Seeking An Honourable End ...

"Every Warrior Knows That One Day He Will Die In The Battlefield. And What He Truly Seeks Isn't Medals Or Accolades. What He Seeks Is An Honourable Death."

-Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

I know I have always been spiritual. More than religious I think I was attracted towards the spiritual powers of the universe. And in the last few years it has come to my realisation that God and The Powers That Be are more connected to us when we are spiritual and in touch with our souls. And all the wise men of the past have always said one thing, 'Ask Questions Which You Seek Answers Too.' And following their advice I did just that. And the more I asked the more I realised that the questions will never end 'cause with each answer another question arises. But as a man who is in search of his salvation I have come to realise that many will not understand my journey. Al though some may try but they will never actually understand. And since the dawn of revelations in my life all I ever wanted was, for the world to understand. Whether it was my pain, my anguish, my struggles or my hardships, I just wanted the world to see I am just like them. But suffice to say, I haven't till date met one person who has walked or is walking the journey I am in. But even then I walk on. I just walk because now this loneliness has become my friend and I have now somehow uplifted myself from the norms of society because I know that there is more to my life. A voice inside of me tells me to walk this road for in the end I will finally come to my destination. And in the end, when all the dust settles and when I will take the last breaths of my life, all I will seek will be that one person who will give me my curtain call. At that last check point, when I finally check out, I will meet my maker and he will give me what I long for ... He will give me An Honourable End ...

"Work out your own salvation. Do not depend on others."

-Buddha

It was nearly a year ago. I remember like it was yesterday. Wrestlemania 28 was around the corner and Triple H V/S The Undertaker Part 2 was one of the most awaited matches. It was one of the Raw episodes in which Shawn Michaels was interviewing both the contestants. And during the interview Triple H said something which hit me like Lightening. He looked at The Undertaker in the eyes and said, "I know taker. I know what you want. You want me to finish it. Don't you. You want me to end the streak. You know it is me. I am the one who will finally get the job done." What I am trying to explain here isn't the aggression what Triple H had. It was what The Undertaker acknowledged. The Undertaker is still undefeated at Wrestlemania. Even after 20 years, he holds the record of staying the winner in whatever hell has been through. But somewhere, in the depths of his soul even He, The Great Undefeated Undertaker is waiting ... He is waiting for that one opponent who will finally end it. Who will put an end to the streak. You see, Taker wants to be free now. He has fought long and hard. And now, his soul wants to be amongst the angels. He wants this greatness to come to an end. But he wants it from an opponent who is fitting enough for the curse Taker will leave behind because whoever that man will be, he will forever be known as The Man Who Ended The Streak. Do you understand what I am trying to say here? Even I am looking for such an opponent. An opponent who will finally put me to rest ...

"The salvation of this human world lies nowhere else than in the human heart, in the human power to reflect, in human meekness and human responsibility."

-Vaclav Havel

I have always believed in fate and is destiny for I have always believed with pure conviction that we all are here for a reason. Reasons we sometimes don't understand. Some of us seek to find what that reason is while the others just wither through life without actually living it. Through all the turmoils and questions and road bumps I have faced in life I have come to understand that I was always meant to be a Fighter. I may have not have the Warrior Gene in me but I consider myself one. And that is the reason why I have always been attracted towards War and Fighting. Why I have always invited Pain and Sacrifice. And that is why I do Mma. That is why I go to the Gym and make my bones feel iron. That is the reason I choose Greatness over Love and that is the reason I choose to be alone rather than being around people. It was only a few days ago that I was doing the Big heavy in the Gym. The Dead Lifts, Squats and Bench Press. As the sets progressed the weights did too and the tougher they got. But I somehow managed to "Claim The Weight" and finish my workout properly. But while I was in that unbearable pain, I suddenly became very sad and felt very lonely. Not because of the pain but because I realised that no one will ever see this journey of mine. No one will be able to understand it. The world will just move on but I will always be here, alone, pushing bone against metal and seeking my answers through the pain and the soreness and the struggles. That no one will come and say. "It Is ok Mimoh. You Can Let Go Now. You Don't Have To Feel Anymore Pain now. You Can Be Free. You Can End It Now ... You Can End It Now ..."

"There are enough churches already, but the world still needs salvation."

-Sun Myung Moon

I never knew what Mma was until 2 years ago. I just happen to go for a boxing tryout at One Fitness in malad and that is where I first tasted the adrenaline of Mma and since that day I have become an Addict. I have been going to the same classes for the last two years and in front of my eyes I have seen so many come and go. I have seen trainers change and also the gym staff replaced but I can proudly say that I have been the one constant over there. I see people coming and trying out the class and 99% of them never come back. They consider it as a 'Fitness Class' but what they don't realise is that Mma India teaches us the sport not just the 1 2 3 you see in other gyms. And in these two years, the more I have learnt this sport the more I have become hungry for more and trust me, the more hungrier you get, the more you wanna fight and the more you wanna fight, the more you seek for an opponent who will give you that ultimate satisfaction of beating you to a pulp and making you stronger. But sadly, to this day, I haven't met him. And to be honest, every time I see a new face in class I wish that this is the guy who will face me. I have been waiting for him since the last 2 years now. I just hope I meet him someday. At times like these, I remember words from the movie Rocky Balboa when the reigning boxing champ goes to meet his trainer. The champ is tired of winning because he believes that he has defeated everyone and he has no more competition. And that is when his trainer tells him, "There Is Always Somebody Out There. Always." And remembering those words, I wait. I wait in patience when I will finally have the fight of my life. When I will punch, kick and make my opponent bleed and when he will do the same. And in the end when he will finally break me, I will tap out and he will win. And at that moment, I will hug that man for he will earn my respect for that man will finally give my fight it's meaning ...

"Our salvation is in striving to achieve what we know we'll never achieve."

-Ryszard Kapuscinski

So there you have it. My own weird eulogy. I myself think that why do I think so intense and weird half of the time. But I guess this is me. I guess I am spiritual. I know I have made my share of mistakes in the past and my actions mostly have been for the wrong reasons. But as I am coming of age, I am coming to realise many a things. And I know that I have still many more miles to go before I sleep. I still have to meet my maker. I still have the world to see, people to meet and cultures to explore. Don't take me wrong, I am not unhappy. In fact, I have never been this focused! Ever! But I know that no matter how many people I meet, I will always have these questions within me. It is like Fate is preparing me you know. I know one day My Time Will Come. One day I will be successful and one day all my dreams will come true. But I also know that even when I will have all the power, riches, fame and money in the world, my feet will find their way to the gym at 4am in the morning and my body will demand the pain of weights and the sound the make when they are racked together. My soul will again find it's way to the octagon cage and wait for that fighter to come because after all the years of fighting, you become a fighter and before you realise, fighting is what defines you. Pain becomes your strength and loneliness becomes your companion and the long empty road is where you feel at home. This has been a very personal blog to me and I hope that God upstairs finally listens to me and grants me My Honourable End 'cause he knows that when I do face my end, I won't go down without a fight. And as they say in Mma and in Boxing, "If You Are Going Down, Go Down Swinging."

This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty and I am Seeking An Honourable End. Is God listening?

With All My Might,

Your No.1 Fan,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

"To this light, then, would I recommend all, with mine own soul, - to this sure way of salvation."

-Elias Hicks

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