F A T E ...

"One day I will rule the world. One day, there will be monuments on my name. I will conquer mountains and steal the hearts of millions. But no matter what I do, I know I will never be able to escape my fate."

-Mahaakshay Chakraborty

Right now I am at the special screenings of #Enemmy. The reason I am using # before Enemmy is because it is the twitter hashtag for all of you to read all the news and related articles of #Enemmy. So please feel free and tweet all that you can about #Enemmy. And yes, the film releases tomorrow. It is only a mere 24hrs away. You may ask me how I am feeling. Well, the only answer I will give you is that I am in a state of numbness. That is how I kept myself composed during Rocky's release too. But underneath this Punisher tshirt and Diesel Jeans and Wax-Used Hair, you will see a man who is coming to terms with his own self. Coming to terms with certain truths of life. And as they say, 'The Truth Shall Set You Free.' And it has. We have 3 screenings today of #Enemmy. One for the press, one for family and friends and one for the people from the industry. Just a day ago, I would really want my close friends and family to be with me during these screenings to lend me support. But today, I am all by myself here. It's not that they can't be here. It is just that I know I have to do this by myself. As I said, "A Man Can Do Many A Things In His Life Span But What He Can't Do Is Escape His Fate" And now, I will tell you why …

Love cannot save you from your own fate.

-Jim Morrison

Throughout my life I have lived by one code. And one code only. That 'Greatness Requires Sacrifice'. That in order to reach the pinnacles of stardom and ultimate supremacy one must be ready to sacrifice anything and everything, even if that means the happiness you receive from others or the comfort that they provide you. But since january, my outlook had kinda changed. I started to believe that life can actually be simple and even a man like me can enjoy the simple pleasures of life. In other words, I started to get soft. But Fate always shows us the way and we all know through experience that Fate is a very strict teacher and it will do whatever is necessary, to show us where we are meant to go and how should we go about it. Lately, circumstances and realisations have brought me back to the place I always belonged. And that is, My Path To Greatness. Today, writing this blog, I only feel peace. I only feel right. I only feel a sense of belonging. I can now say, "I Am Home." Of course, many a people who will read this blog will think I am going Dark again or I am spacing out again. Some may even feel insecure and a certain paranoia. But I am not going dark or sith. I am attuned with my Fate now. And when a man does that, he has nothing to fear … He only has things to embrace.

It is what a man thinks of himself that really determines his fate.

-Henry David Thoreau

I know I have changed now. And I also know that I can't undo what I have down in the past. But just like Kratos in God Of War 3, I finally came to terms with myself and started forgiving myself for the sins I committed. If I wasn't a changed man today, I wouldn't had gone to all the Shrines, Temples and Churches and pleaded to God for forgiveness. I wouldn't have new notions of life which told me to do the right thing more than the popular thing. I know I am not any messiah but I know I am on the path of my own redemption. But in the same time, I am on a journey of self-discovery. God has said in all of his books that "More than seeking the answers outside, seek them within and you shall fine what you are looking for." And that is what I am exactly doing. And the more I ask, the more I receive. Yes, this is a journey. But this is a journey I have to walk alone. But do you know what is more exciting than Fate showing me the way? What is more exhilarating than the fact this is how it was always meant to be? It is The Truth. But do you know what the truth is? The Truth is that for the last 14 years this is how I always wanted it to be! This is how I wanted it to play out. This is how I wrote the story of my life. And now I am glad that it is …

Just because Fate doesn't deal you the right cards, it doesn't mean you should give up. It just means you have to play the cards you get to their maximum potential.

-Les Brown 

Since 2005, I have had one constant in my life. The Punisher. He has been my symbol of strength and courage. He has been my only friend {besides Michael} who has always stood besides me and guided me further. I know, many of y'all won't understand. But I promise one day, I will tell you all about the deep-rooted connection I have with The Punisher. Today, standing in this preview theatre I am wearing the Skull t-shirt {The Punisher's Symbol} not only because I love it so much but also because I am reminding myself of who I truly am. They say, "You become the company that you hang around with." And in this case, I have become like The Punisher or as Fate wants to put it, more like the man who will one day resemble The Punisher's attributes. I have realised and I have come to terms with the fact that I can never go soft. I may not think bad about others or use Hate as my fuel today but I know now that I can never be normal. Fate never planned Normal for me. I was always meant for other things. Things that demand a certain amount of sacrifice. Things that require me to take decisions which will ultimately culminate to me being by myself. So as they say, "You Can't Fight Fate."

What separates the winners from the losers is how a person reacts to each new twist of fate.

-Donald Trump 

I am in the last paragraph of my blog now but that doesn't mean that this story ends here. No, this story has only just begun. I always knew that I was The Lone Wolf. I always knew that My Fate will always show me the way. And today the road is as clear as crystal. Today, there are no doubts or fears. Today, there is only the truth. The Righteous Truth which will take me to where I was meant to go. You know, sometimes we want people to fill that empty frame. Sometimes we want the gaps to get filled but for me, the truth is that, that Picture Frame only belongs to me. Those holes require filling up only by me. This journey demands my walk. A walk with no one to walk with. I don't know what is in stored for me in the future. I don't know what will be the verdict of #Enemmy. All I know is that I have a journey to look forward too. A journey which will make me travel the world and maybe even into space. A journey which will push my limits and take me into the oblivion. A journey which will make me realise that I can be a man of greatness more than love. A journey that will make me numb to emotions and more powerful to face the demons in the closet. A journey that My Fate has bestowed upon me.

To live alone is the fate of all great souls.

-Arthur Schopenhauer

This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty And I Am Exactly Where Fate Wants Me To Be.

With All My Might,

Your No.1 Fan,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

"Far From Home. This song is by the band Five Finger Death Punch and it is truly one of the most soulful and touching songs that I have ever heard. It connects with me deeply because I have always felt that I will be the out cast and that I can never be normal. And I will always belong out there. In the wilderness. And no matter how much I seek for forgiveness, heaven's gate will never open for me." - Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

The Road To Redemption ...

Hell is yourself and the only redemption is when a person puts himself aside to feel deeply for another person.

-Tennessee Williams

Fate. It is attached to all of us and I have come to realise that we all are meant to do what we are meant to do. Right now, sitting in the flight en route back to mumbai from jaipur, I again ask myself the questions. You know, those un answered questions which creep in my thoughts. Questions that seek answers. Questions that need to know the truth. And so I ask myself again with the hope that my questions will be answered by the almighty universe. But before I venture ahead with questions and thoughts that are worthy of denial, I must say and confess a few things. I am not the blogger I used to be. And that saddens me. I still love blogging but now, I don't know why, I blog very less. I hope this changes in the days to come and I go back to my weekly blogging. Blogging, just like writing in a journal has always been very therapeutic for me and I pray that I keep on doing it for the rest of my life. Irrespective whether my blogs get an audience or not.  I am promoting Enemmy as much as I can and I pray everyday that the people find Enemmy worthy to go and watch it in the theatres on the 21st of june. I was growing my hair for a 'trial run' but I recently again cut it short because Short Hair spikes up my confidence a thousand folds! My Parents, being the blessings that they are have appointed a new trainer for me. He is a rock star and extremely dedicated and pushing me above the plateau I was in for a while when it came to My Training and Dieting. And as I mentioned a few lines earlier, I am right now going back to mumbai from jaipur. Well, I wasn't in jaipur for filming or for a holiday. Me and My Family had gone to the Ajmer Darga to receive blessings for health, happiness, prosperity and Enemmy. And when I was there, I was prepared to ask and plead for the same but something in me told me to ask for something else. And so I did. Want to know what that is? Well bloggers, I asked for Forgiveness. And I pleaded that one day, I want to find my Redemption …

The idea of redemption is always good news, even if it 

means sacrifice or some difficult times.

-Patti Smith

If you look up the word Redemption in the dictionary, the meaning would be 'Deliverance From Sin'. Sin. God, I know how many of those I have done. And to this day, those sins haunt me. They remind me of the monster that I was and send shivers down my spine when they make me realise that I am still very much that same monster. But something in me has changed. I know it has. Call it my insecurity or my fear, whether it is related to my career or myself, I know I have taken steps to change and to be a better person. But no good deed goes un punished and I know that I have to face trail for the sins I have done. Everything in life comes with a price and for a guy like me, who has only made deals with the devil, looking up to god for forgiveness wouldn't be an easy task. But still here I am, confessing to god in my own weird way for his forgiveness and a chance to be a better man. In the years that lay ahead of me, I don't want to be a better person than my peers or my mentors, I just want to be the best version of myself. And I hope and pray that I have the strength to do that. This Road to Redemption of mine has been more like going to rehab. And as every addict out there who wants a second chance to a better life, I am trying to fight my inner demons and trying to kill them one by one. I love a fight but to be honest, I never thought I am going to go against the very things who made me the way I am! And my demons are stubborn! They just don't quit! Well, I won't blame them. They were made that way. It is not the demons in my mind that are the problem, it is the people that I face who are my greatest challenge. At times like these, I only remember the words from The Godfather Part 3. "Just when I was about to go out, they pulled me right back in!"

Redemption just means you just make a change in your 

life and you try to do right, versus what you were doing, 

which was wrong.

-Ice T 

In my life's journey, my biggest challenge has always been people. Whether it was to impress them or make them like me or get their approval, I was, at one point of time completely convinced that my life can only go ahead if I am approved by the people. of course, my career surely demands that but until a while ago, I thought that my entire life required that! And so, in that journey, I had lost myself. I don't know where I was headed and before you know it, I was a changed man. We human beings have this notion that one day we can become invincible. It is Hard for me to agree to this but I thought the same once too. And in this false notion I started doing things without thinking of the after math. But today I know, every choice has an affect. Good or bad, the choice will always bear fruit and one day, the bubble will burst. But when I realised all of this, I know it was too late. There was nothing that I could had done to fix the damage that I had done. All my haters and the people I have wronged will surely be spitting on my face right now and to be honest, they have all the right to do so. But believe it or not, this isn't an act. This is a sincere apology. An apology from the bottom of my heart to the ones I have wronged. I know I can't change the hurt I have caused but I promise you that I will never do it again to anyone else. My conscious screams at me now. Telling me to man the fuck up and write this blog leaving my pride and ego aside and truly ask for forgiveness from the people I have wronged and also from god. I just hope in this journey of mine I am truly forgiven because more than the wealth and happiness that god blesses us with, I need his forgiveness. At least until I meet him at my time of passing.

The fact is there is forgiveness for those who seek God. 

And I believe in the power of redemption.

-Rick Perry

At times like these I only remember the episodes from the hit tv show Angel. I have mentioned Angel before but I have to talk about him again. In mostly all the episodes he is confronted my monsters who lurk in the darkness but more than the monsters he faces on the streets, he faces his true demons within. And he is always on the quest for redemption and he believes that one day, his soul will become pure again. That one day, he will be forgiven. I know that forgiveness doesn't come easy. It doesn't come by holding your hands and crying to the almighty for forgiveness, It comes by doing what one has never down before. It comes by doing the Good. Yes, the Good. I know that word and me don't go hand to hand but under these circumstances the Good is the only thing that is keeping me going. As crazy as it may sound, I believe that there is still some good left in me and now, I want to concentrate all of my energies to flourish this powerful good. I want to be a better person and right now, even though I may not change the world I know I can start by being a better person for the people who still love me. In today's world, there is a lot scarcity of love. So I am not going to be stupid and ruin what love I have left in me to give to the ones who have loved me unconditionally even when I was more of a monster than a normal human being. They deserve only my love now and even when the world throws hate at me and reminds me of my past mistakes, I want to only give love in return. For I know now, that more than hate, it is love that will triumph in the end. And the more I become a better person, the sooner god will take notice of my actions and grant me my forgiveness. 

I guess darkness serves a purpose: to show us that 

there is redemption through chaos. I believe in that. I 

think that's the basis of Greek mythology.

-Brendan Fraser 

As I mentioned before, I know I fucked up and I know that no matter what I do, I can't change what I have done. But I also do know that the future is still a vast landscape and it is in my hands to choose the right choices. Before my conscious was asleep. But now, it has awakened and it gives me the strength to come face to face with my own horrors. I don't know whether that is a good thing or a bad thing. And I read somewhere that in order to be a good person, all we have to do is give love and happiness, even if it is one soul at a time. And now, on the verge of Enemmy's release that is exactly what I am trying to do. Once again, to all those that I have wronged I am sorry. I am so very sorry for what I have done and I hope that in this life or the next, you have it in your heart to forgive me. I know pain only gives hate but if we can hate, we can love too. And I hope one day that happens. I know that I have embarked on a very long journey but all great journeys begin with a single step. I want to change. I want to be a good person and I want to find my redemption. This is a public forum and that is why I am not mentioning the names of the people who have been associated with me. You can call me a coward or whatever name you would like to give me but believe it or not, I have always had sheer respect for all of you. I hope one day, in this life or the next, I am forgiven. And if this journey requires me to walk alone, then so be it. For I know that this is fate's undertaking. I don't know what lies in front of me. All I know that I have the power to choose even though freedom sometimes only feels like an illusion. That topic is for some other day. Going to ajmer was surely an eye opener to me. They say he calls you to him. And once you go there, if you ask something with all the purity of your heart, it will come true. I just hope that I have that purity left in me.

Life is full of constant ups and downs, and all I ask for is 

redemption in the end.

-Robin Thicke 

This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty And This is My Road To Redemption. I Just Hope I Find It.

With All My Might,

Your No:1 Fan,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

P.S. God, I Hope You Are Listening.

What's The Difference ...

                             Enemmy In Cinemas June 21st.
Youtube: www.youtube.com/PaparatzyProductions
Facebook: www.facebook.com/EnemmyTheMovie
Twitter: @EnemmyTheMovie

Life is neither good or evil, but only a place for good and evil.

-Marcus Aurelius

Choices. I think everything in life begins with the choices that we make and we all always hold the power to the outcome. How we react to certain situations. I may be not a saint or a philosopher but I think life has shown me plenty of examples to make me believe that I alone hold the outcome to every given situation presented in front of me. I have turned good things bad and bad things good because of the choices that I have made and even right now, at this very given moment, it has been my choice to write this blog. There are a billion things going on in my life. And every second I am going through a thousand emotions at once. I am Marketing and Promoting Enemmy. I am dubbing for my next venture Halkat. I am making sure all our properties down south are doing great plus I am learning what it feels to be second in charge of the Chakraborty Clan. At testing times like these I am getting a lot of support from the people who love me and a lot of hate from the people who continue to hate me. So, I ask myself, at times like these do I retaliate or do I keep quiet? I choose to be quiet because today at the brink of Enemmy's release I ask myself, if I hate back my haters, what will be the difference? Indeed, What Will Be The Difference ... ???

All human beings are commingled out of good and evil.

-Robert Louis Stevenson

If you read my blogs from the start, you will notice that I have always had a lot of anger in me. And in every blog, I have always reflected that anger to the world. But as life progressed and things began to change for me, I started to realise that there is still good in me. And now I choose to blossom the good in me rather than to exploit the evil that lurks in the darkness of my soul. I have seen people change. From bad, they have become good. From good to have turned bitter. All of them have always told me to change but none of them have changed. For their own insecurities they have been bitter, they have been nasty and selfish and somehow for them I have always ended being the bad guy. I admit and will admit again that I have lied in the past. And I have enjoyed doing so. But now, I have the balls to tell the truth. I tell everyone I meet that I am not The Knight In Shining Armour. That I am not the right guy to be a friend or lover. That I shouldn't be dependant on. That I am very selfish because My 1st Priority is My Career than My leisure time. But no matter how many Truths I tell the world, they still want me to mould according to their ways. Some say it openly. Some talk behind my back and some just go away by being harsh or rude, even though they know my story and my truths. I gotto be honest to you, it hurts like hell but as I said, at times like these, I now choose to be good. And whenever I am confronted by my own evil and anger, I always calm down and ask myself, Mimoh, What Will Be The Difference between you and them ...

The function of wisdom is to discriminate between good and evil.

-Marcus Tullius Cicero

All my life till a moment not so while ago, all I wanted to do was to impress people. I wanted everyones love and appreciation and somehow I had completely convinced myself that, that would had been a possibility. But now I think otherwise because I think, I have learnt the oldest lesson in the book and that is that I can't Impress Everyone. There will always be people who will hate me no matter what I do and there will be people who will love no matter how many a times I screw up. I know I have reached that juncture of my life where I just don't care anymore. I mean how can I control the world gossiping? How can i control other peoples emotions? How can I change what people think of me? I am not god so clearly those powers are beyond my hands. All I can do is choose to ignore those distractions and focus on the life that has been presented to me. It used to affect me a lot before and back then, the more I retaliated the more it used to affect me but now I have realised that people will always be people and they will come in all shapes and sizes with their own unique, weird and crazy behavioural attributes. All I can do is wish them well, even if they don't wish well for me. To be honest I am tired of being tagged as the bad guy. So you can say that the good in me finally has gotten his wake up call and has started to take control. So today no matter how much hate I get and no matter how much the world mis understands Me, I stand tall because I know I chose the good and that is what makes me different than those who choose the opposite ...

The battleline between good and evil runs through the heart of every man.

-Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

Back in the day, my favourite tv show was Angel. It was based on this Vampire who was cursed with a Soul and who had to feel eternal torment of the sins he had done when he had no soul. But even he was cursed and felt the horrors of his past, he had a choice to give into his darkness and go all bad-ass again. But no matter how difficult it was for him, no matter how much the horrors of his past haunted him, he didn't give in to his darkness. He chose to be good and he chose to find redemption for his sins. I connect a lot with Angel. I see myself as him. As a man who has wronged many but who now chooses to redeem his soul, well, whatever is left of it. I choose to be a man to go on the path of good and try my best not to hurt others as much as I can, even though, the world keeps pushing my buttons and keeps on testing me. I tell myself, I won't break. I won't go dark. Just like Sylvester Stallone's Character in the Film Lock Up, who doesn't break no matter the hell that he goes through in the film. I will focus in the good in me. As My Buddy Bhushan always says, "Bhai, You Are An Angel. You Just Deliberately Cut Off Your Wings." Well, that is very sweet of him. I don't consider myself an angel but I do consider myself to be the better version of myself and through these trying times, I continuously tell myself, That Yes, I Can Be Better ... I Can Be Better Because I Choose Too ...

I like to see the difference between good and evil as kind of like the foul line at a baseball game. It's very thin, it's made of something very flimsy like lime, and if you cross it, it really starts to blur where fair becomes foul and foul becomes fair.

-Harlan Coben

I can go and on and on but then again, if I start writing a confession of how good I have become, I won't be able to differentiate between me and the people who think that they are ever wrong. So I am going to stop the buck here and tell you that not ALL can be impressed. Not ALL will love you and not ALL will hate you. You just gotto find your little place in this beautiful world. I am on that journey myself. I know writing this blog won't change your outlook towards me. But I hope it gives you a sense of direction for your own life. We can't control what Fate has stored for us. We can only control it's outcomes. And trust me, facing adversities with a smile than bitching about it makes you fell a hell of a lot better! You just gotto do what you gotto do and leave the rest to the Universe. I am trying to do that everyday. I stay away from people who gossip about others. I now read more books than try to go out and socialise because I have realised that my little world is more nicer than the world with those freaks who will never understand. I try to focus on the good and choose to fight my demons than give in to them. I have a war to fight and this time I need all the positivity I can get. I have my entire life in front of me and I know I control the outcome. At the end of each and everyday I will have a choice. And I have promised myself to seek the good in me and whenever the Bad in me will try to cloud my judgement, I know I will close my eyes, hear the beats of my heart and ask myself, "What Will Be The Difference Between You And Them ..." The question is, Will You?

The power of choosing good and evil is within the reach of all.

-Origen

This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty And I Today I Know The Difference Between Good And Evil.

With All My Might,

Your No.1 Fan,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

Alternate Realities ...

"I Have A Dream. And In That Dream I Never Stop."

- Mahaakshay Chakraborty

Hello my fellow bloggers. Sorry haven't been on time. In fact, nowadays, for a while now I haven't been a regular blogger. I can't have any excuse for that. But I ask myself, what is the point of blogging? I don't know who reads it, who doesn't. Before, when I started blogging, it was all about reaching out there and telling people that I exist but now, when I think of it, does it really matter? I don't know. The maximum I do now is tweet about my new blogger entry. That also sometimes, if I am up to it. People man! Ya! I have been living with them for the last 28 years and I still haven't figured them out. It is because of people I get these mood swings. And it is these people who push me to the brink of insanity. The ones who care and the ones who hate. Everyone reacts to emotions in different ways. Some cry, some drink or eat or just become quiet. Me, on the other hand, after a long process of wait has learnt the technique of slipping into my alternate realities. What are alternate realities? Well, you are just about to find out.

What we achieve inwardly will change outer reality.

-Plutarch

I think I have reached a point in my life where I have just stopped caring. I mean, at first it did affect me how people treated me and whether or not I was important for them or not but now, it doesn't matter. It really doesn't matter. I know I do the things I do because I care. Sure, they may not be the popular thing to do but I know they are the right thing to do. I don't mind being tagged as the 'villain' or 'the bad guy' or even the 'devil' as some project me to be. One day, very far down the line, when I am gone, they will say I was right. And trust me that is what will matter. But right now, I know I have my alternate realities. It is very difficult to cope up with the remarks and advices and opinions of others when clearly you don't see them coming. Call me a kid, immature or even worthless but I am glad I have my alternate realities as my escape route 'cause whenever I go there I at at peace and to be honest, I never want to come back from them. I recently saw Oblivion. I loved that film. I thought how cool it would be to be that guy you know. In a post apocalyptic earth. The only guy alive. I wish I was alone sometimes. All by myself. That would be one cool alternate reality you know. You may think I will go crazy and shoot myself in the head after a while but trust me, the shit I deal with everyday being alone feels like paradise.

Reality is wrong. Dreams are for real.

-Tupac Shakur

As you know that I am a video game addict and video games have always helped me to drift to other realities. And as I play First Person Shooter games a lot, it is very easy to connect to those worlds. I have always loved to be a soldier, fighting the good fight, {I think I have mentioned that a thousand times already} but games like Battlefield and Call Of Duty really help me make that alternate reality some what true. Gears Of War has also always been a pleasure. I know I am taking the 'Good' path of life but to be honest there was a certain dark joy in me that came alive when I chainsawed those bad-ass ugly scrubs. And recently I got this new game called Sniper Ghost Warrior 2. Even though Ign gave it only 5 stars on 10, the idea of being a sniper behind enemy lines completely fascinates me! That is why I keep on telling that I have a dream and in that dream I never stop. I never stop fighting. I never stop the war because for me, fighting a fight is more peaceful than dealing with the reality I face everyday. To be honest, war is my escapism and I am a kid on his birthday when I am imagine myself in a war-alternate-reality.

Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly. I can never be what I ought to be until you are what you ought to be. This is the interrelated structure of reality.

-Martin Luther King, Jr.

You all also know that I am a hardcore Mma Addict. I have been learning Mma for the last 2 1/2 years now and trust me, it just keeps getting better and better. I have seen so many guys come and try Mma but only after the 1st session, they have gone towards the locker and never returned. I on the other hand, have seen so many new faces but only one constant. My own. Like for today example, I went to the gym all by myself and trained for an hour. There was no trainer. There was no buddy. It was just me, with my music and my sweat. And every minute of that was worth it for I know I invested all that time and energy to a cause worth going through the pain. And believe it or not, no matter whatever I am going through at any given day, when I enter that Mma Class room, all my worries disappear. Like they never even existed. I have this alternate reality where my parents send me to america, all alone for 6 months because I convince them that I wanna learn Mma. They rent a studio apartment for me and I join the Ufc Gym and there I train day and night and in the hours between I work in restaurants to earn my minimum wages. Imagine, day in and day out, I just train. I train and I never stop.

The most important kind of freedom is to be what you really are. You trade in your reality for a role. You give up your ability to feel, and in exchange, put on a mask.

-Jim Morrison

No, I am not in a foul mode nor am I upset. I am just having a reality check. {Ha ha! Chuckles} Truth be told, this is who I am. In fact, in all of these movies and video games and sports, I find myself and that makes me feel very happy because I know that there is more to me than the reality that I am living everyday. There is a lot of untouched potential in me just waiting to burst out. And maybe that is why I guess these alternate realities exist in the first place. I know one day I will get a chance to live those alternate realities too. I just know it in my gut that my calling for greatness will one day come to me. But until then, I will fight in the reality that I live because that is what I have done. I have nothing to be ashamed about or feel guilty about. I have done good and bad. And I have made my peace wit god and with the ones whom I have wronged. {Well, to be honest not with all of them because some of them I really hate and will hate until I die} And for those who believe in the good in me, thank you and for those who will always think I am the bad guy, well, you can just kiss my ass. :-)

Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality.

-Edgar Allan Poe

This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty and these are My Alternate Realities.

With All My Might,

Your No.1 Fan,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

The Wish List ...

The Greatest Triumph For A Son, Is For His Father To Be Proud Of Him.

- Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

I remember like it was yesterday. But to be honest, it was 14 years ago. When I first started training an dieting and made my mind focus to a cause. I remember all that I have gone through to come this far for all those moments have made me who I am today. The cheers, the joys, the pain and the sorrows. But today, sitting here and writing this blog, I can tell you it all has been worth it. And do you know why? It is because of the success of Rocky. People who love and care for me have been asking me what are the reports of Rocky. And I have been ignoring to tell them. Not because I am superstitious or anything but because I like to keep it low key. But I guess it is high time that I tell you that Rocky has hit the bull's eye. It has been declared a hit and the icing on the cake is that the people have accepted me too. All those who have seen Rocky are informing My Parents that the crowd is going berserk and whistling and clapping whenever I come on screen! None of us thought that I would get so much of love and appreciation by the masses. I still can't accept it that this is happening to me. But you know what makes this is all a thousand times better? The happiness I see in my parents eyes. The joy they have, that our son is being loved by all. I was with My Dad on friday when the film released and one of his friends called up and told him that I did a great job and father was in tears. He was so happy and over joyed that he couldn't control his tears. That moment, above anything else in the world was the happiest moment of my life! For the last 14 years it has been my most important goal to make my Dad proud of me and something tells me that I did just that. And I believe happiness and all good things in life should be shared. So here I am doing just that. But this time, I won't just tell you incidents, I am going to give you a preview of My Wish List. The List that has always been with me. Since that day, 14 years ago. So ladies and gentlemen this is My Wish List ... :-)

Put your heart, mind, and soul into even your smallest acts. This is the secret of success.

-Swami Sivananda

There are like a million things on my wish list. And to be honest I don't know where I want to start from. So I am just gonna say all that I can in a random order. In an interview recently for Rocky I said that I have a Dream and in that Dream I never stop. That is really true because all my life, all that I want to do is work, work and work. Nothing in this world gives me more happiness, pleasure and joy than to work. My work is my drug, it is my addiction and it is my ecstasy. Only a few will understand this but this is how I was built. For me relationships, friendship, socialising and love are all secondary. First is only my work. I wanna work 24/7. And even when my body has been broken I want to go on. Call me cold or ruthless but I can't think of anything else that is more better for me than my Work. I want to be on the sets, I want to dub, I want to Promote, I want to go to Events, shoot for commercials, create awareness, become a symbol, be the one who everyone loves and adores. I want to be a machine. A machine who never stops. If I want to put a No.1 Ranking on My Wish List it will surely be my Work and that until I die I never stop. I. Never. Stop.

The true secret of happiness lies in taking a genuine interest in all the details of daily life.

-William Morris

My family has always been there for me, whenever I needed them and trust me, I am waiting for the day when I start earning money and give my family all the happiness that they have given me. I want to buy My Dad the latest Mercedes one day. I want to My Mom to see the Finals of the Wimbledon every year. I want give Rimoh the best break in films when he turns into an motion picture director. I want to send Namashi to the best of school all around the world where he can learn all the sports and stunts and dance styles and be the best newcomer to enter bollywood. I want My Sister, Dishi to go to Paris and learn Fashion Designing and give her all that she needs in a heart beat. Trust me, the day when I do all these things, which I know I will very soon, I will call myself a true son and brother. My family has given me everything and it will be one of the most joyous moments of my life to see them happy through my efforts. :-)

And now here is my secret, a very simple secret; it is only with the heart that one can see rightly, what is essential is invisible to the eye.

-Antoine de Saint-Exupery

You all know how much I love movies and how much movies are embodied in the Chakraborty Family. Thanks to My Dad we now have a Production House too. It is called Paparatzy Productions and very soon you will see our 1st venture Enemmy in cinemas everywhere. My Mom is the Producer and I am one of the Creative Heads so for the very first time, I am getting a taste of production and how the beauty of movie magic really works. But while in the midst of all the post-production and marketing strategies I decided that one day I am going to do more than just give ideas. I am also going to produce films and make sure that our banner is one of the big ones out there. And I promise this to you, once a year, I will make a movie with all newcomers. Do you know why? It is because I know how it feels to be a newcomer. A guy who has dreams to make it big and one day when I have the power, I want to make others dreams come true too. I want to give them a chance because everyone deserves a chance. Even if it is the only one they have. :-)

In all chaos there is a cosmos, in all disorder a secret order.

-Carl Jung

There are many a things that I want to tell you about. Many more things on my wish list. But I guess the ones mentioned here, top the wish list. I have many more dreams. Many more fantasies and many more wishes. I want to travel the world once. All by myself. Just take my passport, my credit card and my back pack and just travel you know. It is one of my dreams to visit every historical site in the world. I want to be the next action hero. I just wanna be like Arnold Schwarzenegger. I want learn almost every form of martial arts that I can. I visualise myself beaten up with cuts, scars and bruises because pain has always made me stronger. I want to be a symbol. I want to one day play a Superhero and one day I want to be The Punisher in a feature length film. I want to do so many more things. My wish list is endless. But most importantly, I want to live free. That good or bad I want to live my life on my own terms and something tells me that very soon I will do that. I am many things but in the end, I want to be Mahaakshay Chakraborty. So folks, today you got a glimpse of My Wish List. I told you things only few knew about. I really felt like sharing them with you. Because I know and I believe that one day a time will come when all of my dreams will come true and all of you will be a part of that happiness. So before I go, I can only ask you one thing, what is YOUR Wish List? :-)

I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do. I am free, no matter what rules surround me. If I find them tolerable, I tolerate them; if I find them too obnoxious, I break them. I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do.

-Robert A. Heinlein

This is Me Mahaakshay Chakraborty And This Is My Wish List.

With All My Might,

Your No.1 Fan,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

The Road So Far ...

The Only Journey Is The One Within.

-Rainer Maria Rilke

Rocky is only a few days away from release. And I am right now on my way back to mumbai. Me and the family had gone down south to visit all the properties as we do every two months. Sitting here, in the middle seat with my sister at the window and lovely gentleman in the aisle, who has given me fever because of his viral, I can only think of one thing. The road so far. Ya. It has been a beautiful journey for me. One that has taught me so many a things and is still continuing to do so. Rocky is my 1st bengali film and my 1st release after loot, which was nearly 2 years ago. Yes, in my field, 2 years is a lot of time but I guess fate wanted it to be this way. I am very proud of Rocky and now I can only hope that the world loves Rocky as much as I do. Rocky will always be a pat on the back for me as Rocky has made me a better person. The journey of Rocky has taught me many things and this blog is a description to the road travelled. I have understood that my blogs have always been my 'confessions' to the world. I know I don't owe them any but I guess my conscious feels it is the right thing to do. So here I am, on the verge of Rocky's release telling you, the world, of The Road So Far …

The longest journey is the journey inwards. Of him who has chosen his destiny, Who has started upon his quest for the source of his being.

-Dag Hammarskjold

In all the blogs that I have written so far, one thing I guess you all must have understood by now is that I am a man in the quest to find his greatness. That I have dedicated my heart and soul to this quest and that I won't stop until I attain it. But one thing that is truly ironic is that no matter how many blogs I write, no matter how many open confessions I say, the world, and the people closest to me fail to understand that. I read somewhere that "Success comes to us all. What is required is the strength to go to the dark place it takes you." I know what I have become. Monster is the common terminology used for me. Sometimes even Asshole and Bastard too. But I am cold and distant for a reason. It is required for me to be so. For greatness comes with a price. The monster known as Greatness demands to be fed. It demands this sacrifice from me. But the ones whom I care for, don't understand that. I know my sister from america will read this and curse me by saying that I am a spoil brat and that I don't cherish life. But the truth is, I really cherish my life! I enjoy every moment of it! The only difference is that I am very self-centred about it. I don't share my happiness because people don't understand. I have tried several times but my excitement has always been put down because the tags that I have been given. They always want me to be simple and be there for them but the truth is, I can never be. I have tried to be normal and like the cute boy next door but no one sees the life I live and responsibilities that I have to under take and the things that I have to do. I have tried the honesty part, been very clear what will happen if they come close to me. But I guess honesty doesn't work too. Trust me, if I had a choice to have the best of both worlds, at one side I could be and the world loved for it and the other side I would had been the normal guy and didn't have these responsibilities, I would had taken that option in a heart beat. But I guess God likes throwing Irony at me from time to time …

I think a spiritual journey is not so much a journey of discovery. It's a journey of recovery. It's a journey of uncovering your own inner nature. It's already there.

-Billy Corgan

I am right now reading Arnold's Total Recall. More than the fact that I share the same birthday with him, I have been one of his biggest fans! And the more I read about him, the more I am amazed how much we have in common. The only difference is that he had Maria to support him and friends who weren't afraid of him. They all helped him and boosted him to make it big and he was his true self with them. His friends and Maria gave him the freedom to be expressive and free and honest instead of over-assuming every situation and being negative about everything that he said. At times like these, I really do envy Arnold. But hey, I am not complaining. It is good to know what people think of you. How honest they are to you and what their true feelings are. I am admitting today that I have pushed people away from me. I have been one of the few who has been given the chance to be loved by so many but me being me, I have always pushed them away. Of course, they have cursed me and abused me and hated me for that but not even once have they asked why did I do all that. I know myself you see. I have seen how this all plays out. I am a ticking time bomb and I am consumed by my own ambition and this ambition has no place for normalcy or simplicity. It requires a certain amount of giving and the more you walk in this path, the more you realise how lonely this path is. But it is a calling. From the gods themselves that I will always walk this path alone and whomsoever has loved me will eventually be left behind by me. So instead of leading them into the darkness I push them away for their own good. They don't realise this but whatever I have done, I have done for the greater good of their existence. No matter how much I try to explain the calling, they just seem to be never get it and instead of saying "it is ok" they give their own notions of what is right and what is wrong. How do you tell these people that you will always be alone? And all of this is just temporary? That one day, a time will come that I will leave all of them and go to where my greatness takes me! How do I explain to them that I can never get close, that I can never love and that I can never be normal! How do I make them understand ...

We don't receive wisdom; we must discover it for ourselves after a journey that no one can take for us or spare us.

-Marcel Proust

I recently read Punisher: Born for the 50th time and trust me, how many a times I read it, it just keeps getting better and better. I remember there was a time when all My bros and sis and friends were addicted to the Punisher comic books as much as me and it was a beautiful site to see all of them reading different volumes of the Punisher Max Series but that is a far off memory now. Now people think that I am still a kid who reads comic books. They don't want to even for a moment sit and think how important they have been for me. I hope one day, the world sees how great The Punisher truly is and how important he has been for carving me into the man that I am today. If you ever get a chance to read the Punisher comic books you will get a very clear idea as to what kind of a guy I am. Of course, I don't kill the evil of this world but I surely think the way Frank does. I am not going to write the synopsis of the Punisher books now but I am surely going to write a line out of the Born edition of it. "Hey, Frank. Congrats! You gave your War a stay of execution." Those lines have been rounding my head since the last time I read the book. A man, so much in love with war that he finally gives in to pay the ultimate sacrifice for it. In this journey of mine I have understood that in the end, we all walk our own paths alone and the sooner we realise that, the sooner the better for all of us. 

I had become, with the approach of night, once more aware of loneliness and time - those two companions without whom no journey can yield us anything.

-Lawrence Durrell

The road so far has been a blessing for me because I have learnt so much from it. I know this journey of learning and knowledge will never end and to be honest, I am hungry to learn more. I have realised many a things. I now know the difference between love and hate. The way I love my family, I know in the same opposite way I have hated the ones who hate me too. I know that I can't please the entire world and that is why instead of fearing things I just become numb, the way I am now on the verge of Rocky's release. I still hate people. Some of them I have worked with. Some of them who have done or said things to me. Trust me, there is a side of me which only wants them to suffer and see them burn but at the same time, I have also realised that I can't burn for them for I will only harm myself. I have learnt to mind my own business and stay away from gossip. I have come to terms with where I am today and instead of cursing that, I am looking ways to improve myself. I have become more calm but at the same time I know what my priorities are. I have learnt that being truthful and honest is more better than to lie and remember, no matter if people don't wanna accept that or understand me. I have realised that no matter how much people say they are there for you, they actually want you to be there for them. I can go and on and on but the more I see the truth, the more it gets crazier. 

The spiritual path - is simply the journey of living our lives. Everyone is on a spiritual path; most people just don't know it.

-Marianne Williamson

I don't know what is stored in front of me. I actually have no clue. But all I can is thank you to the universe above for giving me this path. Yes, this path demands sacrifice. It demands the very essence of my soul and I know one day it will call for me. That day, I will leave everyone behind and walk into the oblivion. I know no one will understand this. The sacrifices I had to make. The pain that I had to endure by the ones who never understood and by the ones who have failed to understand. I don't mind being the bad guy for the entire world. If that is the price then so be it. But I know I won't stop. Only a few men in history have had the courage to let go of the ones they once loved to find the things they were destined to achieve. I know I am one of them. Before I go, all I want to say is that life is wonderful because it shows us the true colours of the ones who are closest to you. It is up to us to make the hardest decisions of our lives for the greater good of others. I hope someday, long after I am gone, I will be remembered for that. But until, I walk on. I walk this path alone.

We are at our very best, and we are happiest, when we are fully engaged in work we enjoy on the journey toward the goal we've established for ourselves. It gives meaning to our time off and comfort to our sleep. It makes everything else in life so wonderful, so worthwhile.

-Earl Nightingale

This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty and this had been The Road So Far …

With All My Might,

Your No:1 Fan,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

P.S. Fate Is Beautiful.

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