I know what it feels like to be invisible. I know because for the rest of the world, I have always been invisible. No one has asked me my name but since this is my story, I want you to know that my name is Aisha and I hail from Newport, Oregon. I have always been a loner but the one thing that has always kept me happy have been books. That is why, without a second to waste, I took the job of a Librarian when the position opened up. But I think God has a sense of humor ‘cause with making me this ‘invisible’ girl, he also made me clumsy. You see how that is a joke, right? I like books, I am a librarian but I always end tripping with those pile of books I carry! I know you are laughing but hear me out, the best part is yet to come. I get paid to remember faces and the likes and dislikes of people and what kind of books they like but I always, and I mean always end up embarrassing myself because I don’t remember who is who! I mean, in this day and age, you might think that Gen Z can just kindle their books but no! They have to come to the library and they have to come to the counter and see my blank expression when I forget who they are! Misery had a discount offer when it was dumping things on me. But my story has come to a weird place. You see, right now, I am waiting. Waiting next to the tallest roller coaster in the tri-state area ‘cause I am about to meet the boy of my dreams. Well, before I go into the schematics of my heart and how hard it is beating, I wanna tell you that being a Librarian did finally pay off. Not just with me sitting alone after work hours and being lost in books but also it’swhere I met my Prince Charming. Those blue eyes and blonde hair with his buttery smooth skin and a physique to go, oh-la-la, a random, chance encounter where clumsy me tripped yet again and Michael was there to catch me. When I looked into his eyes, it was like all the paintings in the world got submerged into one and created this beautiful living creature. This creature who’s very purpose was to save me … from everything. So I wait. Wait in despair and excitement. In anxiety and nervousness for him to arrive and every second feels like an eternity.
Heights don’t frighten me. That is why whenever I have to access the ladder to keep those vintage books all the way at the top, I don’t flinch. The books falling because of my clumsiness, well, that is the different story al together and all too tragic and boring for me to discuss now. Heights, don’t scare me and that is why the screams of all the people on the roller coaster behind me doesn’t affect. This roller coaster is called ‘Fall From Heaven’. A weird name for a roller coaster but it states that it has a drop of 600 feet from the air which makes one feel that they are touching the heavens. I honestly find that funny. But now, I am not smiling. As I told you before, I wait in anticipation. I ain’tno fashion diva but when Michael told me to meet him here, I made sure I wore my dark green dress which I haven’t worn before. I know this isn’t a date but it feels like a date to me. The way he was asking me if I was ok when I was in his arms, it felt like someone was playing the violin and the nerves of my heart were it’s strings. I couldn’t hear anything beyond the words, ‘You should join me at the theme park this weekend. It’s going to be fun.” Imagine the best moment of your life happening right in front of you and you are so happy, you just keep nodding your head like an AI Robot whose circuit is all screwed up. So, I wait, trying to look pretty, in a world who has always told me I won’t be pretty enough. And then, the wait which felt like eternity ends with joy as I see Michael in the distance. Oh my, how handsome he is! That football jacket and that masculine perfume which I can smell all the way from there to here. Michael is truly too good to be true. But the moment he keeps coming to close me, I start feeling this dread. Dread, because I notice that he isn’t alone. There are a few boys and girls with him. My mind immediately tells me that this isn’t a date but just a friendly rendezvous but my heart keeps telling me to have hope as the night is still young and the miracle called Michael has already come in my life. But what happened next, ripped me to pieces. Even the shards of glass were crying when they were inflicting the pain which came when I saw Michael kissing Cassandra, the prom queen! Not only was this a ‘casual’ meet, it was also by far, the worst day of my life.
They say life flashes in front of your eyes when you die but I think I didn’t have to wait for my end to come for what that flash meant. Seeing Michael and Cassandra kissing and being oh, so in love was like death to me. Take it from me, don’t be like me, a loner who God abandoned and who convinced herself that God actually had made her this way so she could find true love and then marry him and become Mrs. Michael but no, God just seems to keep laughing at me, over and over again. First, with dad leaving, then the bullies at school calling me sad Wilma, you know from scooby-doo but that Wilma was classy, I, for them have always been trashy Wilma and a reject. And now … this!!! I mean, where is the fairness in all this? Why are those boys and girls and the prom queen still walking with Michael and coming towards me! Why is godstill inflicting this pain and horror on me? But as time waits for no one, that moment arrived when they all came and stood besides me and it wasn’t Michael but Cassandra who spoke to me. She said, “So you are the nerd Michael keeps talking about?” Wait, did she just call me a nerd and hold up, did she just say that Michael keeps talking about me? Is there still hope? Will Cassandra, the perfect beauty feel an insecurity by me and my love for books and knowledge and leave Michael? Can this miracle actually happen with me? Before I could start a fairy tale in my head and have three babies with Michael, it is Michael this time who speaks up and says, “She isn’t a nerd, she actually is very smart and she is helping me with my paper. Speaking of which, did you get the assignment I had told you to write?” Oh, my, god !!!Michael thinks I am smart and that is the best compliment I have ever received, well, in fact, the only compliment I have ever received! This isn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. Michael just didn’t save me from falling that day, he also saved me! Saved me from own despair. But wait, why is it that I am feeling a sense of dread and despair now? Oh lord, oh lord … Damn it! That’s it! It’s what Michael said AFTER the compliment which is making me sweat! That assignment! I forgot all about it! I, invisible Aisha had one job and that was to bring Michael his assignment so I could help him and he would eventually in a few years, fall in love with me but when it rains it just doesn’t pour, for me, a thunderstorm comes with it!
“You forgot? Are you serious right now?! You had told me that you would be delighted to do the assignment for me and when we meet here, you would give it to me and now you are telling me that you forgot all about it?! Damn it Aisha! I was so looking forward in getting a B in Literature and now thanks to you and your GREAT sense of memory I am gonna get a D-! Thanks a lot Aisha!” “Let’s just go Michael and let this person we don’t care about just stay here and let her reflect on her bad life choices!” …
I could still hear the screams from the people on the roller coaster. I could still see people buying candy and taking selfies. I could still see the world moving but I know it was moving without me. Michael and Cassandra and their clique walked away and I was there, standing alone. I was feeling a whirlwind of emotions. Hate for Cassandra, angry on Michael and pity for myself. I don’t think I would ever recover from this trauma. I don’t think I would ever be happy. My one true love has gone away and all because of my stupid memory. All because I was nodding my head like an idiot and so lost in Michael eyes, that I forgot he was also mentioning his assignment to me! My life is over. What is left now? What is there to loose? Nothing, right? And that is why, as tears were rolling down my cheeks, I decided that I would just sit on the roller coaster and never step out of it. Since my life is a whirlwind, I think being in an instrument of chaos and madness suits my life to the T. And so, alone I sat with the two seats next to me empty. I attract emptiness and so this scenario completely justifies me. The safety instructor comes and checks whether I have the belt put on tight and whether the chest rest is completely submerged and touching my breast bones. Ironic for the girl who is always clumsy. That thought almost made me laugh. And then, in a few seconds, the coaster stands to ascend. Slowly and slowly, like a tease, it ascends and everything for me becomes small. The people become small, the flashes on their phone become small and someplace, even their judgements. We finally reach the very top and in any second now, this coaster is going to descend and the screams will return. But it doesn’t move. It just lays there, like a giant, fallen asleep on the top of a mountain. I then hear the operator announcing, “Ladies and gentlemen, please remain calm. There is a small malfunction in the machine and we are already fixing it. The ride will resume shortly.” I hear murmurs and sounds of panics from the other people on the ride but I feel something else. Here, on top of the world, I sense the quietness. I feel the cold air tickling my face and just over the horizon, I see the last rays of the sun saying it’s goodbye to me. I start to cry but not because I am hurt but because I am overwhelmed with such beauty and grace. I feel like I am truly in heaven. Oh my god! This is so pretty! And then it hits me. Then I understand. I was supposeto come up here. I was suppose to see this magnificence and be in awe. I was suppose to realize what God wanted to show me after all, that being alone isn’t a wrong thing for God is with me. Being clumsy or forgetful isn’t wrong for God is always with me. Being in pain isn’t bad for God is with me. God, always has been with me. I was just too stubborn to see it. To scared to not think what others thought of me and too timid to accept that I actually was special.
They say, your life flashes before your eyes when you die but for me, it wasn’t death nor heart break which did that. It was this moment right here. Alone, in heaven, along with God. I then closed meeyes, and suddenly a smile appeared on my face. A smile which I have never smiled before and before you know it, the coaster was back online and like an angel, I came back to earth.
The End.
No comments:
Post a Comment