13 Years In The Making ...

“We have chosen millions to represent us. And through trial and error the chosen have done their duties. But as creators of time and space and everything in between we always looked and longed for an individual who would, with free will become the man we wanted him to be. And through ions and ions we waited but none could show us the true mantle of the lone wolf. But then, a miracle happened. And then through that miracle we finally found our soldier. Our warrior who with free will would do the ultimate sacrifice and in that process become the legend who we always knew he would become.”

-The Book Of Prophecies. 

Prick. Jerk. Selfish. Asshole. These are the few words that would describe me if you met me 13 years ago here in Los Angeles. I had come here for my 4-weeks intensive acting workshop at the new york film academy back then and at that point of time the only thing I did was think about myself and what made me happy. I didn’t care what my parents thought or how much pain I caused them or to my family. Trust me, you would had hated me back then as well. And as the years passed and the more life started to unfold in front of me, the guilt of being that prick engulfed me like a storm!  I couldn’t accept the fact that I had become a mean self-centred arrogant asshole and the only way I could ever get my redemption was to come back here and make things right. Well, as they say, “The Universe will unfold all it’s wonders to you when you are ready.” And now, 13 years later I am finally here at La La Land and I can proudly say that I am now on the road to my redemption.

"Success is no accident. It is hard work, perseverance, learning, studying, sacrifice and most of all, love of what you are doing or learning to do."

-Pele

Like the billions around the world, I am also amazed by America. I am attracted towards her culture, her movies and her way of life. And for many years now I had dreamed to come back here. Even my siblings wished and longed for it. But because of busy schedules and prior commitments, coming here was always delayed. But 2016 was finally the year when we were meant to come back to Los Angeles. Right now I am here with my dad and bro and in August my sister, my mom and my brother will be joining us as well. Back in 2003, I was turning 19 so the rest of siblings were way younger to me which meant that we used to go only to the movies and to theme parks. Now, in the age of apps and maps, we have become grown ups and we four rather help our cute old-school parents to find places to go and see and visit and to dine. Before I go any further I must say that we are here only because of our parents. Mom has always been the rock and the silent guardian of the family who has kept us together and dad through his sacrifice and hard work is the reason we are here. I am truly blessed to have them as parents and also truly blessed to have such lovely siblings. Speaking of siblings, my younger brother Rimoh still feels surreal to be here! He sometimes comes up to me and says, “Bhai I can’t imagine I am here in La!”. And seeing his face filled with joy truly warms my heart. Touch wood he is having the time of his life! From grading 10 on 10 on his Screen Writing course at the NYFA, to going out and living the life true La style! He is destined to live and make it big here and I know that one day very soon, that dream of his will come true. And I can’t wait for the other two to arrive. I know it will be fun when I will see my sister go for the same 4 weeks intensive acting workshop which I did and to have my youngest bro Nama with me to watch all the latest films. All great things are truly worth the wait.

"You have to fight to reach your dream. You have to sacrifice and work hard for it."

-Lionel Messi

But this blog isn’t about all the fun we will have here as a family. This blog is about the opportunity that has given to me to find my redemption. A redemption 13 years in the making. Before coming here I had it all figured out. I had told myself that I will go to La and be like a normal person. I told myself that I will make new friends, meet new people and also go out to clubs and famous restaurants. But now I realise those plans were of a Mimoh long dead. I am not that guy anymore. That Mimoh died a very long time ago. Only remnants are left, which try to surface from time to time. But in the battle between the man who depended on others for his emotions and the lone wolf that I have become now, the lone wolf is winning and whopping that old mimoh’s ass! And I love being the lone wolf. As I said before many a times, “You get used to anything if you stay around it for a while.” So now, I am way more happier and comfortable being alone than being surrounded by people. Al though I am a devotee of The Punisher there is this one line from The Dark Knight Rises I want to share with you and no, it isn’t of Bane but of Catwoman and she says, “What can I say, I am adaptable.” And I see myself as an adaptable creature as well. The moment I settle in to the place that I am staying, I make it my home and start functioning myself around my given environment. Whether it is the roads or the food or even the places where I will be training, I figure everything out as soon as I can and then I make a plan of action and go about it. And now, it has been 2 weeks since I have come here and I can tell you I am very happy about how my schedule is like. I know I should be enjoying and chilling with these two months that I am here but what can I say, Training is what I do best and “The Wicked Never Rest.” 

"Follow your passion, be prepared to work hard and sacrifice, and, above all, don't let anyone limit your dreams."

-Donovan Bailey

I am right now in los angeles! I said that again ‘cause I want that to sink in. I mean this is La La Land! The land of Hollywood and the galore and the music and streets filled with tourist and movie bill boards everywhere with amazing amusement parks and men who look like greek gods and women who aren't less than angels! And I really mean that. the very 1st morning here I had gone to ihop for their lovely black coffee and the waiter who came to give me the coffee was truly drop dead gorgeous! If my guess was right, I bet he was also a model or an inspiring actor. And the women … well … wow! I mean every other girl here is stunning! Whether it is the crossfit trainers or the outstanding dancers at IDA, I must say, Los Angeles is truly the City Of Angels! You see people from all across america trying their luck in the movies and sometimes you even get to see people from different countries who have settled here. It is truly a sight to behold and I shit you not, I do go “Wow!” every other day over here. So ya, I must be kidding myself to be the lone wolf right now, won’t I? But you see, that is what it is. No matter how beautiful these people are and no matter how tempting it is to step into those “Normal” shoes, I can never be that guy. And the truth is, I was never meant to be.

"To give anything less than your best, is to sacrifice the gift."

-Steve Prefontaine

People don’t understand. The truth is that they have tried but in the end, they don’t really get it. I have been called many names and I have been misjudged and also hated by many for the way I am. Someone once told me that I deserve to be alone. That a person like me should never have friends and should never be a part of any group. Al though back then I took it as a huge offence, today when I put the pieces together I realise that I am intact that guy! I mean how can anyone be friends with a guy who spends his entire energy towards his responsibilities? I wake up in the morning, make coffee for myself and tea for dad and rimoh. Then go for a run. Then do the laundry, then give dad his medicines then help him cook lunch, serve him luch, eat lunch and then clean the dishes. After that clear the trash, change, go for Crossfit and then my Hip-Hop Classes, come back home, heat up dinner, give it to Dad and rimoh, then eat, then clean and then go to sleep. That is my everyday schedule here  in Los Angeles and from today, I have also started my Improv 101 Class at the UCB every wednesday. I only get saturday and sunday afternoons and evenings free which I use to go and watch the latest movies in Imax. So ya, with this routine and commitments I don’t think anyone can bare with me. And I don’t even blame them. I mean, this is who I am. This is me telling the universe that I will make things right. That I will make amends with the chance given to me and through this process finally find my redemption which I was waiting for 13 years. I want to be a good son to dad. I want to be a good brother to rimoh. I don’t want mom to worry about us. I want to make sure that I am there for everyone, even beyond my own happiness and wants ‘cause deep down I know that only through this commitment and sacrifice can I finally become the man I was born to be.

"Dreams do come true, if we only wish hard enough, You can have anything in life if you will sacrifice everything else for it."

-James M. Barrie

You must have seen on The Discovery Channel that when we are about to be submerged under water we grasp in the most amount of air. And when a boxer is fighting the 12th round of the fight and has no energy he gives his one last punch with all his effort and might. That very same way those remnants of the old mimoh consume me sometimes and I suddenly feel this feeling of loneliness. I feel overwhelmed and choked up and vulnerable. I get this deep sense of longing and also a feeling of emptiness within me. I feel the need to vent out and open up and talk to someone and this voice inside of me seeks self-pity and asks, “Why doesn’t anyone ever ask me how I am?”. But if you have seen the movie Alexander, when Alexander is in stress of being King after his Father Phillip is murdered, his mother slaps his twice and screams at him and tells him, “You are King now! Start acting like one!” And just like that, from that feeling of being hollow and needy, I shake it off, take a deep breath, close my eyes and remind myself of my goals and what it is that I truly want to achieve. And what I want is Greatness and I won’t ever settle for anything less, no matter how difficult it gets. Greatness requires sacrifice and all men who become kings know that they have take that walk alone. That at the top, there shall be no one there for them. It will only be the kings and their shadows. But they also know that the climb, the sacrifice, the dedication is worth every bit of it. My dad in fact asked me today, “Have you made any new friends? Why don’t you stay back after class and try to connect with new people?” And I told him, “Dad, I am a very friendly guy, trust me, but for someone I don’t know why people don’t want to make friends with me. And truth be told, I don’t even try to give any signals. I put my headphones on, I mind my own business, greet everyone with a bright smile, give me 100% in my classes and then silently I come back home. I don’t even know how to make friends anymore.” And since the last 2 weeks I have been watching all the movies by myself and trust me I am having a gala time doing so. The old Mimoh thinks he still has a chance to take over me but I know I am way stronger now and there is no way in heaven, hell or earth that that Mimoh is ever coming back.

"You have to execute. You have to sacrifice your body. "

-Pedro Martinez

So why did I tell you all this? To have your pity? No. To make you like me? No. I told you this ‘cause this is who I am. And this will one day be my story. I shit you not, all that I imagined me doing a few years ago, is what I am doing now. Whether it is training alone at the Ufc gym or walking alone at the Hollywood Walk Of Fame or even staying home alone when dad and rimoh are out, I am doing all those things exactly how I imagined. Truly, the universe gives us what we manifest and what we believe in. No matter what people think of The Secret or the Power of the Universe, I really believe in it. And I know through my commitment, dedication, sacrifice and focus I will one day very soon earn my greatness. Today, when I hear my Improv Batchmate tell me that I am ‘Pretty Good At It’ or when I hear my Dance Teachers tell me to stand in front of the Class and to come for all their classes and hear the other students and managers tell me That I’m Good and see Trainers at Crossfit take my video while Back Squatting, I am reassured by the universe that I am on the right track. I know it isn’t easy. There will be times when you feel like quitting. When you will feel like giving in. But I promise you, if you stay the path, you will be rewarded. Whether it is the countless hours of studying for your board exams, or that one girl you wanted to ask out for prom or that one Audition which you knew would give you that big break, stay at it. Believe in yourself, believe in the power of your dreams and know in your heart that your sacrifices won’t go in vain. Hard work is always rewarded. Discipline to your cause is always appreciated. And patience is always returned with all your dreams coming true. You will stumble and fall, you will loose hope, you will also maybe loose your way. But believe and know deep down that you were meant for greatness and that no emotion, no feeling and no urge can be more powerful than the desire to succeed. So go forth your dreams and make them come true. It took me 13 years to come back here, at the same Oakwood Apartments, at the same ‘M’ building and at the same city where it all began. Now, after all these years I am on my way to greatness. And I know that I will be rewarded for my sacrifices. It’s because I believe. I just hope you believe also.

"There is no decision that we can make that doesn't come with some sort of balance or sacrifice. "

-Simon Sinek

This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty. And this is My Story.

With All My Might,

Your No.1 Fan,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

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The Road Ahead ...

“And so this mortal went ahead in his journey. A quest to find himself in the hidden parts of his very soul. And when he travelled across the seven oceans and the highest peaks, he realised that he wasn’t destined to be normal but to be The One. Not only because he had the will and might of the gods but because he had the power of belief.”

-The Book Of Prophecies.

In a few hours I will be on my way to the airport. I am going for two and half months to the land of the free and the home of the brave. After 13 years I will finally be going back to Los Angeles. I can’t even begin to tell you how excited I am. But beyond the excitement and the rush of going back there I feel this deep sense of responsibility. Like I have gotten a chance by the mighty universe to get even more better. In these past few months I have done courses in Comedy Improv, Salsa, Hip Hop and gotten the taste of Crossfit. I promised myself that I will emerge myself in my preparation for the great opportunity that very soon is going to come my way. But since it was decided a couple months ago that I was going to the United States I decided that all the training should be put on hold and all the energy and focus should be directed towards Los Angeles. And you know me, I find the true, spiritual meaning in everything that happens to me and lately I have started seeing the positive in every situation and trust me, even though the situation may not change, you surely feel a whole lot better when you see what you can be grateful for even in the midst of normality. Trust me readers, all that happens, happens only for the good and when you have the power of belief, anything is possible.

"Sometimes it's the journey that teaches you a lot about your destination."

-Drake

Do you remember The Dark Knight Rises? Do you remember Bane’s character in it? We all know that he was a Merc for hire but do you remember when Alfred is giving Bane’s introduction to Bruce Wayne? Do you remember what does he say? He says, “Master Wayne, what I see isn’t just a man on a mission, what I see is the Power Of Belief.” Many people have asked me, “What is it that you want to do with your life?” And I simply tell them, I want to be a part of the movies now and forever. And then they ask, “Then why aren’t you doing what others are?” And I reply, I can and without your knowledge I actually do all those things but what I also do, is prepare and keep my focus and make sure that I learn and train and use all my energy on making myself better because I know that one day my time will come and when it does come I will be ready. And this answer isn’t a sense of arrogance but it is my Power Of Belief. A belief so strong that it will one day change the world. A belief with such will and might that one day I will shine as bright as the sun. A belief with such purity and focus that one day I will no longer be in the sidelines but in the spotlight.

"Focus on the journey, not the destination. Joy is found not in finishing an activity but in doing it."

-Greg Anderson

You all know that I went to Phuket last year, twice. And both those times and in fact, also at every new year’s eve I have this custom I follow. I play a few stages on either Medal Of Honour or Ghost Recon Future Soldier and I hear the song Stupify from the rock band Disturbed. Even tonight, I have followed the very same custom. It is like I am reminding myself who I truly am and what responsibilities lay in front of me and what all I need to do in the 2 1/2 months that are now in front of me. It is me showing myself that behind the iron clad skin, my soul will always be on a quest to learn and explore more. That deep down, I will always be grateful to the universe and to my parents and to my family and to my life itself for making me the man that I am today. That every thing that has happened in my life has brought me to this new exciting juncture of my life where I will only evolve. So before I leave, I will put my headphones on and Stupify will be heard by the nerves of my brain for the trillionth time and everything in the universe will look beautiful and the siren of the gods will be heard.

"We are at our very best, and we are happiest, when we are fully engaged in work we enjoy on the journey toward the goal we've established for ourselves. It gives meaning to our time off and comfort to our sleep. It makes everything else in life so wonderful, so worthwhile."

-Earl Nightingale

So what is in stored for me in the city of angels? Well, first it is the UFC 200 expo happening in las vegas which I really really wanna go for ‘cause I will get the opportunity to see and meet the amazing ufc fighters and also take pictures with them! it will truly be a dream come true for me! And it is on the 8th so I can tell the jet lag to take a hike ‘cause I will be going to vegas! And then it is the grand UFC Gyms which are located all over LA for me to choose from and be a part of. I have waited nearly 6 years to train in a UFC Gym and very soon that dream of mine will come true! Then it is the endless places and spots where comedy improv and stand-up comedy workshops are taking place for me to choose from. Since I have done till Level 2 here it would be great to see what level 3 has in stored for me over there. I also goggled Parkour and Crossfit gyms which I can join and I will also be enrolling myself at the IDA Hollywood Centre.  The International Dance Academy in Hollywood. It is one of the most renowned and popular and recognised dance centres in Los Angeles and when you see their students perform their hip-hop moves on youtube you will agree with me that it will truly be an honour to be a part of their centre. And of course when I will be done with kicking a 1,000 kicks at the UFC gym and sweating it at and learning new dance moves at IDA and trying to come up with spontaneous jokes at the comedy stand-up studio, I will be touring the Universal City Walk, watching all the latest films, and taking a gazillion pics and keep snap chatting as much as I can. So it looks like I have a very busy 2.1/2 months in front of me. And even though it took 13 years for me to go back, I can tell you right now, every moment of that wait was worth it. 

"Every day is a journey, and the journey itself is home."

-Matsuo Basho

So once again I embark on a new chapter of my life. I embark on a task to make myself better and make my parents proud and prove to myself without a shadow of a doubt that I have the will and determination to go beyond the call of duty. To be the best version of myself and to push harder when I can’t anymore. I thank you all for being my readers. I thank my family for this opportunity and I thank the universe for giving this feeling of bliss. I can’t promise if I will blog from there but if I do I will share all my bliss and joy with you as well. You see, the universe is a friendly place and I am a firm believer in the power of it. I know I am connected to it. And I know it is with me every step of the way. You can harness it’s power also. You can also find your joy and bliss. Never doubt it. Never give in to the negativity that you feel may cloud over you sometimes. Find the greater good. Seek the happiness and it will cone to you. Rumi said a very wonderful thing once. He said, “What You Seek Is Also Seeking You.” Ask yourself the question. Go on that quest and your joy will come to you. So before I go all I can say is that I have beautiful road ahead of me, which is filled with excitement and joy and learning and bliss. And everyday I will the grateful for the blessings the universe showers over me. I hope you do that also.

This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty and this is My Story.

With All My Might,

Your No.1 Fan,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

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Forging A Destiny Through Acts Of Randomness ...

"And so the trials and tribulations will begin for this mortal. The mortal we chose out of the many. A boy who would transform into a man through iron and steel. And we will make him the warrior that he is destined to become. But what we never thought, what we never expected or ever saw coming was that this warrior had a power of his own. He had the will to challenge his own mortality. He had the courage to look fate right in the eye and say, "I bow down to none."

-The Book Of Prophecies.

The 1st day when you enter a Boxing or Mma class, you are excited as a little boy with candy. You want to hit all the bags as hard you can and you want to show your master that you know everything already. You take up all the opponents he throws at you and eventually 'cause of your foolishness you get your ass handed to you. Then, when you are down at the mat, beaten, you realise you have a long road of training ahead of you to become the fighter that you dream to be. And then, as the days go by you become more focused and calmer and you become selective. In other words, you evolve and become better. The same thing goes with me and my blogs I guess. When I started writing these blogs, they used to be once a week almost for 2 years or so. Of course, I'm not saying that they all were bad but now, when I go back and view them, well, let's just say they weren't presented that well. But now, I know I am selective about my topics. I know that whenever I open my laptop and start writing, it has to have some deeper meaning to me. So ya, writing less doesn't affect me anymore. But writing with purpose and depth truly does.

"You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something - your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life."

-Steve Jobs

Today I am at home resting and recovering from a fever which kicked in yesterday. I felt a terrible pain on the left side of my body and I thought it was just soreness from the crossfit session I did on monday. But when my kicks weren't going high enough and when my stamina was depleting faster than the air from a torn ballon, I realised that a fever was creeping up on me. The doctor told me today either it is a throat infection which is the devil or over-training. Al though I know the throat infection has done this, I am not taking any chances with pushing myself unnecessarily towards an over-training state. And yes, the rest has really helped. I can already feel the cells in my body recovering and within a day or two I will be back on track. And by back on track I mean listening to my body more and doing 'Smart' training instead of 'Balls-Out' training. And speaking of training I recommend everyone to try Crossfit! It is absolutely revolutionary! To be honest, when I was in Phuket, I was completely against the Crossfit Training 'cause I didn't know how it would help me achieve my goals. But since the last 45 days in the Crossfit Training world I can tell you it is the best thing that fitness and science has to offer today. There are of course many gyms which provide crossfit training and also like a 1,000 websites which do the same too. If you are looking for a solution to achieve your fitness goals by just being in the gym for only 60mins, well, then crossfit is for you!

"It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves."

-William Shakespeare

Staying at home does have it's advantages as well. I get to spend more time with the pets. I get to catch up on all my favourite tv shows. I get to read all my comics through the marvel comics app. And I get to sit alone and count my blessings and see how many things there are there for me to be grateful about and look up at the Universe and say, "Thank You". I hope you do that also. You know the feeling-immense-gratitude-part. At first, it may feel all superficial and funny and weird but as your progress into this habit in finding the good in everything, you will eventually, by default do that and later on, even in your weirdest and saddest of moods, you will see the light in the darkness and automatically feel great about everything. As I had told in my last blog that I promised myself that I would never sit idle again and I am proud to say that now 'Staying Active' has become my life's mantra. And for the record, staying active doesn't mean that you have to run marathons or climb mountains or stay out throughout the day. No. Staying active means that you emerge yourself in activities which are productive for you. And those activities can literally mean anything. It can be bungee jumping 5 times in a day or writing your 1st book or just being with yourself and being content with what the universe has offered to you.

"As long as we are persistence in our pursuit of our deepest destiny, we will continue to grow. We cannot choose the day or time when we will fully bloom. It happens in its own time."

-Denis Waitley

I just finished reading my 7th book of the year. It was called 'Intensity' and yes, as the name goes, it was truly intense! It was by far one of the best thrillers I have ever read and every page kept me at the edge of my seat! I still have 5 more books to go in order for me to finish my Goodreads Reading Challenge. And my next read will be 'The Blood Defence.' It is a courtroom drama/thriller and the author is the famous lawyer who fought the O.J. Simpson case. I am very much excited to read it! Ooohhh, I love thrillers! Do any of you read? If you do, then trust me, you have a best friend right there in those books. Books teleport you to a world where you are filled with these amazing characters that you bring to life and as the stories go ahead, these characters become alive in your head and in a way become a part of you. Whenever I am engrossed in a book, I loose track of time and that is how deeply submerged I get in my book-reading world. I still can't believe that I am the same boy who took 2 months to finish Jurassic Park when I started reading it in school. I never knew that reading novels would eventually become such an important part of my life.

"It is in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped."

-Tony Robbins

You all must know by now that I am a gadget freak and I get excited about new electronics and apps and updates and how I can connect one device to another and make the machine into a bad-ass transformer look-a-like. Well, thanks to the suggestion of Anna {his name is Ganesh} I recently installed the Office's Surround system at the flat and connected all the devices to it. And with Netflix now in India I connected my account with the apple tv and whenever I am there I am either watching Sherlock or watching funny 'epic fail' videos on youtube. And speaking of youtube, I always go into 'freeze mode' when I see 'Sniper' in the 'suggestions for you' section. Imagine blinking your eyes, drinking a glass of water and cleaning the table from the dust the air poured in and then suddenly when your eyes see the word 'Sniper' you stop doing everything and become transfixed to that word. I  automatically get transported into this fantasy realm where I am a special ops sniper sent on the most deadliest mission in order to save the world. How do I explain this to you? How do I make you feel how I feel when I see myself inserting those .50 cal bullets into the cartridge. With the rain making it's presence felt on the earth outside my base camp. With thunder and lightning proving mother nature's point that you don't screw with her. How can I show you how serene it feels to be all alone in the heart of the jungle amongst those beautiful animals the god created? How do I show you the beautiful terrains and landscapes that I crawl and walk through to get the perfect aim for the terrorist I am assigned to send straight to hell with a bullet with his name written on it? How do I begin to express my happiness when I know I went through Sniper training and I was pushed by my drill sergeants to become the most lethal warrior in the history of the world? How can I show you the tears of joy in my eyes when I finally see that scumbag through the scope of my rifle and just before I squeeze the trigger I look up at the heavens and say a prayer and thank the powers that be for making me this lone wolf who went through hell and back, who survived and embraced the horror of pain and who now is doing an act of valour by ending the life of a monster who only deserves punishment? I guess I won't ever be able to make you understand what I see and feel 'cause maybe sometimes the best experiences are felt when you feel them yourself.

"Your destiny is to fulfill those things upon which you focus most intently. So choose to keep your focus on that which is truly magnificent, beautiful, uplifting and joyful. Your life is always moving toward something."

-Ralph Marston

So why the topic such as "Forging a destiny through acts of randomness"? And why would I write whatever popped up in my head without a certain 'order'? Well, that was the idea to begin with, wasn't it? More than making a point to all of you, my readers, I wanted to make a point to myself. And this 'making point' intervention came only a few days ago when I was reading an article on Tarot Reading and Astrology and Numerology. Al though I respect the people who practice it and also the people who believe in it, I personally don't anymore. I am a man of science and what all my courses in Astronomy and Astro-Biology have taught me is that whatever is backed up by years and years of data is the hard proven fact and nothing can challenge that. And to make my belief in science and Free-Will more gratifying was when I saw the last episode of DC's Legends Of Tomorrow where it was mentioned that we all are the Masters Of Our Own Fate and nobody or no entity has the right or power over us. Even my favourite actor Jake Jyllenhal believes in the power of the universe and sees the Signs and Signals it lays in front of us. Of course, I am just a mortal who is giving his own point of view and I know I will be challenged for this but what I am trying to say is that there is a major difference in walking the path laid in front of you and letting someone else decide what path you need to walk on. A part of me does believe and is also convinced that I am meant for things that I can't even believe to imagine myself. But a part of me also believes that I can't let a prediction or a card or a number dictate my actions towards my future. Whatever I am today, whether it is good or bad or simply screwed up, I am 'cause of my own choices and actions. And I made those choices 'cause something deep within me told me to do so. And since the day I was born, I have always done the things which have brought me a certain degree of joy and happiness and a certain amount of contentment. I have trained in the heat and also embraced pain in the cold. I have bled and cried and have gone to hell and back, all with my own will. Today, there is this uncontrollable power in me. A quest to learn more. A positivity which can't be broken by any negative encounters I face. Today I have the power of belief and I am convinced 100% that my time to shine in the sun will come. And when it does I will be ready for it. So now, writing this blog and being in this moment, I have come to learn that there are only two things you should depend upon. One, is the Trust in the Mighty Universe. And Two, the belief in your own capabilities. So that is why I walk in the path laid in front of me. I don't crib about the things that I thought we were meant to be mine or which slipped through my fingers. I don't complain about the things I don't have and which others get without putting in the effort. I don't mind that I have to wait in line while others get the fast pass. I do these things today because I know there is a plan for me and not because I believe that some stone or some colour or some number is going to change my destiny or fate.

"Actions are the seed of fate deeds grow into destiny."

-Harry S Truman

So, my dear readers I urge you to believe in yourselves. Believe that you and the universe are always tuned in together and trust your own instincts and trust what the universe gives you and I promise you when you truly accept these things, you will find peace and when you find peace, you will find joy and when you will find joy, you will eventually find your purest form of being and that being which is inside of you will thank you for it. Don't care what society thinks of you. Don't care how much people will talk behind your back or will bitch about you. It is their job and they will continue to do so no matter how great you will become one day. You only have one job to do and that is to get up, dress up and show up every single day until your moment comes. We all come with our destinies and our own fates. We all come with making this world a better place to live in so become that person. Don't end up being the person people want you to be. Be the individual people follow rather than the person who follows the crowd. It takes courage to be abnormal. To be left out of the crowd and walk in the wilderness alone. But in the end it is courage that truly counts. I know I have made choices which are not liked by many. And I know many of my choices have also pushed people away. But whatever the cost is I am willing to bat on it. I am willing to do what my gut tells me too. And no matter how tough it gets I am never going to stop. And I hope neither do you.

"A person often meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it."

-Jean de La Fontaine

This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty and I Am The Master Of Fate. The question is, are you?

With All My Might,

Your No.1 Fan,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.
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The Silent Guardian ...

“In order to achieve Greatness one must be able to do Great things and what greater than to sacrifice the feelings of the heart? You mortals will never understand that, for you will always give in to your compassion and feelings. But there will be one. The one who will dare to do what couldn’t ever be done.”

-The Book Of Prophecies

The last blog I submitted was when I was in Phuket. Well, the last blog was actually submitted by Michael. I hope you guys were entertained by his honesty and his version of my life. Right now, Michael has taken a break and is now Partying with his Mates in Hell. Well, that is what his note said. Al though I am not the kinda guy who is good with emotions and attachments and all, but I actually do miss him and I am waiting for him to come back. But until he decides to show up I do know that I still have a job to do and one of those jobs is to write another blog entry and submit it before 2015 comes to an end. So here it is. The last blog entry of the year 2015. I don’t know about you but 2015 has been a great year for me. And to be honest 2015 wouldn’t and couldn’t had been the year it was if the Universe wasn’t there with me, every step pf the way. It helped me and guided me and showed me the way. Even though the Universe is expanding every mili-second it’s modesty makes it very quiet and unnoticeable. But I did notice it’s magnificent power and even though we call it many names I call and proclaim the Universe, My Silent Guardian. So dear Universe, this one’s for you.

"I'm a survivor - a living example of what people can go through and survive."

-Elizabeth Taylor

It is very natural to reflect on the year that has gone by at the end of the year. People are travelling to different parts of the world, ready to party, making new resolutions and praying that the coming year makes all their dreams come true. If I was right now in Phuket, the place would had been jam packed and not even a single room would had been available for me to stay! I guess, that is how it is all around the world right now. And speaking of resolutions, do you know that it is a certain fact that we don’t achieve 90% of the resolutions we make on the 1st of january?!?! That means the best thing to do is to NOT make any resolutions at all! If you ask me what am I doing on new year’s eve, well, I will be home with the family hearing my Favourite song Stupify and playing Ghost Recon Future Soldier on the PS3. I am not that much into parties and that is why I will choose the quiet approach to the year 2016. But you see, this blog isn’t about what I have planned for 2016 and what all I will achieve in it. This blog is about The Silent Guardian aka The Universe who has been with me throughout the year of 2015 and which plans to guide me even for the years ahead. If you notice closely, whenever a Cricketer scores a century, he looks up and says thank you. Now, looking up can mean a lot of things. He can be thanking the god he chooses to worship or his ancestors that are looking down on him or the mighty universe which is with him at every step of the way. For me, I have always looked up and only seen the universe. The mighty universe waving it’s magic wand at me and blessing me with happiness and gratitude. My silent guardian has taught me so much this year and in return it has also given me a lot. Whether it was through it’s teachings or gifts, the silent guardian has been absolutely perfect in what it has done and continues to remain stedfast in it’s approach of making me the man I was born to be.

"I am someone who always gets up again, even if there are setbacks. I have a survivor instinct. I'm not sure where it comes from, but probably from all the little things that make you into who you are."

-Heidi Klum

Just like everybody out there I had the full belief and confidence that 2015 was going to be my year. I had a film coming up plus I had completely transformed myself as a man and as an actor for the film. The promos were liked, the music had become a hit and I knew in my heart that after Ishqedarriyaan released I would be starting to get good offers and my work would start. But all changed on that friday when I realised that none of the cinemas had given the film decent timings to be showcased at and on saturday I knew I had hit rock bottom once again. But even though the blow was hard, it didn’t keep me down. I sulked for a while, then healed my wounds, embraced the pain of defeat and stood right back up again. Till today, I don’t know where this strength comes from! This relentless pursuit towards greatness. Till today I don’t know how I get more stronger every time I am knocked down to a pulp. I guess it is the power of the silent guardian watching over me and making me realise that I am still in the fight. That instead of crying and feeling sorry for myself, I need to push harder than I did before. And that is why even though no one believes in me, I still believe in my dreams and I know that one day all of them will come true. At times when the heart questions the actions of the soul, I always remind myself that “Even Waiting Is Training” and “Every Dog Has His Day” and that one day my time to prove myself to the world will finally come and until that day comes I will do what I am best at doing. Grind and grind and grind and push and push and push until nothing of me is left to give. So what 2015 taught me was that no matter how hard the obstacles are laid in front of you, you never stop believing in your dreams and you never give up. You. Never. Ever. Give. Up.

"I am a survivor and not a victim. Life isn't perfect. When you get a knock, you have to get up, dust yourself down and get on with it."

-Patsy Kensit

I have this calendar in my hall. In fact, every year I search for the ‘perfect’ calendar for my hall ‘cause this calendar is where I wrote down my goals. It is where I write down the things I want to achieve and it is where I read and remind myself of the dates which will be the turning point of my life. So this august I decided that I will finally go to phuket and train for a month at the Tiger Muay Thai and Mma camp and come back a changed man. I was completely convinced that it was going to happen and with that very conviction I had written the dates down on my calendar as well. Of course, I had never gone to a foreign country all by myself before so the challenges of convincing my family were of top priority. But my family being the amazing people they are agreed to the trip in a heartbeat and told me to go as soon as I could! I was blown away with this ‘cause even before talking to them I had written the dates down and guess what? My tickets were issued for those very same dates! I knew this was a sign from the universe and it was the best moment of my life! Of course when I did go to TMT I knew that, that was the place from which I would return a changed man and that is what exactly happened! I met amazing new people from all across the world, made great friends and trained my ass off in all the Martial Arts the place had to offer. My sleep patterns got better, my skin started to glow and I transformed from the inside out. When I came back, everyone was delighted to see the new me and I knew that I had the universe to thank for this amazing new journey I had gone for! But little did I knew that this was only part 1 of the master plan the silent guardian had in stored for me.

"The soldiers that didn't come back were the heroes. It's a roll of the dice. If a bullet has your name on it, you're a hero. If you hear a bullet go by, you're a survivor."

-Bob Feller

It was only a week or two after I had come back that I felt this sudden awakening. An awakening which was guiding me and telling me that I had to go back to camp. That I belong more in the fight that I belong to the normalcy of the world. I thought it was only the relapse of the joy I felt being there and getting my ass kicked everyday that was coming and going as flashes whenever I brushed my teeth or whenever I saw a Ufc Fighter’s training video. I even tried to ignore and diminish these feelings by doing things like everybody else. Whether it was meeting up with cousins or going for lunches and dinners, I tried it all just to convince myself that going to the camp was only a one-time thing. But the more the days passed the more the need to go back become real and I knew that the silent guardian yet again was hinting at me to do something. And so, I booked my tickets, packed my bags and went right back to where I had left off. All my trainers and coaches and teachers were there and all were delighted to see me return and so was I. I knew that this time around I would push more and achieve more. But what I didn’t know then was I would evolve more spiritually than physically. Yes, I did train thrice a day. Whether it was the record-breaking empty stomach runs I did in the mornings or the one on one muay thai sessions I did back to back. I was giving it my all. But more than the physical limitations I was breaking it was the fact that I was all by myself that was more surprising for me. I mean, I said hi and hello to everyone over there but for the most part of the day I was all by myself. I hardly interacted with anyone after my classes were done and nor did I go and chill at the local bars with the live music. I was in a way getting more self-sufficient and for me this was the most important turning point of my life! I had always believed that I was the Lone Wolf but in a very hypocritical and cowardly way I had always avoided the real test of truly being alone. But in the month of november when India was celebrating diwali and when families were lighting up crackers and giving each other gifts, I was all alone in Phuket training myself to finally become the Lone Wolf I had always aspired to become.

"You recognize a survivor when you see one. You recognize a fighter when you see one."

-Elizabeth Edwards

The universe truly works in mysterious ways and in a way it is the Silent Guardian for all of us. I am a man of science and I believe in proof and theories backed up by years or research and data. That is why I love astronomy so much and the one thing astronomy teaches us is that all the chemicals and components found in the human body can also be found out there in the universe. So whatever happens to us is a direct link to the universe cause the universe is connected to us more than we can even fathom to understand. Yes, I am a man of faith but I am not a man of idol worship. I believe that ‘God’ never wanted us to kill each other but gave us our hands to lend a helping hand to those in need and make those hands fighting fists whenever we are faced with difficulties. And that is why I always look for signs and signals from the silent guardian. Whether it is a hoarding with a slogan at a traffic stop or a lyric from a song that I am hearing, the silent guardian is always throwing me signs and signals for me to understand. And since the time I have come back it has been making me realise one thing over and over again. And that is no matter how hard I try, I will never be able to ‘Fit in’ ‘cause I was always meant to stand out. And maybe that is why I have started to love my own company more than the company of others. Maybe that is why I have cut all ties from the people who were in my life and now I am at peace with just being by myself. Maybe that is why I don’t open up to people about my feelings anymore. Maybe this is strength or maybe this is just self-sustainability. Whatever it is, it is working for me big time! I have never felt better or stronger before and now with each passing day, I am more and more convinced that I am truly meant to be alone and nothing and no one in this world can change that. Not now. Not ever.

"The feat of surviving is directly related to the capacity of the survivor."

-Claire Cameron

Have you heard the song Short-Change Hero? it is from a group called The Heavy and it has been used in many films, tv shows and games. But the one film which does true justice to the song is ‘Faster’ which starred The Rock in 2010. I don’t know whether you have seen the film or not but for me it is by far one of the best films I have ever seen! Al though the story revolves around a man hell bent on revenge it is not the violence or the retribution of the man that attracts me to the film the most but rather the darkness and the loneliness of the man who knows he has nothing left but vengeance in his heart. In the end, right before the film comes to an end, the character played by The Rock, starts his car and rides off towards the sun set. For some reason I can’t remove that image and that song out of my head! it is like that scene is calling out to me! That the universe wants me to become that man who does his duties for his family and then who rides off alone towards the sun set! And the more I listen to the song the more I am convinced that, that will be eventually be my destiny! You may meet me and try to convince me that what I am feeling right now may only be a phase that I am going through but tell me honestly, do ‘phases’ last for 5 years? No right? And that is why the more I put myself out there the more I am convinced that I am a man who is more happier in his own private little world. Yes, one day I will travel the world for my work and yes, I will be meeting hundreds and thousands of people along the way but I know in my heart that no one will be able to make me feel as whole and as complete as the universe makes me feel when I am all by myself.

"I am not a victim. I am an angry survivor."

-Nina Bawden

There is beauty in sacrifice. There is strength in pain. And there is greatness in letting go of the things that the heart wants the most. Today, I realise that. And not because I feel it all the time but also because I have seen it happening it to me from time to time. Let me explain it to you by giving you an example. There is this guy Jim who one day goes to a restaurant and orders himself some Prawns. He eats them and finds them delicious. But only an hour later his stomach starts to growl and he gets a bad ache! He tells himself that he must have eaten some wrong vegetable or meat that made his stomach upset. Then, after a few days Jim again goes to the same restaurant and orders the same prawns and eats them to the fullest and the same ache happens and this time he tells himself that the restaurant may not be good at all. So he decides to go to another restaurant and order the prawns to convince himself that the prawns aren’t the problem at all. But the same thing happens again and he ends up getting admitted in the hospital and when the doctor comes and informs him that he shouldn’t eat prawns anymore he is convinced that Prawns aren’t right for him. The reason I told this story about Jim and Prawns is because the Universe has always shown me that I am not meant to be a social animal or ‘normal’ as thy call it. Time and again I have gotten proof that I am not meant to have friends or find love or be dependent on others for companionship. Time and again I have been Jim and whenever I have tried to eat those prawns I have always ended up in the hospital. Today, at the end of 2015, after all the aches and the cuts and the bruises and the joys and the triumphs I have come to realise that I am meant to be alone and for the first time in my life and that fact doesn’t disturb but gives me a sense of calmness. The Silent Guardian in it’s own magical way has shown me what kind of a man I am and what I need to do to achieve my dreams. I am blessed to have come this far in my life and I know that I am still learning. I know I will still make mistakes but I also know that I am wiser than yesterday and I am mature enough to not make the same mistakes again. I know I will stumble and I will fall. But I always get back up. When the world will celebrate the coming year with glasses in their hands, I will be in the gym grinding and sweating and making my muscles feel the pump with blood gushing through my veins. I thank my Silent Guardian for always being there for me and showing me time and again what kind of a man I truly am and what really is my ultimate destiny. I thank the silent guardian for making me hear that song, for making me visualise myself as the man who is wearing that leather jacket, big biker boots, oakley glasses and taking a selfie at the grand canyon, raising my hands at the centre of the poles, flagging my flag at the himalayas and giving a thumbs up to earth from the international space station. 

"Oh, I'm a survivor. My whole life has been surviving."

-Eddie Bracken

This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty and this has been my 2015 with My Silent Guardian.

With All My Might,

Your No.1 Fan,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

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