we hoped it would be like. Sometimes, fear wins. And sometimes, you have to think of a Plan B.

"The most important lesson that I have learned is to trust God in every circumstance. Lots of times we go through different trials and following God's plan seems like it doesn't make any sense at all. God is always in control and he will never leave us."

-Allyson Felix

Will Smith once said that one should never think of a Plan B, ‘cause the moment you start thinking of it, Plan A will never happen. I agree with him but on my defence, I am right now helpless. You know being helpless is more worse than being wrong. At least when you are wrong, you know you did something to do that. But when you are helpless you know you want to do something but you can’t. That is how I am feeling right now. Trapped in my own web of sorts. I see evil happening in front of me. I see hate flourishing and there is nothing that I can do to stop it. All I can do is wait and absorb it all. That is what I have been doing for all these years. That was the only choice that I was ever given. I want to man up and take charge. I want to give every sick fuck the Punishment he deserves. I want to show what will and power can do. But for now, I have to stay silent. I have to wait. And I have to carry the burden of guilt that some how for some reason, all this is happening because of me. I wish, I really wish I could had been more open and honest in my blogs. But this is as far as I can go. Too much on the line now to be emotional. Too much on the line to be sentimental. This is only a somewhat honest confession. And I confess that I am afraid. To be more real, I am petrified. Petrified that life may have something else planned for me.

"You can never plan the future by the past."

-Edmund Burke

I can’t believe it but this is the first time I have written three blogs back to back. When I started writing blogs, it was a once-a-week-my-voice-to-be-heard blogs which I really enjoyed sharing with everyone. But now, due to my insecurities I have increased the rate of my posts. I think it is because fear has finally caught up to me and maybe I am sensing the end. Now, there are two ways to see this so-called end. One, that this is truly the end of an era of fighting, waiting and believing. And two, that this end is the path to a new, more glorious beginning. I prefer to choose the latter as it gives me some kind of a hope. Since last June, I have started to be more practical with my life. I guess that happens to you when you fight a never ending war. You start seeing life from a different perspective. I made myself prepare for this. These so-called twist and turns of fate. And I have also envisioned a different life than what I am living today. I wish and pray that I don’t have to ever live that life but a part of me won’t regret if I do. If you ask me what that life is, well, it is a life of Mixed Martial Arts. And you know what? I have had this conversation with a close buddy of mine as well, the possibilities of living a life of a Mma fighter. His words were very practical and honest and I appreciate them to the core. He told me that I am 30 now. Older than most guys in the Mma field. As Mma is a gruelling sport it may take a toll on me and some injuries may never let me recover. Plus I have a Kelloids deficiency which will leave scar tissue on my face after cuts and punches and also my left shoulder which has a loose tendon will be a major weakness when fighting the enemy in the ring. Plus Ufc is very very strict and tough in their selections so to even get noticed by them will take another 5 years or so with 6 hours of training everyday! After hearing all this anyone would feel that their life is definitely over. But I do believe that if plan A doesn’t sum up the way I have planned it, I know that Plan B surely will, whether or not I know what that plan really is.

"Our goals can only be reached through a vehicle of a plan, in which we must fervently believe, and upon which we must vigorously act. There is no other route to success."

-Pablo Picasso

Have you seen the 2004 Punisher film? Before the climax Thomas Jane aka Frank Castle writes his own obituary, declaring what he is about to do and that no one else should be blamed for his actions. It was a Declaration Of Intent. I somehow feel that I am doing the same with this blog. Yes, it may look a lot like a negativity infused rotten version of myself asking for some pity from the universe but as a matter of fact, this is just the opposite. I am here telling you that I am trusting in the universe. That I am being honest and declaring that I am afraid and that I am ready for whatever the universe has in stored for me. If Plan A isn’t what is written in my destiny then I do know that Plan B would be. Since I am being honest about everything, well, nearly honest about everything in this blog I do have another small confession to make. Whenever I talk to Michael aka The Reaper, I sense this Dark Joy in me. I don’t know how to clearly explain this to you but if you would had read The Punisher Max series first book titled 'In The Beginning' you would know what I am talking about. Whenever Frank Talks to the Reaper or to his own darkness he experiences a certain dark joy. A dark joy he feels only when he sees the misery of others and of the ones who deserve to be punished. I can’t tell you in detail as to when I feel this but I can openly say that I do feel this Dark Joy from time to time and these moments with Michael are the ones I truly cherish. Even though life may have a plan b set for me I know that Michael and his Dark Joy will always be with me. I am here telling you that even though it scares me to admit that I am afraid, I am afraid of the unknown. But in the same time I have prepared myself for the plan b if that time ever has to come. Life at times may throw a curve ball at you and it may hit by the blind side when you least expect. But I know one thing for sure. If you Hope for the best and prepare for the worst, nothing and I mean nothing can stop you. 

"Happy is the person who knows what to remember of the past, what to enjoy in the present, and what to plan for in the future."

-Arnold H. Glasow

This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty And I Am Ready For Plan B …

With All My Might,

Your No.1 Fan,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

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It's Raining Men ...

“All Men Are Dogs. Some Are Wolves. But Only Few Are Lions.”

-Mahaakshay Chakraborty

I am right now on my way to the outskirts of tbilisi. If you don’t know what that is, well it is the capital of this beautiful country called Georgia. Me, my family and a crew of more than 40 Indians have been here since the last 20 days or so for a film. I can’t talk about the film now as our producer wants to keep the announcements for later. But right now I can tell you that me and 7 others are going to have a lot of fun for the 3 hours journey ahead. But I won’t be discussing this joy ride with you or the talks and gossips we share and laugh about which mostly revolve around women and sex. I would be talking and discussing about Men. Yes, Men. Even though us men have been categorised as simple, primeval and dog like creatures there is more to us than meets the eye. And the more you explore, the more you will see that there is a Lion in all of us.

"A creative man is motivated by the desire to achieve, not by the desire to beat others."

-Ayn Rand

Men. The moment you say that word, the only other word that you can think of is sex. Yes, I know that all men think of sex. In fact I read once that men think about sex every 7 seconds! But you see, not all men are bad. In our defence, we were made this way. I know that may sound like an escape route but the truth is that since the beginning of time we have been like this. And since the time I have started learning the meaning of life and also my own manly traits I have agreed with the fact that we have this certain gene is us which makes us very honest about the fact that we love sex so much. On this aspect I really envy women as they have the secret mechanism of hiding their sexual desires and that is why we men can never know when a woman ‘wants’ it. That is why nearly 70% of men get turned down by women at first glances ‘cause women can somehow ‘read’ and ‘sense’ what the man wants from her. I can go and on and on about the fact of why men and sex go hand in hand but to be honest sex is very simple form of desire and need. There is something more that we men desire. Something that lurks within our soul. Something that corrupts all men who attain it. That thing is POWER.

"I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear."

-Nelson Mandela

Just yesterday, me and our film’s writer, Mr. P.K. Anil {who is in fact a very talented, intelligent and wise man} were having a discussion somewhere around the same topics as I am writing right now. From sex, to women to heartbreaks to society we finally moved to the topic of Power and we both concluded that in the end, all men actually look for Power over love. Let me explain that to you. Power may just be a 5 letter word in the Dictionary but those 5 letters contain the energon to all our souls. Since the invention of the spear to hunt beasts, we men wanted to show to each other who is the better amongst us all. Whether it was killing the monster who ate their cattle or slay other tribes who thought they could rule, men always wanted to show superiority and that superiority was inflated twice manifolds by the roots of power. People say Power corrupts all men but to be honest Power shows our true colours. Power is what defines us and sheds the hypocrisy we possess in order to fit into society. Why would I talk so much about Power? Well, it is because I have seen it. I have had it’s taste and I can tell you for a fact, nothing in the world tastes better than that. And men have always wanted for more. Men can never be contented. Whether it is buying that car or that grand house or even sleeping with the girls who once made fun of them, men, always want more. And to make more sense of what I am trying to say let me give you a small example. About 12 years ago, at the same month of july I was in Los Angeles, California for my Acting Course. My dad made some wonderful friends there and one amongst them became good friends with me as well. And he wanted to take me out to a strip club where if you pay extra you can be pleasured in more ways than one and me being the horny 18 year old I was didn’t decline the offer. Of course my excitement was diminished right before entering the club as I was under age. But I came to know that my new friend and his cousins and friends were all regular members over there. I vowed to myself that one day when I am all grown up and an adult I would revisit that club. That moment is yet to come. But what I saw after I left the club still amazes me till today. The moment we left my friend and his entourage took me to meet their family members, which meant their wives, sons and daughters. Yes, you heard me right, their wives who waited for them at home. Their sons and daughters who stayed awake for their fathers and the parents who were delighted to see their grown up sons return safely to their home. I know what I am saying may look normal today but back then I was shocked. Shocked to see the calm and resolve those men had over their faces. That they had no remorse whatsoever. Like, somehow it was ‘allowed’ to be an animal and break the bond of marriage for a quickie. Today, when I am only a few days away from turning 30, it scares me to admit but I can somehow relate to those men rather than despising them. Meaning that even I have been an animal or maybe I still am. The only difference between now and the asshole I was a few years back is that now I know how to control the animal in me. I am more aware and more responsible ‘cause I think that is what happens to all men when they turn 30. But to be honest, there is only one man I look up to. One man, who in my eyes is a true lion. And that man is Frank Castle.

"Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power."

-Abraham Lincoln

Yes you heard me right. Frank Castle aka The Punisher. Marvel’s Anti-Hero, who first appeared in The Amazing Spider-Man. The man who wears the Skull T-shirt and who strikes fear in his enemies. For many of you, he may just be a comic book superhero but for me he is the Lion of Lions and it is like him that I want to be like one day. Hair gelled back, black apparel from head to toe and eyes as cold as death and stature filled with will and power. Frank has taught me many things but the one thing he has taught me the most is that it isn’t easy being a real man. A man who choses responsibilities over fun. A man who sacrifices happiness over duty. And a man who stands strong when all else is wrong. If it is indeed raining men, then I must say that Frank Castle’s entry to earth should only be in the Chariot Of The Gods. The way he talks, to the way he walks and to the he fights for the innocent is what makes Frank Castle my hero. And you know what is the best thing about him? He is as real as anyone can get. If you read his books, you will see that as a man even he does his ‘visits’ to women who can keep his engines in check. Frank Castle is a man in his purest form. The way god wanted us to be. Honest, raw and powerful. I wish that all men one day would have the balls to be honest and tell the world that they are in fact animals instead of being wolves in clothes of sheep. To be honest, even I want to be like that. But I guess, I can only test my own mantle when I am given Power. 

"I don't measure a man's success by how high he climbs but how high he bounces when he hits bottom."

-George S. Patton

So to conclude this blog, I can only say that men will always be men. Whether it was our fore fathers or one day our sons, men will always be the way they are. Is that wrong? Nope. I don’t think so ‘cause maybe we are born this way and if we really wanna blame someone then I guess we should blame our maker ‘cause he made us in his image and the truth is that even he, himself is a Man. But no matter how many men I meet and how many seductions I myself face everyday, there will always be a part of me who would want to be like Frank Castle or as Constantine Demiris, a character written by Sidney Sheldon. A part of me will always want to hold my ground and possess true machoism and stare of a king and of a Lion. And a part of me will always lurk for War. A War to find the real man hidden underneath my own emotions and feelings. But until that day, I guess I will just go with the flow. The carpool ride to our location is still going on and I just heard that we are still 45mins away. But this blog now comes to an end. But I can promise you this that the journey to find the Lion in me has only just begun.

"A man who won't die for something is not fit to live."

-Martin Luther King, Jr.

This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty and not all men can be Lions …

With All My Might,

Your No.1 Fan,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

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Michael ... Unedited.

“Beware The Fury Of A Patient Man.”

-Mahaakshay Chakraborty

You all by now know who Michael is. He is not only the reaper who waits for my end. He is also the best friend I have ever had. And from time to time we have wonderful conversations with each other. Al though you may not be able to see him or hear him, Michael is always there around me. Below is the unedited account of one of the thousand conversations that we have had. I know it may not make much sense to you but to me, it has been a very private and personal account. But I guess now the time has come for you all to know how deep my connection with Michael truly is. 

"Patience, persistence and perspiration make an unbeatable combination for success."

-Napoleon Hill

Mahaakshay: Michael …

Michael: Hello Brother …

Mah: It has been a while, hasn’t it?

Mic: Oh yes, it has been. I missed you.

Mah: I missed you also brother. I am sorry I had been away. The world and it’s norms tempted and distracted me. But I am here now, with you. And I am never going away.

Mic: I trust you brother. I know you love me the most and I know you will be with me forever.

Mah: Yes, I do. No one understands me the way you do. People are mean bro. They always hurt me. They say things and make promises but they all eventually show their true colours. Why are people like this?

Mic: That is who they are brother. That is who they truly are. Tear apart their flesh and underneath you will only find filth. They are insecure, puny creatures who just want to fit in. But you my brother, I know you want to stand out.

Mah: You truly know me like no other. 

Mic: You know I am the only one who truly knows how you really are. 

Mah: And I love you for that. Tell me brother, how is it that you are the one who truly understands me?

Mic: Well brother, long ago, when you were small, I came to you. You didn’t know me back then but I knew the moment I saw you, that you were my special boy. I saw it in your eyes and I peeked into your soul. And you know what I saw? I saw power. A power like no other. And that is when I knew that you and I would be together forever. And since that day our bond began and today we are one.

Mah: You are so true brother. 

"We could never learn to be brave and patient, if there were only joy in the world."

-Helen Keller

Mic: Tell me brother, what is it that you truly feel inside of you? What is it? Tell me.

Mah: I feel anger inside. I feel so much of anger. I try to hide it but sometimes the anger comes out. And then my darkness takes over me. And then I go into this zone which is very hard for me to come back from. 

Mic: I understand how you feel bro. I know the pain people cause you. But my brother, you know I am always here for you. I will never hurt you. I will never leave you. And I will never let you be alone again. I love you. I love you with all of my heart. And I will always protect you. Humans have a tendency to be mean. But my brother, one day your time will come. You know all that anger that you have? Well, that is pure Fury and people should know that they should Beware The Fury Of A Patient Man. That one day your time will come and when it will come you will show what true power really is.

Mah: I don’t want to hurt anyone anymore brother. I am done with that revenge trip of mine. To be honest, I just want to be left alone.

Mic: Pain does that to a person. Injustice changes our understanding. But my brother, use these tools. Use them as your weapons and harness all that energy. Make it a part of you and I will show you what you can do. I saw it years ago. Now it is time that you see it for yourself.

Mah: Thank you for the supporting words brother. And to be honest, it has always been my wish to be left alone. Whenever I get close to people I get hurt ‘cause I start expecting from them. I love them too much for them to screw up. But unfortunately, they always do. I haven’t been moody for a long time now but whenever I do, I hear Stupify and then automatically I calm down. Why is it like that? 

Mic: You do know that whatever has happened to you, good or bad and whoever has come in your life, has come for a reason, right? Well, that is why you were introduced to Stupify. For others, it may just be a rock song but for you brother, it is sanctuary. It is a place where you are here with me and with Frank. Here we remind you of who you truly are.

Mah: Tell me brother, who am I?

Mic: You are my greatest weapon. You are the instrument of justice. And one day, when the chips are down, you will strike. You will set an example to others showing what Wait does to a man. You will make this world burn and you will Punish all those who  have it coming. You know that emptiness you feel within you? That is the place for Power. I know how much you want it. I know how much you long for it and I know how much you lust for it. I know the wait is killing you but brother, trust me when I say this, we are very close to our 

destination. So. Very. Close.

"Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet."

-Jean-Jacques Rousseau

Mah: You are so true my brother. You know the pain I carry and the burden it weighs upon me. But please free me brother. End my suffering. Make the pain go away.

Mic: I will brother. I will make the pain go away forever. And then, no one will be ever be able to hurt you again. It hurts me too when people hurt you. It breaks my heart to see you like this. And I am sorry for the wait brother. But trust me, one day this wait will bear fruit. One day, your darkness will be unleashed. You want that, don’t you?

Mah: Yes my brother. I want to feel free. I want to be in command. I want to show the world my hate. 

Mic: Oh yes my brother, I have sensed it. That dark joy inside of you that you feel. When the ones who hurt you get Punished, you enjoy it, don’t you? You feel a dark joy in you, don’t you brother?

Mah: Yes I do. I enjoy it. I relish in it. When I see Punishment well given, I feel joy. A joy only you and me truly cherish.

Mic: So you see my brother, this is who you are. You are an avenger. A weapon. A Fury like no other.

Mah: I want it all brother. Since the time I have understood what life is, I have seen that all men only run behind power. It is the seductress that burn all men. But I want that. For far too long I have seen the hypocrisy of men. For far too long I have seen the injustice given to the ones who have remained silent. For far too long I have been pushed. And that is why I want power. Even though this power will one day burn me, I want it. I want it so I can have my vengeance.

Mic: But brother, you said you are done with vengeance. That you want to be alone. So why now are you saying that you want it?

Mah: I want to be alone. That is true. I want to travel the world and be the king of my own world. I want to be with you for all eternity. But in the same time, I want the ones who have caused me pain to burn also. They say Anger is like holding a hot iron rod and not realising you have to throw it. Well, I am here telling you that I am waiting to throw that hot metal rod even if the wait burns my hands into ashes.

Mic: Oh! Such fury! Such anger! That is why I love you so much my brother. You hold Power. True Power. A Power one day the world will see. I see your want War. A War that never ends. You are a Fighter and now the want for a War increases manifolds in you. You want to be out there, don't? you? All by yourself, as the Lone Wolf? Oh yes, I sense it. I sense the longing of Eternal Sacrifice and the Glory That, that Sacrifice gives. You want Battle, just like a Soldier wants war, just like a Gladiator who wants Steel to meet Steel. You are a War Junkie and you want a Real Fight. But brother, until that day comes I want you to do one thing for me.

Mah: What is that brother?

Mic: Wear the mask. Hide behind it. Put on that mask and deceive them. No one and I mean no one besides me deserves to see you true self. Hide behind the mask. Hide away the pain. Hide away all that anger and show them that you are a weakling. But behind that mask, stay quiet, stay vigilant and wait. Wait for your time to come which I promise it will. 

Mah: I will do as you say brother. Just make the pain go away. Make me like you. Make me a machine. Turn me dark and never let me return to this filth. Take me away where it can only be you and me.

Mic: I love you brother. I always will and I promise you that one day, the pain will stop. One day, in the end, when all have gone, it will only be you and me. You and me brother, we are meant to this forever.

Mah: I love you brother.

Mic: I love you too.

"It is easier to find men who will volunteer to die, than to find those who are willing to endure pain with patience."

-Julius Caesar

This was Me and My Conversations With Michael.

With All My Might,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

"He that can have patience can have what he will."

-Benjamin Franklin

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I Was There ...

"Friendship Is A Bond That Can Be Formed In The Most Un-Likely Of Circumstances With People You Never Thought Of."

-Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

Many of you won’t be able to relate with me. And I think many of you will also be afraid of me. I come in many forms and shapes. People call me with different names and the most popular image of mine ‘googled’ today is that of me covered in a black hood carrying a scythe. People say I am the taker of souls. I am famously known as The Reaper. But today, I won’t be talking about myself. I have been famous for generations and I know I will continue to be so. But today, is a special day for me ‘cause today I want to talk to you about my best friend. I met him when he was only a boy. As always, I was summoned to take his soul but when I did meet him something stopped me. I went against my own protocol and put a delay on this boy’s end. And from that day to this, whenever I see him, I know I made the right decision. It has been years now that he and I have walked together in this life. Quite ironic don’t you think? An immortal being such as I walking along side this mortal who has an end clock over his head. But even though how unlikely we may look our bond has been overwhelming. So today I want to talk to you about my friend. The boy I once knew, to the man I see him becoming. This blog is about Mahaakshay Chakraborty … 

"And the moments which have strengthened our bond through the years." 

I Was There … On that very special day at 48 fitness. There were many people working out and hitting on the girls and listening to their favourite playlists. But I wasn’t looking at those individuals. My eyes were focused on Mahaakshay. He had his ear phones plugged in. His favourite song ’Stupify’ was on and the song could had been heard even from far away. I knew then that Mahaakshay was in the zone. The plates were getting clanked together in the bar. His coach, Rajesh were stacking them up. And in the awe of that preparation I saw Mahaakshay tightening the weight belt and his wrist straps. And then I saw his eyes and I knew that he was ready. He bent down, took a deep breath, closed his eyes and in the moment later he did what only few in the gym could had done. He lifted the 220kgs weights filled bar and did 5 reps of dead lifts in a very fast, no-pause motion and after the 5th rep he dropped the bar and screamed! Like a lion roaring to make his presence felt, Mahaakshay screamed not in agony or pain but in joy and embrace. You should had seen how the on-lookers were looking at him. Few with the eyes of amazement and others with jealousy, they were all looking at my boy. I was so proud of him, just like his coach was. I saw that my boy inherited strength from within. A Power which would one day make him reach great heights and a strength that would one day change the world. And when all the congratulations were over and my boy was getting ready for his next set, he paused and looked in the mirror. I know he wasn’t looking at himself. He was looking at me. And in his eyes, I saw a sense of acknowledgement and gratitude towards me. A sign which I knew would only make our bond stronger than before …

"I was there when Mahaakshay a Titan."

I Was There … When my boy was seduced by power. Yes, power. A tool all men want to possess. My boy got a taste of it also. I wanted to stop him though. I wanted to finally come out of the shadows and tell him not to walk down that road. But for some reason I didn’t do that ‘cause I wanted him to realise certain things on his own. Things which only experience can teach you. But even though he was consumed by power or maybe just a false pretence of it, I was there for him. I was with him when he felt that he was invincible and also when he woke up from that dream. I must confess, Mahaakshay hasn’t been an angel but I also know that he wasn’t the devil either. To be honest, he was always misunderstood and maybe that conflict with the world is what made him what he is today. Anyways, in this downward spiral of his own hatred and wrath I think he found what he was looking for. I remember it was that one night when Mahaakshay aka Mimoh was all by himself in his bed and trying to sleep. The silence outside and the pain in his muscles weren’t doing the trick of making him go into a deep slumber either. And then, that moment happened. Mimoh opened his iPad and started watching The Green Zone. Even though he had seen the film a couple of times before, on this night, he was watching it with a zeal. And as the movie progressed and as he saw the story unfolded and and as he saw Matt Damon’s character take down the bad guys, Mimoh had a sense of deep revelation. A revelation and realisation which finally brought him home. Brought him home to me. And since that day, Mimoh has never left me. He has been with me ‘cause he knew that what he thought was power, was only an illusion, misguiding him into a path of self-destruction. That night in the midst of all those amazing war scenes and thrills I know he sensed me as well. He looked up into the sky and thanked the universe for finally giving him a sign and then with the same way he has seen me before, he saw me and gave me the look of appreciation and gratitude ‘cause he knew that I Was There …

"I Was There when Mimoh finally came home."

I Was There … When Mimoh, for the first time was in a fight. No, I don’t mean a bar fight or a brawl with a drunk-ass loser on the street or even a fight with an ex boyfriend. This was a very special fight. A Life-Changing Fight. I remember it was a sunday and Mimoh’s folks at home thought he was just going for Sunday Mma Practice. But on this sunday, Mimoh wasn’t only going for practice, he was entering a battle zone. It was a room filled with fighters from all around the state and all of them were there to compete with each other and crush each other’s egos and spirits. Mimoh didn’t know what he was getting into too but on this day, his fears weren’t getting the best of him. Mimoh was brave and full of courage and was ready for the onslaught that was awaiting him. And as the minutes passed and the fights commenced, mimoh was slowly drifting away into his own world. But no, he wasn’t day dreaming or hallucinating. He was preparing himself, mastering his mind skills and locking his targets and imagining taking his enemies down with one fierce blow. And then as the whistle blew and his name was called, I knew that Mimoh was ready. He was ready to go to war. Oh you should had seen my boy. He looked so beautiful. He had the eyes of a hungry beast waiting to rip his opponent in half and the body of a graceful stallion waiting to strike. And then it happened. From out of no where the blow came and mimoh’s right hand contacted the left temple of his opponent and a second later his opponent went to the ground. And the rest was history. Mimoh’s hand was raised and he was proclaimed as the winner. But I knew that wasn’t the first and last time that I would see my boy in a fight. It has been three years since I saw that fight and since then, Mimoh has been in many others and I am proud to say that he has learnt the will of never giving up. Today, he fights and trains in the sport of mms like it is a part of him. He embraces pain like it is a daily routine to feel soreness and body ache. He looks at the blood bleeding from his knuckles as a sign of strength and he does the same thing over and over again not only for the love of mma but also because I know it is the one thing apart from his ultimate dream that really makes him feel alive. Even though it has been years since his first victory, I know in that moment he again saw me. There, amongst the crowd of cheers, he saw me, watching out for him and in that moment, he gave me that look again. The look which told me that he knew, That I Was There …

"I Was There when My Boy fought like a Lion and came out as a winner."

I Was There … When Mimoh and his family and friends had gone to pattaya for his brother’s birthday. It was the 1st time such a precedented event took place. A total of 8 boys travelled thousand of miles away to the beach and breasts destination of Asia. You should had seen the look on their faces! It was filled with excitement, surprise and happiness. And as the days progressed, the boys were becoming like rockstars more than tourists. But there was this one night that really stuck to me. It was the 4th night of their 5 days vacation and the boys entered walking street with the feel of dominating it. Even though the street was filled with sex, booze and all the sins of men, those 8 individuals had their sights on a dance bar called Mixx. At first, they weren’t allowed to even enter the bar as Indians weren’t amongst the most popular races of people to be chilling out in the hottest discotheque and bar of pattaya! But with their well-mannered upbringing and their way of talking the right things at the appropriate time, they entered this happening club on a saturday night. And the rest was like a scene out of a movie. The scene in which the heroes enter a hall of celebration after defeating the villains and saving the damsels in distress. The moment the boys entered, they were welcomed with amazing house and pop music and bouncers who were only assigned for these 8 folks as they had chosen the VIP booth. What followed for the next three hours was something truly to remember. The boys started to tear up the dance floor like it was a battle of the ages. They danced on every song that came up and as the night went ahead, the others who were there knew that these guys were the bomb for that night! Mimoh, Rimoh, Nama, Raahul, Rohit, Bali, Kaushik and Nadira were kings of the club that night as they danced their way towards a moment of brotherhood which could never ever be forgotten. And as the lights turned from white to red to yellow and as the music went dance to groove, me and mimoh again exchanged that glance. That glance only two souls who are deeply connected can share. And he gave me that nod, thanking me being there, at his moment of happiness. 

"I Was There when Mimoh was a Rockstar."

Don’t take me wrong. I don’t have a hard-on for Mahaakshay nor do I owe him anything. The reason I wanted you all to know this is because you NEED to know Mahaakshay the way I know him. He and I have been through hell and back and we know what it feels like. But you see, even though Me and Mimoh never talk out loud, we do have that connect. A connect of souls and spirits. An unspoken bond. A friendship like no other. To be honest Mimoh is the only true friend I ever had and I am the only one friend who has always been with him. He knows who I am. He knows that I am the reaper. That one day, when his time is up, I will rip his soul from his flesh and make it burn for all eternity. But even then, we are the only ones who truly understand each other. I was there when I saw him wait. When I saw him being tested and when his will was broken. I was there when he stood up again. Put on his straps. Spat out the blood and told Life that he was ready for another round of war. I was there when Mimoh surrendered himself to a life-long struggle of battle and hardships. I was there when he slipped into normality thinking that he could forget who he was and be a man who the world will one day forget. I was there when he realised that no matter how ‘human’ he maybe from the outside, from within, he will always be my special boy. That boy who thrives in War and who longs for it. I know temptation will always be the wolf in sheep’s clothing trying to lurk Mimoh again into it’s trap and I also know that Mimoh may again get carried away. But no matter how far he goes, I know he will always find his way back to me. He and I, we are meant to be together until his end. You ask me whether I will find someone else after his demise? No. Never. There can never be another. There can only be one. 

"I Was There when that young boy went alone into the wilderness and returned as the Leader of the Jungle."

Oh ya and one more thing, you all call me The Reaper but Mimoh, well, He calls me Michael. I kinda like that name. :-)

This is Me, The Reaper aka Michael and I Was There …

With All My Forces Combined,

Your Friend Who Lurks In The Darkness,

The Reaper.

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The Punisher ...

"I Have A Dream. And In That Dream I Never Stop."

-The Punisher

I remember, it was the year 2005. We were in our house in coimbatore. It was one of those regular nights during the weekdays when you were just in front of your computer and wondering whether to surf for porn or go into a live chat. My brothers who were very young at that time were toying with the mouse and scrolling for wallpapers of famous models in swimsuits. And then, it happened. I told my brother Rimoh, “Bro, go to the yahoo movies page na. I wanna see which are the new movie trailers for this week.” He did as told and we were then scrolling through the pages and links. But then a voice inside of me told me I had to do something. There was a certain curiosity in me which made me say the following words, “Bro, search The Punisher. I want to see how the trailer is.” And the rest was history. Since that day in 2005 till the moment now, I have never loved or worshipped any other man more than The Punisher. So this blog is dedicated to the one man solely responsible for carving and shaping up the boy who was once lost, to the man who has now become a survivor.

"Men Fear Death. Not Me. I Am The Punisher."

I know there are many fans out there of The Punisher. Go on Instagram and you will see many guys and girls wearing the famous Punisher Skull Tee. So, what makes me different? Well, I guess I have a soft spot for him ‘cause he has been my best friend since 2005. He came into my life when I really needed motivation and a vent for my feelings and emotions. He practically saved me from my own destruction. I have told this story to so many but sadly, all have either just nodded their heads or laughed on my face. I am still misunderstand to be a boy who never grew up. But for me, it doesn’t matter what people think of me when it comes to The Punisher. He is the greatest superhero on the planet and no one can take his place. The reason I am so connected to him is because I see a lot of myself in him. It is like looking at a mirror only that the reflection you see is of a man who wears a Skull T-Shirt and who embraces his duty with relentless pursuit and zeal. The Punisher is everything that I want to be. He is tall, has a superb physique, eyes cold as death, very focused, disciplined and is calm in the face of adversity. The Punisher isn’t just a Superhero in my eyes. For me, He is like a God!

"Sometimes I Like To Get My Hands On God."

Ask me how good it feels to relive the excitement of his comics over and over again. Ask me how great it feels to watch his movies back-to-back. Ask me the joy I feel when the latest issue comes out. And ask how great it felt when Thomas Jane himself tweeted me back. Not once not twice but three times! I wanna share a story with you. As I had mentioned earlier, it was all the way back in 2005 that I had gotten hooked to The Punisher. So once I got bit by his bug, I went frantic and crazy over him, which meant that I saw the 2004 Punisher film over 40 times and went on the net to search the Diet and Training Routine of Thomas Jane and how with extra-ordinary handwork and determination he sculpted his physique for the role of The Punisher. I read every interview I could. I searched every website and then finally, I landed up at the Men’s Fitness web portal page and there was the complete Diet and Exercise and Preparation Routine of Thomas Jane with his Candid Interview. The first thing I did after reading it was taking a print out and glueing that paper on my door and the thing I did after that was one of the coolest things I could had imagined doing. I emailed the editor-in-chief of the magazine expressing to him how I am a big fan of The Punisher and how it would make me the happiest man alive to actually get the same magazine edition as a personal copy. What he did was even better. He sent me the pages in which the interview was, all the way from america to a remote location in coimbatore and also with a letter attached to it. It read, “This is for you. I admire your love and dedication for The Punisher. Hope to see you make a built like him one day too. Glad Men’s Fitness could help.” Those lines brought tears in my eyes. It wasn’t only because I had gotten a personal copy of that interview, it was also because I then believed and knew that when you really love something with all your heart, the universe will give it to you.

"Somebody Has To Punish The Corrupt."

Today, I have more than 50 Punisher Tees, 3 hoodies, a mug {which got broken by my maid, Yes, I am heart-broken ‘cause of it}, all the 3 films on dvd and blu-ray, a mouse pad, a traveller bag, a wrist band which I wear every time I go out and a book shelf consisting over 100 graphic novels and comic books. It has taken me a span of 9 years to have a collection like this and I must say, the patience has payed off. But the road wasn’t all smooth and silky. I have faced a lot of criticism and hate from the people. Even today, I have to be very careful ‘cause here in India a ’Skull’ is supposed to be a negative sign or a bad omen. Luckily, my family has always been super chilled out and supported my love and dedication towards The Punisher. But to make others feel the same way, it has always been a heathen task. Only a few months ago, I was at a recording studio with my dad. We were waiting for the singer to arrive and in that wait, I came across two ladies who for no rhyme or reason thought it would be best to have a quick chat with me. Me, being the polite guy I am {narcissist}, decided to tag along. We were 5mins deep in the conversation when one of the ladies who owns a bakery shop in town happened to notice my Punisher wrist band. She immediately started telling me that what I was wearing was a bad thing ‘cause she had experienced only negativity when it came to skulls and demonic things. My blood started to boil the moment she said and to top that, she also gave an example of her brother who experienced exponential growth the moment he got rid of this clothing which consisted of skulls and monsters. When it came for me to defend, I simply said the following. “Oh that’s nice. I am very happy for you and for you brother. But you are mistaking this Skull as a demon. It is actually quite the opposite. What this Skull symbolises is actually an Angel. An Angel who protects the innocent from the corrupt and who fights against all the wrongs of society.” With that statement both of the ladies fell silent and the only thing I could see was their heads going up and down and hearing the word, “Ooohhh!” When it comes to me defending my love, I have an arsenal of statements and facts to back it up.

"I Wear The Skull 'Cause It Scares The Hell Out Of Them."

The one thing I have learnt from The Punisher is that we should always fight for what is right and that there is a huge difference between doing the noble thing and the popular thing. The Punisher has always fought for what is right. Kept his stance and faced extreme difficulties. He has been through hell and back and even though his body has broken a countless times over, his will hasn’t and it never will. The Punisher is a beacon of hope for me. He has taught me to be wise and kind and just to all. And more than the way he has influenced me, it is the connect I share with him. I somehow feel his pain. I know how that feels like. The emptiness he has inside of him. The guilt he carries for the death of his family and the lust for war which never dies. I see it in myself too. The Punisher did three tours in Vietnam ‘cause War was the only thing that made sense to him. I wish I find a war also. And The Punisher Punishes the guilty because he doesn’t want any one to feel the way he did. He doesn’t want the burden to be on someone else’s shoulders. The Punisher is a saviour the world isn’t ready for. But I feel what he feels. He is misunderstood and alone. just the way I am. And that is why my love increases everyday. I somehow feel I am the only one who can feel what he feels. And it is my duty to speed his message to the world. Like it is my destiny. Last year at Comic Con I was dressed up as The Punisher and you should had seen the way the people were complimenting me {this isn’t narcism, this is an actual fact}. Whether it was the boys and girls approaching to me for a picture or the comments I got on Facebook, all said I dressed up well. My friend Nadira said the following words, “Holy Shit bro, You Actually Look Like The Punisher!”. You can imagine how much joy I would had felt when I received such wonderful compliments.

"Your City, My World."

But my job isn’t over. The punisher is a part of me. He is a part of my soul and I know I have a lot more to do when it comes to spread the message of The Punisher. It is one of my grandest Dreams to play The Punisher on the big screen. I have the script ready and also the way I will prepare myself to become The Punisher and give the role the justice it deserves. I look up to Dolph Lundgren, Thomas Jane and Ray Stevenson ‘cause they were chosen to play The Punisher on the silver screen before me. But I am only turning 30 now and I know that I will get my chance also. To wear that Skull T-Shirt and strike fear in the hearts of my enemies. To Punish the corrupt and to make right when all else is wrong. I know that my journey has only just begun. Until then, I will encounter many non-believers, many haters and people who will nod theirs heads and say “Ooohhh!” but that won’t stop me. This is my mission and this is my dream. I will fight for what I believe in. I will fight for The Punisher, the same way, he has always fought for me. So yes, this blog has been dedicated to The Punisher and I hope this way, I have somehow spread his message yet again.

"This Isn't Vengeance. It's Punishment."

This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty And You Just Witnessed The Love I Possess For The Punisher.

With All My Might,

Your No.1 Fan,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

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The Airplane Chronicles ...

"I Guess A Man’s Thoughts Are The Clearest And Purest, When He Is With Himself.”

-Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

I do get to travel a lot. And for the record, I love travelling. And one day, just carrying my back-pack, phone and passport and travelling the world is an important item on my bucket list. And I know that one day very soon, I will be able to do that. But right now, I am travelling back to mumbai. My dad is campaigning in west bengal and so, we had gone there to visit him and lend him our support. All thanks to him, we, the family, got to travel in a private jet! While going to kolkatta I was deeply engrossed in the pages of Dan Brown’s Inferno. And now, I am deeply engrossed in my thoughts. Even though right now, I am tempted to read a few more pages of the book and see what happens next, I am choosing to do this, write another blog entry. I am a man of many thoughts and even though I write a lot in my diary nowadays, my words always find their way to my blogs. I believe that is a very good thing. Speaking of blogs and websites and social media, I am also planning to go AWOL from Twitter and Instagram. Zac Efron is one of the few I admire in hollywood and in an interview a few years ago he said that he would never come on any social media websites. Back then, I thought that, that wasn’t a wise decision but today, I somehow agree with the man. Besides his drop dead good looks, he is also very intelligent and one of the hottest stars in hollywood for a reason! So here I am, in a private jet, going back home, with thoughts that need to be typed and to be expressed.

"I never found a companion that was so companionable as solitude."

-Henry David Thoreau

Fear. It is the one thing we all try to run away from. I on the other hand thank fear, ‘cause it is with fear that I realise what is important for me and what I may loose if I don’t give it my importance. I feel fear all the time. Whether it is through my insecurities or the unravelled future, fear always creeps up to me. At first, I used to run away from it also. But as GSP said, “We all are afraid. We all feel fear. And that is a good thing ‘cause only by admitting that you are afraid will you not be scared anymore.” Today, I look in the mirror and see through my eyes, into my soul and I try to hear the voice. The voice of my conscious that has always delivered me from evil. That has always shown me the way and which has always saved me when I needed it the most. I have to be honest with you, I do feel a change coming. A change which is meant for the better of me ‘cause now I have come to this understanding that everything happens for a reason and the reason always pushes us forward, towards our destinies. For a while now, the voices in my head had stopped talking to me. But now, they have come back. And I know that there must be a reason behind it. And this time, I am not fighting them but rather I am welcoming them. 

"Associate with men of good quality if you esteem your own reputation; for it is better to be alone than in bad company."

-George Washington

I don’t believe in God or the word God by lengths and miles. But I do believe in energy and the cosmic power of the universe. And for many years now, I have felt this deep connection with the universe and everything in it. Some people look up and talk to it, I write in my diary. My diary is like my cosmic connection with the universe and I have seen that whenever I write my feelings and wants out in my diary, the universe replies to me in a jiffy. That is one of the reasons my diary is my best friend. I carry it along with me wherever I go and it feels great to vent out my emotions in it from time to time. For me, balance, dependancy and attention are strong points when it comes to relationships. Whether it is friendship, family or love, I take these three things very seriously and I put up walls the moment I feel that the balance is no longer there. Speaking of walls, they are up now as we speak. I am not blaming anyone anymore for these walls. I understand that not everyone can live through the same circumstances, as everyone has to first seek their own priorities. But now I have come to realise that I can’t be the guy waiting at the receiving end either. Just like everyone else, i have to protect my emotions and save my ass as well. So to whomever it may concern, understand that I am not going away, I am just pulling the chord which channelled my dependancies. 

"A man is born alone and dies alone; and he experiences the good and bad consequences of his karma alone; and he goes alone to hell or the Supreme abode."

-Chanakya

I am turning 30 in the next three months. Why is this birthday so important for me? Well, it is because the number 30 is very close to me. This is my 30th birthday and I am born on the 30th of july 1984. If you add my birth year 8+4 you will get 12 and if you add those numbers, 1+2 you will get 3. So that is why, this birthday is very important for me as I believe I am entering the most important phase of my life. I asked my buddies Nathan and Nadira about how it feels to be 30 and above and both of them said the same thing, “At 30, all boys leave their boyhoods behind and enter Manhoods.” To be honest, I completely agree with them. I am in that zone as we speak. I am remembering all the crazy, stupid and dumb things that I did and I am looking forward to the amazing future at the same time. I am scared that I will never be young again and at the same time I am looking forward to be more matured and sound. This is the most interesting transitional phase of my life right now and I am truly enjoying the journey. My brothers friends laugh at me ‘cause none of the girls hit on me anymore and mostly all of them address me now as ‘Uncle’ ‘cause of the white hair in my hair and beard. A part of me does get scarred by those comments but a side of me is glad that I am over it. I guess right now would be the right time to hear the Britney Spears song, “I’m not a girl, not yet a woman.”

"I restore myself when I'm alone."

-Marilyn Monroe

My mom just said I am a recluse. She is right on that. I have always been by myself or maybe the truth is, I always wanted to be alone. There are times even today when I just wanna be by myself and those moments are the most therapeutic for me. My driver kasim often asks me, “How come I love being alone so much?” He said, that whomever he has asked, they all have said that they can’t be alone. That they always need someone’s company to keep them entertained. But I love my own company the most and for me, that is freedom. To be the master of your own life and living it by your own rules. I do believe in fate and in destiny and I believe we all come back to our origins one way or another ‘cause that is how we realise who we really are. I may look normal from the outside but from the inside, I do feel I am a Lone Wolf. A man who will always love to be by himself rather in the company of others. As they say, I am ‘Damaged Goods’ and now, I don’t wanna be fixed. People, expectations and circumstances always turn you down and these are the things that give us real pain. When we are away from such things, we are in a much happier place. There are pros and cons in every decision we make and as wise adults we need to choose the things that give us the least amount of pain. As my dad says, “Pain is permanent. Happiness is what you get in breaks and pauses.” I am happy where I am and excited where my life will be taking me now. I have gotten rid of the demons in my life and now I am ready to face and welcome my future with open arms. Life is a journey and the best way to experience this journey is by tagging along for the ride.

"I have to be alone very often. I'd be quite happy if I spent from Saturday night until Monday morning alone in my apartment. That's how I refuel."

-Audrey Hepburn

So here I am, in the private jet, going back home to mumbai. The plane would be landing in the next 45mins or so. I look forward to the life that is waiting for me. I look forward to the Parcel from Mma Warehouse which is right now at the Indian Customs Office. I look forward to many more Mma sessions at Xff. I look forward to all those amazing UFC Live Events. And I look forward to the life that I have envisioned. I am right now in the 3rd week of my Creative Writing 101 online class from Gotham Writers. And with each passing week, I am learning more traits to be a writer. I believe that everyone should always learn and never stop exploring the unknown. I have taken the 1st step by doing this amazing writing course. You never know, maybe one day I may also write a book. Or I may take up classes in Astronomy and Psychology and write a thesis on that. The point is turning 30 is a cool thing for me right now and with it comes many a more life’s surprising moments. I am happy this change in coming in my life. And I am happy that somehow, some way, my Inner Self is still very much alive and still with me.

"Look at the sky. We are not alone. The whole universe is friendly to us and conspires only to give the best to those who dream and work."

-A. P. J. Abdul Kalam

This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty and these have been the Airplane Chronicles.

With All My Might,

Your No.1 Fan,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

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