“And so this mortal went ahead in his journey. A quest to find himself in the hidden parts of his very soul. And when he travelled across the seven oceans and the highest peaks, he realised that he wasn’t destined to be normal but to be The One. Not only because he had the will and might of the gods but because he had the power of belief.”
-The Book Of Prophecies.
In a few hours I will be on my way to the airport. I am going for two and half months to the land of the free and the home of the brave. After 13 years I will finally be going back to Los Angeles. I can’t even begin to tell you how excited I am. But beyond the excitement and the rush of going back there I feel this deep sense of responsibility. Like I have gotten a chance by the mighty universe to get even more better. In these past few months I have done courses in Comedy Improv, Salsa, Hip Hop and gotten the taste of Crossfit. I promised myself that I will emerge myself in my preparation for the great opportunity that very soon is going to come my way. But since it was decided a couple months ago that I was going to the United States I decided that all the training should be put on hold and all the energy and focus should be directed towards Los Angeles. And you know me, I find the true, spiritual meaning in everything that happens to me and lately I have started seeing the positive in every situation and trust me, even though the situation may not change, you surely feel a whole lot better when you see what you can be grateful for even in the midst of normality. Trust me readers, all that happens, happens only for the good and when you have the power of belief, anything is possible.
"Sometimes it's the journey that teaches you a lot about your destination."
-Drake
Do you remember The Dark Knight Rises? Do you remember Bane’s character in it? We all know that he was a Merc for hire but do you remember when Alfred is giving Bane’s introduction to Bruce Wayne? Do you remember what does he say? He says, “Master Wayne, what I see isn’t just a man on a mission, what I see is the Power Of Belief.” Many people have asked me, “What is it that you want to do with your life?” And I simply tell them, I want to be a part of the movies now and forever. And then they ask, “Then why aren’t you doing what others are?” And I reply, I can and without your knowledge I actually do all those things but what I also do, is prepare and keep my focus and make sure that I learn and train and use all my energy on making myself better because I know that one day my time will come and when it does come I will be ready. And this answer isn’t a sense of arrogance but it is my Power Of Belief. A belief so strong that it will one day change the world. A belief with such will and might that one day I will shine as bright as the sun. A belief with such purity and focus that one day I will no longer be in the sidelines but in the spotlight.
"Focus on the journey, not the destination. Joy is found not in finishing an activity but in doing it."
-Greg Anderson
You all know that I went to Phuket last year, twice. And both those times and in fact, also at every new year’s eve I have this custom I follow. I play a few stages on either Medal Of Honour or Ghost Recon Future Soldier and I hear the song Stupify from the rock band Disturbed. Even tonight, I have followed the very same custom. It is like I am reminding myself who I truly am and what responsibilities lay in front of me and what all I need to do in the 2 1/2 months that are now in front of me. It is me showing myself that behind the iron clad skin, my soul will always be on a quest to learn and explore more. That deep down, I will always be grateful to the universe and to my parents and to my family and to my life itself for making me the man that I am today. That every thing that has happened in my life has brought me to this new exciting juncture of my life where I will only evolve. So before I leave, I will put my headphones on and Stupify will be heard by the nerves of my brain for the trillionth time and everything in the universe will look beautiful and the siren of the gods will be heard.
"We are at our very best, and we are happiest, when we are fully engaged in work we enjoy on the journey toward the goal we've established for ourselves. It gives meaning to our time off and comfort to our sleep. It makes everything else in life so wonderful, so worthwhile."
-Earl Nightingale
So what is in stored for me in the city of angels? Well, first it is the UFC 200 expo happening in las vegas which I really really wanna go for ‘cause I will get the opportunity to see and meet the amazing ufc fighters and also take pictures with them! it will truly be a dream come true for me! And it is on the 8th so I can tell the jet lag to take a hike ‘cause I will be going to vegas! And then it is the grand UFC Gyms which are located all over LA for me to choose from and be a part of. I have waited nearly 6 years to train in a UFC Gym and very soon that dream of mine will come true! Then it is the endless places and spots where comedy improv and stand-up comedy workshops are taking place for me to choose from. Since I have done till Level 2 here it would be great to see what level 3 has in stored for me over there. I also goggled Parkour and Crossfit gyms which I can join and I will also be enrolling myself at the IDA Hollywood Centre. The International Dance Academy in Hollywood. It is one of the most renowned and popular and recognised dance centres in Los Angeles and when you see their students perform their hip-hop moves on youtube you will agree with me that it will truly be an honour to be a part of their centre. And of course when I will be done with kicking a 1,000 kicks at the UFC gym and sweating it at and learning new dance moves at IDA and trying to come up with spontaneous jokes at the comedy stand-up studio, I will be touring the Universal City Walk, watching all the latest films, and taking a gazillion pics and keep snap chatting as much as I can. So it looks like I have a very busy 2.1/2 months in front of me. And even though it took 13 years for me to go back, I can tell you right now, every moment of that wait was worth it.
"Every day is a journey, and the journey itself is home."
-Matsuo Basho
So once again I embark on a new chapter of my life. I embark on a task to make myself better and make my parents proud and prove to myself without a shadow of a doubt that I have the will and determination to go beyond the call of duty. To be the best version of myself and to push harder when I can’t anymore. I thank you all for being my readers. I thank my family for this opportunity and I thank the universe for giving this feeling of bliss. I can’t promise if I will blog from there but if I do I will share all my bliss and joy with you as well. You see, the universe is a friendly place and I am a firm believer in the power of it. I know I am connected to it. And I know it is with me every step of the way. You can harness it’s power also. You can also find your joy and bliss. Never doubt it. Never give in to the negativity that you feel may cloud over you sometimes. Find the greater good. Seek the happiness and it will cone to you. Rumi said a very wonderful thing once. He said, “What You Seek Is Also Seeking You.” Ask yourself the question. Go on that quest and your joy will come to you. So before I go all I can say is that I have beautiful road ahead of me, which is filled with excitement and joy and learning and bliss. And everyday I will the grateful for the blessings the universe showers over me. I hope you do that also.
This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty and this is My Story.
“In order to achieve Greatness one must be able to do Great things and what greater than to sacrifice the feelings of the heart? You mortals will never understand that, for you will always give in to your compassion and feelings. But there will be one. The one who will dare to do what couldn’t ever be done.”
-The Book Of Prophecies
The last blog I submitted was when I was in Phuket. Well, the last blog was actually submitted by Michael. I hope you guys were entertained by his honesty and his version of my life. Right now, Michael has taken a break and is now Partying with his Mates in Hell. Well, that is what his note said. Al though I am not the kinda guy who is good with emotions and attachments and all, but I actually do miss him and I am waiting for him to come back. But until he decides to show up I do know that I still have a job to do and one of those jobs is to write another blog entry and submit it before 2015 comes to an end. So here it is. The last blog entry of the year 2015. I don’t know about you but 2015 has been a great year for me. And to be honest 2015 wouldn’t and couldn’t had been the year it was if the Universe wasn’t there with me, every step pf the way. It helped me and guided me and showed me the way. Even though the Universe is expanding every mili-second it’s modesty makes it very quiet and unnoticeable. But I did notice it’s magnificent power and even though we call it many names I call and proclaim the Universe, My Silent Guardian. So dear Universe, this one’s for you.
"I'm a survivor - a living example of what people can go through and survive."
It is very natural to reflect on the year that has gone by at the end of the year. People are travelling to different parts of the world, ready to party, making new resolutions and praying that the coming year makes all their dreams come true. If I was right now in Phuket, the place would had been jam packed and not even a single room would had been available for me to stay! I guess, that is how it is all around the world right now. And speaking of resolutions, do you know that it is a certain fact that we don’t achieve 90% of the resolutions we make on the 1st of january?!?! That means the best thing to do is to NOT make any resolutions at all! If you ask me what am I doing on new year’s eve, well, I will be home with the family hearing my Favourite song Stupify and playing Ghost Recon Future Soldier on the PS3. I am not that much into parties and that is why I will choose the quiet approach to the year 2016. But you see, this blog isn’t about what I have planned for 2016 and what all I will achieve in it. This blog is about The Silent Guardian aka The Universe who has been with me throughout the year of 2015 and which plans to guide me even for the years ahead. If you notice closely, whenever a Cricketer scores a century, he looks up and says thank you. Now, looking up can mean a lot of things. He can be thanking the god he chooses to worship or his ancestors that are looking down on him or the mighty universe which is with him at every step of the way. For me, I have always looked up and only seen the universe. The mighty universe waving it’s magic wand at me and blessing me with happiness and gratitude. My silent guardian has taught me so much this year and in return it has also given me a lot. Whether it was through it’s teachings or gifts, the silent guardian has been absolutely perfect in what it has done and continues to remain stedfast in it’s approach of making me the man I was born to be.
"I am someone who always gets up again, even if there are setbacks. I have a survivor instinct. I'm not sure where it comes from, but probably from all the little things that make you into who you are."
Just like everybody out there I had the full belief and confidence that 2015 was going to be my year. I had a film coming up plus I had completely transformed myself as a man and as an actor for the film. The promos were liked, the music had become a hit and I knew in my heart that after Ishqedarriyaan released I would be starting to get good offers and my work would start. But all changed on that friday when I realised that none of the cinemas had given the film decent timings to be showcased at and on saturday I knew I had hit rock bottom once again. But even though the blow was hard, it didn’t keep me down. I sulked for a while, then healed my wounds, embraced the pain of defeat and stood right back up again. Till today, I don’t know where this strength comes from! This relentless pursuit towards greatness. Till today I don’t know how I get more stronger every time I am knocked down to a pulp. I guess it is the power of the silent guardian watching over me and making me realise that I am still in the fight. That instead of crying and feeling sorry for myself, I need to push harder than I did before. And that is why even though no one believes in me, I still believe in my dreams and I know that one day all of them will come true. At times when the heart questions the actions of the soul, I always remind myself that “Even Waiting Is Training” and “Every Dog Has His Day” and that one day my time to prove myself to the world will finally come and until that day comes I will do what I am best at doing. Grind and grind and grind and push and push and push until nothing of me is left to give. So what 2015 taught me was that no matter how hard the obstacles are laid in front of you, you never stop believing in your dreams and you never give up. You. Never. Ever. Give. Up.
"I am a survivor and not a victim. Life isn't perfect. When you get a knock, you have to get up, dust yourself down and get on with it."
I have this calendar in my hall. In fact, every year I search for the ‘perfect’ calendar for my hall ‘cause this calendar is where I wrote down my goals. It is where I write down the things I want to achieve and it is where I read and remind myself of the dates which will be the turning point of my life. So this august I decided that I will finally go to phuket and train for a month at the Tiger Muay Thai and Mma camp and come back a changed man. I was completely convinced that it was going to happen and with that very conviction I had written the dates down on my calendar as well. Of course, I had never gone to a foreign country all by myself before so the challenges of convincing my family were of top priority. But my family being the amazing people they are agreed to the trip in a heartbeat and told me to go as soon as I could! I was blown away with this ‘cause even before talking to them I had written the dates down and guess what? My tickets were issued for those very same dates! I knew this was a sign from the universe and it was the best moment of my life! Of course when I did go to TMT I knew that, that was the place from which I would return a changed man and that is what exactly happened! I met amazing new people from all across the world, made great friends and trained my ass off in all the Martial Arts the place had to offer. My sleep patterns got better, my skin started to glow and I transformed from the inside out. When I came back, everyone was delighted to see the new me and I knew that I had the universe to thank for this amazing new journey I had gone for! But little did I knew that this was only part 1 of the master plan the silent guardian had in stored for me.
"The soldiers that didn't come back were the heroes. It's a roll of the dice. If a bullet has your name on it, you're a hero. If you hear a bullet go by, you're a survivor."
It was only a week or two after I had come back that I felt this sudden awakening. An awakening which was guiding me and telling me that I had to go back to camp. That I belong more in the fight that I belong to the normalcy of the world. I thought it was only the relapse of the joy I felt being there and getting my ass kicked everyday that was coming and going as flashes whenever I brushed my teeth or whenever I saw a Ufc Fighter’s training video. I even tried to ignore and diminish these feelings by doing things like everybody else. Whether it was meeting up with cousins or going for lunches and dinners, I tried it all just to convince myself that going to the camp was only a one-time thing. But the more the days passed the more the need to go back become real and I knew that the silent guardian yet again was hinting at me to do something. And so, I booked my tickets, packed my bags and went right back to where I had left off. All my trainers and coaches and teachers were there and all were delighted to see me return and so was I. I knew that this time around I would push more and achieve more. But what I didn’t know then was I would evolve more spiritually than physically. Yes, I did train thrice a day. Whether it was the record-breaking empty stomach runs I did in the mornings or the one on one muay thai sessions I did back to back. I was giving it my all. But more than the physical limitations I was breaking it was the fact that I was all by myself that was more surprising for me. I mean, I said hi and hello to everyone over there but for the most part of the day I was all by myself. I hardly interacted with anyone after my classes were done and nor did I go and chill at the local bars with the live music. I was in a way getting more self-sufficient and for me this was the most important turning point of my life! I had always believed that I was the Lone Wolf but in a very hypocritical and cowardly way I had always avoided the real test of truly being alone. But in the month of november when India was celebrating diwali and when families were lighting up crackers and giving each other gifts, I was all alone in Phuket training myself to finally become the Lone Wolf I had always aspired to become.
"You recognize a survivor when you see one. You recognize a fighter when you see one."
The universe truly works in mysterious ways and in a way it is the Silent Guardian for all of us. I am a man of science and I believe in proof and theories backed up by years or research and data. That is why I love astronomy so much and the one thing astronomy teaches us is that all the chemicals and components found in the human body can also be found out there in the universe. So whatever happens to us is a direct link to the universe cause the universe is connected to us more than we can even fathom to understand. Yes, I am a man of faith but I am not a man of idol worship. I believe that ‘God’ never wanted us to kill each other but gave us our hands to lend a helping hand to those in need and make those hands fighting fists whenever we are faced with difficulties. And that is why I always look for signs and signals from the silent guardian. Whether it is a hoarding with a slogan at a traffic stop or a lyric from a song that I am hearing, the silent guardian is always throwing me signs and signals for me to understand. And since the time I have come back it has been making me realise one thing over and over again. And that is no matter how hard I try, I will never be able to ‘Fit in’ ‘cause I was always meant to stand out. And maybe that is why I have started to love my own company more than the company of others. Maybe that is why I have cut all ties from the people who were in my life and now I am at peace with just being by myself. Maybe that is why I don’t open up to people about my feelings anymore. Maybe this is strength or maybe this is just self-sustainability. Whatever it is, it is working for me big time! I have never felt better or stronger before and now with each passing day, I am more and more convinced that I am truly meant to be alone and nothing and no one in this world can change that. Not now. Not ever.
"The feat of surviving is directly related to the capacity of the survivor."
Have you heard the song Short-Change Hero? it is from a group called The Heavy and it has been used in many films, tv shows and games. But the one film which does true justice to the song is ‘Faster’ which starred The Rock in 2010. I don’t know whether you have seen the film or not but for me it is by far one of the best films I have ever seen! Al though the story revolves around a man hell bent on revenge it is not the violence or the retribution of the man that attracts me to the film the most but rather the darkness and the loneliness of the man who knows he has nothing left but vengeance in his heart. In the end, right before the film comes to an end, the character played by The Rock, starts his car and rides off towards the sun set. For some reason I can’t remove that image and that song out of my head! it is like that scene is calling out to me! That the universe wants me to become that man who does his duties for his family and then who rides off alone towards the sun set! And the more I listen to the song the more I am convinced that, that will be eventually be my destiny! You may meet me and try to convince me that what I am feeling right now may only be a phase that I am going through but tell me honestly, do ‘phases’ last for 5 years? No right? And that is why the more I put myself out there the more I am convinced that I am a man who is more happier in his own private little world. Yes, one day I will travel the world for my work and yes, I will be meeting hundreds and thousands of people along the way but I know in my heart that no one will be able to make me feel as whole and as complete as the universe makes me feel when I am all by myself.
There is beauty in sacrifice. There is strength in pain. And there is greatness in letting go of the things that the heart wants the most. Today, I realise that. And not because I feel it all the time but also because I have seen it happening it to me from time to time. Let me explain it to you by giving you an example. There is this guy Jim who one day goes to a restaurant and orders himself some Prawns. He eats them and finds them delicious. But only an hour later his stomach starts to growl and he gets a bad ache! He tells himself that he must have eaten some wrong vegetable or meat that made his stomach upset. Then, after a few days Jim again goes to the same restaurant and orders the same prawns and eats them to the fullest and the same ache happens and this time he tells himself that the restaurant may not be good at all. So he decides to go to another restaurant and order the prawns to convince himself that the prawns aren’t the problem at all. But the same thing happens again and he ends up getting admitted in the hospital and when the doctor comes and informs him that he shouldn’t eat prawns anymore he is convinced that Prawns aren’t right for him. The reason I told this story about Jim and Prawns is because the Universe has always shown me that I am not meant to be a social animal or ‘normal’ as thy call it. Time and again I have gotten proof that I am not meant to have friends or find love or be dependent on others for companionship. Time and again I have been Jim and whenever I have tried to eat those prawns I have always ended up in the hospital. Today, at the end of 2015, after all the aches and the cuts and the bruises and the joys and the triumphs I have come to realise that I am meant to be alone and for the first time in my life and that fact doesn’t disturb but gives me a sense of calmness. The Silent Guardian in it’s own magical way has shown me what kind of a man I am and what I need to do to achieve my dreams. I am blessed to have come this far in my life and I know that I am still learning. I know I will still make mistakes but I also know that I am wiser than yesterday and I am mature enough to not make the same mistakes again. I know I will stumble and I will fall. But I always get back up. When the world will celebrate the coming year with glasses in their hands, I will be in the gym grinding and sweating and making my muscles feel the pump with blood gushing through my veins. I thank my Silent Guardian for always being there for me and showing me time and again what kind of a man I truly am and what really is my ultimate destiny. I thank the silent guardian for making me hear that song, for making me visualise myself as the man who is wearing that leather jacket, big biker boots, oakley glasses and taking a selfie at the grand canyon, raising my hands at the centre of the poles, flagging my flag at the himalayas and giving a thumbs up to earth from the international space station.
"Oh, I'm a survivor. My whole life has been surviving."
