Fall From Heaven …

I know what it feels like to be invisible. I know because for the rest of the world, I have always been invisible. No one has asked me my name but since this is my story, I want you to know that my name is Aisha and I hail from Newport, Oregon. I have always been a loner but the one thing that has always kept me happy have been books. That is why, without a second to waste, I took the job of a Librarian when the position opened up. But I think God has a sense of humor ‘cause with making me this ‘invisible’ girl, he also made me clumsy. You see how that is a joke, right? I like books, I am a librarian but I always end tripping with those pile of books I carry! I know you are laughing but hear me out, the best part is yet to come. I get paid to remember faces and the likes and dislikes of people and what kind of books they like but I always, and I mean always end up embarrassing myself because I don’t remember who is who! I mean, in this day and age, you might think that Gen Z can just kindle their books but no! They have to come to the library and they have to come to the counter and see my blank expression when I forget who they are! Misery had a discount offer when it was dumping things on me. But my story has come to a weird place. You see, right now, I am waiting. Waiting next to the tallest roller coaster in the tri-state area ‘cause I am about to meet the boy of my dreams. Well, before I go into the schematics of my heart and how hard it is beating, I wanna tell you that being a Librarian did finally pay off. Not just with me sitting alone after work hours and being lost in books but also it’swhere I met my Prince Charming. Those blue eyes and blonde hair with his buttery smooth skin and a physique to go, oh-la-la, a random, chance encounter where clumsy me tripped yet again and Michael was there to catch me. When I looked into his eyes, it was like all the paintings in the world got submerged into one and created this beautiful living creature. This creature who’s very purpose was to save me … from everything. So I wait. Wait in despair and excitement. In anxiety and nervousness for him to arrive and every second feels like an eternity.

 

Heights don’t frighten me. That is why whenever I have to access the ladder to keep those vintage books all the way at the top, I don’t flinch. The books falling because of my clumsiness, well, that is the different story al together and all too tragic and boring for me to discuss now. Heights, don’t scare me and that is why the screams of all the people on the roller coaster behind me doesn’t affect. This roller coaster is called ‘Fall From Heaven’. A weird name for a roller coaster but it states that it has a drop of 600 feet from the air which makes one feel that they are touching the heavens. I honestly find that funny. But now, I am not smiling. As I told you before, I wait in anticipation. I ain’tno fashion diva but when Michael told me to meet him here, I made sure I wore my dark green dress which I haven’t worn before. I know this isn’t a date but it feels like a date to me. The way he was asking me if I was ok when I was in his arms, it felt like someone was playing the violin and the nerves of my heart were it’s strings. I couldn’t hear anything beyond the words, ‘You should join me at the theme park this weekend. It’s going to be fun.” Imagine the best moment of your life happening right in front of you and you are so happy, you just keep nodding your head like an AI Robot whose circuit is all screwed up. So, I wait, trying to look pretty, in a world who has always told me I won’t be pretty enough. And then, the wait which felt like eternity ends with joy as I see Michael in the distance. Oh my, how handsome he is! That football jacket and that masculine perfume which I can smell all the way from there to here. Michael is truly too good to be true. But the moment he keeps coming to close me, I start feeling this dread. Dread, because I notice that he isn’t alone. There are a few boys and girls with him. My mind immediately tells me that this isn’t a date but just a friendly rendezvous but my heart keeps telling me to have hope as the night is still young and the miracle called Michael has already come in my life. But what happened next, ripped me to pieces. Even the shards of glass were crying when they were inflicting the pain which came when I saw Michael kissing Cassandra, the prom queen! Not only was this a ‘casual’ meet, it was also by far, the worst day of my life.

 

They say life flashes in front of your eyes when you die but I think I didn’t have to wait for my end to come for what that flash meant. Seeing Michael and Cassandra kissing and being oh, so in love was like death to me. Take it from me, don’t be like me, a loner who God abandoned and who convinced herself that God actually had made her this way so she could find true love and then marry him and become Mrs. Michael but no, God just seems to keep laughing at me, over and over again. First, with dad leaving, then the bullies at school calling me sad Wilma, you know from scooby-doo but that Wilma was classy, I, for them have always been trashy Wilma and a reject. And now … this!!! I mean, where is the fairness in all this? Why are those boys and girls and the prom queen still walking with Michael and coming towards me! Why is godstill inflicting this pain and horror on me? But as time waits for no one, that moment arrived when they all came and stood besides me and it wasn’t Michael but Cassandra who spoke to me. She said, “So you are the nerd Michael keeps talking about?” Wait, did she just call me a nerd and hold up, did she just say that Michael keeps talking about me? Is there still hope? Will Cassandra, the perfect beauty feel an insecurity by me and my love for books and knowledge and leave Michael? Can this miracle actually happen with me? Before I could start a fairy tale in my head and have three babies with Michael, it is Michael this time who speaks up and says, “She isn’t a nerd, she actually is very smart and she is helping me with my paper. Speaking of which, did you get the assignment I had told you to write?” Oh, my, god !!!Michael thinks I am smart and that is the best compliment I have ever received, well, in fact, the only compliment I have ever received! This isn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. Michael just didn’t save me from falling that day, he also saved me! Saved me from own despair. But wait, why is it that I am feeling a sense of dread and despair now? Oh lord, oh lord … Damn it! That’s it! It’s what Michael said AFTER the compliment which is making me sweat! That assignment! I forgot all about it! I, invisible Aisha had one job and that was to bring Michael his assignment so I could help him and he would eventually in a few years, fall in love with me but when it rains it just doesn’t pour, for me, a thunderstorm comes with it!

 

“You forgot? Are you serious right now?! You had told me that you would be delighted to do the assignment for me and when we meet here, you would give it to me and now you are telling me that you forgot all about it?! Damn it Aisha! I was so looking forward in getting a B in Literature and now thanks to you and your GREAT sense of memory I am gonna get a D-! Thanks a lot Aisha!” “Let’s just go Michael and let this person we don’t care about just stay here and let her reflect on her bad life choices!” …

I could still hear the screams from the people on the roller coaster. I could still see people buying candy and taking selfies. I could still see the world moving but I know it was moving without me. Michael and Cassandra and their clique walked away and I was there, standing alone. I was feeling a whirlwind of emotions. Hate for Cassandra, angry on Michael and pity for myself. I don’t think I would ever recover from this trauma. I don’t think I would ever be happy. My one true love has gone away and all because of my stupid memory. All because I was nodding my head like an idiot and so lost in Michael eyes, that I forgot he was also mentioning his assignment to me! My life is over. What is left now? What is there to loose? Nothing, right? And that is why, as tears were rolling down my cheeks, I decided that I would just sit on the roller coaster and never step out of it. Since my life is a whirlwind, I think being in an instrument of chaos and madness suits my life to the T. And so, alone I sat with the two seats next to me empty. I attract emptiness and so this scenario completely justifies me. The safety instructor comes and checks whether I have the belt put on tight and whether the chest rest is completely submerged and touching my breast bones. Ironic for the girl who is always clumsy. That thought almost made me laugh. And then, in a few seconds, the coaster stands to ascend. Slowly and slowly, like a tease, it ascends and everything for me becomes small. The people become small, the flashes on their phone become small and someplace, even their judgements. We finally reach the very top and in any second now, this coaster is going to descend and the screams will return. But it doesn’t move. It just lays there, like a giant, fallen asleep on the top of a mountain. I then hear the operator announcing, “Ladies and gentlemen, please remain calm. There is a small malfunction in the machine and we are already fixing it. The ride will resume shortly.” I hear murmurs and sounds of panics from the other people on the ride but I feel something else. Here, on top of the world, I sense the quietness. I feel the cold air tickling my face and just over the horizon, I see the last rays of the sun saying it’s goodbye to me. I start to cry but not because I am hurt but because I am overwhelmed with such beauty and grace. I feel like I am truly in heaven. Oh my god! This is so pretty! And then it hits me. Then I understand. I was supposeto come up here. I was suppose to see this magnificence and be in awe. I was suppose to realize what God wanted to show me after all, that being alone isn’t a wrong thing for God is with me. Being clumsy or forgetful isn’t wrong for God is always with me. Being in pain isn’t bad for God is with me. God, always has been with me. I was just too stubborn to see it. To scared to not think what others thought of me and too timid to accept that I actually was special.

 

They say, your life flashes before your eyes when you die but for me, it wasn’t death nor heart break which did that. It was this moment right here. Alone, in heaven, along with God. I then closed meeyes, and suddenly a smile appeared on my face. A smile which I have never smiled before and before you know it, the coaster was back online and like an angel, I came back to earth. 

 

The End.

The Wicked Never Rest ...

"And so many will come and go. We will see men rise and fall. We will be there to see the end and the new beginnings. But one mortal amongst the billions of the billions will do the unthinkable. He will never stop. No matter the pain and the agony and the struggle this mortal will never stop. And thus by doing this he will eventually become one of us."

-The Book Of Prophecies.

It has been a very long time since my last blog entry. I know. I should had written before and more frequently. But the very objective of this blog entry is to tell you why I haven't been in touch with my blogging skills as of late. As you know I got back from my 2nd tour of Phuket and Tiger Muay Thai Camp in december. Once I got back I was catching up with the responsibilities and work which was waiting for me here. Then in january I decided that I would make up a list of things to do in the year 2016. Of course I can't share much about that list but the planning and organising my plan of action took the entire month of january. And then in February me and the family were in Ooty for the progress of our Hotel The Monarch and that is how february went by. But now, in the month of March I can say I am at full speed ahead with the things I wanted to achieve in 2016. Before I go into the details I want to say that I have realised and absorbed through my own actions that the more you keep yourself busy and engrossed in the productivity of yourself, there won't ever be a moment where you will feel that you are bored or that you have nothing to do. The Devil was smart when he said, "The Wicked Never Rest". I guess now I know what that means.

"All things truly wicked start from innocence."

-Ernest Hemingway

You all know that I have been practicing Mma {Mixed Martial Arts} since the end of 2010. This year end it would be 6 years for me to be associated with the sport. Al though I do confess that in the middle I did go of it for a while but when I did return to it's form of training I knew I would never stop learning and growing. And that is why I went to Phuket twice to learn a more advanced level of Mma. When I came back, I was like, "Will I be able to find the same kind of intensity here with the same discipline and techniques?" To be honest I goggled and tried my hands everywhere. While some places replied to me in weird english and some places did offer some martial arts classes, none were able to satisfy my hunger of learning hardcore Mma even though you would go to 'Martial Arts' classes but end up knowing more than the instructors. I thought I had hit a wall when I finally decided that I would travel all the way to bandra at least 2 days a week to XFF {Extreme Fight Federation}, where I had trained earlier. But to my surprise when I spoke to Shafiq Bhaijaan, the owner of Xff, he informed me that they have opened a new class here in andheri. I surely was thrilled to visit this new class but also a little spectacle of how large the place would and whether they would have the right flooring and mats and so on. But to my surprise the class was state-of-the-art and the training was more extreme than what I learnt in phuket! The Xff team has a strict no-bullshit philosophy and they make sure to kick your ass if you don't understand that on day one. Since the day I joined Xff, I make sure to train 5 days a week {Mon-Fri} and give it my best in every class. Of course after wednesday the body screams a 1,000 screams to take rest and recover but skipping even one class will make me miss a special jut-jitsu move practiced that day and when I do show up for class, I make sure to keep my mouth shut because at the end of class during our conditioning round I automatically end up screaming in pain as the instructors hit 30 hard punches in the stomach and make 10-15 shin contact kicks for us students to improve our tolerance to pain. Don't believe me? Well, come for a class and you will see what I am talking about. But now all I can say is that Mma is now not a 2-days-in-a-week activity for me but a 5 days brutal obstacle course which has become a very important part of my life. Mma everyday teaches me to be more patient and calm and humble and it shows the way to reach the zone of zen 'cause fighters always look for a fight but warriors embrace the fight and make it a part of their own soul.

"Beauty is indeed a good gift of God; but that the good may not think it a great good, God dispenses it even to the wicked."

-Saint Augustine

I remember it was in the month of july when I finally found The World Dance Centre and thought of taking a trial class to see how it was. Of course since I was the newbie that day I wasn't able to catch up to any of the steps. I remember I couldn't even do the warm-up properly! But what glued me to TWDC was the work ethic. All the instructors were hard-core professionals and they took care of all their students and made sure we gave our best in the class. Once the class was over I had decided that this would be the place where I would learn the new forms of Dance including Urban Funk, Jazz and Hip-Hop. Of course I wasn't regular in the beginning. But slowly slowly as I got the hang of it I started loving the classes more and more and the more I saw myself catching and matching up to the steps and picking up the steps at a higher rate I felt more motivated to learn and increase my rank to the advance level of the class. I must admit there are many dancers in class who are far better than me but it feels really good to be recognised by all the other students and also by the instructors as one of the boys who puts his best foot forward thrice a week. Our head coach/instructor Dev Sir gives a new choreography once every 2 weeks and I make sure I give my 100% to class even though it is only a couple of hours after my Mma class. I remember dancing alone in the Monarch Ooty Discotheque when I was a kid. Back then I never knew I would join such a great establishment and test my own limits in dance and learn some great forms and concentrate in the execution of the steps rather than just following the 1,2,3 and 4 of the beats.

"If evil is inevitable, how are the wicked accountable? Nay, why do we call men wicked at all? Evil is inevitable, but is also remediable."

-Horace Mann

The 1st thing we do when we make a fitness plan is to Run. Yup. The most basic and yet one of the most affective forms of exercise. Today, thanks to treadmills we can have the opportunity to run at home itself and cover long distances by running at the same place. But thanks to technology and the developments of Apps I came across Nike+ a unique app made only for runner and for fitness freaks who like to challenge themselves by covering vast and long distances, outdoors or indoors. I should thank my Chaddi Buddy Saideep Israni for introducing me to the app. Since the time I have downloaded it, I use it every time I go for a run. I run more on the treadmill at home and even though that may sound soothing, I make it tough  by wearing the Elevation Mask and by seeing the stats and miles covered by others on the Nike+ app. {My main focus is always Saideep as he really runs a lot!} So by activating the app and marking my progress I see what is my ranking on the Board and this in return makes me more motivated to run a lot more than when I previously use too. Almost 2-3 years ago my max limit use to be 4-5kms. But now I don't run less than 7-8kms per session. It takes me 60-65mins to complete that distance {8kms} but even though it is a tough ordeal, reaching your target kilometre is a feeling of exhilaration and joyous victory. So I run as many days as I can but whenever I do I make sure it is challenging me.

"None of us feels the true love of god till we realise how wicked we are. But you can't teach people that - they have to learn by experience."

-Dorothy L. Sayers

I have always challenged myself. And a guy like me needs a fight, needs a purpose and a goal to feel alive and that is why till today and maybe for the rest of my life I will always wander and be on a quest to find the next thing to achieve and to master. When I came across Mma all those years ago I knew then that it would be the next big challenge in my life and even though today it is one of the toughest arts to master I know I have got the hang of it and will only get better at it over time. But nothing and I mean nothing prepared me for Parkour. I was one day heading for my dance class when I noticed a Studio opened at the ground floor of my building. It stated that it has Dance Fitness, Aerobics and Parkour. At first, I didn't pay much attention to it 'cause I thought it must be one of those small rooms converted into a studio and that there won't be sufficient space to do any activity properly. But just a couple of weeks ago, I thought, "What the hell! Let's go check it out anyways. What do I have to loose?". I went in, saw the place, liked it very much and I also managed to see the Parkour class going on. The sight of seeing these young boys flipping in the air and balancing their landing with the utmost precision really intrigued me and I told the owner that I would like to come for a Private Trial Class. So this tuesday I finally went for my very 1st Parkour Class. At first, we did some full body stretching and a couple of jumps and light drills to warm the body up. And once we were done with that, the head coach Roshan {His name actually isn't Roshan but I call him that} brought out all the obstacles in which I had to perform. What happened after that? Well, let's just say I was pushed like I was never pushed before for the next 60mins. I was jumping over obstacles, learning techniques I never thought I would and jumping of barricades and taking high jumps and hanging in bars and rotating myself in the air. And after peeling of the skin in my hands and drenching with sweat like I was caught in the rains of mumbai, I was satisfied and sure that Parkour had officially become a very important of my fitness and my life. I always wanted to conquer my fear of heights and falling on my ass and now I am certain that Parkour is the way I will finally achieve that.

"O Lord, deliver me from the man of excellent intention and impure heart: for the heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked."

-T. S. Eliot

Fitness isn't the only thing that is keeping me busy. I had mentioned earlier that because of technology and apps people have found great tools and ways in which they can be motivated and also learn many new things. And one such app is the Goodreads app. It is an app for people who read books and this app helps you find the books you like to read and also share your thoughts with the goodreads community. Last year I had signed up for the goodreads reading challenge in which I had to decided how many books I will read in a year. Last year I had decided that I would read 12 books {One book per month}. Unfortunately I didn't reach my target. I had completed 9 books by the end of last year so this year I took it to myself that come what may, I will complete my reading challenge {12 books yet again} and I am happy to inform you that in the first 3 months of 2016 I have completed 5 books already! I have read 13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers Of Benghazi, Code Name Johnny Walker, The Crossing, Black Eyed Susans and Born To Fight. All of the mentioned were engrossing books in their own right and I truly enjoyed reading every page in them. I make sure to read one Fiction book and then one Non-Fiction book in that order 'cause I believe I get to steer my imagination with the Fictional Thrillers and I gain knowledge with the Ever-So-Real Non-Fictional true stories. Books now have become a very important part of my daily schedule and I take a lot of interest and thought as to which would be my next read. Speaking of my next read, I have decided that I would be reading this book titled 'Intensity'. It has a great rating on the site and readers have called it one of the most engrossing thrillers of all time! So I guess 2016 would be the year in which I finish my 1st ever goodreads challenge. And speaking of challenges there is something I really wanted to share with you. A few weeks ago, I had decided that I would write up my next blog entry just as I am doing right now and I had started doing that with the utmost zeal and concentration. I had thought about the points and the breakdowns and how the blog will look when I had finished writing it. But as I started writing it, I realised that I am not writing a blog but intact a Story! I was like, "Mimoh, this isn't a Blog anywhere and neither is this a short story you can upload. This is an attempt to actually write a novel!" And now, whenever I get time, I open up my laptop and write up a new chapter in it and go back to the old chapters to see if they need any corrections or alterations. I don't know if I will ever share the story with the world or not but what I do know is that I am going to finish writing it and by the time it is done, I would had finished writing my very 1st novel, a thought which had never occurred to me ever because before that I was just a blogger but soon I can say that I am a proud blogger and an amateur writer as well.

"To see and listen to the wicked is already the beginning of wickedness."

-Confucius

But wait, there is more. I have always been a fan of Astronomy {Not astrology. People always get confused when I tell them that} and the Universe and everything in it. Before joining films I wanted to go to Nasa and explore the cosmos. But now I think that why can't I do both? And that is how I came across this site called Coursera. It is an amazing site where universities from all around the world offer courses on mostly all the available subjects there exist. From Music to Social Sciences to Geography and of course Astronomy. And even though I finished my 1st Astronomy course last year, I decided that I wanted to venture more into the subject and that is why I signed up for the Astro-Biology course which is being conducted by the University of Edinburgh. I am in my 4th week now and viewing the lectures, writing the important points down and answering the quizzes makes me feel I am back in school and passing on to the next lecture is surely an exhilarating experience. I surely will sign up for more courses in the future 'cause I believe one should never stop learning. One should always learn something new and something which intrigues the human mind. But besides training, reading and studying, I have also signed up for my very 1st Comedy Improv Workshop. It is so much of fun I tell you and also a task 'cause there they teach you how to create comedy within a second's notice 'cause true comedy is always what comes automatically. Al though this is my 2nd workshop of this year {I did the Inside Out Acting workshop in january} I know this wouldn't be the first and last time that I would be doing an improv comedy workshop. I am hungry to learn more and the only way I can learn more is by finding that next new level which I need to cross and that next target which I need to Achieve.

“The virtuous man contents himself with dreaming that which the wicked man does in actual life.” 


― Sigmund Freud, The Interpretation of Dreams

By now you must be thinking is that all you do in a week? But I say there is still a lot more that I can do and I should. My day starts by 8am and now I sleep of by 12am and in between apart from the above mentioned I make sure I give the No.1 importance to my Work. I go to mostly all the auditions that are being held. I meet Casting directors, Producers and Directors and I make sure I am in the loop with all the news of the new films that are being made so I can get the opportunity to show case my talents yet again. Apart from auditions, I love relaxing by watching American Television which includes American Crime Story, Supernatural and House Of Cards to name a few. Besides television I also am a huge fan of Video Games and now I am completely engrossed in Tom Clancy's The Division which is a treat for all game lovers. I am also deciding to learn a new language and although I know what language that is, I would like to talk about it some other time. Who knows maybe I may also share some words and sentences with you in that language in my next blog. And the main reason I wrote this blog today wasn't because I wanted to share my routine with you or the things that I am doing in my life. I know by having that agenda I would achieve nothing grand and neither would you. What I wanted to share was that we humans, if decide as a single individual that we will never be bored again, that we won't waste our time in thinking about what to do and actually go ahead and do it, we would really astonish ourselves! Now, I astonish myself everyday. And because I am so engrossed in my own activities throughout the day I have tagged myself as the Lone Wolf. If you go to my Snapchat {search mahaakshay} you will see all my posts with the #LoneWolf because now I do everything on my own. I watch movies in the theatre all by myself {a thing which I really love}, I see youtube videos of Parkour and Hip Hop, Comedy Improvs and Interviews of Legendary Actors. I make my own Breakfast and clean my own clothes. I truly live the life of a Lone Wolf, something which I am really proud of and something that I always wanted to do but never did until now. So I guess the Devil was right when he stated the fact that 'The Wicked Never Rest'. I don't know how wicked I am but what I do know is that I will make sure I will never sit idle again. And I will never stop learning and growing and becoming a better human being. I care two hoots about what people think about me but I do care a lot in becoming the best version of myself whenever I brush my teeth and cut myself while shaving. And that is why I will always be on a quest to find the next challenge and the next obstacle and the next battle to win. I hope you all who are reading this also find new challenges and ordeals to overcome and I wish you the very best in your chosen field of endeavour 'cause nothing and I mean nothing is more satisfying that reaching your goals and the feeling of victory of the human soul.

“One must be cunning and wicked in this world.” 


― Leo Tolstoy, War and Peace

This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty and this is My Story.

With All My Might,

Your No.1 Fan,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.
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