13 Years In The Making ...

“We have chosen millions to represent us. And through trial and error the chosen have done their duties. But as creators of time and space and everything in between we always looked and longed for an individual who would, with free will become the man we wanted him to be. And through ions and ions we waited but none could show us the true mantle of the lone wolf. But then, a miracle happened. And then through that miracle we finally found our soldier. Our warrior who with free will would do the ultimate sacrifice and in that process become the legend who we always knew he would become.”

-The Book Of Prophecies. 

Prick. Jerk. Selfish. Asshole. These are the few words that would describe me if you met me 13 years ago here in Los Angeles. I had come here for my 4-weeks intensive acting workshop at the new york film academy back then and at that point of time the only thing I did was think about myself and what made me happy. I didn’t care what my parents thought or how much pain I caused them or to my family. Trust me, you would had hated me back then as well. And as the years passed and the more life started to unfold in front of me, the guilt of being that prick engulfed me like a storm!  I couldn’t accept the fact that I had become a mean self-centred arrogant asshole and the only way I could ever get my redemption was to come back here and make things right. Well, as they say, “The Universe will unfold all it’s wonders to you when you are ready.” And now, 13 years later I am finally here at La La Land and I can proudly say that I am now on the road to my redemption.

"Success is no accident. It is hard work, perseverance, learning, studying, sacrifice and most of all, love of what you are doing or learning to do."

-Pele

Like the billions around the world, I am also amazed by America. I am attracted towards her culture, her movies and her way of life. And for many years now I had dreamed to come back here. Even my siblings wished and longed for it. But because of busy schedules and prior commitments, coming here was always delayed. But 2016 was finally the year when we were meant to come back to Los Angeles. Right now I am here with my dad and bro and in August my sister, my mom and my brother will be joining us as well. Back in 2003, I was turning 19 so the rest of siblings were way younger to me which meant that we used to go only to the movies and to theme parks. Now, in the age of apps and maps, we have become grown ups and we four rather help our cute old-school parents to find places to go and see and visit and to dine. Before I go any further I must say that we are here only because of our parents. Mom has always been the rock and the silent guardian of the family who has kept us together and dad through his sacrifice and hard work is the reason we are here. I am truly blessed to have them as parents and also truly blessed to have such lovely siblings. Speaking of siblings, my younger brother Rimoh still feels surreal to be here! He sometimes comes up to me and says, “Bhai I can’t imagine I am here in La!”. And seeing his face filled with joy truly warms my heart. Touch wood he is having the time of his life! From grading 10 on 10 on his Screen Writing course at the NYFA, to going out and living the life true La style! He is destined to live and make it big here and I know that one day very soon, that dream of his will come true. And I can’t wait for the other two to arrive. I know it will be fun when I will see my sister go for the same 4 weeks intensive acting workshop which I did and to have my youngest bro Nama with me to watch all the latest films. All great things are truly worth the wait.

"You have to fight to reach your dream. You have to sacrifice and work hard for it."

-Lionel Messi

But this blog isn’t about all the fun we will have here as a family. This blog is about the opportunity that has given to me to find my redemption. A redemption 13 years in the making. Before coming here I had it all figured out. I had told myself that I will go to La and be like a normal person. I told myself that I will make new friends, meet new people and also go out to clubs and famous restaurants. But now I realise those plans were of a Mimoh long dead. I am not that guy anymore. That Mimoh died a very long time ago. Only remnants are left, which try to surface from time to time. But in the battle between the man who depended on others for his emotions and the lone wolf that I have become now, the lone wolf is winning and whopping that old mimoh’s ass! And I love being the lone wolf. As I said before many a times, “You get used to anything if you stay around it for a while.” So now, I am way more happier and comfortable being alone than being surrounded by people. Al though I am a devotee of The Punisher there is this one line from The Dark Knight Rises I want to share with you and no, it isn’t of Bane but of Catwoman and she says, “What can I say, I am adaptable.” And I see myself as an adaptable creature as well. The moment I settle in to the place that I am staying, I make it my home and start functioning myself around my given environment. Whether it is the roads or the food or even the places where I will be training, I figure everything out as soon as I can and then I make a plan of action and go about it. And now, it has been 2 weeks since I have come here and I can tell you I am very happy about how my schedule is like. I know I should be enjoying and chilling with these two months that I am here but what can I say, Training is what I do best and “The Wicked Never Rest.” 

"Follow your passion, be prepared to work hard and sacrifice, and, above all, don't let anyone limit your dreams."

-Donovan Bailey

I am right now in los angeles! I said that again ‘cause I want that to sink in. I mean this is La La Land! The land of Hollywood and the galore and the music and streets filled with tourist and movie bill boards everywhere with amazing amusement parks and men who look like greek gods and women who aren't less than angels! And I really mean that. the very 1st morning here I had gone to ihop for their lovely black coffee and the waiter who came to give me the coffee was truly drop dead gorgeous! If my guess was right, I bet he was also a model or an inspiring actor. And the women … well … wow! I mean every other girl here is stunning! Whether it is the crossfit trainers or the outstanding dancers at IDA, I must say, Los Angeles is truly the City Of Angels! You see people from all across america trying their luck in the movies and sometimes you even get to see people from different countries who have settled here. It is truly a sight to behold and I shit you not, I do go “Wow!” every other day over here. So ya, I must be kidding myself to be the lone wolf right now, won’t I? But you see, that is what it is. No matter how beautiful these people are and no matter how tempting it is to step into those “Normal” shoes, I can never be that guy. And the truth is, I was never meant to be.

"To give anything less than your best, is to sacrifice the gift."

-Steve Prefontaine

People don’t understand. The truth is that they have tried but in the end, they don’t really get it. I have been called many names and I have been misjudged and also hated by many for the way I am. Someone once told me that I deserve to be alone. That a person like me should never have friends and should never be a part of any group. Al though back then I took it as a huge offence, today when I put the pieces together I realise that I am intact that guy! I mean how can anyone be friends with a guy who spends his entire energy towards his responsibilities? I wake up in the morning, make coffee for myself and tea for dad and rimoh. Then go for a run. Then do the laundry, then give dad his medicines then help him cook lunch, serve him luch, eat lunch and then clean the dishes. After that clear the trash, change, go for Crossfit and then my Hip-Hop Classes, come back home, heat up dinner, give it to Dad and rimoh, then eat, then clean and then go to sleep. That is my everyday schedule here  in Los Angeles and from today, I have also started my Improv 101 Class at the UCB every wednesday. I only get saturday and sunday afternoons and evenings free which I use to go and watch the latest movies in Imax. So ya, with this routine and commitments I don’t think anyone can bare with me. And I don’t even blame them. I mean, this is who I am. This is me telling the universe that I will make things right. That I will make amends with the chance given to me and through this process finally find my redemption which I was waiting for 13 years. I want to be a good son to dad. I want to be a good brother to rimoh. I don’t want mom to worry about us. I want to make sure that I am there for everyone, even beyond my own happiness and wants ‘cause deep down I know that only through this commitment and sacrifice can I finally become the man I was born to be.

"Dreams do come true, if we only wish hard enough, You can have anything in life if you will sacrifice everything else for it."

-James M. Barrie

You must have seen on The Discovery Channel that when we are about to be submerged under water we grasp in the most amount of air. And when a boxer is fighting the 12th round of the fight and has no energy he gives his one last punch with all his effort and might. That very same way those remnants of the old mimoh consume me sometimes and I suddenly feel this feeling of loneliness. I feel overwhelmed and choked up and vulnerable. I get this deep sense of longing and also a feeling of emptiness within me. I feel the need to vent out and open up and talk to someone and this voice inside of me seeks self-pity and asks, “Why doesn’t anyone ever ask me how I am?”. But if you have seen the movie Alexander, when Alexander is in stress of being King after his Father Phillip is murdered, his mother slaps his twice and screams at him and tells him, “You are King now! Start acting like one!” And just like that, from that feeling of being hollow and needy, I shake it off, take a deep breath, close my eyes and remind myself of my goals and what it is that I truly want to achieve. And what I want is Greatness and I won’t ever settle for anything less, no matter how difficult it gets. Greatness requires sacrifice and all men who become kings know that they have take that walk alone. That at the top, there shall be no one there for them. It will only be the kings and their shadows. But they also know that the climb, the sacrifice, the dedication is worth every bit of it. My dad in fact asked me today, “Have you made any new friends? Why don’t you stay back after class and try to connect with new people?” And I told him, “Dad, I am a very friendly guy, trust me, but for someone I don’t know why people don’t want to make friends with me. And truth be told, I don’t even try to give any signals. I put my headphones on, I mind my own business, greet everyone with a bright smile, give me 100% in my classes and then silently I come back home. I don’t even know how to make friends anymore.” And since the last 2 weeks I have been watching all the movies by myself and trust me I am having a gala time doing so. The old Mimoh thinks he still has a chance to take over me but I know I am way stronger now and there is no way in heaven, hell or earth that that Mimoh is ever coming back.

"You have to execute. You have to sacrifice your body. "

-Pedro Martinez

So why did I tell you all this? To have your pity? No. To make you like me? No. I told you this ‘cause this is who I am. And this will one day be my story. I shit you not, all that I imagined me doing a few years ago, is what I am doing now. Whether it is training alone at the Ufc gym or walking alone at the Hollywood Walk Of Fame or even staying home alone when dad and rimoh are out, I am doing all those things exactly how I imagined. Truly, the universe gives us what we manifest and what we believe in. No matter what people think of The Secret or the Power of the Universe, I really believe in it. And I know through my commitment, dedication, sacrifice and focus I will one day very soon earn my greatness. Today, when I hear my Improv Batchmate tell me that I am ‘Pretty Good At It’ or when I hear my Dance Teachers tell me to stand in front of the Class and to come for all their classes and hear the other students and managers tell me That I’m Good and see Trainers at Crossfit take my video while Back Squatting, I am reassured by the universe that I am on the right track. I know it isn’t easy. There will be times when you feel like quitting. When you will feel like giving in. But I promise you, if you stay the path, you will be rewarded. Whether it is the countless hours of studying for your board exams, or that one girl you wanted to ask out for prom or that one Audition which you knew would give you that big break, stay at it. Believe in yourself, believe in the power of your dreams and know in your heart that your sacrifices won’t go in vain. Hard work is always rewarded. Discipline to your cause is always appreciated. And patience is always returned with all your dreams coming true. You will stumble and fall, you will loose hope, you will also maybe loose your way. But believe and know deep down that you were meant for greatness and that no emotion, no feeling and no urge can be more powerful than the desire to succeed. So go forth your dreams and make them come true. It took me 13 years to come back here, at the same Oakwood Apartments, at the same ‘M’ building and at the same city where it all began. Now, after all these years I am on my way to greatness. And I know that I will be rewarded for my sacrifices. It’s because I believe. I just hope you believe also.

"There is no decision that we can make that doesn't come with some sort of balance or sacrifice. "

-Simon Sinek

This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty. And this is My Story.

With All My Might,

Your No.1 Fan,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

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The Silent Guardian ...

“In order to achieve Greatness one must be able to do Great things and what greater than to sacrifice the feelings of the heart? You mortals will never understand that, for you will always give in to your compassion and feelings. But there will be one. The one who will dare to do what couldn’t ever be done.”

-The Book Of Prophecies

The last blog I submitted was when I was in Phuket. Well, the last blog was actually submitted by Michael. I hope you guys were entertained by his honesty and his version of my life. Right now, Michael has taken a break and is now Partying with his Mates in Hell. Well, that is what his note said. Al though I am not the kinda guy who is good with emotions and attachments and all, but I actually do miss him and I am waiting for him to come back. But until he decides to show up I do know that I still have a job to do and one of those jobs is to write another blog entry and submit it before 2015 comes to an end. So here it is. The last blog entry of the year 2015. I don’t know about you but 2015 has been a great year for me. And to be honest 2015 wouldn’t and couldn’t had been the year it was if the Universe wasn’t there with me, every step pf the way. It helped me and guided me and showed me the way. Even though the Universe is expanding every mili-second it’s modesty makes it very quiet and unnoticeable. But I did notice it’s magnificent power and even though we call it many names I call and proclaim the Universe, My Silent Guardian. So dear Universe, this one’s for you.

"I'm a survivor - a living example of what people can go through and survive."

-Elizabeth Taylor

It is very natural to reflect on the year that has gone by at the end of the year. People are travelling to different parts of the world, ready to party, making new resolutions and praying that the coming year makes all their dreams come true. If I was right now in Phuket, the place would had been jam packed and not even a single room would had been available for me to stay! I guess, that is how it is all around the world right now. And speaking of resolutions, do you know that it is a certain fact that we don’t achieve 90% of the resolutions we make on the 1st of january?!?! That means the best thing to do is to NOT make any resolutions at all! If you ask me what am I doing on new year’s eve, well, I will be home with the family hearing my Favourite song Stupify and playing Ghost Recon Future Soldier on the PS3. I am not that much into parties and that is why I will choose the quiet approach to the year 2016. But you see, this blog isn’t about what I have planned for 2016 and what all I will achieve in it. This blog is about The Silent Guardian aka The Universe who has been with me throughout the year of 2015 and which plans to guide me even for the years ahead. If you notice closely, whenever a Cricketer scores a century, he looks up and says thank you. Now, looking up can mean a lot of things. He can be thanking the god he chooses to worship or his ancestors that are looking down on him or the mighty universe which is with him at every step of the way. For me, I have always looked up and only seen the universe. The mighty universe waving it’s magic wand at me and blessing me with happiness and gratitude. My silent guardian has taught me so much this year and in return it has also given me a lot. Whether it was through it’s teachings or gifts, the silent guardian has been absolutely perfect in what it has done and continues to remain stedfast in it’s approach of making me the man I was born to be.

"I am someone who always gets up again, even if there are setbacks. I have a survivor instinct. I'm not sure where it comes from, but probably from all the little things that make you into who you are."

-Heidi Klum

Just like everybody out there I had the full belief and confidence that 2015 was going to be my year. I had a film coming up plus I had completely transformed myself as a man and as an actor for the film. The promos were liked, the music had become a hit and I knew in my heart that after Ishqedarriyaan released I would be starting to get good offers and my work would start. But all changed on that friday when I realised that none of the cinemas had given the film decent timings to be showcased at and on saturday I knew I had hit rock bottom once again. But even though the blow was hard, it didn’t keep me down. I sulked for a while, then healed my wounds, embraced the pain of defeat and stood right back up again. Till today, I don’t know where this strength comes from! This relentless pursuit towards greatness. Till today I don’t know how I get more stronger every time I am knocked down to a pulp. I guess it is the power of the silent guardian watching over me and making me realise that I am still in the fight. That instead of crying and feeling sorry for myself, I need to push harder than I did before. And that is why even though no one believes in me, I still believe in my dreams and I know that one day all of them will come true. At times when the heart questions the actions of the soul, I always remind myself that “Even Waiting Is Training” and “Every Dog Has His Day” and that one day my time to prove myself to the world will finally come and until that day comes I will do what I am best at doing. Grind and grind and grind and push and push and push until nothing of me is left to give. So what 2015 taught me was that no matter how hard the obstacles are laid in front of you, you never stop believing in your dreams and you never give up. You. Never. Ever. Give. Up.

"I am a survivor and not a victim. Life isn't perfect. When you get a knock, you have to get up, dust yourself down and get on with it."

-Patsy Kensit

I have this calendar in my hall. In fact, every year I search for the ‘perfect’ calendar for my hall ‘cause this calendar is where I wrote down my goals. It is where I write down the things I want to achieve and it is where I read and remind myself of the dates which will be the turning point of my life. So this august I decided that I will finally go to phuket and train for a month at the Tiger Muay Thai and Mma camp and come back a changed man. I was completely convinced that it was going to happen and with that very conviction I had written the dates down on my calendar as well. Of course, I had never gone to a foreign country all by myself before so the challenges of convincing my family were of top priority. But my family being the amazing people they are agreed to the trip in a heartbeat and told me to go as soon as I could! I was blown away with this ‘cause even before talking to them I had written the dates down and guess what? My tickets were issued for those very same dates! I knew this was a sign from the universe and it was the best moment of my life! Of course when I did go to TMT I knew that, that was the place from which I would return a changed man and that is what exactly happened! I met amazing new people from all across the world, made great friends and trained my ass off in all the Martial Arts the place had to offer. My sleep patterns got better, my skin started to glow and I transformed from the inside out. When I came back, everyone was delighted to see the new me and I knew that I had the universe to thank for this amazing new journey I had gone for! But little did I knew that this was only part 1 of the master plan the silent guardian had in stored for me.

"The soldiers that didn't come back were the heroes. It's a roll of the dice. If a bullet has your name on it, you're a hero. If you hear a bullet go by, you're a survivor."

-Bob Feller

It was only a week or two after I had come back that I felt this sudden awakening. An awakening which was guiding me and telling me that I had to go back to camp. That I belong more in the fight that I belong to the normalcy of the world. I thought it was only the relapse of the joy I felt being there and getting my ass kicked everyday that was coming and going as flashes whenever I brushed my teeth or whenever I saw a Ufc Fighter’s training video. I even tried to ignore and diminish these feelings by doing things like everybody else. Whether it was meeting up with cousins or going for lunches and dinners, I tried it all just to convince myself that going to the camp was only a one-time thing. But the more the days passed the more the need to go back become real and I knew that the silent guardian yet again was hinting at me to do something. And so, I booked my tickets, packed my bags and went right back to where I had left off. All my trainers and coaches and teachers were there and all were delighted to see me return and so was I. I knew that this time around I would push more and achieve more. But what I didn’t know then was I would evolve more spiritually than physically. Yes, I did train thrice a day. Whether it was the record-breaking empty stomach runs I did in the mornings or the one on one muay thai sessions I did back to back. I was giving it my all. But more than the physical limitations I was breaking it was the fact that I was all by myself that was more surprising for me. I mean, I said hi and hello to everyone over there but for the most part of the day I was all by myself. I hardly interacted with anyone after my classes were done and nor did I go and chill at the local bars with the live music. I was in a way getting more self-sufficient and for me this was the most important turning point of my life! I had always believed that I was the Lone Wolf but in a very hypocritical and cowardly way I had always avoided the real test of truly being alone. But in the month of november when India was celebrating diwali and when families were lighting up crackers and giving each other gifts, I was all alone in Phuket training myself to finally become the Lone Wolf I had always aspired to become.

"You recognize a survivor when you see one. You recognize a fighter when you see one."

-Elizabeth Edwards

The universe truly works in mysterious ways and in a way it is the Silent Guardian for all of us. I am a man of science and I believe in proof and theories backed up by years or research and data. That is why I love astronomy so much and the one thing astronomy teaches us is that all the chemicals and components found in the human body can also be found out there in the universe. So whatever happens to us is a direct link to the universe cause the universe is connected to us more than we can even fathom to understand. Yes, I am a man of faith but I am not a man of idol worship. I believe that ‘God’ never wanted us to kill each other but gave us our hands to lend a helping hand to those in need and make those hands fighting fists whenever we are faced with difficulties. And that is why I always look for signs and signals from the silent guardian. Whether it is a hoarding with a slogan at a traffic stop or a lyric from a song that I am hearing, the silent guardian is always throwing me signs and signals for me to understand. And since the time I have come back it has been making me realise one thing over and over again. And that is no matter how hard I try, I will never be able to ‘Fit in’ ‘cause I was always meant to stand out. And maybe that is why I have started to love my own company more than the company of others. Maybe that is why I have cut all ties from the people who were in my life and now I am at peace with just being by myself. Maybe that is why I don’t open up to people about my feelings anymore. Maybe this is strength or maybe this is just self-sustainability. Whatever it is, it is working for me big time! I have never felt better or stronger before and now with each passing day, I am more and more convinced that I am truly meant to be alone and nothing and no one in this world can change that. Not now. Not ever.

"The feat of surviving is directly related to the capacity of the survivor."

-Claire Cameron

Have you heard the song Short-Change Hero? it is from a group called The Heavy and it has been used in many films, tv shows and games. But the one film which does true justice to the song is ‘Faster’ which starred The Rock in 2010. I don’t know whether you have seen the film or not but for me it is by far one of the best films I have ever seen! Al though the story revolves around a man hell bent on revenge it is not the violence or the retribution of the man that attracts me to the film the most but rather the darkness and the loneliness of the man who knows he has nothing left but vengeance in his heart. In the end, right before the film comes to an end, the character played by The Rock, starts his car and rides off towards the sun set. For some reason I can’t remove that image and that song out of my head! it is like that scene is calling out to me! That the universe wants me to become that man who does his duties for his family and then who rides off alone towards the sun set! And the more I listen to the song the more I am convinced that, that will be eventually be my destiny! You may meet me and try to convince me that what I am feeling right now may only be a phase that I am going through but tell me honestly, do ‘phases’ last for 5 years? No right? And that is why the more I put myself out there the more I am convinced that I am a man who is more happier in his own private little world. Yes, one day I will travel the world for my work and yes, I will be meeting hundreds and thousands of people along the way but I know in my heart that no one will be able to make me feel as whole and as complete as the universe makes me feel when I am all by myself.

"I am not a victim. I am an angry survivor."

-Nina Bawden

There is beauty in sacrifice. There is strength in pain. And there is greatness in letting go of the things that the heart wants the most. Today, I realise that. And not because I feel it all the time but also because I have seen it happening it to me from time to time. Let me explain it to you by giving you an example. There is this guy Jim who one day goes to a restaurant and orders himself some Prawns. He eats them and finds them delicious. But only an hour later his stomach starts to growl and he gets a bad ache! He tells himself that he must have eaten some wrong vegetable or meat that made his stomach upset. Then, after a few days Jim again goes to the same restaurant and orders the same prawns and eats them to the fullest and the same ache happens and this time he tells himself that the restaurant may not be good at all. So he decides to go to another restaurant and order the prawns to convince himself that the prawns aren’t the problem at all. But the same thing happens again and he ends up getting admitted in the hospital and when the doctor comes and informs him that he shouldn’t eat prawns anymore he is convinced that Prawns aren’t right for him. The reason I told this story about Jim and Prawns is because the Universe has always shown me that I am not meant to be a social animal or ‘normal’ as thy call it. Time and again I have gotten proof that I am not meant to have friends or find love or be dependent on others for companionship. Time and again I have been Jim and whenever I have tried to eat those prawns I have always ended up in the hospital. Today, at the end of 2015, after all the aches and the cuts and the bruises and the joys and the triumphs I have come to realise that I am meant to be alone and for the first time in my life and that fact doesn’t disturb but gives me a sense of calmness. The Silent Guardian in it’s own magical way has shown me what kind of a man I am and what I need to do to achieve my dreams. I am blessed to have come this far in my life and I know that I am still learning. I know I will still make mistakes but I also know that I am wiser than yesterday and I am mature enough to not make the same mistakes again. I know I will stumble and I will fall. But I always get back up. When the world will celebrate the coming year with glasses in their hands, I will be in the gym grinding and sweating and making my muscles feel the pump with blood gushing through my veins. I thank my Silent Guardian for always being there for me and showing me time and again what kind of a man I truly am and what really is my ultimate destiny. I thank the silent guardian for making me hear that song, for making me visualise myself as the man who is wearing that leather jacket, big biker boots, oakley glasses and taking a selfie at the grand canyon, raising my hands at the centre of the poles, flagging my flag at the himalayas and giving a thumbs up to earth from the international space station. 

"Oh, I'm a survivor. My whole life has been surviving."

-Eddie Bracken

This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty and this has been my 2015 with My Silent Guardian.

With All My Might,

Your No.1 Fan,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

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The Silent Prayer ...

“And then the mortal shall venture into the unknown. He will see what his fate has in stored for him. He will feel fear and excitement. He will be thrilled, just like a young boy at christmas morning. He will know deep down in the very depths of his soul that this is how his life play out now. This venture into the unknown will be the gateway to his greatness. Only alone, through facing his fears and embracing his true potential will he become one of the elite. That is how he will become one of us.”

-The Book Of Prophecies. 

I am nervous. I am scared. I am thrilled and I am excited. Basically all emotions wrapped up into one. I mean, this is really happening you know! I am finally going for Fight Camp and not just for a week but for an entire month! This is unknown territory for me and that is why it is so exciting for me. This is the very 1st time in my life I am going on an adventure! For a month I will be by myself, I will be training day in and day out and every day I will find myself. For all those years those voices in my head which screamed for this moment are now dancing. They are so happy and delighted that this is happening! I am truly grateful to the universe and to my parents for this opportunity. And truth to be told, no matter how grateful I can be and the billions of thanks I give to my parents and to the universe, they won’t be enough to justify my joy! Thank you thank you thank you so so much from the bottom of my heart! This is pure joy. Like the pure of the purest of joys! :-)

"If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, it will be enough."

-Meister Eckhart

Very soon I will be at Tiger Muay Thai and Mma Fight Camp where people from all around the world will be training and preparing and focused on changing themselves for the better. I have always thrived in competition and in those group classes over there I will find many with whom I can compete with. Whether they are punching, kicking or running, I know I will find many who will motivate me to push my limits to the next level. This is truly next level shit for me and this is what I need now. I know Coach’s gym will be open by the time I come back but for the month of September I am going to push my boundaries. Training isn’t only about your physical limitations. It is also about the mental attitude you have while running in the scorching heat or kicking the bag so hard that your legs are burning in pain. It is all about convincing yourself that yes you can and you will! 

"In my deepest, darkest moments, what really got me through was a prayer. Sometimes my prayer was 'Help me.' Sometimes a prayer was 'Thank you.' What I've discovered is that intimate connection and communication with my creator will always get me through because I know my support, my help, is just a prayer away."

-Iyanla Vanzant

This opportunity has been given to me and I know that a part of me has even earned the right to go there. But the journey doesn’t end there. In fact, it only begins when I reach TMT {Tiger Muay Thai}. I have a huge responsibility on my shoulders. I have many promises to keep. To my parents, to the universe and to myself. This is a dream coming true and I have to do whatever it takes to make sure that I do what all I have planned to do in the coming 30 days. That thought surely gives me goosebumps as all eyes are on me. But as long as I can remember, I have never backed down from a fight and this is one of the most important fights of my life. Why is it that you ask? Well, ‘cause this time my dreams are on the line and I have to show it to the people I love and care for that My Dreams Do Matter.

"God, our Creator, has stored within our minds and personalities, great potential strength and ability. Prayer helps us tap and develop these powers."

-A. P. J. Abdul Kalam

So I pray. I pray in the stillness of the night. I look up and tell the universe to be with me and to give me strength to push, push and push and to never stop. I pray to show me the light. I pray that I become a better human being. That when I train I never stop. That everyday I only evolve and become more calmer through my aggression. I pray that I use all my anger and rage as a force of good not as a seed to evil. I pray that in the darkness of the night I find hope not isolation. I pray that everyday over there I seek and find what I am looking for. I pray that my prayers are answered. I pray that I find the courage to face the realities of my life and to overcome all obstacles. I pray that I glow even in times of complete blackness. I pray that I never stop and only keep moving forward. I pray that I make my family proud of the decision that they made for me to go to Fight Camp and I pray that when they see me again they see a transformed Me, both physically and mentally. I pray that I use my fears as a tool towards success. I pray that I become so contended that I never have to feel anger, misery or rage again. I pray that I find the peace I am looking for. And I pray that from the bottom of my heart that Fate meets me in this glorious journey that I am about to take.

"'Thank you' is the best prayer that anyone could say. I say that one a lot. Thank you expresses extreme gratitude, humility, understanding."

-Alice Walker

This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty and this is My Silent Prayer.

With All My Might,

Your No.1 Fan,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

PS. In my previous blog I had mentioned that I would be in touch with my regular blog updates but I can’t promise that as all depends on my training and the classes I take and the amount of time I am engrossed in my training. So until next time, thank you for being there for me and reading my blogs and being a part of my journey. I know one day my time will come. One day I will make you all proud of me. I know that for some it takes years while others get at the beginning. I know it has been 9 years for me here but I can say that I am still here and I know that I am meant to be here and no matter what happens I am not going to quit. I am never going to give up, no matter how hard it gets. Failures can't stop and pain will only make me stronger. I am here 'cause I know I belong here and one day my time to shine in the sun will come. Until then I will do what I do best. I will raise my sword and shield and I will fight!

Note:

I need all the blessings and prayers I can get. :-)

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