The Seven Days Of Boot Camp ...

"Sometimes In Order To Move Forward, We Must Go Back To Where It All Began."

-Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

Day One:

I am right now here in coimbatore. There isn’t wifi here or any proper mobile network coverage. Well, it is because my house is in the outskirts of the city. Beyond Thudiyalur and Pannimadai. So I won’t be able to post these mini blogs everyday. So I thought I will post them as one Mega Blog when I return to Mumbai. You ask why I am here. Well, I am here with my Coach for Boot Camp Training. Why Coimbatore of all places? Well, this is the place where I used to stay. I have spent 6 years of my life here. I have many memories from this place and Sometimes, In Order To Move Ahead, We Must Go Back To Where It All Began. And trust me my friends, Only Through Calamity Comes Progress. I know this more than anyone else. So I am going to be here till the 19th as I have to be in kolkatta on the 23rd for Bengal Fashion Week. I love it here. The peace and quiet of this place is what I need right now. I also brought my book here. The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari. An apt book for this place. Don’t you think? Well, my coach is here and I thank him for giving me company and My Parents for this opportunity. You won’t be believe it but many a times Me and Coach have discussed this topic. You know about going someplace, completely cut-off from the world and training like Juggernauts. Well, the Universe Works In Mysterious Ways I must say. And today, coach really pushed me to the limit. We did more than 50 Sprints and over 75mins of Cardio followed by a Gruelling Abs Workout. I got to tell you, I love it here. More than I had anticipated. And you wanna know something? Something I have never told anyone before? Well, I Have A Dream And In That Dream I Never Stop And I Never Go Back. That is how I feel now. I know I may sound crazy but this is like a dream come true for me. Being far away from loved ones and the normal life has awakened something in me. Something that was always there. A hunger and a thirst for more. For more training. For more practice. For more sacrifice. And for more War. I am a War Junkie. Always was. Always will be.

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"I hated every minute of training, but I said, 'Don't quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion."

-Muhammad Ali

Day Two:

Day Two was more gruelling than Day One. Yesterday, we were getting used to the environment and finding the perfect gym and arranging the food. But today, all was set and everything went as planned. You see, I am a planner. I plan things way ahead and I work according to a schedule. This lifestyle as I have noticed isn’t as welcoming or heart-warming or exciting for most of the people I have met. But what to do, I am made this way and I believe that being disciplined and respecting time is the first step to success. Today, I woke up by 07:00am, way before my coach did. It felt very nice. You know, there are so many things a person can accomplish, if only he wakes up earlier. We did a gut-wrenching one hour cardio routine which included sprints, football tackles and jumps. All to improve the flexibility and the body response time. Our maids here make lovely eggs and chicken as that is the only food I am allowed to eat, so I relish my egg bhurji and masala chicken. I am loving The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari and I am very happy to do my voice practice more than three times a day, write in my diary first thing in the morning and watch a romantic film after lunch as my homework. I hardly check my phone here. I was once told by a person I love that I do nothing besides checking my phone. I am planning to break that assumption. And I make it a point to check my emails, whatsapps and twitter only twice a day. I am getting used to it too. I am here not to take a break from the world but to make myself ready for it and the only way I can do that is by dedicating every breath of my body to my training. Sure, after 8pm the soreness starts to kick in and the body starts going into sleep mode. But I am telling you it is worth it. I don’t know how the people are doing back home and honestly, I don’t even have the time to think about it. Just a while ago, when I was coming back from the gym, I was listening to Indestructible by Disturbed for the Billionth Time and as I was hearing it, a voice inside of me was making me realise how with every moment I am slipping away from the norms of reality. Slowly slowly I am becoming more of the man I always dreamed off. The man who doesn’t get affected by people or worldly possessions. A man who is only focused on one objective and dedicated to only one purpose. I am now becoming a Machine … A War Machine.

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"Excellence is an art won by training and habituation. We do not act rightly because we have virtue or excellence, but we rather have those because we have acted rightly. We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit."

-Aristotle

Day Three:

Time: 08.33pm

February The 15th … 

Saturday …

The body has broken. But my will hasn’t. I know it is tough but I also know it will be worth it. I once read a quote some where and the words were, “If You Are Going Through Hell, Keep Going.” These 7 days are my ultimate test. Not just to prove my mantle to the world and to the ones I love but also to myself. I am pushing the limits here. Today was only the 3rd day and my body gave up in the evening after my 75mins cardio session. I had to do abs but I told coach that I can’t. He let me rest and then we went and ate some lovely tandoori chicken. Coach had a Chicken Dosa. Ya, that was a first for me too. Imagine a Non-Veg dosa. Coach told me it was yummy. Speaking of coach, I am so glad he is here. I know alone I couldn’t had done the things I am doing now. His eye on me makes me wanna push harder and his belief in me makes me run faster and push the pace. He is very matured for a 28 year old and in our rest periods during the day we talk about women, life and everything in between. It is fun to have him around and an honour to be trained by him. I remember last july I had brought coach here to the south for the very first time and trust me, it was only because of his will that we managed to train everyday. He tells me everyday that he lives his life with one motto, “When There Is A Will, There Is A Way.” And when our intentions are true, roads appear where there were only once walls. We saw Robocop today and I loved every moment of it! Joel Kinnaman was worthy to play the lead but watching him on screen I was transfixed by the idea that even one day I will get to play a spectacular role like this also. And I have gotten used to the routine here now. There is not a moment here where I feel bored. I have so many things to do. Write my blog entries, read my book, write in my diary, do my voice practice, watch films, talk to the stars and train like a bad-ass mofo! :-) And speaking about the world I left back in mumbai, well, nothing affects me about it. I don’t miss it. I don’t miss the people or the atmosphere. Call me crazy but I believe this resilience and control of my emotions is preparing me for the grander picture of the future and what it holds for me. I guess everything happens for a reason and with each passing moment, the path in front of me is making more sense to me. :-)

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"Training gives us an outlet for suppressed energies created by stress and thus tones the spirit just as exercise conditions the body."

-Arnold Schwarzenegger

Day Four,

Time: 06:51pm

February The 16th …

Sunday …

Last night I couldn’t sleep at all. I was out by 10:30pm for the first two days but yesterday, I don’t know why but I just couldn’t sleep. My body was battered but my mind wasn’t resting. But somehow after 01:30am my sleep finally caught up with me. I thought I wouldn’t be able to get up early but for the 3rd day in a row I was up by 07:00am. By 09:00am we were out on the tracks and drenching it out like ground hog day! We had a great cardio session and then we headed for the Fun Republic mall at the outskirts of the city. The moment I entered I spotted a massage parlour and rushed for it. Luckily there was a slot available for a 45mins foot massage and I took it and I must say it was very soothing and relaxing as I dozed off in the first 5mins of the massage! Then me and coach had our staple grilled chicken and there I spotted Marry Brown. Marry Brown back in the day used to be our favourite junk food place and we used to order from there every other weekend. Seeing the marry brown outlet brought back many pleasant memories and a smile on my face. Coach also had a joyful time at the mall as he brought many cool shirts and t-shirts for himself. We were supposed to head for the gym but on Sundays every Gym in coimbatore is closed! Now can you believe that? Well, then we headed home and again I crashed for like 30mins. Woke up, read a very important chapter in The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari. And I came to know that one of my hamsters gave birth to two very cute baby hamsters. They are adorable by the way. We couldn’t do 75mins cardio in the evening but coach, who is always prepared made me do some free-hand drills which made me feel great. So I must say it was a god day. You know, when you only focus on one thing and one objective, everything else becomes blur to you. And this kind of focus is very important for me. Back in the day I had walls which protected me and because of my own stupidity I used to bring those walls down because I thought I should let others into my life. But people are people and they will always manage to hurt you or disappoint you or lower the bar of your expectations. Luckily for me, My Walls are still with me and this time, they are towers high and unbreakable. The more I stay with myself in this solitude, the more I realise that this is who I was born to be. Life always brings us to the place of understanding. And not just the understanding of life but of our own souls as well.

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"Confidence comes from discipline and training."

-Robert Kiyosaki

Day Five,

Time: 10:21pm

February The 17th …

Monday …

I couldn’t get up early today. The alarm did wake me up but then I slept again for the next 45mins. My body had no energy and the soreness from yesterday’s workout finally caught up with me. Luckily for me, coach saw that too and let me skip the morning’s gruelling cardio session. I had to compensate that with only 2 eggs for breakfast, instead of 3 and 100gms of chicken for lunch instead of 150. Luckily for me, the only taste escape I have is Kala Akka’s amazingly made coffee. Trust me, I have tasted coffee from all around the world but the way Akka makes it, is truly spectacular. We went to Posh Gym early today and I started my Cardio by 04:00pm and for the first time, I did a 120mins Cardio session, non-stop. I was proud that I managed to stay at my feet for 2 hours straight with no break in between. Even though the intensity of the cardio was moderate it was gruelling, especially after I crossed the 90mins mark. But I survived. Being here and just training day in and day out does take a toll on you. The mind starts playing tricks with you. And sometimes even boredom kicks in. But I am blessed to have coach here. We have bonded very well and we talk about everything under the sun. In fact, besides playing with my pets, we have nothing else to do. I didn’t read a chapter from the book today. kinda feeling bad about it. I guess it was just one of those days you know. But the good news is that I have survived and we have 2 days more to go here. These 7 days will surely change me. I know it will. That is the reason I chose to come here. Like you come to know your true strength and you also realise that people can actually survive without you and you can survive without them. And people will always think of themselves and judge you and tag you in emotional brackets if you aren’t there for them or put yourself first. So I am glad I am here. I am knowing my worth and I know that these 7 days are like the 9 circles of hell for me. Survive these 7 days, like surviving the 9 circles of hell will eventually lead me to enlightenment and to the gates of heaven. :-)

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"You are your greatest asset. Put your time, effort and money into training, grooming, and encouraging your greatest asset."

-Tom Hopkins

Day Six:

February The 18th …

Time: 10:22pm

Tuesday …

I was up again by 07:00am today. Did the morning ritual of Voice Practice and writing in my Diary. And just when I was about to get ready for Morning Cardio, it started to rain. The weather became lovely but I couldn’t do cardio. So coach decided to leave for ooty today itself instead of tomorrow. So we packed our bags, had our breakfast and left for The Monarch Hotel in ooty. We arrived at just about Lunch Time and luckily for us, a Wedding just got over in the hotel and the guests were leaving. I am happy to say that all had a great time with the Services provided by The Monarch Hotel. And I am proud of my staff here as well, as they were attending and keeping more than 2000 people happy who had come for the wedding! Lunch was grilled chicken and it was yummy. Me and coach then set off for Modern Stores where I got chocolates for everyone and where coach had a sugar overload. He really can’t resist those home-made chocolates you see. We then got some cool Adidas Jackets. All of the same colour and design and then we headed for the gym. We did a 75mins Workout session followed by a relaxing steam. Ah! The benefits of having your own 5 star hotel! He he! :-) Anyways, it was a good day and the weather was very cool too. I have many a memories from ooty as well as my childhood and early teen years were spent here. I have come a long way from enacting Santa Claus in my school. (The only kid who got to be Santa Claus twice ‘cause of my round face and rounder stomach.) As I had mentioned earlier in these blog entries, we all come back to where it all began. To either reflect or understand and to never forget. For me, this trip has been a lesson and a reminder of who I am and also where I am going. :-)

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"The purpose of training is to tighten up the slack, toughen the body, and polish the spirit."

-Morihei Ueshiba

Day Seven:

February The 19th …

Time: 09:56pm …

Wednesday …

So, the last day of training comes to an end. We travelled back from ooty today. And after snoozing for 30mins or so, I packed my bags and headed to the gym with coach. It was a good workout for me as I did 90mins of Cardio followed by Ab Exercises. We then visited our favourite Tandoori Chicken outlet, Cock-Ra-Co and had some chicken. Coach wanted to buy a pair of shoes so we then headed to the Fun Republic Mall. But the moment we reached, coach realised it was the other mall where he saw the shoes. So we went to Brooke Fields mall to find him that shoe. Upon reaching I saw an amazing Casio Gravity Defy Watch and planned to Gift Myself one. The watch is pretty amazing by the way. Coach was looking disappointed as he wasn’t able to find the perfect shoe for himself. Knowing how much he loves shoes and also knowing that he deserved a present and gift more than me for my transformation, I decided to gift him a pair of Jordan’s. Coach was over joyed and that made me very happy. We reached home by 10pm, had dinner and then had our Post-Dinner-Walk for almost 60mins where we shared our stories once again and I told them how Coimbatore was the place of many Firsts for me. I then went and met the stars as I always do when I am in Coimbatore. Thanked them from the bottom of my heart and then wished them good night and opened up my laptop right away. Tomorrow I go back to Mumbai. But nothing changes in my training. In fact, coach said, it is only going to get tougher from now on. I am looking forward to it. :-)

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"First, do enough training. Then believe in yourself and say: I can do it. Tomorrow is my day. And then say: the person in front of me, he is just a human being as well; he has two legs, I have two legs, that is all. That is mentally how you prepare."

-Haile Gebrselassie

The Day Of Returning …

February The 20th …

Time: 02:25pm …

Thursday …

I am on my way back. I’m in the flight as I am typing this. In an hour or so, the flight will land in mumbai and I will be reunited with my family. I hope they will be happy to see my transformation. I once again wanna thank coach for tagging along with me. I am who I am ONLY because of him. He has truly been a blessing for me and I pray and wish that my bond with him reminds strong forever. I guess I am having withdrawal syndromes. Till yesterday I was pretty excited that I was going back. But now, I am a little scared. It is like a soldier who is returning home. He is excited that the war is over but he is also scared of what would he do now as fighting is the only thing he knows best. I guess My War is still with me and I will carry it with me wherever I am. We are who we are you know. And no matter how hard we try to change ourselves or to fit in or be accepted by society, we will always stand out as individuals. Maybe my sub-conscious has already accepted that. I still have too. Don’t get me wrong, I am very happy to see my family again. My pets who will greet me and my friends who are waiting for the stories I will share with them. But there is still a lot of fight left in me. A Hole that still needs filling. Maybe that will only be filled when the world loves, respects and adores me. Or maybe when I will be feared. Maybe it is the beast in me who still lusts for power and attention. I don’t know. But what I do know is that the war isn’t over. I survived these 7 days of Boot Camp Training only to come back stronger and maybe even hungry for more. I know I will always need a war to fight. And as I am seeing myself transform in front of the mirror, I am also seeing and feeling a transformation within me. More like a spiritual transition. One with a more clear purpose. You see, people will always be the way they are. They will assume, judge and categorise you and more than that, they will always be selfish. This is something I have learnt the hard way. They project to be nice and caring but underneath, they all are just thinking about themselves. Being alone in coimbatore and doing nothing besides training, made me think a lot and understand the people around me and the acquaintances I know. Of course, I’m not gonna take names or anything but I have somehow seen their true faces. Niceness doesn’t impress them nor giving them respect. All they appreciate is Power. Power of Status, Fame and Position. Maybe I may not be where I am today but I know one day I will be. And that day, I will know who stood beside me and who didn’t. And now, during these times of War, I know I can’t be affected by people or their attitudes towards me. I am fighting a war just like everybody else. It is just that every dog has his day. one day, My Day will come too. But in my previous Blog, if you remember, I made a Deal with Ares. To have a War that never ends. And to be honest, above love and friendship and normality, that is what I still choose. War is what completes me. The feeling of Pain and pushing the boundaries of your sanity is what gets me ticking. I guess I am weird and in a way Broken. But maybe I like it that way. You see, we all have to pay a price for our Greatness. I made a deal with Ares. I promised him that everyday I will give him a part of me in return for a war that will make me feel alive. Coming back home doesn’t change anything. It only pushes the envelope of my own capability to the onslaughts of society. As I said, we are who we are. :-)

"You can work really hard, but if you're not training in the right way you're not going to improve and get to the level that you want to."

-Michael Chang

This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty And These Were My Seven Days In Boot Camp.

With All My Might,

Your No.1 Fan,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

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The God Of War ...

"The Day, When I Am At The Top Of The Mountain. When I Have It All. The Day When I Am Asked, How Did You Make It So Far? ... I Will Tell Them That It Wasn't Through Compassion Or Love. But Through Battles And Wars."

-Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

I guess in our lives, all of us had our chats with God. You know, our private sessions. Our One-On-Ones. Our secrets to share and our sins to forgive. We all have at least once in our lives spoken to god. Whether it was for peace, wealth, fame or love. We all have asked for help. I know this because I have been one of them. My life, like everyone's else's, has been a struggle of ups and downs. Good days and bad. So I know and relate to all of you in some way or another. But this blog isn't about my conversations with god. You see, when I asked him all my questions, he didn't reply back and I felt kinda hurt by that. I know he has the whole universe to take care of but I still felt that he abandoned me. I know I am in a safe and better position than many others who are in worse. But I am not comparing myself to those people now. To be honest, I find them to be more tougher than I am. Being in worser conditions and still believing in their dreams and never giving up. I salute them for this. But again, this blog isn't about them either. This blog is a reflection or an inspired version of a conversation I had with a God sometime back. Which God you ask? Well, I am talking about Ares. The God Of War. Yes, I know I may sound cuckoo to you now but I assure you that by the end of this blog, you will know why I did and what I did it for. You see, sometimes, god doesn't come knocking on your door to rescue you. Sometimes you have to knock on a few doors yourself. And sometimes, it isn't God that opens the door for you. Sometimes, it is someone else completely. So my fellow readers, below is my Conversation with the God Of War ...

"Never in the field of human conflict was so much owed by so many to so few."

-Winston Churchill

Me: Hello Ares, It Is Me.

Ares: Welcome. Oh should I say, welcome back. You have been gone for a while.

M: Yes My Lord. I was gone. In fact, I left. And I thought I would never come back. I ... I thought I would have a normal life. I had thought that I could prosper with love and purity.
A: And what did you learn by embarking on this 'new' path of yours?
M: At first, I felt I had changed. I felt the change in me also. I met people who I started calling my friends. I felt better and much at peace and I thought that it was wrong for me to hate. But now ...
A: Now? What is it that you feel? Tell me, what is it that you feel?
M: I ... I feel empty my lord. I feel like a ghost who is a part of the mist. Who is not here and neither there. I feel like an empty vessel.
A: So, you have come to me for help huh? You come to me 'cause no one else was helping you. Isn't it?
M: No my lord. It isn't because of that. I have returned to you because something in me was telling me too. Like, it was guiding me to you. Like it wanted to be a part of you again.
A: Your words flatter me mortal. But they don't impress me. You know who I am, don't you? I am The god Of War. I am Ares. I bring Chaos and Death and Misery to all who summon me. Even My Father Zeus is against my tactics. And you are just a mortal. I can squash you right now or make you burn in the underworld for a 1,ooo millenniums.
M: You are right to Punish me, my lord. I should had never left you. I beg you to show me mercy and to take me back. I beg you to save me.
A: Save you? Ha! Ha! Ha! You amuse me mortal. I can't save you. I can only damn you to war. I can only bring you battles and war. Is that what you want? Is that what you truly want?
M: YES. Yes, my lord. That is what I want. I want battles and fights. And I want a War that will never end. A. War. That. Never. Ends.
A: For a mortal, you are very good with your words. Ok. I will grant you your wish. But first you to accept this. Accept this completely. Without hesitation or count. Pure acceptance. And trust me mortal, once you accept there will be no going back. Do you accept?
M: YES. I accept.
A: Ok. Then let us begin.

"The best weapon against an enemy is another enemy."

-Friedrich Nietzsche

A: Do you know what war is?
M: Yes, it is place of warriors and men of steel.
A: True. But war is more than that. Do you want me to explain?
M: Yes my lord. Please.
A: War is a place for the wicked. It is a place where all the good and evil come together for their judgement. It is a place where all humanity is lost. It is a place where men shed their clothes of sheep and roar as lions. It is a place where hell is born. A dark place where innocence is lost. A place no man ever wants to see. A place of horrors. Not the horrors of human flesh and rotten bodies but the horrors that possess within the souls of every man. War is a place where you know who you truly are. Where you aren't fighting the enemy. It is a place where you are fighting yourself. I have seen war. I created it 'cause I realised the human need for it. Since the dawn of man, man has made spears to kill and used hands to strangle. Man, is my ultimate weapon. And sooner or later, all men are lead to war. Some wear uniforms. Some give in to their own monsters. That is the true meaning of War. That is what War is. The Killer of Man and his innocence.
M: I have always felt drawn towards it my lord. Like a calling. Like there is something out there waiting for me. But I never fully understood it. I never really could come around it. But now I know what it was. It was the calling of war.
A: How did you realise this was your calling mortal?
M: It is because instead of looking for answers outside, I searched within me.
A: Yes. That is the only way you will ever know who you are.
M: But my lord, I have seen people change through love. I have seen love make monsters into men. I have seen Hulks and Beasts become Givers and Saints. Then why not me, my lord? Why did I come back?
A: You were always meant for this mortal. Ever since you were born, you were chosen for this path. You were chosen by me.
M: Really my lord? You chose me? What was so special in me that you saw?
A: I saw power in you. True power. A power that doesn't come from love. But a power that comes from darkness. From a place of purity. And that is why I chose you.
M: But my lord, if you chose me, then why did you let me go away?
A: I let you go because I wanted you to realise yourself who it is that you truly are. No god or man or love or friend or family or foe can show you that. You alone had to make this journey to realise who you truly are. And you see, here you are. Where it all began. Where you truly belong.
M: Then why all the hardships my lord? Why all the anguish and struggles and pain and guilt?
A: Those were your trials. Those were your tests. To see whether you break or not. 'Cause what I have planned for you is far more than you can ever imagine.
M: You are right my lord. I am more of a man today than the day I left you. Life has taught me many a things but the one thing I have understood completely is that we are who we are and one way or another, we always come home. We always come back full circle. We always come to our beginnings.
A: Yes. And now you are ready.
M: Ready? Ready for what my lord?
A: To become like me. To become The God Of War.

"If we don't end war, war will end us."

-H. G. Wells

M: What?!? Me! And The God Of War? How my lord?
A: It is because I believe in you. And there is something about you. Something my father Zues said that I possessed when I was just a boy. He saw it in my eyes.
M: What was it that he saw?
A: He say emptiness in me. An emptiness he knew that could never be filled with love. But an emptiness that could only be filled with War.
M: You are right my lord. I tried to love. I tried to forgive. And I tried to forget. But when I did all those things, I felt something dying in me. I could hear a 1,000 screams from within me. Like they were burning. At first I thought I got rid of my demons. That I was a free man. But then I realised I wasn't a free man. I was a nobody. I was a body without a soul. A Voice without a sound. A Food without a taste. I was a man without purpose. Love took the one thing that mattered to me. Love took away my purpose. And then one day I closed my eyes and searched within. I searched deep within to find the answers. To know who I truly was. And then, suddenly, in a flash of a second I saw it. That glowing fire out their in the horizon. And I heard my calling. I heard my calling for War. It was like nothing I had heard before. There was a sanity to this siren. There was a disturbing peace to it.
A: Yes. It is because you heard Purity. You heard the Call Of War. Not the call of Hate.
M: Are Hate and War two separate things?
A: Of course they are! Hate is for Hades. He feeds on fear and despair. I feed on War. At first, when you had come to me, you were a young boy. Silly and Confused. You didn't know the difference between Hate and War. That is why you went and hurt others. You took pleasure in their pain 'cause you thought your pain would mean something if you saw others in pain too. But then one day, you grew up. And you started to see the difference. You saw Hate only gives you more hate. But War ... War gives you power.
M: But the world won't understand this, would they? If I ever try to make them understand my story, on why I chose War, they will cast me out. Wouldn't they?
A: The world and the people in it only cast out and banish the things they don't fully understand.
M: Yes. That is why I always felt they never understood me. They cared for me. They loved me. But somehow they could never fill me up. They could never solve the riddle that is me. They always left me emptier. Always with a bigger hole in my heart. Always with more despair than joy. And that is why I want to be heard. I want the world to listen. Even if they don't understood, I want them to listen.
A: I understand what you are gong through. And I will grant you your wish mortal. I will mould you and design you and make you my weapon of justice. I will give you scars, wounds and bruises. I will give you pain which will only make you stronger. I will give you a war that never ends. But know this, what you ask for comes with a great price and sacrifice. Are you willing to accept this?
M: YES.
A: I knew you would say that.

"There is no avoiding war; it can only be postponed to the advantage of others."

-Niccolo Machiavelli

A: What you ask is of grave importance mortal. Many have tried to walk this journey but only a handful have reached the other side.
M: I am willing to accept whatever it is you have to offer me my lord. I have reached this juncture of my life where I know finally, without a shadow of a doubt, who it is I truly am. I am a Soldier of War. I am a Monster. A Beast. A Man Who wants to taste his own blood and drown in it. I know pain only satisfies me. I know this journey is mine and mine alone and what I ask from you will rip away all the shreds of normality I have left. But I need it my lord. I need this fire. This burning demon in me. I want him to awaken and make me burn in his wrath. I want to wake up everyday with that power. With that indestructible force of the god of war. I want to live again. And I know that the only way I can do that is by kneeling down to you.
A: What you seek is power. True power. And true power only comes when you are tested. And I will test you. I will take away all that love you possess. I will rip away your reality and make you bound to the fires of war. You will be alone again. You will be in darkness. All the ones who love you will hate you again. They will fear you. They will leave you. For they will not understand you. You will be my servant. And I will treasure you. I will feed in your battles and I will relish in your pain. I will make you go through suffering like you have never imagined. I will take you back to your darkness and destroy all the light. But I swear I will not abandon you. I will make you my weapon. You will become the greatest man that ever walked the earth. One day a time will come when I will show you to the world and they will be in awe of you. All will bow down to you and even the gods will notice you. Zeus himself will come down from olympus and praise you. I will make you my greatest tool. I will make you a God Of War.
Me: End my suffering my lord. Make me return to the fire. Give me a War that Never Ends. Show me the way. Answer my prayers. Hear my calling. Give me what I want. Make me who I truly am.
Ares: Pray And You Shall Receive, My Student. Ask And You Shall Be Given, My Son. Seek And Shall Find. My God Of War.

This Is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty And I Am ... The God Of War.

With All My Might,
Your No.1 Fan,
Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

"In peace, sons bury their fathers. In war, fathers bury their sons."

-Herodotus

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Superman Will Come ...

"We All Are Human. No Matter How Crude, Selfish Or Evil Our Choices Or Circumstances Make Us, We Are Human. And If We All Are One Under God, Then We All Need Saving. We All Need Our Saviours. We All Need Our Super Mans."

-Mahaakshay Chakraborty

There was once a boy. A very long time ago. He was just like you and me. A boy who had many dreams and aspirations. A boy who wanted to grow up and be just like you and me. This boy did have a normal childhood. You know, school and tuitions and friends and the stuff. He wasn't popular or good-looking. But he wasn't that bad either. He was the kid who liked everyone. And he always wanted to be liked by others as well. He tried his best to fit in but fate didn't want that for him. He had friends and family who loved him and who were there for him. But as time went by and this boy started growing up he started to see the world from a completely different point of view. He in a way 'Woke Up' from his imaginary world and started to see that this world and especially the people in it who weren't as nice as they seem. And piece by piece, his world came crashing down. And when that happened, this boy cried. And he cried a lot 'cause the people who were known to be his friends left him and the ones who he thought were family back stabbed him. He understood that in order to survive in this world even he has to become selfish. And so the boy who only wanted love became the boy who started thinking only about himself. But even though the devil had corrupted him and his pain was the only thing that drived him ahead, there was a voice in him. A voice which was still connected to god. And even though that voice was now only a whisper somewhere deep in him, this boy could sense that voice. And he later realised that this voice was Hope. Hope calling out at him and telling him that God hasn't forgotten him. That God still loves him. And if he clings on to this Hope, one day everything is going to be alright. And one day his Superman Will Come ...

"In each individual the spirit is made flesh, in each one the whole of creation suffers, in each one a Savior is crucified."

-Hermann Hesse

So who is Superman? For the world He is The Man Of Steel. A Saviour sent to us from the Heavens. He is the one of the greatest Super Heroes we have. And even for this boy Superman was his Hero. This boy really loved Superman. He used to dress up as him and read all his Comics and watch his Films. And every night he would look up at the stars and gaze at them and he used to wait. He would wait for his Superman to come. Every night, without fail, he would gaze up and wait for him. He was convinced that Superman Will Come for him. And in this wait many years went by and this boy saw the world change in front of him. Friends became enemies. Enemies became friends. Dictators were over-run by the leaders of the free world. People uniting for causes and killing each other for others. He saw life unfold in a way he didn't expect. And when this boy started his journey of becoming a man he saw that in order to succeed he became a very selfish human being. He started hurting others and never repented for it. He thought this was his ticket to success. That Hate is more powerful than love and we can only achieve success by taking things from others, not earning them on our own. For many years he walked on this evil path and before he knew it, he forgot that he used to gaze at the stars. He stopped waiting for His Superman. And then this boy realised that he stopped believing in the one man that was his hero. This boy walked down that path of darkness so far, that he was afraid that he would never see the light again. But then, one night, when the night sky was as bright as day, he went and gazed at the stars again. He looked up and said sorry. He was sorry that he forgot. He was sorry that he was so angry. He was sorry that he was selfish. But before he left the stars to do their twinkling he told them that underneath all that hate, he was still that little boy who was waiting for His Superman ...

"When our Heavenly Father placed Adam and Eve on this earth, He did so with the purpose in mind of teaching them how to regain His presence. Our Father promised a Savior to redeem them from their fallen condition."

-Ezra Taft Benson

Many years passed by. This boy started to change. He started becoming a better person. He left his darkness. He went on the path of redemption. More than success, he started looking for forgiveness 'cause he had to let go of the burden of guilt that he carried. This boy wanted to change and change for the better, for the rest of his life. Every day he would get up and promise god that he would be a better person than he was yesterday. And this boy tried. He tried a lot. And as time passed, he started to see the changes. He started meeting people who really loved him. His sins started to dissolve and slowly he started seeing the light. He felt the glow in his heart. And again, as a ritual he started visiting the stars. And again, he started waiting for his superman. The more he waited, the more his faith grew. And so did his dreams. That little child in him, who had those grand dreams awakened again. And this boy started to see the beauty in everything and also the beauty in his dreams. He started to smile and started to believe again. Hope returned to him and with each passing moment this boy only became better. And one day, his friends asked him, "Why do you go up and look at the stars like that?" And he said, "I look at them 'cause I am waiting for My Superman to come." His friends laughed at him. They all thought he was childish and crazy. And they told him that there is no such thing as superman in real life! He is only a comic book hero. But he just looked at them and smiled 'cause within him his voice told him to always have hope 'cause one day his superman would come ...

"Godly sorrow is a gift of the Spirit. It is a deep realization that our actions have offended our Father and our God. It is the sharp and keen awareness that our behavior caused the Savior, He who knew no sin, even the greatest of all, to endure agony and suffering."

-Ezra Taft Benson

Life went steady for this boy then. He met many people. Some were nice. Some were nicer. But all had one thing in common. The practicality of life. None of them believed in what the boy believed in. But that didn't matter to him. He continued to pursue his dreams. And he felt that very soon they will be within his grasp. But Fate didn't want it that way and with one harsh blow, Fate took everything away from this boy. It crushed his dreams. It destroyed his faith and left him alone. And he was all alone. And when he was alone, all made fun of him and his dreams and his beliefs and they told him that they were right. 'Cause even in his darkest hour, His Superman didn't come to save him. And even though the boy was hurt, he made a promise to himself that he will never hate again. He will never walk in the path of darkness again. And so the boy stood up again and started walking. Again, towards the directions of his dreams. It was very tough for this boy 'cause no one still believed in him. And the world forgot about him. They didn't care whether he was alive or dead. They moved on. But the boy kept walking. The boy never stopped gazing at the stars. And everyday he would look at them and wait. And wait for his superman to come. This boy still walks you know. Even though there are times when he feels very alone and defeated he still walks because he believes one day everything is going to be ok. One day, even he will be saved. one day, this pain will go away. One day, his prayers will be answered. And One Day, His Superman Will Come ...

"If you were not a sinful, polluted, helpless, and miserable creature, this Savior would not be suited to you, and you would not be comprehended in his gracious invitations to the children of men."

-Archibald Alexander

Today, if you see this boy you will be surprised by his appearance. And at first you may think and guess, why does this boy needs saving? This boy today smiles and greets everyone he meets. He gives respect to all and avoids doing the wrong things in life. This boy may look like he needs nothing but if you look closely, he still needs saving. He still needs his superman. This boy may not go to temples, churches or mosques but he still looks up at the heavens. He is still alone. He is still silently screaming. He is still in pain. 'Cause it gets hard for him. But this boy never gives up. He gets up every time he falls. 'Cause this boy is still a believer and hope is still attached to him. Today when people still make fun of him and his superman, he stills smiles back at them. When they ask him, "Where is your superman?", he replies by saying, "He is coming. He is just running a little late. You see, he hasn't forgotten me. He is superman. he has got the world to save. But he will come. And until he comes, I will wait for him. I will fight all the obstacles that lay in my path. I will fight my hate. I will see the good in everything. I will love more. And I will stumble and fall and cry but I will still walk ahead. I will still believe in my dreams. I will pay the price for the pain I have caused. I will carry the burden of my sins. I will still believe in the beauty of my dreams. And I will everyday gaze at the heavens and wait for him. 'Cause one day he will write my name in the clouds. one day, he will come. He will come and save me. 'Cause I am human, just like all of you and even I have the right to be happy. Even I have the right to be loved and to be cared. Even I have the right to succeed. And even though none of you believe in you, I will always believe in myself. I will cry countless nights and sometimes the pain will be unbearable to bare but I will never quit. 'Cause I will always have My Hope. I will always My faith. And that is something you can never take away from me. And I pity all of you 'cause when you grew up, you killed that little dreamer in you. That little child who believed in his heroes. Who believed in miracles. He saw the beauty in everything. My Little Child is still within me and he stills waits for his Superman and he and I both know that one day Superman Will Come."

Superman. Will. Come.

Yes. He. Will. :-)

This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty. And I never knew that, that Boy was Me.

With All My Might,

Your No.1 Fan,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

"We All Need Saving. Some Way Or The Other. We All Need Our Saviours."

-Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

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Before The Year Ends ...

"The One Thing I Have Learnt From Life Besides Being Grateful Is To Stay Humble. And I Will Continue To Remain Humble, No Matter How Great A Height I Reach In The Future."

-Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

Hello my friends. Only a day left in 2013. I bet all of you are preparing for the new year eve's party in your cities and towns and I guess many of you have travelled vast distances to enjoy the global celebration in different countries. I wish you all the most happiness in this moment and I wish you all from the bottom of my heart the very best for 2014. I hope 2013 went they way you had planned and if it didn't, don't worry, you have a whole new year which awaits you. A year filled with hopes, dreams and possibilities. And whatever your New Year Resolutions are, I hope you make them come true as well 'cause remember, "I Will" Is More Powerful Than "I Can". And as for me, I will be in the gym and then home with the family. We aren't the outgoing types so that is why we will ordering take out and chilling together. I think maybe I will watch The Punisher and Punisher War Zone on dvd back to back. Let's see. But before that Gigantic Ball comes down in town square and before all the phone lines get jammed I thought I will write my last blog entry for the year 2013. I know I can't write every event that happened in this year but I can surely share with you all the moments that changed me 'cause after all, we aren't evolving if we aren't growing and becoming better human beings. So here it goes, the last entry of 2013, "Before The Year Ends" ...

"Talent is God given. Be humble. Fame is man-given. Be grateful. Conceit is self-given. Be careful."

-John Wooden

Time really flies in light speed and before you know it a whole year passes by. We go through so much in these 365 days but when the year comes to an end, it all feels like a blink of an eye. I know I have seen many ups and downs in this past year. And sometimes I also thought that this was my toughest, worst and darkest year yet. There were even times when I felt like quitting. I went through shitty mood swings and terrible days which were filled with tears, anger and frustration. But this blog won't exploit that area because no matter how many dreadful moments I faced this year, I know I went through many happy moments also. And one of my new year resolutions is to be more grateful and stick to being grateful no matter whatever I am going through. Trust me, the moment you trigger the 'Being Grateful' senses you actually start feeling better 'cause you start focusing on the things in your life which make you feel really very happy. And this year if there is one thing which really made me happy it was finding Rajendra Dhole, My Fitness Trainer since June 2013. I thank my mom for this. She persuaded me to be under a well renewed trainer and thanks to Nikki {My Saviour for more reasons than One} I met Raj sir and since I have been training with him, I am feeling like a better man. Every Training session with him is like a boon for me. I am getting better and stronger and I have seen remarkable changes in me in only 6 months, which I didn't see in me for the last 15 years! So yes, I thank my coach from the bottom of my heart for believing in me, guiding me, being my friend and brother and sticking besides me when he could had easily made me just a client. My coach made me a priority and I know I can never thank him enough for that. :-)

"Self-praise is for losers. Be a winner. Stand for something. Always have class, and be humble."

-John Madden

I am not a social guy. Sometimes I have even considered myself anti-social. But that doesn't put me in the cold and rude category. Trust me, I have met my share of those. I am actually a nice guy when you meet me. I mean, I will give you the respect you deserve and I will also exchange pleasantries with you but I knew that for a very long time I didn't cross the threshold from anti-social to social. But this year was a different story all together. I am very happy to say that I met wonderful people and also made some great friends. Amongst them Helius, Ashwini and Suraj sir stand out as the people I started interacting at the gym and in the process of time became friends with. We all share the same passion of body building and fitness and it always feels good to interact with these guys. Thanks buddies for being patient with me and considering me your friend. And my blog won't be complete if I don't tell you about Vineet and Pankaj. I met these two in the gym also. And now I consider them as my brothers. We may not meet every day but through whatsapp we share   our lives, pains, joys and dreams. Guys, I love you man and thank you for coming into my life. Trust me, with you guys in it, my life is brighter now and I know I can always rely on you guys to be there as you can always depend on me. You will always find a brother in me. It is so strange how one Hi here and a Hello there can form such great friendships. And I know in 2014 my friendships will only grow deeper. I may have done some nasty shit in my life time but when I see myself being blessed to meet such nice people, I really believe that someone up there in heaven really likes me. :-)

"Build me a son, O Lord, who will be strong enough to know when he is weak, and brave enough to face himself when he is afraid, one who will be proud and unbending in honest defeat, and humble and gentle in victory."

-Douglas MacArthur

A man can never be truly grateful if he isn't grateful about is family. Well me? I am blessed to have the best family on earth. I know we all cherish the ones we love but I also worship them. I don't know how I would had survived without the strength my Father gave me everyday, without the love my Mother showers onto me and the friendship and support my brothers and sister give me. When I count my blessings I count my family first. I am who I am today because of them. And I can do anything for them. But you know what? I am actually more blessed cause I have an extended family also. I have a brother in bhushan who has loved me even when I was silly and went away from him. Nathan, who is all the way in london and whom I still haven't met yet, loving like a younger brother and making me believe in myself when I didn't. And Nikki, the angel of my life, who has forgiven me and stood beside me when all left. I can never love you guys enough. You have shown what love really is and the more I know you all, the more I learn from you. The more I look at you all, the more I smile 'cause even in my darkest times, you guys have helped me to see the light and for that I am eternally grateful. I think 'being grateful' is an under statement for you guys. You guys are family for me. And just like Mom and Dad and My bros and Sis I love you all from the bottom of my heart 'cause after all if it wasn't for you, I wouldn't had learnt to love again. You guys have been patient. You were quiet when I yelled and stood tall when I was bitter. You are true examples of love and friendship. You still listen to my silly jokes, respond to my messages and are there for me whenever I need you. I am glad 2013 brought us closer and something tells me that 2014 will make our bond unbreakable. I know being a human being I am allowed to error but I promise to give it my best in 2014 and not to error again and yes, like you guys never left me, I promise I will never leave you also. We are family and family always sticks together. :-)

"Almost any difficulty will move in the face of honesty. When I am honest I never feel stupid. And when I am honest I am automatically humble."

-Hugh Prather

I know by now most of you must be already dressed up for the parties you must be going too, so I won't take much more of your time I conclude this blog by writing this last paragraph and dedicating it to the moments which I have truly cherished in 2013. I had two releases this year. I created a decent fan following in west bengal and people here in mumbai have found some affection for me also. I went to pattaya to celebrate my younger brother's birthday. That one week with the boys was truly unforgettable and will be so for many more years to come. I made my Dad believe in me more by transforming myself in the gym everyday. I realised that god is within us and he always tells us to be humble and never to forget our roots no matter how high we soar. I learnt to survive. Through my darkest times, I somehow gathered my strength and decided to fight another day, every day. We got a beautiful apartment in andheri which I truly love. We brought new puppies who are now family to us. I visited south korea with my family and cherished every moment there. I redecorated my room here in madh. I let go of my past and the baggage it carried. I realised that I can't make everyone like me but I can surely help others find the hero within them. I have made many mistakes also in this year and I know I gave hurt to a lot of people. I still seek their forgiveness and promise to never go down that evil path again. And apart from Bodybuilding, My Love for Mma went sky high, all thanks to Sony Six and the Ufc Live Events. And the most important thing I learnt this year was to be myself. Many people loose themselves in the process to be liked by others but I am proud to say that I kept my ground and never lost my originality. There are many more things that I am grateful for but I guess these few beautiful moments top that list. So I take your leave and hope to see you in 2014. If you are reading this, you are a survivor, just like me. You are your own hero because you fought through whatever obstacles come your way. So I thank you all for being there for me and reading my blogs. I hope they helped you, the way they helped me. :-) :-) :-)

"The whole course of human history may depend on a change of heart in one solitary and even humble individual - for it is in the solitary mind and soul of the individual that the battle between good and evil is waged and ultimately won or lost."

-M. Scott Peck

This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty And This Is How Beautifully 2013 Came To An End For Me. :-)

With All My Might,

Your No.1 Fan,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

"The common idea that success spoils people by making them vain, egotistic and self-complacent is erroneous; on the contrary it makes them, for the most part, humble, tolerant and kind."

-W. Somerset Maugham

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Ghost ...

"I Would Rather Be A Ghost And A Wanderer, Than A Shallow Of A Man Who Just Wants To Fit In."

-Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

Time: 09.25am

Location: Mumbai

Date: 04/12/13

"Revealing myself to the world, one blog at a time." That is my status quo for all these blogs. But I ask myself every time I write one of these, am I really doing that? 'Cause at one given moment, I have nearly a 1,000 thoughts in my head. And the most important question I ask myself is why do I write these blogs in pattern? I mean, why the quotes and then the pics and then the next paragraph? Shouldn't blogs be a random flow of thoughts? Isn't that true expressing? I may attempt randomness today so please accept my apologies if this blog doesn't make sense or if it is out of order. So here goes … I love waking up in the mornings in my new apartment. Ya, I love this place. I am a man of routine and discipline, so every morning after I brush my teeth, I make my bed, fill fresh water in my drinking bottles and make myself hot coffee. This happens every other day and trust me, I look forward to it. This is a new kind of freedom for me. Not to answer anyone or ask anyone for help. One of the proudest moments of my day comes when I know that I can do everything on my own. For me, that is true freedom. After a while I will change up and head to the gym. The gym is now my work place and just like everyone else, I show up there everyday. I was also thinking of joining gold's gym which is close to my new place. Like for morning cardio you know. Maybe I may go and visit some time soon. Let's see. In fact, there are more than 10 gyms located in the near by area but after 48 fitness I think gold's is the closest and most convenient for me. But that is a thought which can have an action later. Today, I look forward to my workout 'cause today is Chest Day. The pump on chest day is one of the best feelings I get. Even though my coach makes sure we hit every muscle fibre only in the chest area, the pump which flows in the body is something I love looking in the mirror. But since the last two days, I have taken a new approach to my training. I call it the Ghost Routine or rather should I say, the Ghost Outfit Routine. I think in every body builder's training there comes a point when he knows that he is changing but at the same time, he doesn't want to show his gains to anyone 'cause he knows that a time will come when he will remove his tee and the world will be in awe. Even though I am a few months away from doing that, I am right now wearing hoodies and hats and making sure that no one sees my gains except me and my coach. Why call it Ghost you ask? Well, I usually put on My Elevation Mask during cardio and people in the gym think I am Bane or someone 'cause they still don't know what it is I put on my face! So ya, people think I am some kind of a freak or something. Me? I just love calling myself Ghost …

"Every difficulty slurred over will be a ghost to disturb your repose later on."

-Rabindranath Tagore

As you know I have been learning Mma since the last three years now. I have followed every UFC event and I am in love with the sport. But I know in reality terms, I live in country where Cricket is not only a sport, it is also a livelihood and means of everyday entertainment in every household. But I still wait for the day when Mma will be recognised for it's potential and trust me, when that happens I will be jumping with joy. I hope that day comes soon. But I am not here telling you about my feelings and aspirations towards the sport. They will always be there and one day it is my dream to meet Dana White and every UFC Fighter there is! I am right now talking about how I have been doing this for the last three years and now I want more of it. And this quest for 'more' has made me look for almost every fight centre here in mumbai. I googled and called I looked but to no avail I found what I was looking for. The Malad Gym, One Fitness, where I have been going to for the last three years has an inexperienced trainer who does the same routine everyday! And I am saying this in the literal sense! Same warm-up, same stretches, same punches, same kicks, every, single, day! And even though I hate him for that, the people who come there are also to be blamed. The majority of the people who come for training talk more and do less. Mourn even before starting their training and the men add insult to injury by quitting in the first 30 seconds! So ya, from my point of view, I really became desperate to look for something more intense. And the moment I was giving up that I won't find that, I came across XFF. Extreme Fight federation. I went to the Xff Gym yesterday which is located in bandra and trust me, the moment I entered it, I knew I was home! It was the place I was looking for! And to add more glitter to my gold, I had one of the best training sessions in a very very long time! Will I go again? Hell fucking yes I will! It doesn't matter to me how long it takes for me to reach there through the mumbai traffic, from this point on, I am gonna show up for those Mma Classes. 'Caue these trainers are bad-asses and spending one hour there is like running on the treadmill for 2 hours straight! And I know how much I love morning muscle soreness and after weeks or rather months I got that feeling when I woke up today! So yes, XFF is worth it. Anything for the love of the sport. Anything to be a Ghost. Why Ghost again you say? Well, ask Call Of Duty for that … :-)

"An idea, like a ghost, must be spoken to a little before it will explain itself."

-Charles Dickens

You know that Games have always been a major inspiration for me. Whether it is the Splinter Cell series or Battlefield or the ever amazing Call Of Duty series, video games have always helped de-stress me, motivate me to higher aspirations and believe it or not, they have also help solve the mind-blasting questions which pop up in my head from time to time! Whenever I tell someone that I am a gamer, they look at me with this weird expression and then they say the same thing over and over again, "Aren't you too old to play video games?" And I say na, I don't think so. I find them pretty cool. But in my head the actual answer is, "Hey asshole, you do know that grown ups make video games. Don't you? Or do you think toddlers made the Grand Theft Auto Series? Dumbass!" Well, I can't go into Super Saiyan mode and give the ultimate Kamahamehaa to those fucks but I can surely divert my mind to the task at hand, which is finishing the amazing Campaign of Call Of Duty Ghosts. It is one of the best campaigns ever, not only because of the amazing action and cut sequences but also because of the Code the Game carries. And that Code is Honour. Yup, honour. Does that word even exist today? I know back in the day it did. When Men fought for something and were willing to even die for that! Today, the meaning of honour is completely misused by religious fanatics who think that they are doing the work of god when god never wanted us to kill each other for a square inch of land! Today I look for the real honour and the few honourable men who actually stand up for what they believe in and who aren't afraid to show their true selves to the world. I know I am no saint but I think I have reached to that stage of my life where I can be honest and tell to whomever I meet that I am a monster and that I can't love anyone more than I love myself. For me, that is kind of an honour. At least, I am not like the two-faced people I encounter everyday. You know, they say words have power. And a person should stick to what they say but I have noticed that whenever people are hurt or affected, they forget their codes and words and values and become selfish human beings. They lose their temper, they make excuses, they become distant and in a way, show a side they have been hiding. I hate those kind of people. Me, on the other hand, I show the world that I am a monster. Even if that means I have to be alone for the rest of my life. At least I can die with honour. At least I know that I am standing for my virtues and values. Why do you think I train so much? Why do you think I have cut off from the world? Why do you think I don't go to malls or coffee shops now? It is because I rather choose to be a Ghost, a wanderer than to be the guy who tries to fit in and be like the people I hate.

"I've always felt that if you back down from a fear, the ghost of that fear never goes away. It diminishes people."

-Hugh Jackman

Ghost. Not an apt name for a guy who wants to woo billions now, is it? I know one day I won't have time for a private life but until that day comes, I am preparing myself in the Darkness. Until that day comes, I am becoming a Ghost. A Lost Forgotten Memory. I am doing this on purpose, even though, ever right now i have the choice to choose the opposite. You all must have seen Spider-Man 3, right? Well you know how Spidey feels all powerful when he gets the black suit. He feels invincible and somehow that Power takes over him. Of course, spidey being spidey gets rid of that badness and goes all goody-two-shoes again but I knew how it felt to have that power. To use all that power for my own happiness. But then within 48 hours I realised that this isn't the way I pictured myself. I know I am better than this. I am not the guy who goes out. I am not the guy who meets and mingles and goes clubbing. I am the guy who runs in the morning. Who trains for 6 hours a day. I am the guy who is focused and disciplined and for me, there are no Off Days. I am always fighting. I am not laid back and I am surely not the guy who lives for today. I always prepare for the greatness that awaits me tomorrow. So since that awakening of my senses I have decided that I will go dark and stay away from human contact. Take my word on this, it is not the enemy that defeats you, it is always the people who love you. They always let you down 'cause you expect them to always be there but they aren't. I take my enemy as a true friend because he and I are at least fighting for the same cause from two different view points. Even though I will defeat my enemy and burn him to the ground I will know that I fought a man who was who he was and didn't shy about it. Now you tell me, who would you rather choose to be? A Ghost and a Wanderer like me or a man who looses himself in the crowd? :-)

"God does guide the lives of individuals and does fill them with the Holy Ghost."

-Robert Duvall

There are many more thoughts running in my head right now. And to be honest I am writing this paragraph after an entire days of training. As I mentioned to you, it was Chest Day so ya, I had a great session. There were moments I was sloppy with the weights and I hated myself for it but I know I managed to kill and punish every fibre of my chest today. Hope coach will be proud. I ran for 30mins after that with my Elevation Mask and the acquaintances I meet didn't know whom they were waving too until they came up close. Trust me, the elevation mask does that. While I was working out, I was thinking that wouldn't it be cooler if I had a Call Of Duty Ghost Ski Mask On while I am training. That day, I will look like the Grim Reaper and it will also be symbolic since I am causing My muscles to bleed and die and be reborn a new. That thought is still active in my head. After a 2 hour rest period I headed for One Fitness were as every wednesday we did 'legs' for our Mma Session. I knew the routine so I made sure I helped others who are beginning to love Mma. So ya, in a nut shell, it was a good day. It will be 'Lights Out' for me in the next hour or so. It is right now 10:36pm though. And tomorrow I repeat the same cycle again. You may ask, why is it that I keep on doing the same thing again and again? Why is it that I don't have a social life? To be honest a childhood friend of mine invited me tonight for his birthday but I knew I didn't have the energy to go. I missed a friend's wedding on monday and I don't know if I can catch a movie with my gym buddy Vineet tomorrow. This path of training does require a lot of sacrifices and 90% of the time the outside world will hate you for that. But I know that this is who I am and Training defines Me. It makes me believe that one day I can have a Body Made Of Steel. For me, pain is my friend and the weights are my enemies. For me getting exhausted, with sweat dripping all over my face makes me believe that I am doing something right with my life. I still have many sins which god hasn't forgiven me for. I believe that through all the pain and anguish and struggle, I am somehow finding my own redemption. I just wish one day I find it.

"We glorify the Holy Ghost together with the Father and the Son, from the conviction that He is not separated from the Divine Nature; for that which is foreign by nature does not share in the same honours."

-Saint Basil

I was going through my old emails today and I found an email I sent to UFC Gym last year. They had given me a very positive reply and reading those conversations brought a smile to my face. Yes, I would like to tell you that I love Fitness. I love everything about it. I love Bodybuilding, Mma and Dieting. Very few in this world achieve a body like the gods. I really wanna be one of them very soon. What started out as an escape mechanism because of Fat Complex has now turned into an obsession with no end. And yes, my 1st love are the Movies. I love everything about them and I crave to be on the silver screen. But I know that it isn't my time yet and that is why I am focusing all my energy on the process of getting ready to be there. One has to be worthy. In the past, I wasn't. So I dedicate my every second to Training. I give it a name. I make it a person I talk too. And now I have consumed it. Once you go far down this road, you actually become a different person. Today, my life revolves around my training. There are pros to this and also the cons. The pros are that my family is happy with my progress and the con is that I grow more selfish everyday. Selfish because I only think about myself now. When my next meal is? … What are we training next? ...When do I get to Run more? So you see, I am nothing but selfish now 'cause I wanna improve, I wanna become better. I know the world doesn't run according to me. All have their own lives and responsibilities. So before they say No to me and hurt me, I distance myself from them. The greatest lesson you can teach people is the lesson of avoidance. If people really care they will find a way to know what is wrong or if they don't give a damn, they won't. Try it sometime. In my case, I have stopped giving a fuck. I write in my diary everyday and it is one of the best stress busters for me plus it helps me deal with my emotions. So yes, at the conclusion of this blog, I can proudly say I am now a Ghost and given a choice I would love to be a Ghost as long as I can. Society is afraid of Ghosts. They think they are supernatural entities who wander the earth for vengeance. I believe Ghosts are nothing to be afraid off 'cause once you become one, you see others as monsters and the more you wander, the more you see that in this beautiful, lush, green world, it is us humans who are seeking constant vengeance from mother earth. So Ghost or Human? Make your choice. I know I made mine.

This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty and I am One Of The Ghosts.

With All My Might,

Your No.1 Fan,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

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