Just Another Blog Entry?

"Those Who Talk Just Blabber. Those Who Express Understand."

-Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

First things first. I am very happy that I have resumed my weekly blogging sessions. I don't know how good it is for you to read them but for me it is weekly cleansing process and every time I write a new entry I feel light, energised and ready for another day. I, myself don't know why I stopped writing these entries in the middle but the past is the past and I am happy that I am back to it and with the way my Training Sessions are, Tuesday looks like the best day of the week to express my thoughts. I just hope they are as good as to read as they are for me when I type. Over the past few days I have been thinking what should be next blog entry. A lot of thinking went into it. I don't know why. I somehow feel I owe it to my blogs and to my readers that every time I give them something more than my previous entry. So that is why this week I decided that the blog will be called, "Just Another Blog Entry?" Why you ask? Well, because in the lines below you will see that I am just trying to express the current state of my well-being and also my training sessions and the thoughts and experiences I have had in the previous week. So instead of pin-pointing on a subject or a topic I wanted to just say anything and everything that come in my head and in the end, I want You, My Readers to decide whether this is just another blog entry ... or something more.

"We live in a society obsessed with public opinion. But leadership has never been about popularity."

-Marco Rubio

I believe life is full of choices and it is these choices that shape our destiny not our chances. Lately, I have been asking people the very same questions I asked the person before them. "What is it that you really want from life?" "Why are you so confused?" "What are your priorities?" "Will you finally make a choice and stick to it?" I know I have made a choice. And I also know that whenever we choose anything in life we have to, as mature and concerned adults, wager the pros and cons. I did my wager and that is why I decided to stick to the path of training. This path is giving me fruitful results and I can see these changes happen each day and thus I know I am one step closer to my goal. I remember My dad telling me to Prioritise my life. He told me to ask myself what is the most important thing in my life and once I had that answer that I should put every ounce of my energy to that particular objective. Back then I didn't fully do this but since June I have been doing it and I can proudly say that I am on the right path. Yes, I know you may question me what is the con smart ass? Well, the con is that I have let go of all my other ties. Whether it is society, friends or even love. I have closed all those doors and I am trying hard to keep it that way. Trust me, it isn't easy. I have stopped going to malls and restaurants and I make sure that even my diet foods and groceries are sent home. I have made a promise to myself that until work calls me, I will not go anywhere else except my 2 gyms, {48 Fitness for Weight Training and Cardio and One Fitness for my Mma Classes} my office and my home.  It is like a promise I have given to my goal and every time I keep that promise I know I have paid respects to my goal, to my objective, to my mission. Yes, the response from the world hasn't been that heart-warming. But as I said, I have made my choice and chosen my priority and I am going to stick to it, no matter what the cost.

"To be a tennis champion, you have to be inflexible. You have to be stubborn. You have to be arrogant. You have to be selfish and self-absorbed. Kind of tunnel vision almost."

-Chris Evert

Since we are having an uncut conversation and since I have left you to decide whether this is me just writing or trying to express something, I want to have another confession. I take my own sweet time writing my blogs. The process is something I really cherish. I put on the iMac, download all the app updates, check a few websites and put on itunes. Then, after every paragraph, I leave the computer for 5mins and come back to write the next paragraph. I know that this isn't rocket science but this is a pattern I have been following for sometime now and I just thought you should know. But right now, my right shoulder is in terrible pain. This pain was even their these last week but today it went to the peak and because of the pain I had to cancel one chest exercise. Even though my coach said it is ok I am feeling very guilty about it, the same way I am feeling guilty of not running for 5kms in under 30mins like how I always do after weight-training. But today my coach told me not to be obsessed with weight training, the same way the Mma India Chief, Somesh Kamra told me yesterday in Mma Class that I am 'Over-Doing' it. Should I take these words as advice or as compliments? To be honest I am now only focused on the healing of my shoulder 'cause tomorrow I have 25 sets of Lats plus Cardio plus Stretching plus Mma in the evening and I know that in mostly all the exercises My shoulders have to be strong and without pain. I think a nerve is swollen. Anyways, I have taken my medicines and I hope the night's sleep will help me recover. Am I really obsessed you ask? Well, all I can answer is that I am focused and I have never had this Fire burning in me before, and now, since it is burning bright, I will do whatever it takes to keep it burning. 

"I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand."

-Confucius

Right now, only one thing keeps me going. And that is my target. What is my target you ask? Well, I believe Actions Speak Louder than words and when the time comes you all will know what it is. But as i mentioned earlier, this path isn't an easy one. It is filled with challenges. Challenges that I face everyday. I meet so many people in the gyms I go. Before these people were the ones I considered as my friends and people who shared my same passions but now I can't stand them. I am so mad at them. I just can't stand the sight of them. I think it is because my priorities have changed or maybe I have just become more grumpier. But the more I drown in the world of training and weights and pain and sweat I am beginning to understand that there is no one out there who is like me or at least in the gyms I go. I see people putting on stylish caps and cool shoes and head phones in the gym and do their own mumbo-jumbo but these same people don't have even an extra minute to put the weights back to the rack. They dis-respect the gym and that is something that I can't see. I, in between my sets go and put the weights back not to prove a point but just to give respect to the things that are changing my body. I mean I can choose not too but then I will be just like them. Won't I? My coach abuses me and yells at me whenever I do that but something in me tells me to pay homage. I guess I am spiritual that way. I mean, even I want to interact and talk to these new people but my code and promise stop me. They remind me of my goal and I suddenly without anyone's notice go into a corner and for recovery open the animalapk diaries and read them. Those diaries are the only thing I relate too when I am at my place of worship and when I see people just tear it apart. Either by throwing the weights around or by showing their supremacy by doing things I am not allowed too. As I said, this path isn't an easy one but I know that with each rep successfully done, I am one step closer to my goal.

"Lets have faith that right makes might; and in that faith let us, to the end, dare to do our duty as we understand it."

-Abraham Lincoln

The same goes when I go for my Mam classes. As I mentioned last time that the 'ladies group' has come and practically made the brutal mma class into a beginner's class, I know that the gym will not do anything to alter their incoming business they are getting with the extra cash which comes from such classes and they won't even fix the damn reception AC, but use the fans for their own instead of giving some air to us members. Yes, my frustration is at peak when I see people just come for the heck of it and consider Mma as just another 'Group Class' instead of understanding how amazing it is. I see people come every time and quit after the first 30 seconds of each drill instructed to us. I get so angry at these people that instead of doing the exercise given they sit and laugh and joke. None of them take the class seriously. Trust me, you have no idea what level of patience I have to bear when I see something I love so deeply get shamed by people who don't even have an ounce of respect for it. I am sorry, I am old school. I come from a place where honour still means something. Where that word still holds value. So at times, I remember my code and try to keep calm. So many a times I have been laughed upon when I have tried explaining to people what my code really is. They think I have a stick up my ass but the truth is that this 'Code' of mine is the only thing that keep me mentally sane in this insane world and weirdos I meet everyday. My 'Code' hides away my reality. The reality which makes me sweat at night. The reality which only gives me fear and the reality which is more scarier than the monsters in the closet. My 'code' is what I live by. I try Not talking to people. I try to open and close conversations as sweetly and as swiftly as I can 'cause I just want them to shut the hell up but you know how people are, they are social animals and one way or the other, they want to prove to the guy standing next to them that they are better than him even though they have jack shit to back that up. 

"To understand the heart and mind of a person, look not at what he has already achieved, but at what he aspires to."

-Khalil Gibran

To be honest I can go and on but I guess for now, this is more than enough. I don't know what I tried to express or make you understand  from this blog. Or whether I just wrote some bullshit for you to forget in a heart beat. But I know I tried. And maybe that is what I am trying to do since so long. For all of you to understand. The ones who have tried must hate me for saying this over and over again. They think that they must have done what was asked of them but now I tell you that why everyone else has failed. It is not because they were short-sighted or more 'chilled-out' and 'normal' than I was. It was because for some sick and twisted reason I never wanted them to fully understand. You can call it fear of being completely vulnerable or the ego too proud to admit that it never needs help, I have always pushed people away. And I guess this process will continue. Before I had sins on my shoulders but today I know i am clean. I am detoxed and I have the confidence to even ask god to wager my pros and cons and stall tall in the hall of judgement. But I know I can't change peoples opinions. I can't change the way they live their life and how much they gossip and waste their lives on the successes of others and the clothes they wear and the society they desperately want to fit into. I know I can't change anything. I can only better myself. Make myself more focused and set my eyes, my mind, heart and soul to only one objective and wish that with every passing day I become more stronger to face the challenges that are ahead of me. So tell me my readers, was this blog a cry of help? A Statement? A Message? An Emotional Outburst or Just Another Blog Entry? The choice is yours 'cause after all, everything in life does begin with a choice.

"He who does not understand your silence will probably not understand your words."

-Elbert Hubbard

This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty and now I leave the choice to You.

With All My Might,

Your No.1 Fan,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

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