Just Another Blog Entry?

"Those Who Talk Just Blabber. Those Who Express Understand."

-Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

First things first. I am very happy that I have resumed my weekly blogging sessions. I don't know how good it is for you to read them but for me it is weekly cleansing process and every time I write a new entry I feel light, energised and ready for another day. I, myself don't know why I stopped writing these entries in the middle but the past is the past and I am happy that I am back to it and with the way my Training Sessions are, Tuesday looks like the best day of the week to express my thoughts. I just hope they are as good as to read as they are for me when I type. Over the past few days I have been thinking what should be next blog entry. A lot of thinking went into it. I don't know why. I somehow feel I owe it to my blogs and to my readers that every time I give them something more than my previous entry. So that is why this week I decided that the blog will be called, "Just Another Blog Entry?" Why you ask? Well, because in the lines below you will see that I am just trying to express the current state of my well-being and also my training sessions and the thoughts and experiences I have had in the previous week. So instead of pin-pointing on a subject or a topic I wanted to just say anything and everything that come in my head and in the end, I want You, My Readers to decide whether this is just another blog entry ... or something more.

"We live in a society obsessed with public opinion. But leadership has never been about popularity."

-Marco Rubio

I believe life is full of choices and it is these choices that shape our destiny not our chances. Lately, I have been asking people the very same questions I asked the person before them. "What is it that you really want from life?" "Why are you so confused?" "What are your priorities?" "Will you finally make a choice and stick to it?" I know I have made a choice. And I also know that whenever we choose anything in life we have to, as mature and concerned adults, wager the pros and cons. I did my wager and that is why I decided to stick to the path of training. This path is giving me fruitful results and I can see these changes happen each day and thus I know I am one step closer to my goal. I remember My dad telling me to Prioritise my life. He told me to ask myself what is the most important thing in my life and once I had that answer that I should put every ounce of my energy to that particular objective. Back then I didn't fully do this but since June I have been doing it and I can proudly say that I am on the right path. Yes, I know you may question me what is the con smart ass? Well, the con is that I have let go of all my other ties. Whether it is society, friends or even love. I have closed all those doors and I am trying hard to keep it that way. Trust me, it isn't easy. I have stopped going to malls and restaurants and I make sure that even my diet foods and groceries are sent home. I have made a promise to myself that until work calls me, I will not go anywhere else except my 2 gyms, {48 Fitness for Weight Training and Cardio and One Fitness for my Mma Classes} my office and my home.  It is like a promise I have given to my goal and every time I keep that promise I know I have paid respects to my goal, to my objective, to my mission. Yes, the response from the world hasn't been that heart-warming. But as I said, I have made my choice and chosen my priority and I am going to stick to it, no matter what the cost.

"To be a tennis champion, you have to be inflexible. You have to be stubborn. You have to be arrogant. You have to be selfish and self-absorbed. Kind of tunnel vision almost."

-Chris Evert

Since we are having an uncut conversation and since I have left you to decide whether this is me just writing or trying to express something, I want to have another confession. I take my own sweet time writing my blogs. The process is something I really cherish. I put on the iMac, download all the app updates, check a few websites and put on itunes. Then, after every paragraph, I leave the computer for 5mins and come back to write the next paragraph. I know that this isn't rocket science but this is a pattern I have been following for sometime now and I just thought you should know. But right now, my right shoulder is in terrible pain. This pain was even their these last week but today it went to the peak and because of the pain I had to cancel one chest exercise. Even though my coach said it is ok I am feeling very guilty about it, the same way I am feeling guilty of not running for 5kms in under 30mins like how I always do after weight-training. But today my coach told me not to be obsessed with weight training, the same way the Mma India Chief, Somesh Kamra told me yesterday in Mma Class that I am 'Over-Doing' it. Should I take these words as advice or as compliments? To be honest I am now only focused on the healing of my shoulder 'cause tomorrow I have 25 sets of Lats plus Cardio plus Stretching plus Mma in the evening and I know that in mostly all the exercises My shoulders have to be strong and without pain. I think a nerve is swollen. Anyways, I have taken my medicines and I hope the night's sleep will help me recover. Am I really obsessed you ask? Well, all I can answer is that I am focused and I have never had this Fire burning in me before, and now, since it is burning bright, I will do whatever it takes to keep it burning. 

"I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand."

-Confucius

Right now, only one thing keeps me going. And that is my target. What is my target you ask? Well, I believe Actions Speak Louder than words and when the time comes you all will know what it is. But as i mentioned earlier, this path isn't an easy one. It is filled with challenges. Challenges that I face everyday. I meet so many people in the gyms I go. Before these people were the ones I considered as my friends and people who shared my same passions but now I can't stand them. I am so mad at them. I just can't stand the sight of them. I think it is because my priorities have changed or maybe I have just become more grumpier. But the more I drown in the world of training and weights and pain and sweat I am beginning to understand that there is no one out there who is like me or at least in the gyms I go. I see people putting on stylish caps and cool shoes and head phones in the gym and do their own mumbo-jumbo but these same people don't have even an extra minute to put the weights back to the rack. They dis-respect the gym and that is something that I can't see. I, in between my sets go and put the weights back not to prove a point but just to give respect to the things that are changing my body. I mean I can choose not too but then I will be just like them. Won't I? My coach abuses me and yells at me whenever I do that but something in me tells me to pay homage. I guess I am spiritual that way. I mean, even I want to interact and talk to these new people but my code and promise stop me. They remind me of my goal and I suddenly without anyone's notice go into a corner and for recovery open the animalapk diaries and read them. Those diaries are the only thing I relate too when I am at my place of worship and when I see people just tear it apart. Either by throwing the weights around or by showing their supremacy by doing things I am not allowed too. As I said, this path isn't an easy one but I know that with each rep successfully done, I am one step closer to my goal.

"Lets have faith that right makes might; and in that faith let us, to the end, dare to do our duty as we understand it."

-Abraham Lincoln

The same goes when I go for my Mam classes. As I mentioned last time that the 'ladies group' has come and practically made the brutal mma class into a beginner's class, I know that the gym will not do anything to alter their incoming business they are getting with the extra cash which comes from such classes and they won't even fix the damn reception AC, but use the fans for their own instead of giving some air to us members. Yes, my frustration is at peak when I see people just come for the heck of it and consider Mma as just another 'Group Class' instead of understanding how amazing it is. I see people come every time and quit after the first 30 seconds of each drill instructed to us. I get so angry at these people that instead of doing the exercise given they sit and laugh and joke. None of them take the class seriously. Trust me, you have no idea what level of patience I have to bear when I see something I love so deeply get shamed by people who don't even have an ounce of respect for it. I am sorry, I am old school. I come from a place where honour still means something. Where that word still holds value. So at times, I remember my code and try to keep calm. So many a times I have been laughed upon when I have tried explaining to people what my code really is. They think I have a stick up my ass but the truth is that this 'Code' of mine is the only thing that keep me mentally sane in this insane world and weirdos I meet everyday. My 'Code' hides away my reality. The reality which makes me sweat at night. The reality which only gives me fear and the reality which is more scarier than the monsters in the closet. My 'code' is what I live by. I try Not talking to people. I try to open and close conversations as sweetly and as swiftly as I can 'cause I just want them to shut the hell up but you know how people are, they are social animals and one way or the other, they want to prove to the guy standing next to them that they are better than him even though they have jack shit to back that up. 

"To understand the heart and mind of a person, look not at what he has already achieved, but at what he aspires to."

-Khalil Gibran

To be honest I can go and on but I guess for now, this is more than enough. I don't know what I tried to express or make you understand  from this blog. Or whether I just wrote some bullshit for you to forget in a heart beat. But I know I tried. And maybe that is what I am trying to do since so long. For all of you to understand. The ones who have tried must hate me for saying this over and over again. They think that they must have done what was asked of them but now I tell you that why everyone else has failed. It is not because they were short-sighted or more 'chilled-out' and 'normal' than I was. It was because for some sick and twisted reason I never wanted them to fully understand. You can call it fear of being completely vulnerable or the ego too proud to admit that it never needs help, I have always pushed people away. And I guess this process will continue. Before I had sins on my shoulders but today I know i am clean. I am detoxed and I have the confidence to even ask god to wager my pros and cons and stall tall in the hall of judgement. But I know I can't change peoples opinions. I can't change the way they live their life and how much they gossip and waste their lives on the successes of others and the clothes they wear and the society they desperately want to fit into. I know I can't change anything. I can only better myself. Make myself more focused and set my eyes, my mind, heart and soul to only one objective and wish that with every passing day I become more stronger to face the challenges that are ahead of me. So tell me my readers, was this blog a cry of help? A Statement? A Message? An Emotional Outburst or Just Another Blog Entry? The choice is yours 'cause after all, everything in life does begin with a choice.

"He who does not understand your silence will probably not understand your words."

-Elbert Hubbard

This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty and now I leave the choice to You.

With All My Might,

Your No.1 Fan,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

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The Lone Wolf ...

"One Day When They Will Ask Me, 'What Was The Most Incredible And Scariest Moment Of Your Life?' I Will Tell Them, That It Was The Day When I Knew What My Fate Had In Stored For Me."

-Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

So finally the time has come. The time when I dedicate a Blog to the title of 'The Lone Wolf'. This was a long time coming but I guess all happens when it is meant to happen. And I guess the time has finally come. In this blog I officially state my current state of being. Or should I say, how I was always meant to be. I remember, like it was yesterday, I went to mom just to express my feelings of troubled thoughts. It was the year 2006 and I was Filming for Jimmy. And I told Mom that I don't feel anything. That I am scared I will always be alone. Even though Mom was very disturbed to hear what I had to say, she also told me that this is just a phase and in time it will fade away. I believed her because she is my mom and she definitely has had more experience of life than me, so I let the thought slide and tried to forget about it. Now, nearly 7 years later, that thought is still with me. And it grows more stronger than ever. Those voices in my head, that inner voice of the soul, telling me only one thing, only, one, thing. That I will always and forever be The Lone Wolf. Before these thoughts used to sadden me and cast a shadow of fear over me. But now, after life's experiences, I can tell you that is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I am truly honoured to be The Lone Wolf. And now, you will know why ...

"A man is born alone and dies alone; and he experiences the good and bad consequences of his karma alone; and he goes alone to hell or the Supreme abode."

-Chanakya

I have tried. I have really tried. Over and over again. Whether it was to mingle or socialise or to make friends or even fall in love. I have tried them all and every time I have failed. Before I didn't know why. Before I always blamed the other person. I tried to find their flaws and made sure that they thought that they were guilty but as time passed as this became a repeated cycle I figured out that it wasn't them but it was 'I' who was the problem. I have been blessed enough to receive love from many but for some reason I couldn't love them back. I mean, even though I was with them, talking and laughing and making beautiful memories, I always felt an itch on my back. Like there was always something missing. Like there was more. But somehow I couldn't find it. And slowly, that strong bond of connectivity used to collapse and all those whom I loved went away because I pushed them away for I felt no connection with them. I mean, how fucked up is that?!?! Man is supposed to be a social animal! I guess God wasn't paying attention when he was creating me. {Lol} But seriously, I sometimes even wonder which stick is up my ass that this happens to me every time! Over and over again. It is not like I haven't tried to feel you know. Even right now, when I am writing this blog to you, I swear, I feel no connection with my emotions. At least with the emotions which make a man normal. Emotions like Friendship or Love. Yes, I know. I am no Machine. I do feel something though. You may think it is my anger that I still feel. No. I have put my anger to rest. I now feel a fire within me. And I guess, throughout history, only few have felt this fire. This fire only the few, privileged were chosen to feel. Only The Lone Wolves ...

"I love to be alone. I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude."

-Henry David Thoreau

Today, I did a Chest Workout followed by a 30mins Run at the speed of 10kms an hour 'cause running non-stop at that speed makes me reach 5kms in under 30mins. My coach now Workouts me and it is truly an honour to train with him. I think day by day I am coming closer to his high standards of training and fitness. But no, I am not telling you all of this so that I can show how great I am becoming. No. As mentioned earlier in my previous blogs, I am just a peanut compared to the gym freaks out there. I am writing all of this to explain the fire within me to you. For the last 2 days, I was resting. My body needed the rest and maybe it took an extra 24 hours to heal. And when I was all by myself on Sunday and on Monday, I somehow felt very good to be alone. I can't explain. I guess, that has always been my problem. I just couldn't ever put it in words how much I have loved my loneliness. My 'Me Time'. The time when I have no worry of the world and when I am all by myself. I try to have these 'Me Times' whenever possible and trust me, they are very rejuvenating. So after resting for 48 hours I finally returned to the gym. And before my 1st rep, I had like a billion thoughts in my head. "Should I message him? Should I tell her how I feel? Man, that girl in the treadmill is cute. Will it rain today? Will I be able to push to my max today?" And so on. But the moment I finished My 1st Rep and felt the blood flowing in My Pectoral Muscles I felt Alive! And I screamed,"Yeah! That's what I am talking about!" Oh man! I can't explain to you how good that felt. And then I did the 2nd set and after that I felt like I was Juggernaut from X-Men and then after every set, I yelled, "I am The Juggernaut Bitch!" Trust me guys, it felt like a jolt of electricity running through me! Like a kick you feel when you are high on caffeine or when you just had sex! I felt that when I was working out and then all those wasteful thoughts vanished and I was focused! Completely focused in "Claiming The Weights" and by the end of the workout I knew I did my best and made my coach proud! And that is when I knew why I didn't feel a thing for others was because I was put in god's green earth not to make friends or fall in love but to become the best version of myself. Not to be a social animal. But to be The Lone Wolf. A Beast in His Purest form. But the story doesn't end here. For every beast needs his feeding and sometimes the beast wants more than your blood, sweat and tears ... sometimes the beast even wants your soul ....

"Every man must do two things alone; he must do his own believing and his own dying."

-Martin Luther 

As I mentioned to you that I now have a new trainer as he has been a blessing to me. I finally have found the right guy who knows exactly how to train me and the results and changes I am seeing are beyond my very own imagination! And training with my coach has in a way made the fire within me burn bright again! After years I feel so focused and so motivated and somehow even though my body goes through hell, it wants more and more and more! Coach recently told me to resume my Mma Classes for more strenuous Cardio and Core Conditioning and nothing made me more happier than that. But what I witnessed once I went back was more of a horror to me than rejoice. People and I mean a group of ladies in particular have now 'taken over' the Mma Class and they laugh and giggle more than they train. Even though their every comment of 'Making The Class Easier' ticks me off I still manage to do my training as hard as I can and leave. But even after 3 hours in the Gym and 90mins in my Mma Class I feel I can do more. Like a hunger inside of me which doesn't go. Those voices in my head telling me, "We want more! Feed us more!" And the inner voice from my soul telling me the same thing but in a different way. "You want more, don't you? You want a real fight. Don't you? A Fight That Never Ends!" And I know that no matter how many 'whatsapp' messages I exchange with the world or how many pics I upload on 'Instagram' those voices will always want more 'cause they don't want the ordinary. They want the elite. They want more from me. Like a calling. They want to feel alive. And that feeling of being alive will only come when I will sacrifice my everything to my cause. When I will choose to be alone. When I will tell myself that this is who I am. My voices don't scare me anymore. They make me stronger. They free me. They meet me in the darkness. "Cause they say in the darkness, we are pure. In the darkness we shed our skins and the monsters come out to play. My voices want me to The Lone Wolf because that is the only way I will feel complete again. That is the only way I will ever feel alive again ...

"The only real progress lies in learning to be wrong all alone."

-Albert Camus

So there you have it, my confession of why I am The Lone Wolf and why I will always choose to be alone. I guess this is the way I am. i guess I belong out there you know. In the Wilderness. I guess I am one with the monsters. The monsters who eat souls. I love to fight. And I will go wherever the fight will take me. Like that grumbling feeling in your stomach. Like that flickering of the eye. Like that constant motion known as life, I know who I am now. And no matter how many people I meet in this journey of mine, I will never let them tag along with me. I know I will always push them away, 'cause I am not looking for friendship or love or lust or the junks and perks, I am looking for a Fight. A Fight that will never end. A Fight that will make me bleed. A Fight that will break my bones and take my breath away. A fight that will finally make me the warrior that I believe I am. The reason I have put up a Ufc Gym pic is because it is one of my Dreams to go to Los Angeles and train for 3 Months in the Ufc Gym where I will meet like-minded warriors such as me. Where I will train for more than 6 hours a day. Where I will be with myself and the thoughts which need feeding. To those who love me, I am sorry that I am this way but I guess this is who I always was and who I will always be. And for those who have always hated me, hate me as much as you want 'cause I am not doing this to beat you or bring you down. I am walking this path because I was meant too and maybe just maybe, someday I will find another Lone Wolf just like me and I will sit and hear his story too like the way you all are reading mine.

This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakaraborty And I Am The Lone Wolf.

With All My Might,

Your No.1 Fan,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

"Life could be wonderful if people would leave you alone."

-Charlie Chaplin

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Seeking An Honourable End ...

"Every Warrior Knows That One Day He Will Die In The Battlefield. And What He Truly Seeks Isn't Medals Or Accolades. What He Seeks Is An Honourable Death."

-Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

I know I have always been spiritual. More than religious I think I was attracted towards the spiritual powers of the universe. And in the last few years it has come to my realisation that God and The Powers That Be are more connected to us when we are spiritual and in touch with our souls. And all the wise men of the past have always said one thing, 'Ask Questions Which You Seek Answers Too.' And following their advice I did just that. And the more I asked the more I realised that the questions will never end 'cause with each answer another question arises. But as a man who is in search of his salvation I have come to realise that many will not understand my journey. Al though some may try but they will never actually understand. And since the dawn of revelations in my life all I ever wanted was, for the world to understand. Whether it was my pain, my anguish, my struggles or my hardships, I just wanted the world to see I am just like them. But suffice to say, I haven't till date met one person who has walked or is walking the journey I am in. But even then I walk on. I just walk because now this loneliness has become my friend and I have now somehow uplifted myself from the norms of society because I know that there is more to my life. A voice inside of me tells me to walk this road for in the end I will finally come to my destination. And in the end, when all the dust settles and when I will take the last breaths of my life, all I will seek will be that one person who will give me my curtain call. At that last check point, when I finally check out, I will meet my maker and he will give me what I long for ... He will give me An Honourable End ...

"Work out your own salvation. Do not depend on others."

-Buddha

It was nearly a year ago. I remember like it was yesterday. Wrestlemania 28 was around the corner and Triple H V/S The Undertaker Part 2 was one of the most awaited matches. It was one of the Raw episodes in which Shawn Michaels was interviewing both the contestants. And during the interview Triple H said something which hit me like Lightening. He looked at The Undertaker in the eyes and said, "I know taker. I know what you want. You want me to finish it. Don't you. You want me to end the streak. You know it is me. I am the one who will finally get the job done." What I am trying to explain here isn't the aggression what Triple H had. It was what The Undertaker acknowledged. The Undertaker is still undefeated at Wrestlemania. Even after 20 years, he holds the record of staying the winner in whatever hell has been through. But somewhere, in the depths of his soul even He, The Great Undefeated Undertaker is waiting ... He is waiting for that one opponent who will finally end it. Who will put an end to the streak. You see, Taker wants to be free now. He has fought long and hard. And now, his soul wants to be amongst the angels. He wants this greatness to come to an end. But he wants it from an opponent who is fitting enough for the curse Taker will leave behind because whoever that man will be, he will forever be known as The Man Who Ended The Streak. Do you understand what I am trying to say here? Even I am looking for such an opponent. An opponent who will finally put me to rest ...

"The salvation of this human world lies nowhere else than in the human heart, in the human power to reflect, in human meekness and human responsibility."

-Vaclav Havel

I have always believed in fate and is destiny for I have always believed with pure conviction that we all are here for a reason. Reasons we sometimes don't understand. Some of us seek to find what that reason is while the others just wither through life without actually living it. Through all the turmoils and questions and road bumps I have faced in life I have come to understand that I was always meant to be a Fighter. I may have not have the Warrior Gene in me but I consider myself one. And that is the reason why I have always been attracted towards War and Fighting. Why I have always invited Pain and Sacrifice. And that is why I do Mma. That is why I go to the Gym and make my bones feel iron. That is the reason I choose Greatness over Love and that is the reason I choose to be alone rather than being around people. It was only a few days ago that I was doing the Big heavy in the Gym. The Dead Lifts, Squats and Bench Press. As the sets progressed the weights did too and the tougher they got. But I somehow managed to "Claim The Weight" and finish my workout properly. But while I was in that unbearable pain, I suddenly became very sad and felt very lonely. Not because of the pain but because I realised that no one will ever see this journey of mine. No one will be able to understand it. The world will just move on but I will always be here, alone, pushing bone against metal and seeking my answers through the pain and the soreness and the struggles. That no one will come and say. "It Is ok Mimoh. You Can Let Go Now. You Don't Have To Feel Anymore Pain now. You Can Be Free. You Can End It Now ... You Can End It Now ..."

"There are enough churches already, but the world still needs salvation."

-Sun Myung Moon

I never knew what Mma was until 2 years ago. I just happen to go for a boxing tryout at One Fitness in malad and that is where I first tasted the adrenaline of Mma and since that day I have become an Addict. I have been going to the same classes for the last two years and in front of my eyes I have seen so many come and go. I have seen trainers change and also the gym staff replaced but I can proudly say that I have been the one constant over there. I see people coming and trying out the class and 99% of them never come back. They consider it as a 'Fitness Class' but what they don't realise is that Mma India teaches us the sport not just the 1 2 3 you see in other gyms. And in these two years, the more I have learnt this sport the more I have become hungry for more and trust me, the more hungrier you get, the more you wanna fight and the more you wanna fight, the more you seek for an opponent who will give you that ultimate satisfaction of beating you to a pulp and making you stronger. But sadly, to this day, I haven't met him. And to be honest, every time I see a new face in class I wish that this is the guy who will face me. I have been waiting for him since the last 2 years now. I just hope I meet him someday. At times like these, I remember words from the movie Rocky Balboa when the reigning boxing champ goes to meet his trainer. The champ is tired of winning because he believes that he has defeated everyone and he has no more competition. And that is when his trainer tells him, "There Is Always Somebody Out There. Always." And remembering those words, I wait. I wait in patience when I will finally have the fight of my life. When I will punch, kick and make my opponent bleed and when he will do the same. And in the end when he will finally break me, I will tap out and he will win. And at that moment, I will hug that man for he will earn my respect for that man will finally give my fight it's meaning ...

"Our salvation is in striving to achieve what we know we'll never achieve."

-Ryszard Kapuscinski

So there you have it. My own weird eulogy. I myself think that why do I think so intense and weird half of the time. But I guess this is me. I guess I am spiritual. I know I have made my share of mistakes in the past and my actions mostly have been for the wrong reasons. But as I am coming of age, I am coming to realise many a things. And I know that I have still many more miles to go before I sleep. I still have to meet my maker. I still have the world to see, people to meet and cultures to explore. Don't take me wrong, I am not unhappy. In fact, I have never been this focused! Ever! But I know that no matter how many people I meet, I will always have these questions within me. It is like Fate is preparing me you know. I know one day My Time Will Come. One day I will be successful and one day all my dreams will come true. But I also know that even when I will have all the power, riches, fame and money in the world, my feet will find their way to the gym at 4am in the morning and my body will demand the pain of weights and the sound the make when they are racked together. My soul will again find it's way to the octagon cage and wait for that fighter to come because after all the years of fighting, you become a fighter and before you realise, fighting is what defines you. Pain becomes your strength and loneliness becomes your companion and the long empty road is where you feel at home. This has been a very personal blog to me and I hope that God upstairs finally listens to me and grants me My Honourable End 'cause he knows that when I do face my end, I won't go down without a fight. And as they say in Mma and in Boxing, "If You Are Going Down, Go Down Swinging."

This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty and I am Seeking An Honourable End. Is God listening?

With All My Might,

Your No.1 Fan,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

"To this light, then, would I recommend all, with mine own soul, - to this sure way of salvation."

-Elias Hicks

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The Random Thoughts Of A 29 Year Old ...

"I May Be Crazy, Moody, Cranky, Stubborn, Weird And Sometimes, Down Right Heinous. But This Is Who I Am. And This Is Who I Am Always Going To Be."

- Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

I am right now, in a state of bliss. You will ask why? There are many reasons why I am feeling this right now. But to start with, all I can tell you that for the very 1st time in my life, I am in sync with my thoughts, my ideals and the path which is laid ahead of me. What is that word? Ah! Yes, Synchronicity. Now, I know what it feels like to be 'One With The Universe.' I just turned 29 a couple of days ago and for the very 1st time in the city of Mumbai, I had a Boys Night Out Birthday Celebration. As expected, it was a blast and all whom I had invited had come. I enjoyed every moment with my friends and family and the photographs taken on that day would surely remind me in my coming years that my 29th birthday was a very good one. But this blog isn't about that night. Nor about the presents or love I received that day. This is, as always, about me and my thoughts. The one constant in my life, since the last 14 years have only been my thoughts. Whether they were bad or good, they have always been there. But the funny thing about thoughts is that they come and go whenever they please and I must say, they come without warning and in random. So I thought that since I am one more step closer to my maturity, I should type out these thoughts and share them with all my readers. So here we go. Ladies and gentlemen, you are about to know what goes on in my head. Well, in a random order I should say ...

"Advance, and never halt, for advancing is perfection. Advance and do not fear the thorns in the path, for they draw only corrupt blood."

-Khalil Gibran

It is Saturday night. All I hear is music from restaurants and party halls. The latest Bollywood music is on full volume. But I am here, writing this blog. I ask myself, shouldn't I be out there painting the town red as well? I mean, I know I can and I do have all the freedom to do so. But then, what is stopping me? Well, it is My Thoughts. For a very long time now, I have had this one constant thought that 'Greatness Requires Sacrifice' and  in order to achieve all that I want too, I have to be strong enough to let go of my temptations. And that is why I sit here, all by myself and write this blog because I know tomorrow is Legs Day in the Gym and my sleep and recovery today will help me use all my energy for the hellish workout that awaits me tomorrow. Why do I do it you ask? Well, I have been asked this question so many a times in the past and every time I have given the same answer ... It is because I know what My priorities are. And right now, at this tangent of my life, nothing is more important for me than My training. I have been given advice from so many people before and all state that I don't have to be this stern. That I am too serious in life. That I should 'Chill'. Before, I used to retaliate. But now, I don't because I don't hang around with those people anymore 'cause they weren't the supporters, they were the dis tractors. Luckily, I now surround myself around people who understand what I am going through and who also understand that being fit isn't a way of life, it is a Lifestyle itself. And that is why I am the way I am. And maybe, this is the way I am always going to be.

"Experience is not what happens to you; it's what you do with what happens to you."

-Aldous Huxley

Yesterday we were doing Legs and Power Kicks in our Mma Class along with some Knee Blocking Techniques. These exercises help us to have more flexibility and power in the legs. We also did some Conditioning to Strengthen our Shins. My Mma buddies tried as much as they could but finally gave up and told me to continue my Conditioning with our Trainer. I was up for it. As I remember, it was after the 7th or the 8th Kick that My Trainer gave a of his own and that kick hit my directly below my left ankle. And trust me, I didn't expect the pain to be that excruciating. I mean, the pain was unbearable and I knew I got hit. Al though a part of me was mad because I didn't block that kick, a part of me enjoyed that pain. And to top that I went ahead and did some more Kicking Practice on the Pad and gave it my best. Even right now, as I am writing this blog, I can feel the pain. I have been limping all day and the nerve which is swollen from the inside hasn't subsided yet. But even through the pain, I managed to do My Spinning Class and I now I will also be able to do Legs tomorrow. What is the reason of me telling you this? No. It's not because I wanna show off. And neither it is to show you all how strong I am. I know that one punch from an Mma Fighter and I am out in a second. No. I told you this because I wanna tell you that I love Pain. Yes, as weird as it may sound, I have this great connection with pain. Not self inflicted pain. But Pain caused by Labor. I love it all! The Scars, The Bruises, The Muscles when they are Sore and when I know that My Body has taken a Beating. I don't know but I have this weird thought in my head that the more pain I embrace, the stronger I will become and that is why I invite it. I welcome it with open arms and look for exercises and grueling tasks which take my body to the limit. As they say, "Pain Is Weakness Leaving The Body." So whenever I go through this Pain, I tell Myself, that I am stronger than I was yesterday and one I will be The Strongest That There Is. So yes, I love Pain. Pain Is What Makes Me Stronger.

"March on. Do not tarry. To go forward is to move toward perfection. March on, and fear not the thorns, or the sharp stones on life's path."

-Khalil Gibran

I am right now reading an amazing book called, 'What It Is Like To Go To War'. It is the true horrifying story of a Marine who was in Vietnam and who survived that brutal war. The more I read this book, the more I am understanding that Marine's psyche. He was a Soldier. And he did what he had to do. I mean what would you do if you were in a fire fight and your life was at stake? You would do anything to survive. They say War Changes Us. And this book shows us just that. I am so glad that I got the chance to read this book. And I hope I get a chance to meet the book's author also as I have always admired the Soldiers of the World. And the Indian Commandos and United States Marine Corps have always been my favorites. We all know that they are the true heroes and what they do is far greater than what any billionaire or a commoner can do. But what I relate most with them is the Love they have. What love you ask? It is their love for country. Their love towards their brothers in arms and Their Love To Fight. FIGHT. Wow! That word has such deep meaning in my life. All my life, I have fought and now, I am in love with it. I know there are people out there who are fighting for more righteous reasons but when I think of Myself, I ask God, The Almighty to make me fight always. Until the day I die, I want to fight. I want a Fight That Never Ends. It is because I know now that this is who I am. I am A Fighter. I am not the Normal Guy. The one from the pack. The one you will see at a party or at the Page 3 of newspapers. I am not the guy who fits in. I am now The Fighter who Stands Out.

"It's not what you look at that matters, it's what you see."

-Henry David Thoreau

So there you have it. The Random Thoughts Of A 29 year Old. To be honest, right now, I have a billion thoughts running in my head and I know that by the time I post this, a billion more thoughts will emerge and I will tell myself, "Damn, I should had written about this instead of that!". This thought cycle of mine is never-ending, trust me I know. But honestly, I love My thoughts 'cause it is these thoughts which make me believe more, which make me smile and they also remind me why I am here. I know I still have a long way to go but because of my thoughts and the actions they have made me do, I have come this far. Right now, I am writing this blog and in the same time trying to chat on whatsapp, listen to 'My Time Is Now' by John Cena and google Venum Clothing on the net. I know I am not great at multi-tasking but my thoughts are already in full throttle mode and they are showing how I will get inspired next. I know you maybe asking me that when I have a billion thoughts in my head, why would I only pick 2 or 3 to share? Well, these thoughts dominate my mind the most and in someway, these constant thoughts help me to become the man I wanna be. So before I go, I just wanna say that this is who I am. I am not Perfect but I love being Me. Just as, I hope you love being You. The only difference right now is that I Blog about 'cause you never know, someone, somewhere might just be inspired. The Question Is: Will You Be An Inspiration Too?

This Is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty And This Is Who I Am. Well, A Glimpse Of It At Least.

With All My Might,

Your No.1 Fan,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

"The difficulties you meet will resolve themselves as you advance. Proceed, and light will dawn, and shine with increasing clearness on your path."

-Jim Rohn

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#PushThePace ...

"You Can Take The Dog Out Of The Fight But You Can Never Take The Fight Out Of The Dog."

-Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

We all fight. Yes we do. I know so many people right now who are just fighting to stay alive. My prayers are with them. And even if you put on the television, all you see is death and tragedy. God knows what hell they are going through. If I had the power I would had helped all of them. But today I can't. But I know, maybe one day in the future I will have the power to change the world. So until that day comes, I have made a solemn promise to myself that I will make myself worthy of that power. And do you know how that will happen? It will happen through training. Through hours and hours in the gym and the octagon ring. It will happen by eating only chicken and eggs and fish while you see others eating pizzas and pastries. It will happen by dedicating myself towards a goal. By focusing on one particular target and devoting my every breath towards it. It will happen by eating, sleeping and drinking only one constant dream. The dream not to be better than others but to be the best version of myself. For years, I have been into fitness but trust me, there have been a billion times when I have reached plateaus and those moments have only brought me down. But now, finally, after nearly 14 years I have cracked the code. I found the secret. I know now what I need to do to reach my target. And that is #PushThePace. What is #PushThePace you ask? Well, my dear readers, get ready to find out ... :-)

I hated every minute of training, but I said, 'Don't quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion.'

-Muhammad Ali

As you know, I am huge fan of Wwe. And like the millions and millions of The Rock fans, I was thrilled to see him return to the Wwe. But what thrilled me more was his all new Physique. He looked like a Titan! And on the 1000th episode of Raw The Rock came to the ring in his new t-shirt. And in that shirt it was written, "Push The Pace Soldier". Back then, I just liked the tshirt. I thought it would be good as a collectible. But since I have started training with my new Trainer Rajendra 'Raj' Dhole, I can't stop myself from using those words in my day to day life as well! Whether I tweet or talk to people or write a Whatsapp status, #PushThePace is mentioned everywhere! And the reason that is happening is because for the very 1st time in my life, I am breaking my own records! I am picking up more than 100kgs in the weight room! I am running 10kms in 70mins! I am dieting in the most strictest form ever! So I guess I am now worthy of the hashtag and quote line, #PushThePace 'cause there is one thing I have realised and what my coach told me on day one, is that 'The Human Body Is Capable Of Remarkable Things. All We Have To Do Is Be Prepared To Push It To It's Max.' And now, thanks to my coach's gruelling and Punishing Workout Routines, I am challenging my limits. I am Pushing The Pace! :-)

Bodybuilding is much like any other sport. To be successful, you must dedicate yourself 100% to your training, diet and mental approach.

-Arnold Schwarzenegger

This isn't a pompous blog. This isn't me showing off. One ting I have learnt being in this cut-throat industry is that no one is invincible and there is always somebody out there who wants to beat you. So by publishing my pics and writing how much better I am becoming I am not saying that I am better than all of you! No! No way! Never! Our industry has actors with 6 to 8 packs today and half the world is covered with men and women who have dedicated their lives to fitness and I know I am just an ant compared to them. No, this blog isn't a port folio to impress industry folks either. This blog is to motivate all those people who think they can't do it, or who presume by themselves that they don't have what it takes to become better. Trust me, I was the fat kid in school! I couldn't run even one whole lap of the school's jogging track! I was the goalie in football and the guy who stayed near the hoop in basketball cause I was tall. But I wasn't a 'Ladies Man'. I wasn't the kid you would take to prom. But here I am, living proof that anything is possible. And do you know why anything is possible for me today? Because I believe in myself and I have sworn on my soul that come what may, I will reach my goal. Not for movie deals or the chicks or to show people down but for my own fitness satisfaction. For my own pleasure and happiness when I see myself in the mirror and see my body transform into this beautiful thing. I am living proof that, 'You Can Go The Distance.' All you have to do is #PushThePace ... :-)

"Training gives us an outlet for suppressed energies created by stress and thus tones the spirit just as exercise conditions the body."

-Arnold Schwarzenegger

Today, on the net, you will find all that you need to make the perfect body. There are the right ways and the wrong ways. There are trainers who are giving free advice. There are institutes who are willing to help you transform your body for good. The list is endless. But my readers, until YOU and only YOU to decide to change for the good none of those dieticians, trainers and institutes can do jack for you! "To See The Change On The Outside, You Must First Change From Within." You must decide with all of your heart and soul that you will do whatever it takes to reach your goal. My coach told me that the 1st thing that will change will be my life style and as he predicted, it came true. Today, my life revolves only around my training schedules. There are so many people I can't meet even if I want too. So many movies I have missed in the theatres, plays that have come and gone by and friends who are just plain disappointed. But as they say, "Nothing Good In Life Comes Easy." And to be honest it doesn't matter to me whether people understand that or not. My sleep is more important than meeting a friend for dinner. My cardio is more important than watching the latest release in the theatres. My training is more important than to go to some stupid party and pretend to like people that I don't even know. Yes, this life style is a game changer and it isn't an easy road. It takes hard work, determination and hell-of-a-lot of discipline to reach where you wanna go. Every day you are testing your limits. Every day you are pushing yourself through the pain. Every day you are breaking the norms of reality and creating your own. Remember, with every rep, you are one step closer to your goal. With every run, you are running towards the new you. With each drop of sweat, God is noticing you more 'cause, "History Wasn't Made By The Lazies. It Was Made By Men And Women Worked Their Asses Off!" 

"What we face may look insurmountable. But I learned something from all those years of training and competing. I learned something from all those sets and reps when I didn't think I could lift another ounce of weight. What I learned is that we are always stronger than we know."

-Arnold Schwarzenegger

I know I have a long way to go. In fact, to be honest, I have only just begun! There is no stopping the Will once it is set. So my dear readers, believe in yourselves. I know some of you maybe thinking that I can do this because I have the best at my disposal. Yes, I won't disagree with you. I have the best Trainer in the business with me today. I go to the best gym in Mumbai. {48 Fitness} I have meals and supplements taken care of for me. And I have immense support from my family. But my readers, I face the demons of reality too. There are days when fear creeps in and wins. It shows its ugly face and laughs and I succumb. And as my coach knows, I am an emotional eater! So I eat when I am depressed! What I am trying to tell you is that I am not Super Man and neither I am some Machine. I am just a man who is trying to outwit the devil, every single day and trust me, the devil comes in all shapes and sizes! But I #PushThePace and I run on that treadmill! I scream when I pick up those weights and I curse out loud so that the whole world can hear me roar! I scream in pain and agony but I never quit! I make time and I fight. We all are fighters and we all have our battles. Before I used to fight to put others down, now I fight just to make myself better. So my dear readers, when in doubt just look within and remember to always #PushThePace. :-)

"The purpose of training is to tighten up the slack, toughen the body, and polish the spirit."

-Morihei Ueshiba

This Is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty And This Is Me Pushing The Pace And Reaching For The Impossible.

With All My Might,

Your No.1 Fan,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

Safe Havens ...

"We All, At Some Point Of Our Lives, Want To Run Away From Our Realities. The Question Is Where Do We Escape Too? A Place Of Prosperity Or A Place Of Destruction."

- Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

As I sit right here, in front of my iMac. I realise that time waits for none. And this is how reality is. Every morning I wake up in this reality. A reality which offers me the simple pleasures of life and also the demons of it's brutal truth. A reality which I tell myself that will one day change for the better. I try to fight the voices in my head. I try to keep them at bay. Sometimes they win. Sometimes I do. At times I sleep like a baby and at times I can't sleep for days because of the fear that catches up with me. I keep on asking myself the same questions over and over again. I would love to share those questions with all of you too. But I am not ready. For a part of me, it will be a show of weakness and for the other side of me, it will be sheer defeat. I fight. Damn it, I fight. Even right now, I am fighting. I want to survive. I want to win. But Life is cruel sometimes. It teases you. It gives you hope and then takes it away. When I have asked friends why this happens, they say, "All happens for the good and in time you will get what you deserve." But they don't understand what I am going through. All those thoughts of fear, insecurity and doubt creep in eventually. They make me weak and they make me question my morals. So what does a man do when all doors are closed for him? What does he do when the world turns it's back on him? When no one understands him? He either gives in or finds ways to become better. This 'Become Better' method has been embedded in me since I guess, the dawn of time and maybe that is why I found a solution. Well, a temporary solution. I found my escape routes. I found My Safe Havens ...

The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.

-Marcus Aurelius

What are safe havens? They are places where we can go and feel secured. For me, they are more than that. My safe havens are my escapes from my reality. They make me feel happy and whenever I am there I forget all the worries of the world and I am lost in their magical powers and not even an inch of me wants to come back from there because there, I am not judged. I am not condemned. I am not hated. There, I am all by myself and my mind is in sync with my body and my body is in sync with my soul. My safe havens offer me peace. Offer me a sense of relish. At my safe havens, I know I only evolve. I only grow and there I only get better. Where are these safe havens you ask? Ha ha! Don't get your imaginations soaring now! They aren't like the floating city in Bioshock Infinite, neither they are the the state of trance you feel when you meditate. My Safe Havens are My Activities. Yes! My Activities, my hobbies, the things I do to keep my mind busy. Things which require my mind and body to always be attuned. Come on now, don't give me that "Huh?" expression. This blog is for My Safe Havens and in the following paragraphs, I am going to explain to you how my hobbies have now become my Safe havens ...

Every man builds his world in his own image. He has the power to choose, but no power to escape the necessity of choice.

-Ayn Rand

Haven No.1: 

My Training. Yes. Whether it was Mma till a month ago or the 'Balls-To-Your-Mouth' routine with My new awesome coach Raj, My Training has always been my greatest stress reliever and the best part of training is that it takes up nearly half my day and whenever I step into 48 fitness gym or start running in the treadmill or see the disco lights in the spinning room, I know I am going to have one hell of a time because during training, I am only progressing. When I feel the sweat flowing down my forehead, when my muscles are pumped with blood, I know I am at my haven. And the sounds of dumbbells dropping and others screaming in agony when they life heavy metal, those sounds and things make me feel at peace. So yes, My Training is My Haven No.1. :-)

Haven No.2:

My Video games. As I have mentioned before I am a big gamer and I love everything about video games. And in one recent study, scientists have said that video games help reduce stress and help people relax. That is exactly what happens to me whenever I catch the Ps3 remote. I know that the following 60mins is gonna be filled with excitement, thrills and an adrenaline rush! And sometimes, when I am completely hooked on to the game, I even loose track of time! And since the dawn of time, there have been many things that I haven't dealt with and I know a part of me is always angry because of that. But video games really help to calm the beast within me. And as I mentioned in a few blogs earlier, there is something darkly good to kill and burn your enemies when you are playing video games. So yes, My Video games are My Safe Haven No.2. :-)

Haven No.3:

My Books. Since january, I have got this crazy thirst to read books. Not fiction but rather Non-fiction. Whether it was No Easy Day, Total Recall, Dream After Dreams or Dongri To Dubai which I just finished a few days back, non-fictions have caught me by the hook and I don't wanna let go. Fictions always made me imagine stuff but these great Non-Fictions make me relive all these moments and incidents which I read. It is like I am there and all of this is unfolding in front of me! And I make it a point to carry my 'Currently-Reading' book wherever I go and since Mumbai is filled with traffic everywhere, reading a good book after my voice practice during the jams is a great way to reach a place of complete concentration and also a place where my mind can't be disturbed. So yes, Books are My Safe Haven No.3. :-)

You will find peace not by trying to escape your problems, but by confronting them courageously. You will find peace not in denial, but in victory.

-J. Donald Walters

There are many more safe havens that I have in my life. Whether it is watching Movies, playing with my pets and even blogging, they all contribute to make me feel good and give me hope when I bounce back to reality. For the record, I am not broken. Well, not yet. I still have a lot of fight left in me and until I can, I will fight. I still have many dreams that I wish that come true. And the dreams that top that list is me living my life the way I want too. Me travelling the world and me finally fulfilling my destiny. I know that one day I will see all these beautiful dreams turn into reality and then I will only cry in happiness. But until those dreams come true and I am where I want to be and until my reality bitch slaps me every 5mins I know I have my safe havens to go too. I am proud of my safe havens because I am not ashamed to admit that even I need some running away. Even if that running away is an hour of training or a few stages in a video game or some chapters in a book. So before I go I only ask this one question. Do You Have Your Safe Havens?

It is vain for the coward to flee; death follows close behind; it is only by defying it that the brave escape.

-Voltaire

This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty And These Are My Safe Havens.

With All My Might,

Your No.1 Fan,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.