The Opposite Sex ...

Women Are Made To Be Loved, Not Understood. - Oscar Wilde.

Women. I think that one word says it all. The opposite sex. The war of the sexes. Men are from mars women are from venus. The list goes  on and on. And as every man out there I am still trying to understand women. And something tells Me that I will never get there. To that final thesis of a conclusion, that yes, I have finally cracked the code. I have finally figured out the opposite sex. Maybe, writing this blog will help Me get there. I don't know. Maybe. Let's see. I have been around women My whole life. Whether it was My Mom who bared Me for 9 months or whether it was My babysitter who take care of Me when Mom wanted to take her bath, I have grown up in the company of women. And as a 28 year old guy today, I have nothing but respect for women. No matter how much the man hunts for meat and no matter how much he brings home, the woman will always be the foundation of the family. Trust Me, I know. I have an amazing mother to prove just that.

I know I maybe taking My Mom's side here but I know what she has been through. All My Mom ever wanted was to be a house-wife. She left all her stardom and fame when she decided to marry My Dad. I don't know how she did that and that always made me curious. Whenever I asked her that question she just said, "Being a wife and a mother is all the happiness I ever needed and now I am living that happiness everyday." My Mom is the mother of 4 children and trust Me, even today, we don't make it easy for her but she stills stays strong for us. On the record today, I am openly saying that I am a Momma's Boy and will continue to be so, no matter how people take that for Me, My Mother has always given Me her love and supported Me through My darkest years and for that I can never thank her enough. I know for every child their Mom is the best but I know this without a shadow of a doubt that in today's fast moving times, My Mom Is The No.1 Mom out there! Well My Sister, oh boy! She is a different story altogether … :-)

My sister just turned 15. We all know what happens when we reach that age and My Sister is no different. She is rebellious, down right on-your-face and sometimes harsh too. But let's face it. We all were the same when we were 15, were't we? I love My Sister. She is My life and because of her, I know I am a better man a much more responsible man. I fear the day when she will finally grow-up and have boyfriends and one day fall in love and become someone else's. But I know that day is inevitable. But until that day comes, I want to be the best brother she has. Me and My sis may not meet eye to eye with almost everything but when it comes to fighting for each other, we leave no one! I guess, that is a bond only a sister and a brother can share. Having sis around makes Me believe that there is still some good left in Me that I have been blessed with such a sweet, beautiful and caring soul as My Sister. My younger brother maybe her favourite but she knows when it's time to kick ass, I am the brother who will be up for the job. 

Surely you must be thinking that since I am going in order of the women in My life, the next paragraph will surely be of the women I have loved. Well, you are right on that but I won't take their names nor give any hints about them because that won't be right. All of the women who came in My life, came with the trust that their bond with Me would be sacred and for that reason, I will keep their respect. I have met many, many women in My life. And all of them, yes, I mean all of them have taught Me something more about love, friendship and respect. They say each soul you meet takes you to the next chapter of My life. I guess that has been the case with Me too. For a very long time now I have been around the company of women, whether they were My best friends or My lovers. Even today 3 out of 4 of My best friends are women! Trust Me guys, sometimes having a girl as your best friend can be so much of fun! They are actually more chilled out than we think they can be. And as far as the women I have loved goes, well, they have been nothing less than spectacular! To be honest, I think I am much more confident today because of the women who have been there in My life. Some have taught Me to talk, to listen and even to understand. All those years ago, even when I was a boy growing up, those women loved Me for who I was. And that is something worth cherishing about.

Sure you may think that I am buttering up women here and praising them like they are angels. Well, the truth is some of them actually are. I have met My share of women. The crazy ones, the dangerous ones, the jealous ones, the cold ones, the boring ones, the nice ones, the amazing ones and the loving ones. And all of them have left a beautiful memory for Me to think and smile about. And I know that I have made My share of mistakes with all of them. I have wronged many of them. Some who deserved it and some who didn't. I know I can't change the past but there is a part of Me now who is conscious about it. I just hope that one day I do become the man women think I can be. But until that day comes, I know I will always admire the opposite sex. I may not understand them sometimes but i do know that they are God's True Beauty on this Earth! And guys, you don't need to always see what the flesh looks like, sometimes, you just got to see their souls 'cause you never know, in one of them lies the real essence of their beauty … their purity. :-)

I am Mahaakshay Chakraborty and I guess I am still figuring out The Opposite Sex …

With All My Might,

Your No.1 Fan,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

The Missing Link ...

Be Daring, Be Different, Be Impractical, Be Anything That Will Assert Integrity Of Purpose And Imaginative Vision Against The Play-It-Safers, The Creatures Of The Common Place, The Slaves Of The Ordinary. 

- Cecil Beaton 

I know I am late in My entry. Many things have been going on in My mind and a lot of preparations to be done before the 2nd schedule of Rocky. I start Filming in a week's time. I Have so much to do. I will always have so much to do. But this isn't about that. This is about the dream I had recently. And an old friend of Mine visited Me there and this is what he said ... 

You are searching for something. Yes, you am. Something that you had before but now is lost in the wilderness of normality. You knew how it felt. To have that power. To have that feeling. You are still looking for it. You are searching for it. No, it's not love. Love broke your heart years ago. No, it is not the Social charisma. No, this is something else. What is it? What is it that you yearn for so much? What is it that you truly crave for? You are finding that missing link, aren't you? Your true purpose. A purpose that you miss so much. You know what it is. Inside of you, deep down in the darkness of your soul, you have felt it once. You have tasted it. You want it again, don't you? Yes you do. You always did ...

I know You have tried to be normal. So many times you have tried and tried and tried. But in the end, the result is always the same. You feel empty. Don't you? Whether it's birthday celebrations, or a gathering of friends you always knew there was something missing in you, wasn't it? You felt left out. Like you didn't belong. You put up this face.  A face of the boy next door because you have too. You do it because you think you have a chance for redemption. Of the things you have done. And for the things that you are about to do. You think there is an escape root for people like you. No Mahaakshay, there isn't. There never was. Once you taste the purity of the madness inside of you, once you embrace who you are, there is no going back. And you know that. Somehow, you always knew. They will try to change you. To make you believe in love and the goodness the world has to offer. But they don't see what you see. You have seen greater horrors than them and what scares you the most is that you have enjoyed it. You enjoyed every moment of it ...

You miss it, don't you? Oh I know you do. Without the fight, you are as good as dead. You have been fighting all of your life. And after a while, you didn't even realise that you have fallen in love with this fight and now, fighting is what defines you. They won't understand. They never will. Sure, they all have their own battles to fight but this isn't about them. This is about you. This is about your missing link. Something god took away from you. And now, you want it back. Don't you? You want your War. A war that will never end. You wanna play Soldier and be their, at the Battlefield and lay down hell on your enemies and you don't want to ever stop. You wanna be a War Machine. Yes, I know you want too. But you know what the world will call you right? They will call you a godless monster. A man lost in his own madness. A man who doesn't deserve his redemption. You will become the outcast. The lone wolf and no one will ever love you because you will become the thing they fear the most. You will become One with Yourself. You will become the one who will truly embrace himself. You will become Pure ...

War junkie? That is what you want to become? Isn't it? You had your war once. You were good at it. You enjoyed it. You loved it. But now, it's gone, isn't it? And now, you want it back because you miss it. You miss your war because you know it completes you. You are in love with Blood, Sweat and Tears. You love pain. That feeling of sacrifice. The purity in the madness. You crave for your own Darkness. The world will never understand. It was never supposed too. You were always the lone wolf. You were always meant to be alone. This is your curse. But your curse is also your power. It is also your greatness. It will make you the man you were born to become. You know that now. You know who you are. You know your true origins. And now, you know what the missing link is. What your true purpose is. It is War. It was always War. That sweet, never-ending War. 

They will never understand you Mahaakshay. In the end, you know how the credits will roll. You will drive off, towards the sunset. You will look for another battle to fight. You will look for another War. There is no end to this madness. But you want this, don't you? Yes you do. I know you do. I see how empty you are without it. Your friends will think you are crazy. They will even laugh behind your back but you know that no matter how many times you try to 'fit in' or be 'normal' you will never be any of those things because you are different. You are the odd one out. There is a monster inside of you who is hungry. And that hunger will never stop. No matter how many times you feed the beast, it will always want more. But I don't have to say all these things to you, do I? Because you gave in to this monster a very long time ago. Didn't you? You are far down that road now and you know, there is no going back now. But your Monster is asleep now, isn't it? You want Me to wake him up? I can and I will. But promise Me one thing, that you will never stop craving. Always want more. I will give you, your war. I will return you to your madness. I will give you, your missing link back. Just promise Me that you will never stop. And I will give you, your war. A War that will never end ...

... Sometimes, I don't have all the answers My readers. Sometimes I don't know what to say. But they say our Dreams fulfil our wishes. They show us the way and they sometimes even give us the answers ...

This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty and this time I don't know how to conclude this story. I hope, maybe you do ...

With All My Might,

Your No.1 Fan,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

The Little Things ...

Be Content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you. 
Lao Tzu

I can blog about many things. Things that are now trending on twitter. I can discuss about the Presidential Debate happening over in america. I can give you My analytical predictions as to who will win it. I can discuss about the Doping charges on Lance Armstrong and how all the companies that were backing him up are now slowly with-drawing their support. I can even make the people aware that this is Breast Cancer Awareness Month or I can even dedicate this blog to one of the greatest film-makers of bollywood Yash Chopra who passed away just recently. I can do all those things. But I choose not too. For in this blog, I choose to focus not on the big things that make the headlines but on The Little Things that affect our day-to-day lives ...

I am 28 years old. I know I am not that old to call Myself mature but neither am I that young to call Myself a kid. But for many years now, I have always been related to as 'The Kid'. Whether it was My relatives, My friends or My girlfriends, all of them always saw Me as a kid. Even though at that point of time it was ok to be tag lined as the kid, after a while it became a nuisance because no one would take Me seriously. For years and years I struggled with this onslaught ... until now. Just a few days back, I resumed My Mma Classes since I was Filming abroad and didn't get the time to train. When I got to the class, I saw all new faces. Boys, I never met before. But the more I spent time with them, I realised these boys were actually boys from the age group of 17 to 21! And all they were doing, were talking about girls and which girl winked at which guy and who is dating who. And our trainer yelled at them saying that Train More and Talk Less! I actually liked their company because I saw Myself in them when I was their age and for the very 1st time in My life I felt old! Even typing these words down, I am smiling because after all these years, I actually feel I am an adult and these boys look up to Me! So you see, the one thing that I craved for came to Me when I least expected it too ... :-)

My youngest brother Namashi has just recently started his Acting Classes. He goes everyday in the morning and comes back in the evening. I have beautiful memories of My childhood. And especially the ones I shared with My two Brothers and My Sister. Today, all of them have grown up and being the elder brother it feels beautiful to see your siblings doing the things you thought they would one day. I guess all the 'firsts' of the families will be able to relate to Me in this matter. Whenever I see My bros and sis hang around with their friends I smile because I know they have grown up and they are wise enough to take their own decisions and spend time with people other than Me. Although, it is a little sad for Me to realise this, I am more happier looking at them the way they are today and whenever I have doubts and those dark days, My bros and sis always manage to make Me smile. And that is what happened recently. Namashi was about to leave for his class when he suddenly called Me from My room and asked Me to help him out. When I asked him what it was, he told Me, please tie My shoe laces. That request actually made Me smile because My baby brother wanted Me to help him out. I felt very happy tying his shoe laces and as I did, I captured that moment and made it a beautiful memory because not everyday does the eldest brother get such a sweet request from his baby bro ... :-)

There are many things in life right now that I can be happy about but the one thing that really gives Me happiness is My Work. People often tell Me, "Mahaakshay, don't talk about your work. Don't share your happiness with people. People are very jealous and narrow-minded. They can't see others happy so they curse you and pray that your happiness goes away." I don't believe in that crap. I believe, happiness should be shared. We do all the things that we do because in the end, we want to feel happy and contented. And if you smile to the world, the world will smile back at you. It's as simple as that. Happiness comes to us in many forms. My ultimate form of happiness is My Work. I love Working. It gives Me the greatest high! When I work, nothing else matters and whenever I put My Make-Up on, I feel alive! I maybe playing different characters everyday but underneath the seriousness of all of that, I am smiling! I am smiling all the time because I am doing the one thing that I know I was born to do! In all of My living years, I have realised that life happens to us when we are busy making other plans. Sometimes, all we have to do is look where we stopped looking ... :-)

I'm not saying that My life is full of roses. Nope. Not at all. In fact, there are more thorns than roses here. But sometimes, I really feel like enjoying the little things. Even if it is for a second, I take out time and I smile because I know that this moment won't ever come back again. Sure, we all have our own shit to deal with. A friend who hurt you. The girlfriend who doesn't understand. The work you want is taking time to come. Your dues not getting paid. Dreams yet to be fulfilled. Yes, we all have our problems. But sometimes, even god wants his break you know. And sometimes, the best way to beat stress is to see the good in it. Being Grateful shouldn't be a daily duty but it should be a habit! So before I go all I can say is, for your own good, for that smile which aches to be seen, for that happiness which lingers in your heart, for that love which waits to glow, give them all that passage and spread the happiness 'cause you never know when you will realise that you are 28 too and you are no longer a kid but the man everyone looks up too ... :-)

This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty and I Enjoy The Little Things ... :-)

With All My Might,
Your No.1 Fan,
Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

The Journey Home ...

Sunday, October 14, 2012,

In The Flight Back To Mumbai …

17:10hr …

No Topic this time. No On-Your-Face proclamation. This time, it is just Me and you get a glimpse of Me, the real Me. It has been a while. A while indeed. I guess I was too tied up or maybe I just didn’t care. Sometimes I even don’t know. But I guess a man only progresses when he starts becoming truthful with his inner being. I mean I have too. How do I apologize? Where do I begin? I mean, should I even write all of that down? You know the story. But you still wanna hear it. Everyone always wants to know. And sometimes they don’t even care for the reasons. They just wanna know. I guess this won’t be any different either.

I was in kolkatta for 10 days. Shot for my 1^st Bengali film, Rocky. The experience was over-whelming. I never knew I could had pulled it off. But I somehow did. I somehow managed to make everyone happy. The 2^nd schedule starts soon. I just finished reading Kaboom. I know it has taken me a while but I finally did it. I closed the book. I read every page and pronounced every word. And I knew I would feel a void when the book would finally be over. For a moment there I also got emotional. The world would surely laugh at Me for this but I don’t think they would be able to relate with it. You know, with the feeling. I guess you can’t express everything through a blog now, can you?

I am going back to the homeland. The city where I live. My family and pets and friends wait for Me. Waiting to greet me with open arms and love. Love that I missed. But did I? That question fears Me. I dare not ask Myself. But I have too. I need to who I am. And what I am becoming. Back in the day, all those years ago, in that blackness I had asked for this. For this never-ending journey towards the oblivion. I asked for it. And today, I am living it. Do I want this to end? No, never. This is what defines Me. My work is my worship. Yes, there are many out there like me but I don’t care. I know I never did. I am too selfish. That is a fact. That I know. Ask the people who know me. They will tell you. A boy of giving is now a man who doesn’t care. I guess greatness has it’s after effects. 

Sleep the body says. Sleep for an hour more. You need the rest. The flight will take a while to reach. But the mind says go on. Write this blog entry. Let the world read your thoughts. You know you crave for it. You crave for an understanding from a world which doesn’t want to care. You hope for it to become better. You want a voice. And this blog is your medium. Type those words down. Make them read it. Write your heart out. The mind and the body fight this unconventional war which both know, they won’t win. And I guess in this hellish war My soul will be lost. I guess it died a long time ago. I don’t know. I don’t find the goodness in it anymore.

You made your point Mahaakshay. This is a blog. Not an autobiography. Stop writing! But why do these fingers not stop! Dammit stop! No, they don’t. They want to feel the release as much as the thoughts want. They will go on. They don’t care. They wanna fulfill their purpose. They wanna finish what they started. I hear the music on the ipod. Rock music. It charges me up for the week ahead. For the things I wanna do. For the promises I have to keep. For the duties I have to fulfill. The music helps. It takes me to a place. A place where only I and I belong. I wasn’t like this. No, I was different. Maybe a long time ago, I was simpler. Now, I am complicated. There is so much more I want to write. I want to write the truth. The whole truth. Can I? No, I won’t. I am too afraid of it. I still want to believe in the lies my heart tells me. I want to make it real. But deep down in that place where my soul once was, I know my heart will fail. The mind will win. Feelings I had before are long gone now. They don’t exist. They are not even a memory. A part of me fears that. A part of me embraces it. Who am I? What am I becoming? Questions over questions. There are always questions. Questions, waiting to be answered …

I look outside the window. I love this view. The sun setting. The stars which start to twinkle. It is so peaceful here. It is so beautiful. I believe if god existed he would had drawn this painting. The magic hour as they say. Up here, in the heavens, I am only with my thoughts. The world seems dead to me. For another 60mins or so, I am with myself. I like that. I love the ‘Me’ time. I guess we all do. But no, I don’t care. I never did. This is about Me. This was always about Me. My soul spoke to me before. It doesn’t anymore. I know it is long dead. But someone does hear my thoughts. A force I can’t name. For the world he is a dreadful monster. But for me, he is my friend. A friend who has been with me for a very long time. He speaks through the echoes. And sometimes through the silence. He feeds from my emptiness. He wants to stay forever. And I want him to never leave …

You sick empty being. He calls Me. You sick godless creature. You don’t be long to live a life of mortality. You don’t belong here. You belong to me. You belong to the un-ending war of struggle and triumph. You know it don’t you? I agree with him. It scares me how much he is right. He knows how empty I have become. I guess this is evolution but everything new, along with joy brings fear. I am afraid. I am very afraid. The world around Me means nothing to Me. The people in it. The relationships and the after-maths of the civilised world. They don't affect Me. Their words, their feelings, their dreams, they mean nothing to Me. Why I ask? Why? I guess I know. I guess I always knew. I just didn't wanted to accept it. I see this normality in people. In the civilized world and I wonder. They are alien to me. This thing called society. I don’t cherish it and neither I want to respect it. I am not part of the group. I am the outsider. I always was. Do I want to fit in? No, never. I want to stand out and howl at the moon. I want the world to be amazed and wonder at me as a marvel. Me and my ambitions. I know they will never end. This quest. There is no destination for death is the only end. Living this life is the journey. No matter whether my feet tremble or the skin beneath them burns to hell, I won’t stop. I can’t stop. I want to go on. Go where life takes me. It has brought me this far. I know it will take me further. There is a monster in me. A monster which needs constant feeding. The world won’t understand that. It never will …

This is the longest I have ever written. I don’t know why. I know the readers are bored by now. No, I don’t care! I wanna write more. I want to feel light. But why was I so heavy in the heart in the 1^st place? I think I have even forgotten why I started writing. Maybe, just maybe this my send-off or a tribute to Kaboom, one of the best books I have ever read. I guess I am angry that it’s over. It became my friend. I read chapter by chapter, slowly and steadily because I enjoyed it that much. I somehow found Myself in that book. I was a Soldier in some pages and in some a reader. But I was there and that is why I think I became so selfish. I didn’t give it that much of justice. I should had read it faster. But I didn’t. It is hard to let go you see. It is always hard to let go. Sure, I will find more books to read on war, soldiers and marines. But Kaboom was Kaboom and it will always be Kaboom. Am I sounding emotional. I guess I am too lost in my words to understand anymore. 

My message? No, there is no message this time. This is just Me, uncensored. I feel naked in a way. A part of Me is now forever a part of this blog. Sure I can delete every word. You all won’t even know this blog ever even existed. But no, I will post this. I want to be heard. I want the world to know who I am. I want to make a statement. Love me or hate me, I won’t stop. I am a monster. A monster who feels nothing besides ambition. I will fulfill my hunger. I won’t stop. I will quench my thirst. I am who I am. And now, the world has a glimpse of it. Let the world remember Me as they choose too. All I care is that the world should remember. If it won’t, I will make it remember Me …

This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty and This Is My Story. And This Time I Am Not The Voice Of The Voiceless.

With All My Might,

Your No.1 Fan,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

Once Upon A Time ...

I am your fairy tale. Your dream. Your wishes and desires, and I am your thirst and your hunger and your food and your drink. 
Klaus Kinski 

Once upon a time, in a land far far away there was a boy named Michael. Michael, who believed in miracles, magic and fairy god-mothers. His world wasn't that different from ours but wasn't that similar either. He loved god a lot and so one day he decided that he would go and find god. So, his quest started. He travelled the roads, the mountains and the high seas in search of god. Michael starved for days and met many people who never helped him but he still kept on going on. And then, one fine day, He met god. Oh! Michael was so happy to see him and all he wanted was to hug god and tell him how much he loved him! But god refused! He said, Michael wasn't worthy. He said that Michael was just a mere mortal and that he had no right to find god and ask god to do a humanly task. Hearing this, Michael was shattered. Almost, dead-like. So Michael went back. But Michael wasn't Michael anymore. Something in him died that day. Something from him was taken that day and Michael knew that it wasn't ever coming back. But on his way back, Michael met a man. A man who was willing to give him something to fill that empty space in his now black heart. Something much more powerful than love. Something that would make all the pain go away. But, for a price …

So, Michael, who was so heart-broken, in a never-ending pain wanted the horror to stop. So Michael said yes. And then, Michael wasn't Michael anymore for this man wasn't just an ordinary man who offered him this power. This man was called the 1st. When Michael asked what that meant, the man simply replied and said, I am the 1st of everything. Even before paradise, god created Me and he wanted that I experience all the beauty and the madness of the world at the same time. Later did he knew that I become something more than he wanted Me to be and in that threat he banished Me. So I look for all those who god casts out of his womb of love. Michael wasn't threatened by this man but rather found comfort in him and this man took him to a place where no man would dare enter. The realm of wait. The 1st said that here he would train Michael. Train Michael to become stronger and faster and more powerful. He would make Michael forget all the pain the world and god gave him and fill that void with a more powerful power. The 1st would give him courage, a relentless pursuit to his goal and an unstoppable determination to become better than any man there ever lived. And so Michael's journey began …

As time passed by Michael become stronger and stronger. Michael became the 1st's finest student and so, as autumn turned to winter and the world slowly faded away with the thought of Michael ever in it, Michael began to prepare. Prepare and train and wait. And as more years passed by Michael wasn't just human anymore. The 1st knew that Michael was special and god made the worst decision by banishing him out of his love. Michael became Cold. Although his heart pumped, it stopped to feel. Michael, who was so afraid of pain, started to embrace it. Michael, who only believed in love, now only wanted Hate. And there was something in his eyes. A certain emptiness. An emptiness caused by the blackness of his soul. A Soul that could never feel love anymore. And so, it was time. It was time for Michael to come to the real world. The world which forgot him. The world which wanted to believe that Michael never existed …

Michael returned. He was better than ever. And because of his new persona, his awesome charisma and incredible charm the people started loving him! But little did they knew that Michael was something else now. An entity of pure passion and relentless pursuit to become the best in the world! And slowly and steadily Michael started going up the ladder. Michael began to succeed. And so, as the men before us who have fallen have seen, success brings its rewards. Rewards that come as gifts of love, pleasure and power! Michael enjoyed this. He enjoyed this a lot and he never once thought how would it affect the ones around him. He only thought of himself. Michael, who was once the object of love, was now an empty soul, who was cold-blooded and selfish. But you see, Michael did not have a conscious of awareness anymore. Even if Michael wanted to feel, he couldn't. And no matter how much the world blamed him, spat at him, called him names and hated him, it was the world that made this loving soul into the monster that he finally became …

Michael was gifted immortality from the 1st. So Michael lived on and saw people break each others hearts. Kill for a piece of land and massacre thousands in the name of religion. Men, who were the creation of god. Michael saw it all and with each passing moment, Michael became more and more empty and soon, there was nothing left in him except the blackness. Michael wasn't a monster. Michael was just a man who wanted to love but became a victim of it. Michael gave in to Hate even before he knew what it would cost him. Michael was normal no more but more of a machine who foolishly thought he was human, well, at least a part of him. A part of him which, after all the horrors and wars he and his mind and body had faced, wanted redemption. But Michael knew that all those years ago when he said Yes to the 1st, there was No going back. Michael knew that this is what he will always be now. Michael knew that this is what he was always meant to be. And so, Michael lived on as the man who conquered it all and paid the greatest sacrifice for it ...

So you see, Once Upon A Time, there was a boy named Michael who went out to find god and came back as a Man who no longer believed in Him. I don't know if there any Michaels here, in this world but maybe, one day, I may stumble upon them or maybe, I may see Michael in the reflection I see in the mirror …

This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty and I am the Voice Of The Voiceless.

With All My Might,

Your No.1 Fan,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

The Hungry Games ...

More than ever, we as parents and a nation must do something about the growth of obesity in our children. We must do more than just talk, we must be concerned enough to act. 
Lee Haney 


Obesity. That one word says it all. And I think it is that one word which doesn't need any introduction. Well, at least in today's times. Obesity today is an epidemic and I personally consider it as a major problem. Trust Me, no one can relate to this more than I can do. I have been there. I have lived through that nightmare and I know how it feels to be the fat kid. Even today I have fears which revolve around My weight as I have the tendency to put on weight even if I look at food! And to be honest, I really wanted to write a blog on obesity and how dangerous it has become in today's times but I wasn't getting that push you know. But today, the Universe gave Me more signs than one that yes, this is the topic that should be written! And so here I am, dwelling into My Past, a very dark corner of it where I had kept those memories. So here it begins ...

Who doesn't feel hungry? We all do. In fact, we do the things we do, no matter how good or bad they are so thought we can eat 2 meals in peace. Food is our essence and without it we are, well, dead! So I know how important food is. If you ask Me, if given a choice I will eat all day! I love food and everything about it! I think in God's Green Earth, nothing is more important than food! Not even sex! Sex can satisfy your animalistic urges but it can't satisfy your hunger now, can it? And in today's time where food is available only a speed dial away, people have forgotten the most important thing, that everything in the universe is made of balance and too much of anything is a bad thing! It has been proven that you will live longer if you eat less. So yes, less is more. Less. Is. More! But sadly, half the world's population thinks otherwise ...

Today, children from mostly all countries suffer from obesity. Well, to be honest, saying that they suffer, is a wrong way to put it. Some of them are born with tendencies. Some of them are not taken care of properly by their parents and some, simply don't care. People, obesity can be cured. We just have to work towards it. I suffered from this nightmarish episode too and trust Me, dying is better than living through it! The way your school friends laugh at you! The way girls make you their brother because they are too ashamed to be linked with you, the way you are voted as the fattest kid in school and re-elected twice to play Santa Claus at the School's Christmas Special, trust Me, I have lived through them all. At that time, you know when I was indulging in all those chocolates and burgers and ice-cream, I thought, who cares, I am gonna eat all of this anyways. But later on, when the friends circle started avoiding Me, when My doctor said I am going towards health problems, when Parents started freaking out, that is when My eyes finally opened and I said, enough is enough! I can and I will change! And so the never-ending journey to a slimmer Me began ...

Yes, I am slim today. All the fat has gone. But I remember My journey. And I know it wasn't easy but it was worth it. Forget about the confidence you get when you see a slimmer you in the mirror and forget about how those diesel jeans fit you now. Forget about how much attention the opposite sex gives you and the compliments you receive. Forget about all of that and know that because of your discipline and dedication, you are now going to live longer and healthier! You have given yourself the best gift ever! A better you! You may not realise this today but when you are 60 years old and doing that routine health check-up and when the results are all worth a tap on your shoulder, you will know it was worth it! It will all be worth it! :-)

I say again, obesity can be cured, if we all are ready to do something about it. We have to help the ones who lack motivation. Guide them on the right path. Instead of making fun of the ones who are over-weight, we should become their friends and give them confidence. We should all follow clean diets and try to count our calories. We should workout more and engage ourself in at least one type of physical activity for at least thrice a week. Please don't take Me wrong, I am no dietician or trainer. I am just a guy who has been there and maybe a part of Me will always be there. I know My blogs sometimes only talk about Me and My soul but after watching My Dad's Film, 'Oh My God!' I have realised that sometimes cleansing one's soul happens by helping others. So this is Me doing just that. I hope, from the bottom of  My heart that in the near future, we all become perfect and no one should be called a Fatty again.

This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty and I am the Voice of the Voiceless.

With All My Might,
Your No.1 Fan,
Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

The Siren ...

It is natural to indulge in the illusions of hope. We are apt to shut our eyes to that siren until she allures us to our death. 
Gertrude Stein

They won't understand. No matter how much you try Mahaakshay, they won't understand. They will hate you, label you, call you names and dis-own you. No, they won't know how it feels. They never will. They were never meant too. Only I do. I am your constant. I am what you need. I am what you crave for. I am your hunger. And it is with Me that you feel complete. I give you meaning. I give you purpose. I give you all that you desire. These people may give you happiness. They may fill your heart with warmth. But You and I both know what you truly want. You want that Dark Joy, don't you? Yes, I see it in your eyes. That emptiness. That blackness. That feeling of nothingness. You don't want to run away from the madness, do you? No. You want to embrace it. You never signed up for peace. You love War. You are an instrument of chaos, aren't you? Yes! Yes, you are a monster. A beast. A Beast who wants to be set free. I can set you free. I can give you everything that you want. Who am I you ask? Let's just say I am a friend. A friend who comes from a place the world fears. But I will help you. I will fill your emptiness up. I will give your life meaning. I will give you, your joy. And I will make you hear that sound. Yes, you want to hear that sound, don't you? That sound of madness. That sound which makes you come alive. That sound which gives you purpose again. That sound which is the Declaration of War. Yes! I will make you hear the Siren ...

Enjoy life they say. Smell the aroma. Out-cast you are. Yes, I know how that feels Mahaakshay. That constant judgement. Those curses. Those eyes full of envy. I have seen how they have hated you. Yet you stand for their approval. Mahaakshay, don't be pathetic. Come to Me. I have everything that you want. All you have to do is say yes and I will make the hate go away. What is that? You want their Hate? Their Hate gives you strength? It makes you fight harder you say! You know they will always find faults in you. God made humans to empower over one another. Not to live in peace. If you don't believe Me, then see your News Channels. All you see is Violence, Death and Carnage. The world wasn't made for Peace. You say they pray and we should believe in hope. Will praying give you power? No! Power is taken, not given! Yes, I will ask you to make tough decisions. Choices that will hurt the ones around you. The ones you love will leave you. But I will stay with you. People leave but I won't let you feel empty. I will fill that emptiness up. I will give you a force which will that will change the world. Oh Mahaakshay, say Yes to Me and I will make you Hear The Siren ...

I know how it feels Mahaakshay. I understand your anger. You see the world progress but you have to wait. You see your enemies triumph but you wait in the darkness. You see the ones you hate receive love and you wait in line for just approvals. I know how you feel. But I can make all that go away. Do you know why? Because I have seen your soul. It is Dark as Hell and it has been consumed by Ambition. I have seen the Fire that burns within You. Nothing except your dreams matter to you, does it? I can give you success. Just say Yes to Me and I will make the Pain go away. What is that you say? You want Pain? You want the cuts and the bruises? You want to be reminded that you are still Human? Mahaakshay, you gave up your humanity a long time ago. You think I am the Devil but I have seen inside of you and there is no Hope for a Normal Life anymore. But you never signed up for that either way, did you? No! I know what you want, you want Greatness. You want to Hear The Siren ...

Yes, I have met other souls too. The wandering souls. The ones with the questions. They wanted more than the ordinary. And I gave it to them. But they all paid a heavy price for their greatness. Look back in history and you will see their names on Monuments, Walls and Streets. You want that, don't you? Oh I see how hungry you are. You crave something extra-ordinary. That extra this world will never understand. I know until I give that to you, you will be a wandering spirit just pretending to be normal. Accept who you are Mahaakshay. You are a War-Junkie. You want that Madness. You want a Mission that never ends. No matter how many Tears you cry and how loud you scream, face it, it is the madness, the fights and the Wars that make you feel complete. Yes, it does. I have seen that in your eyes. They say the eyes are the window to the soul. And your eyes have that look. That look of Anger, Rage and Hunger. I see that. I understand. Just say it Mahaakshay. Say Yes to Me and I will give you a never-ending War. I will fill that emptiness. Say Yes! Say it! Hear The Siren Mahaakshay! Hear The Siren!

... YES! Yes My Friend. I say Yes. I say Yes to You! ... Now Make Me Hear The Siren.

This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty and I am the Voice Of The Voiceless.

With All My Might,
Your No.1 Fan,
Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

Rofl, Lol, Hmmm and K ...

A while ago I got My hands on the 1st season of Californication and in one of the episodes, David Duchovny's character encounters a woman who replies to him in the language of today by saying LOL. David doesn't take this to heart as a language and goes on the radio and tries to tell his listeners how deeply affected he is by this degradation of the english language. Since he is a writer and a blogger he can't accept that in today's time, "the fast times", the people actually have no time to write english properly. I, in some 6 degrees of separation, relate to him immensely …

I have been blogging for more than a year now and even before I blogged, I have been tweeting, e-mailing and texting. I have seen the 1st nokia phone and I have learnt how to draw smileys on My phone too. So for the justification of My blog, I know I can write the following words and spread My opinion to the readers without being judged as an 'oldie' or the guy who was born in the 80's. So yes, I despise the fact that today's so-called "hip and cool" generation has screwed up the english language! I mean, come one! Rofl, Lol, Hmmm and K are not even words! They why type them? You won't believe it but EVERYONE on My Bbm list will type the word Hmmm during their chats with Me and every time they type that I ask them, "What does Hmmm mean?" and they say it means "Ok". I mean, Duh! Then why can't you just type Ok? No, no. They won't. They will type 'K'. Now tell Me, isn't that stretching it a little bit too far? 

I know we live in today's world where we can't go about without technology. I read a tweet recently saying that Today we can check each other out as much as we want but we can't check each others phones! We are living in a world where Facebook and Twitter let us connect with the billions out there but in the same we are living in a world where we have forgotten how important the human touch is. I won't argue on the fact that I am a part of this world and to be honest, I love it for technology in a way turns Me on and let's Me do all this cool stuff I never thought was possible when I was 10 years old. But I believe that no matter how fast we live, there are some things that shouldn't be altered, especially the english language or in other words the Common Language of the world.How would you feel if I would had written this blog and all My blogs in the short-form language? That wouldn't be nice, would it? Exactly. If you ask Me, I wish there is a law or something to stop this language from spreading. I can go on and on with My frustrations about how distorted the english language has become but I know that mostly all of you will cast Me out and never accept Me again. But I think I have reached that stage where I honestly don't give a f@ck! Or in the fast language … Dafuq !!!

There was a research recently that concluded that 90% of the people who type LOL during their chats are not even smiling, forget about laughing out loud! I am sorry for My outrage but the English Language has been our common thread of connectivity with the world and I believe it deserves some respect. "I Love You" definitely sounds better than "I Luv U". You know what I mean? I just hope that the generation after this gets what I'm saying. Or maybe even understands it. I am not a graduate in english literature or not even some scientist trying to find the language of the gods. I am just a guy who believes that there are some things that should remain sacred and deserve our respect. I know I will continue blogging and tweeting and texting and do all those other things I will get My hands on but I will never be a victim of the fast language. Many people have out-casted Me because I don't type short forms and don't even know how to relate to them but I can live with the consequences. At least I know that I stand for something. They say, do something long enough and it becomes a habit. I am trying  My best to do just that. And I hope that one day, all My bbm and twitter friends see that too …

I am Mahaakshay Chakraborty and I am the Voice of the Voiceless.

With All My Might,

Your No.1 Fan,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

True Action Heroes ...

It is blazing hot here. We are in the middle of nowhere. I have no idea when this heat will stop pricking Me. I am called for My Shot. It is a close-up. We are filming an action sequence, the Climax. I enacted a 'Real' stunt. I had to enter the Truck while it was moving. The crew clapped for Me. I got charged-up. I gave the shot twice, you know, one for safety. I felt all proud of Myself. I am complimenting Myself in My own thoughts. Those Mma Classes really helped. I am feeling this invincibility. This great power in Me for which I can rule the world. And then I go and do My touch-up for My next shot. While putting on My Make-Up I hear the Fight Master yelling, "Roll Camera … Action!" I put My sounds to vision and see something … Something I can't conceive to be real. I see a man, in black, totally covered, so his face can't be seen, jumping off a bike on to a moving car at the speed of 60kms/per hour! I couldn't imagine the sight  but I saw a man bearing his body and life on the line, for someone else. I see a man risking all that he has for someone else. I see a man not being a man anymore but a Hero. An Unsung Hero … Ladies and Gentlemen meet the Stunt Doubles of Our Glorious Industry …

I love action. Everything about it is amazing! Given a choice, I would love to do the action genre over and over again because I once heard that a Punch is a Punch in any language. And the masses love a guy who kicks ass and takes names. But behind every legacy there is a story. And sometimes those stories are untold or even forgotten. But I want to tell this story. Even if the story consists of a few words. I want the world to know that behind every great action superstar there are a 100 stunt doubles who risk their lives every time through death-defying stunts, all for the sake of entertainment. I thought My love for cinema was beyond any other but today I say that compared to these True Action Heroes I am nothing but just a blimp on the radar. I mean these guys get no face value, no proper recognition and not even a quarter of the salary a superstar gets, Yet, they risk their lives and do these great action stunts so that we guys look good on screen! I mean, come on! What else can I say except, "Kudos To You Guys!" And My deepest gratitude to all of you! Without you, we Action Heroes are nothing!

I know how it feels to be like the unsung hero. I mean, I have been there. You know the moment of eternal sacrifice. Where you let go of doing things for yourself and actually put every remaining breath in your body for a greater cause even when you know you won't be remembered for it. That is what these guys do everyday. Whether it is falling of buildings, putting themselves on fire or even getting their asses kicked by the heroes, they never stop doing what they love doing the most, their stunts. I ask the same question to all these stunt men and women every time I meet them, "Why do it? Why risk your lives even when you know you won't get the credit for it?" And every time I get the same reply. "We love doing this! This is what we are and we live the dream everyday!" No wonder they are the True Action Heroes in My Eyes …

One day, I would love to do these stunts too. Would love the world to Call Me Brave and daring. It is My dream to have a non-stop, no-cut, 8mins 40seconds action sequence, like Tony Ja's in The Protector in which he climbs 8 floors beating up bad guys one after the other. Even I want to play The Punisher and have 3 Steady-Cams circling around Me when I deliver Punches which go through skulls. But until these Dreams of Mine turn into realities I want these Unsung True Action Heroes to do what they do best because they make our Films look good! I am very happy that for the last couple of years hollywood has initiated Stunt Awards and it gives these Brave Men and Women the Respect they truly deserve! Just how Soldiers risk their lives to defend our borders, these men and women do the same for us, the guys who look good during the close-ups. I confess, I am no Brave Soul and in some countries, I may even be called a coward. I am petrified of such daring stunts! And I still don't have the courage to do what these guys do. I am just the guy who looks heroic on-screen. So before I go I wanna say that the next time when You see Me in An Action Film executing those glorious scenes, remember, that there are a 100 others, during the same scene, risking for Me when I do nothing in return for them. In My Eyes, these Brave Men and Women will always be the True Action Heroes …

This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty and I am the Voice Of The Voiceless.

With All My Might,

Your No.1 Fan,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

They Killed Frank Castle ...

First things first, I am sorry for the delay. I have been here in Pattaya for nearly a month now and we have been filming everyday from 08:00am to 06:00pm. So rest and sleep have been tossed out the window. But I am loving every moment here as the Film's Cast has been super sweet to Me and they really care. Lucky to have met them and they are showing Me a new, bright and exciting side of showbiz which is only making Me learn and respect these folks hell of a lot! Even right now I am putting My Make-Up on and getting My Hair done as I have to be on the Set in about an hour's time. 

So here we go …

Frank Castle A.K.A. The Punisher. Frank has by far been the greatest comic book hero I have come across in all of My living existence. I have been a die-hard fan of super heroes but never in all of My living days have I come across a man so dark, gruelling and real as Frank Castle. For many readers, this blog maybe very childish and just a boy's dream to put a cape on and imagine himself as a superhero fighting crime but for Me this is a dedication to the Man who in a way saved Me. Yes, Frank Castle has been My saviour in more ways than one and by dedicating this Blog to Him, I know, that as a Fan and a Devotee to Frank Castle, I have paid him tribute. But I know that just by writing a few lines on an electronic page and making the world read it won't be enough for the love I have for this guy. Frank Castle is the reason I am who I am today because we only read the Super Heroes we connect with and the best thing about Frank was, was that He Never Was a Superhero! He was just a normal guy. Human, like all of us. One bullet through the temple would put His dark soul to rest but it was His iron-will determination to His cause that kept Him strong and made Him live through all those hellish years before Greg Rukka decided to make Frank Rest In Peace. Yes, the Man whom I worshipped and whose Comics I read over and over again was finally No More …

I knew this day would come. The day Frank finally died in the Max Series of The Punisher which was by far the crown jewel for any Graphic Novel series in the history of comic books! To be honest, I was waiting for the day when He died. Not because I wanted Him to die but because I wanted to see how would I react. And trust Me, it wasn't good. I mean, I wasn't crying or anything but I was cold. Flipping through those pages in Punisher:Homeless and seeing Frank beat the living shit out of the Kingpin while getting pounded with bullets wasn't an easy sight to digest. When I finished the series and the last page arrived, the only thing I could feel was Nothing. Ya, nothing. I didn't know how to react. I mean, this guy, who was sketched out some 30 years ago, who helped Me save Me from My miserable life and showed Me ways to vent out My anger in a very skilful way, the Man who was My best friend and who spoke to Me through His words, the Man whom I looked up to for His morales, discipline and determination had died, right in front of My eyes! 

It is not easy to see someone you love so much die while you are reading His legacy. And more than that, it is not easy to let go. I read Punisher:Homeless twice already because the 1st time I couldn't come to the realisation that They Killed Frank Castle. They finally killed him. Today, I only ask Myself one question, what's next for Me? Will I move on or will i wait in the hope that Frank Castle will return. You won't believe it even when I knew He was dead in those final pages, I was having that slightest ray hope in Me that He will, through some God-Forsaken Miracle come back to life and continue his One-Man-Army War against the Criminal Underworld and the Scum of the Planet. But sadly, that didn't happen. I have experienced almost every emotion before. Whether it was Love, Hate, Joy, Anger, Rejection or Achievement but Frank taught Me the one thing I will always be grateful to Him for. He taught Me, how to fight back …

I am surely gonna miss Frank Castle. I am gonna miss Him hell of a lot! But I know that as a Fan, I have to, in My own way continue His Legacy. Great Actors like Dolhf Lungdren, Thomas Jane and Ray Stevenson have portrayed the great Frank Castle on the Big Screen in their own majestic way and have given Him and given His Character great justice. I wish someday, I can play Frank Castle too. But until then, I will still have His Posters up My Wall. I am still gonna continue getting His Merchandise and I am still gonna Fight the good Fight no matter what comes My way. Frank always said that it doesn't matter how much evil is out there, I will never stop Punishing it. And with every memory I have of Frank Castle, I know that I will never stop moving ahead. Even when all hope is lost. Even when people cast you out and your biggest strength is actually your fear, I know I will Never stop pushing forward because that is what Frank did. I know My Blogs sometimes have messages and stories and thoughts and sometimes just making Myself have a voice. But this one was different for not everyday do I have to say good bye to one of the Greatest Men I ever knew. I thank all of those amazing writers who sketched, inked, wrote, thought and related to Frank Castle just the way I did. I thank you all from the bottom of My heart and you never know, one day, I might just look in the mirror and see a glimpse of Frank Castle Myself …

This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty and I am The Voice Of The Voiceless …

With All My Might,

Your No.1 Fan,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

Beyond The Flesh ...

The following is Inspired from a True Story …

Jack: Dude I wanna get laid tonight. Let's go find Me some chicks!

Stan: Why bro? We can party all night long and have fun! You know, just us boys! And besides, what will your wife Angie say?

J: She won't know and you won't understand. I love her but this is a need and it has to be fulfilled. And besides, I'm a 1,000 miles away from her. She won't even know.

S: Fine, whatever. Do what makes you happy.

Some 20mins later in a happening club …

J: Dude, check that girl out! She is hot man! Look at the curves on that one! I so wanna hit that tonight! And look look! She is giving Me the eye! I seem to be lucky!

S: Bro, she is a hooker. That is what they do!

J: Who cares? She is hot! Go ask her how much she charges for the night.

S: Screw you! Why should I do it? You wanna sleep with her! You go ask!

J: Bro, I got to go talk to Angie. If she hears all the noise around Me, she will know I am out and we both know how much she hates Me getting drunk. I got to go and do the "regular" husband routine, give her flying kiss over the phone and wish her good night. Till the time I do that, keep that chick occupied. I don't want someone else taking her. 

S: You owe Me for this big time! You got that? Now come back soon! If you aren't here in a few, I bail!

J: Thanks bro! Love you man! Will be back in a jiffy! 

S: Uummm, hello miss. I am Stan. What is your name?

Kira: Hi! My name is Kira. Nice to meet you stan.

S: My friend really likes you and he wants you for the night. He was asking what is the price?

K: I can't hear you! Too much of noise! Come up in the lounge. it is quitter there.

S: Ok.

K: This is much more peaceful, isn't it? You wanna drink or something?

S: Na, I don't drink. You can drink if you like.

K: Ok. A beer will be nice.

S: Beer it is.

S: So? How much is it for the night?

K: I charge 500$ for the night. No hanky panky stuff. I keep it clear, clean and simple. Ok?

S: Ok. Will text him. Uuummm, can I ask you a question? Why do you do this? I mean, you know …

K: You really wanna know? Not many men ask Me this question? Usually they just wanna do their business and leave. Fine, I will tell you. You wanna know the long or the short of it?

S: My friend won't be here for a while. How about the entire story in a nutshell. I mean, I have never spoken to anyone from your line of business before, so yes, I am intrigued.

K: Ok. I will Say and you will listen. Don't interrupt. Here goes. My real name is not Kira. I am not from here. I come from a land very far away. My family doesn't know that I sell My body every night. If they would, they would kill Me. I have a son. He is 10 years old. He is very sick and he requires medical attention which costs a lot of money. My husband who was married to Me since I was 17 years old, decided to treat Me as a baseball bat every night when He was drunk and then decided to leave Me when I was pregnant. And In My country, they pay very less and My son means the world to Me and He is the only thing that keeps Me going. So that is why I am a Hooker. Is that a good enough story for you?

S: You. Have. A. Son?

K: Does that surprise you? You think we Hookers can't make babies? Have a life? Settle down? You think we do this because we like it?

S: I didn't say anything.

K: Exactly. You men only see us sex objects. Pieces of meat only meant to fulfil your desires. You never see Beyond The Flesh.

S: I am sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I am just taken aback. I mean, you are so beautiful! You are such an elegant woman. You … You deserve better than this!

K: Showing Me pity won't change the reality My friend. I am who I am. And I don't regret it. I do this for My son. He is the only Man I love. And I want him to have a happy life! I want him to grow up and do something great! Not end up like Me. I am a mother. And a mother always protects her child.

S: You are a wonderful mother. Your son is blessed to have you. But when will you stop doing this? Someday or the other you will. I hope you do. I pray that you do.

K: Pray to god? Hahaha! That is funny! I used to pray to him everyday. I guess he didn't care to help Me and answers my prayers. Even My friend prayed to him. She was very religious. She loved a guy and prayed to god she marry him. But he left her for a younger woman. She hasn't spoken to god since but I see it in her eyes. Every man she takes to bed, she expects Him to love her, even if it is for a minute. We all are broken souls. Beyond the flesh, we are just lost souls seeking a way out.

S: I don't know what to say. I … I …

K: You don't have to say anything. Is that your friend? Looks like My time is up with you. Lovely chatting with you.

S: Wait, listen, I know you may think there is no hope for you. But I still do. I know one day you will find peace. You will find love again and your son will grow up to be someone amazing and you never know, maybe one day I will meet you again and that time, if I am lucky enough, I will take you out on a date.

K: You never know …

This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty and I am the voice of the voiceless.

With All My Might,

Your No.1 Fan,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

The Prison Of Paradise ...

It is written in Genesis that it took God 6 days to create the world and on the 7th day He called it Paradise. We all have our own version of paradise. This version is Mine. But before I begin I hope you guys are taking out time to read My Mini-Blogs which I post everyday. I am trying to be as frequent as I can with them during these Shooting Schedules of Mine and your response to them will mean a lot to Me as I am taking another step to come more closer to you all. And speaking of Shooting, My Shoot is going great. Even though the heat here is killing, we all are Filming amazing scenes everyday and since I am the youngest on the sets, I am always bullied. The same thing happened last time, when I was here for LOOT, so I guess it is kinda of a deja vu for Me. And I wanna wish everyone a Very Happy Eid as well. And now, we begin …

As you all know My Work is My Worship. I belong on the Movie Sets and Working gives Me the ultimate happiness in the world. So yes, this is My Happiness. This is My Joy. And this is My Paradise. I have been very lucky and blessed to get this Film and to be honest, everyday when I come on the Sets the only thing I pray is that I want this forever! I never want to stop Working and I wanna die with My Make-Up on. I know I ask a lot and whenever you ask for heavenly things, you have to answer to the heavens. And I do that everyday. Believe Me, I really try. I do whatever I can to keep My side of that promise. My eyes beg for 30mins of more sleep but I fight it, have My espresso Shots, get ready and be the 1st Actor on Sets, sometimes even before the unit arrives! After nearly 10hrs of working in the blazing heat, I still make My way to the Gym, even though My Body cries for Rest. Trust Me, it isn't easy. But I still carry on, for this is My Paradise and I wanna be locked in here forever …

We Actors get the chance to play many characters. Some times, we even get the chance to play Super Heroes. But today, I tell you that in real life, I am the biggest coward you will meet. I may kick-ass during My Mma Sessions but when it comes to accepting the harsh realities of life, I run away from them like a chicken on fire. I mean, I am petrified! Out there in the real world, there are so many people with so many notions about Me. People who hate Me and laugh behind My back. Out there, all My rivals are getting what they want while I still have to fight for it. Out there, all I hear is gossip and which guy is sleeping with whom and who dumped whom. A place where temptation and lust always win over love and control. Out there, everyone is fake and are more concerned about box-office collections than their own way of life. People are more insecure than confident about their relationships. That is a harsh world. A very harsh world. And if given a choice, I never want to go back to it. I want God to keep Me in this paradise, lock Me up and throw away the key forever …

In this Paradise of Mine, I am king. I am indestructible. Here no one can call Me names or call Me stuck up or repetitive. Here I have an identity for out there I am still struggling to find My place. In this beautiful prison of Mine, I don't miss anyone. I don't care and show concern and get hurt in return. In here, I am not seeking redemption but I am finding salvation. Out there, I am just a mere mortal who is more concerned to be accepted than to be appreciated but in here, I am more of a machine who makes up everyday, puts on his make-up and waits to hear the siren. I fear to go back. I tremble at the very fact to step into that world which is full of negativity and people not believing in miracles anymore. I never want to go back. I wanna stay right here in this beautiful prison. For many, this may be called a fantasy but I choose to accept this over the reality that reminds Me everyday that I am still not good enough. I rather be alone in this Prison Of Paradise than to be out there with people who will eventually leave …

You may find My words to be negative but trust Me, they are not. I am just being honest. I know I over-think but these words are written with a lot of observation as I always see My life from a 3rd person's point of view. What I wanna say is that I know what makes Me happy and what takes that happiness away from Me and I am no longer afraid of accepting My truth. I am a coward, yes. I am weak, yes. But in the same time, I know where I belong. And it is right here, in this Beautiful Prison of My Paradise. The question is, where do you?

This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty and this is My Paradise.

With All My Might,

Your No.1 Fan,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.