A ‘Crossfit’ Of Emotions …

Before you ask, let me tell you what CrossFit is. It is the short form for Cross Functional Fitness which focuses on Strength derived from Olympic Weightlifting and Functional Cardiovascular Movements. Combine these two in a class of 60mins and what you get is a feeling only the few in this world truly know. 

I’ve been doing CrossFit in and out for about 7-8 years now but since the 3rd wave of covid came and went, I have been full on into CrossFit. Like going for 5 days a week and being the strongest guy in the box. I still suck at cardio but hey, I ain’t giving up. 

So that’s what CrossFit is. A whirlwind of emotions ‘cause everyday there is a new WOD (workout) written on the board and it’s challenging everyday. Emotions go up and down like you are on a roller coaster and by the end of it you and only you know what you have been through. 

My life or should I say my emotions and emotional thoughts have somewhat been a mix of whirlwinds as well. Kinda like clothes in a washing machine. And it is these thoughts I wanna share with you today. Maybe, somewhere in my gut, sharing these emotions is the way for me to know what I am or maybe what I am becoming …

Zayde Wolfe has become one my favourite music artists in recent years now. If you are a fan of New Age Rock then Zayde Wolfe is the guy you should search for. I love his music and especially when it comes to my CrossFit sessions. Like for instance today, we had Front Squats and as always, I lifted the heaviest, touching 120kgs for 3 Reps on 3 separate occasions! While I was doing the lifts, with zayde’s music in my AirPods, all I was telling myself was, “This Is My House!” Those words came from a place of dominance and confidence. I knew I could lift those weights and I did. Not once but thrice. Post that my thoughts took me to the CrossFit games where I was seeing the world’s greatest lift astronomical weights and defy gravity and runs for miles without any sign of fatigue and I saw one of the competitors yell and scream and say the same words, “This is My House!” Is this a sign that I feel the same way he did? This power which I know I have and backing it up every time I break my own PR? Only time will tell …

The other night, I started watching Reacher on amazon prime. The first shot and introduction of Jack Reacher is that he gets out of a bus at a quiet bus stop and then just keeps walking. Alone. Watching him walk, suddenly made me feel that I was walking. That I was reacher. That I was in this quiet town in America and just walking. Alone. I don’t know. Honestly, I STILL don’t know why being alone gives me so much of comfort. What is it about being alone that is so satisfying for me? Is it a quest I am on? Am I looking for something? Have I already found it? I honestly don’t know but what I do know is that there is this joy, a dark cold joy in me which hungers to be alone. Another Mimoh in me who wants to wander and explore and see and touch and smell the world alone. Who wants to walk alone. Like a calling I can’t mute. Like a hunger I can’t resist. A voice in me repeating the same words again and again, “Lone Wolf. Lone Wolf”

And then comes the military. I know people around the world don’t believe so much reincarnations but I 100% know that in my previous birth I was a soldier on the front lines and fighting for something worth dying for. The army, the marines, the rangers, oh, they feel so right. So true to me. Like I am in sync with every tune playing. There is something so incredible about being a soldier. About completing a mission. About challenging yourself and pushing your own boundaries. I just can’t shake the feeling. Maybe, just maybe, that is why I do CrossFit. Maybe that is why I fight. Maybe that is why I chose to be alone. I don’t know. Maybe you can help me out on this. 

See, everybody fights. Everyone has a struggle I know nothing about. And I’m not here to tell how shitty I sometimes feel or how bad things can get. I can’t relate to all but I do relate to a few. I relate to the guy who wants to loose weight. I relate to the woman who has having difficulty squating. I relate to people who show up everyday just because they wanna get better. Maybe that is why I try. That is why I try and help that guy do one more rep. Maybe that is why I like motivating people and making them realise that greatness is in all of us. Maybe that is why I hope that one day we all make our dreams come true. 

After reading this, you might be as confused as I am ‘cause I know I am in a tornado of thoughts and emotions. But I wrote this because I wanna de clutter my mess. One thought at a time. One blog at a time. And one emotion at a time. 

With All My Gratitude,

A very confused writer,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty. 

***************************************************