Forging A Destiny Through Acts Of Randomness ...

"And so the trials and tribulations will begin for this mortal. The mortal we chose out of the many. A boy who would transform into a man through iron and steel. And we will make him the warrior that he is destined to become. But what we never thought, what we never expected or ever saw coming was that this warrior had a power of his own. He had the will to challenge his own mortality. He had the courage to look fate right in the eye and say, "I bow down to none."

-The Book Of Prophecies.

The 1st day when you enter a Boxing or Mma class, you are excited as a little boy with candy. You want to hit all the bags as hard you can and you want to show your master that you know everything already. You take up all the opponents he throws at you and eventually 'cause of your foolishness you get your ass handed to you. Then, when you are down at the mat, beaten, you realise you have a long road of training ahead of you to become the fighter that you dream to be. And then, as the days go by you become more focused and calmer and you become selective. In other words, you evolve and become better. The same thing goes with me and my blogs I guess. When I started writing these blogs, they used to be once a week almost for 2 years or so. Of course, I'm not saying that they all were bad but now, when I go back and view them, well, let's just say they weren't presented that well. But now, I know I am selective about my topics. I know that whenever I open my laptop and start writing, it has to have some deeper meaning to me. So ya, writing less doesn't affect me anymore. But writing with purpose and depth truly does.

"You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something - your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life."

-Steve Jobs

Today I am at home resting and recovering from a fever which kicked in yesterday. I felt a terrible pain on the left side of my body and I thought it was just soreness from the crossfit session I did on monday. But when my kicks weren't going high enough and when my stamina was depleting faster than the air from a torn ballon, I realised that a fever was creeping up on me. The doctor told me today either it is a throat infection which is the devil or over-training. Al though I know the throat infection has done this, I am not taking any chances with pushing myself unnecessarily towards an over-training state. And yes, the rest has really helped. I can already feel the cells in my body recovering and within a day or two I will be back on track. And by back on track I mean listening to my body more and doing 'Smart' training instead of 'Balls-Out' training. And speaking of training I recommend everyone to try Crossfit! It is absolutely revolutionary! To be honest, when I was in Phuket, I was completely against the Crossfit Training 'cause I didn't know how it would help me achieve my goals. But since the last 45 days in the Crossfit Training world I can tell you it is the best thing that fitness and science has to offer today. There are of course many gyms which provide crossfit training and also like a 1,000 websites which do the same too. If you are looking for a solution to achieve your fitness goals by just being in the gym for only 60mins, well, then crossfit is for you!

"It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves."

-William Shakespeare

Staying at home does have it's advantages as well. I get to spend more time with the pets. I get to catch up on all my favourite tv shows. I get to read all my comics through the marvel comics app. And I get to sit alone and count my blessings and see how many things there are there for me to be grateful about and look up at the Universe and say, "Thank You". I hope you do that also. You know the feeling-immense-gratitude-part. At first, it may feel all superficial and funny and weird but as your progress into this habit in finding the good in everything, you will eventually, by default do that and later on, even in your weirdest and saddest of moods, you will see the light in the darkness and automatically feel great about everything. As I had told in my last blog that I promised myself that I would never sit idle again and I am proud to say that now 'Staying Active' has become my life's mantra. And for the record, staying active doesn't mean that you have to run marathons or climb mountains or stay out throughout the day. No. Staying active means that you emerge yourself in activities which are productive for you. And those activities can literally mean anything. It can be bungee jumping 5 times in a day or writing your 1st book or just being with yourself and being content with what the universe has offered to you.

"As long as we are persistence in our pursuit of our deepest destiny, we will continue to grow. We cannot choose the day or time when we will fully bloom. It happens in its own time."

-Denis Waitley

I just finished reading my 7th book of the year. It was called 'Intensity' and yes, as the name goes, it was truly intense! It was by far one of the best thrillers I have ever read and every page kept me at the edge of my seat! I still have 5 more books to go in order for me to finish my Goodreads Reading Challenge. And my next read will be 'The Blood Defence.' It is a courtroom drama/thriller and the author is the famous lawyer who fought the O.J. Simpson case. I am very much excited to read it! Ooohhh, I love thrillers! Do any of you read? If you do, then trust me, you have a best friend right there in those books. Books teleport you to a world where you are filled with these amazing characters that you bring to life and as the stories go ahead, these characters become alive in your head and in a way become a part of you. Whenever I am engrossed in a book, I loose track of time and that is how deeply submerged I get in my book-reading world. I still can't believe that I am the same boy who took 2 months to finish Jurassic Park when I started reading it in school. I never knew that reading novels would eventually become such an important part of my life.

"It is in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped."

-Tony Robbins

You all must know by now that I am a gadget freak and I get excited about new electronics and apps and updates and how I can connect one device to another and make the machine into a bad-ass transformer look-a-like. Well, thanks to the suggestion of Anna {his name is Ganesh} I recently installed the Office's Surround system at the flat and connected all the devices to it. And with Netflix now in India I connected my account with the apple tv and whenever I am there I am either watching Sherlock or watching funny 'epic fail' videos on youtube. And speaking of youtube, I always go into 'freeze mode' when I see 'Sniper' in the 'suggestions for you' section. Imagine blinking your eyes, drinking a glass of water and cleaning the table from the dust the air poured in and then suddenly when your eyes see the word 'Sniper' you stop doing everything and become transfixed to that word. I  automatically get transported into this fantasy realm where I am a special ops sniper sent on the most deadliest mission in order to save the world. How do I explain this to you? How do I make you feel how I feel when I see myself inserting those .50 cal bullets into the cartridge. With the rain making it's presence felt on the earth outside my base camp. With thunder and lightning proving mother nature's point that you don't screw with her. How can I show you how serene it feels to be all alone in the heart of the jungle amongst those beautiful animals the god created? How do I show you the beautiful terrains and landscapes that I crawl and walk through to get the perfect aim for the terrorist I am assigned to send straight to hell with a bullet with his name written on it? How do I begin to express my happiness when I know I went through Sniper training and I was pushed by my drill sergeants to become the most lethal warrior in the history of the world? How can I show you the tears of joy in my eyes when I finally see that scumbag through the scope of my rifle and just before I squeeze the trigger I look up at the heavens and say a prayer and thank the powers that be for making me this lone wolf who went through hell and back, who survived and embraced the horror of pain and who now is doing an act of valour by ending the life of a monster who only deserves punishment? I guess I won't ever be able to make you understand what I see and feel 'cause maybe sometimes the best experiences are felt when you feel them yourself.

"Your destiny is to fulfill those things upon which you focus most intently. So choose to keep your focus on that which is truly magnificent, beautiful, uplifting and joyful. Your life is always moving toward something."

-Ralph Marston

So why the topic such as "Forging a destiny through acts of randomness"? And why would I write whatever popped up in my head without a certain 'order'? Well, that was the idea to begin with, wasn't it? More than making a point to all of you, my readers, I wanted to make a point to myself. And this 'making point' intervention came only a few days ago when I was reading an article on Tarot Reading and Astrology and Numerology. Al though I respect the people who practice it and also the people who believe in it, I personally don't anymore. I am a man of science and what all my courses in Astronomy and Astro-Biology have taught me is that whatever is backed up by years and years of data is the hard proven fact and nothing can challenge that. And to make my belief in science and Free-Will more gratifying was when I saw the last episode of DC's Legends Of Tomorrow where it was mentioned that we all are the Masters Of Our Own Fate and nobody or no entity has the right or power over us. Even my favourite actor Jake Jyllenhal believes in the power of the universe and sees the Signs and Signals it lays in front of us. Of course, I am just a mortal who is giving his own point of view and I know I will be challenged for this but what I am trying to say is that there is a major difference in walking the path laid in front of you and letting someone else decide what path you need to walk on. A part of me does believe and is also convinced that I am meant for things that I can't even believe to imagine myself. But a part of me also believes that I can't let a prediction or a card or a number dictate my actions towards my future. Whatever I am today, whether it is good or bad or simply screwed up, I am 'cause of my own choices and actions. And I made those choices 'cause something deep within me told me to do so. And since the day I was born, I have always done the things which have brought me a certain degree of joy and happiness and a certain amount of contentment. I have trained in the heat and also embraced pain in the cold. I have bled and cried and have gone to hell and back, all with my own will. Today, there is this uncontrollable power in me. A quest to learn more. A positivity which can't be broken by any negative encounters I face. Today I have the power of belief and I am convinced 100% that my time to shine in the sun will come. And when it does I will be ready for it. So now, writing this blog and being in this moment, I have come to learn that there are only two things you should depend upon. One, is the Trust in the Mighty Universe. And Two, the belief in your own capabilities. So that is why I walk in the path laid in front of me. I don't crib about the things that I thought we were meant to be mine or which slipped through my fingers. I don't complain about the things I don't have and which others get without putting in the effort. I don't mind that I have to wait in line while others get the fast pass. I do these things today because I know there is a plan for me and not because I believe that some stone or some colour or some number is going to change my destiny or fate.

"Actions are the seed of fate deeds grow into destiny."

-Harry S Truman

So, my dear readers I urge you to believe in yourselves. Believe that you and the universe are always tuned in together and trust your own instincts and trust what the universe gives you and I promise you when you truly accept these things, you will find peace and when you find peace, you will find joy and when you will find joy, you will eventually find your purest form of being and that being which is inside of you will thank you for it. Don't care what society thinks of you. Don't care how much people will talk behind your back or will bitch about you. It is their job and they will continue to do so no matter how great you will become one day. You only have one job to do and that is to get up, dress up and show up every single day until your moment comes. We all come with our destinies and our own fates. We all come with making this world a better place to live in so become that person. Don't end up being the person people want you to be. Be the individual people follow rather than the person who follows the crowd. It takes courage to be abnormal. To be left out of the crowd and walk in the wilderness alone. But in the end it is courage that truly counts. I know I have made choices which are not liked by many. And I know many of my choices have also pushed people away. But whatever the cost is I am willing to bat on it. I am willing to do what my gut tells me too. And no matter how tough it gets I am never going to stop. And I hope neither do you.

"A person often meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it."

-Jean de La Fontaine

This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty and I Am The Master Of Fate. The question is, are you?

With All My Might,

Your No.1 Fan,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.
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The Wicked Never Rest ...

"And so many will come and go. We will see men rise and fall. We will be there to see the end and the new beginnings. But one mortal amongst the billions of the billions will do the unthinkable. He will never stop. No matter the pain and the agony and the struggle this mortal will never stop. And thus by doing this he will eventually become one of us."

-The Book Of Prophecies.

It has been a very long time since my last blog entry. I know. I should had written before and more frequently. But the very objective of this blog entry is to tell you why I haven't been in touch with my blogging skills as of late. As you know I got back from my 2nd tour of Phuket and Tiger Muay Thai Camp in december. Once I got back I was catching up with the responsibilities and work which was waiting for me here. Then in january I decided that I would make up a list of things to do in the year 2016. Of course I can't share much about that list but the planning and organising my plan of action took the entire month of january. And then in February me and the family were in Ooty for the progress of our Hotel The Monarch and that is how february went by. But now, in the month of March I can say I am at full speed ahead with the things I wanted to achieve in 2016. Before I go into the details I want to say that I have realised and absorbed through my own actions that the more you keep yourself busy and engrossed in the productivity of yourself, there won't ever be a moment where you will feel that you are bored or that you have nothing to do. The Devil was smart when he said, "The Wicked Never Rest". I guess now I know what that means.

"All things truly wicked start from innocence."

-Ernest Hemingway

You all know that I have been practicing Mma {Mixed Martial Arts} since the end of 2010. This year end it would be 6 years for me to be associated with the sport. Al though I do confess that in the middle I did go of it for a while but when I did return to it's form of training I knew I would never stop learning and growing. And that is why I went to Phuket twice to learn a more advanced level of Mma. When I came back, I was like, "Will I be able to find the same kind of intensity here with the same discipline and techniques?" To be honest I goggled and tried my hands everywhere. While some places replied to me in weird english and some places did offer some martial arts classes, none were able to satisfy my hunger of learning hardcore Mma even though you would go to 'Martial Arts' classes but end up knowing more than the instructors. I thought I had hit a wall when I finally decided that I would travel all the way to bandra at least 2 days a week to XFF {Extreme Fight Federation}, where I had trained earlier. But to my surprise when I spoke to Shafiq Bhaijaan, the owner of Xff, he informed me that they have opened a new class here in andheri. I surely was thrilled to visit this new class but also a little spectacle of how large the place would and whether they would have the right flooring and mats and so on. But to my surprise the class was state-of-the-art and the training was more extreme than what I learnt in phuket! The Xff team has a strict no-bullshit philosophy and they make sure to kick your ass if you don't understand that on day one. Since the day I joined Xff, I make sure to train 5 days a week {Mon-Fri} and give it my best in every class. Of course after wednesday the body screams a 1,000 screams to take rest and recover but skipping even one class will make me miss a special jut-jitsu move practiced that day and when I do show up for class, I make sure to keep my mouth shut because at the end of class during our conditioning round I automatically end up screaming in pain as the instructors hit 30 hard punches in the stomach and make 10-15 shin contact kicks for us students to improve our tolerance to pain. Don't believe me? Well, come for a class and you will see what I am talking about. But now all I can say is that Mma is now not a 2-days-in-a-week activity for me but a 5 days brutal obstacle course which has become a very important part of my life. Mma everyday teaches me to be more patient and calm and humble and it shows the way to reach the zone of zen 'cause fighters always look for a fight but warriors embrace the fight and make it a part of their own soul.

"Beauty is indeed a good gift of God; but that the good may not think it a great good, God dispenses it even to the wicked."

-Saint Augustine

I remember it was in the month of july when I finally found The World Dance Centre and thought of taking a trial class to see how it was. Of course since I was the newbie that day I wasn't able to catch up to any of the steps. I remember I couldn't even do the warm-up properly! But what glued me to TWDC was the work ethic. All the instructors were hard-core professionals and they took care of all their students and made sure we gave our best in the class. Once the class was over I had decided that this would be the place where I would learn the new forms of Dance including Urban Funk, Jazz and Hip-Hop. Of course I wasn't regular in the beginning. But slowly slowly as I got the hang of it I started loving the classes more and more and the more I saw myself catching and matching up to the steps and picking up the steps at a higher rate I felt more motivated to learn and increase my rank to the advance level of the class. I must admit there are many dancers in class who are far better than me but it feels really good to be recognised by all the other students and also by the instructors as one of the boys who puts his best foot forward thrice a week. Our head coach/instructor Dev Sir gives a new choreography once every 2 weeks and I make sure I give my 100% to class even though it is only a couple of hours after my Mma class. I remember dancing alone in the Monarch Ooty Discotheque when I was a kid. Back then I never knew I would join such a great establishment and test my own limits in dance and learn some great forms and concentrate in the execution of the steps rather than just following the 1,2,3 and 4 of the beats.

"If evil is inevitable, how are the wicked accountable? Nay, why do we call men wicked at all? Evil is inevitable, but is also remediable."

-Horace Mann

The 1st thing we do when we make a fitness plan is to Run. Yup. The most basic and yet one of the most affective forms of exercise. Today, thanks to treadmills we can have the opportunity to run at home itself and cover long distances by running at the same place. But thanks to technology and the developments of Apps I came across Nike+ a unique app made only for runner and for fitness freaks who like to challenge themselves by covering vast and long distances, outdoors or indoors. I should thank my Chaddi Buddy Saideep Israni for introducing me to the app. Since the time I have downloaded it, I use it every time I go for a run. I run more on the treadmill at home and even though that may sound soothing, I make it tough  by wearing the Elevation Mask and by seeing the stats and miles covered by others on the Nike+ app. {My main focus is always Saideep as he really runs a lot!} So by activating the app and marking my progress I see what is my ranking on the Board and this in return makes me more motivated to run a lot more than when I previously use too. Almost 2-3 years ago my max limit use to be 4-5kms. But now I don't run less than 7-8kms per session. It takes me 60-65mins to complete that distance {8kms} but even though it is a tough ordeal, reaching your target kilometre is a feeling of exhilaration and joyous victory. So I run as many days as I can but whenever I do I make sure it is challenging me.

"None of us feels the true love of god till we realise how wicked we are. But you can't teach people that - they have to learn by experience."

-Dorothy L. Sayers

I have always challenged myself. And a guy like me needs a fight, needs a purpose and a goal to feel alive and that is why till today and maybe for the rest of my life I will always wander and be on a quest to find the next thing to achieve and to master. When I came across Mma all those years ago I knew then that it would be the next big challenge in my life and even though today it is one of the toughest arts to master I know I have got the hang of it and will only get better at it over time. But nothing and I mean nothing prepared me for Parkour. I was one day heading for my dance class when I noticed a Studio opened at the ground floor of my building. It stated that it has Dance Fitness, Aerobics and Parkour. At first, I didn't pay much attention to it 'cause I thought it must be one of those small rooms converted into a studio and that there won't be sufficient space to do any activity properly. But just a couple of weeks ago, I thought, "What the hell! Let's go check it out anyways. What do I have to loose?". I went in, saw the place, liked it very much and I also managed to see the Parkour class going on. The sight of seeing these young boys flipping in the air and balancing their landing with the utmost precision really intrigued me and I told the owner that I would like to come for a Private Trial Class. So this tuesday I finally went for my very 1st Parkour Class. At first, we did some full body stretching and a couple of jumps and light drills to warm the body up. And once we were done with that, the head coach Roshan {His name actually isn't Roshan but I call him that} brought out all the obstacles in which I had to perform. What happened after that? Well, let's just say I was pushed like I was never pushed before for the next 60mins. I was jumping over obstacles, learning techniques I never thought I would and jumping of barricades and taking high jumps and hanging in bars and rotating myself in the air. And after peeling of the skin in my hands and drenching with sweat like I was caught in the rains of mumbai, I was satisfied and sure that Parkour had officially become a very important of my fitness and my life. I always wanted to conquer my fear of heights and falling on my ass and now I am certain that Parkour is the way I will finally achieve that.

"O Lord, deliver me from the man of excellent intention and impure heart: for the heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked."

-T. S. Eliot

Fitness isn't the only thing that is keeping me busy. I had mentioned earlier that because of technology and apps people have found great tools and ways in which they can be motivated and also learn many new things. And one such app is the Goodreads app. It is an app for people who read books and this app helps you find the books you like to read and also share your thoughts with the goodreads community. Last year I had signed up for the goodreads reading challenge in which I had to decided how many books I will read in a year. Last year I had decided that I would read 12 books {One book per month}. Unfortunately I didn't reach my target. I had completed 9 books by the end of last year so this year I took it to myself that come what may, I will complete my reading challenge {12 books yet again} and I am happy to inform you that in the first 3 months of 2016 I have completed 5 books already! I have read 13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers Of Benghazi, Code Name Johnny Walker, The Crossing, Black Eyed Susans and Born To Fight. All of the mentioned were engrossing books in their own right and I truly enjoyed reading every page in them. I make sure to read one Fiction book and then one Non-Fiction book in that order 'cause I believe I get to steer my imagination with the Fictional Thrillers and I gain knowledge with the Ever-So-Real Non-Fictional true stories. Books now have become a very important part of my daily schedule and I take a lot of interest and thought as to which would be my next read. Speaking of my next read, I have decided that I would be reading this book titled 'Intensity'. It has a great rating on the site and readers have called it one of the most engrossing thrillers of all time! So I guess 2016 would be the year in which I finish my 1st ever goodreads challenge. And speaking of challenges there is something I really wanted to share with you. A few weeks ago, I had decided that I would write up my next blog entry just as I am doing right now and I had started doing that with the utmost zeal and concentration. I had thought about the points and the breakdowns and how the blog will look when I had finished writing it. But as I started writing it, I realised that I am not writing a blog but intact a Story! I was like, "Mimoh, this isn't a Blog anywhere and neither is this a short story you can upload. This is an attempt to actually write a novel!" And now, whenever I get time, I open up my laptop and write up a new chapter in it and go back to the old chapters to see if they need any corrections or alterations. I don't know if I will ever share the story with the world or not but what I do know is that I am going to finish writing it and by the time it is done, I would had finished writing my very 1st novel, a thought which had never occurred to me ever because before that I was just a blogger but soon I can say that I am a proud blogger and an amateur writer as well.

"To see and listen to the wicked is already the beginning of wickedness."

-Confucius

But wait, there is more. I have always been a fan of Astronomy {Not astrology. People always get confused when I tell them that} and the Universe and everything in it. Before joining films I wanted to go to Nasa and explore the cosmos. But now I think that why can't I do both? And that is how I came across this site called Coursera. It is an amazing site where universities from all around the world offer courses on mostly all the available subjects there exist. From Music to Social Sciences to Geography and of course Astronomy. And even though I finished my 1st Astronomy course last year, I decided that I wanted to venture more into the subject and that is why I signed up for the Astro-Biology course which is being conducted by the University of Edinburgh. I am in my 4th week now and viewing the lectures, writing the important points down and answering the quizzes makes me feel I am back in school and passing on to the next lecture is surely an exhilarating experience. I surely will sign up for more courses in the future 'cause I believe one should never stop learning. One should always learn something new and something which intrigues the human mind. But besides training, reading and studying, I have also signed up for my very 1st Comedy Improv Workshop. It is so much of fun I tell you and also a task 'cause there they teach you how to create comedy within a second's notice 'cause true comedy is always what comes automatically. Al though this is my 2nd workshop of this year {I did the Inside Out Acting workshop in january} I know this wouldn't be the first and last time that I would be doing an improv comedy workshop. I am hungry to learn more and the only way I can learn more is by finding that next new level which I need to cross and that next target which I need to Achieve.

“The virtuous man contents himself with dreaming that which the wicked man does in actual life.” 


― Sigmund Freud, The Interpretation of Dreams

By now you must be thinking is that all you do in a week? But I say there is still a lot more that I can do and I should. My day starts by 8am and now I sleep of by 12am and in between apart from the above mentioned I make sure I give the No.1 importance to my Work. I go to mostly all the auditions that are being held. I meet Casting directors, Producers and Directors and I make sure I am in the loop with all the news of the new films that are being made so I can get the opportunity to show case my talents yet again. Apart from auditions, I love relaxing by watching American Television which includes American Crime Story, Supernatural and House Of Cards to name a few. Besides television I also am a huge fan of Video Games and now I am completely engrossed in Tom Clancy's The Division which is a treat for all game lovers. I am also deciding to learn a new language and although I know what language that is, I would like to talk about it some other time. Who knows maybe I may also share some words and sentences with you in that language in my next blog. And the main reason I wrote this blog today wasn't because I wanted to share my routine with you or the things that I am doing in my life. I know by having that agenda I would achieve nothing grand and neither would you. What I wanted to share was that we humans, if decide as a single individual that we will never be bored again, that we won't waste our time in thinking about what to do and actually go ahead and do it, we would really astonish ourselves! Now, I astonish myself everyday. And because I am so engrossed in my own activities throughout the day I have tagged myself as the Lone Wolf. If you go to my Snapchat {search mahaakshay} you will see all my posts with the #LoneWolf because now I do everything on my own. I watch movies in the theatre all by myself {a thing which I really love}, I see youtube videos of Parkour and Hip Hop, Comedy Improvs and Interviews of Legendary Actors. I make my own Breakfast and clean my own clothes. I truly live the life of a Lone Wolf, something which I am really proud of and something that I always wanted to do but never did until now. So I guess the Devil was right when he stated the fact that 'The Wicked Never Rest'. I don't know how wicked I am but what I do know is that I will make sure I will never sit idle again. And I will never stop learning and growing and becoming a better human being. I care two hoots about what people think about me but I do care a lot in becoming the best version of myself whenever I brush my teeth and cut myself while shaving. And that is why I will always be on a quest to find the next challenge and the next obstacle and the next battle to win. I hope you all who are reading this also find new challenges and ordeals to overcome and I wish you the very best in your chosen field of endeavour 'cause nothing and I mean nothing is more satisfying that reaching your goals and the feeling of victory of the human soul.

“One must be cunning and wicked in this world.” 


― Leo Tolstoy, War and Peace

This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty and this is My Story.

With All My Might,

Your No.1 Fan,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.
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The Silent Guardian ...

“In order to achieve Greatness one must be able to do Great things and what greater than to sacrifice the feelings of the heart? You mortals will never understand that, for you will always give in to your compassion and feelings. But there will be one. The one who will dare to do what couldn’t ever be done.”

-The Book Of Prophecies

The last blog I submitted was when I was in Phuket. Well, the last blog was actually submitted by Michael. I hope you guys were entertained by his honesty and his version of my life. Right now, Michael has taken a break and is now Partying with his Mates in Hell. Well, that is what his note said. Al though I am not the kinda guy who is good with emotions and attachments and all, but I actually do miss him and I am waiting for him to come back. But until he decides to show up I do know that I still have a job to do and one of those jobs is to write another blog entry and submit it before 2015 comes to an end. So here it is. The last blog entry of the year 2015. I don’t know about you but 2015 has been a great year for me. And to be honest 2015 wouldn’t and couldn’t had been the year it was if the Universe wasn’t there with me, every step pf the way. It helped me and guided me and showed me the way. Even though the Universe is expanding every mili-second it’s modesty makes it very quiet and unnoticeable. But I did notice it’s magnificent power and even though we call it many names I call and proclaim the Universe, My Silent Guardian. So dear Universe, this one’s for you.

"I'm a survivor - a living example of what people can go through and survive."

-Elizabeth Taylor

It is very natural to reflect on the year that has gone by at the end of the year. People are travelling to different parts of the world, ready to party, making new resolutions and praying that the coming year makes all their dreams come true. If I was right now in Phuket, the place would had been jam packed and not even a single room would had been available for me to stay! I guess, that is how it is all around the world right now. And speaking of resolutions, do you know that it is a certain fact that we don’t achieve 90% of the resolutions we make on the 1st of january?!?! That means the best thing to do is to NOT make any resolutions at all! If you ask me what am I doing on new year’s eve, well, I will be home with the family hearing my Favourite song Stupify and playing Ghost Recon Future Soldier on the PS3. I am not that much into parties and that is why I will choose the quiet approach to the year 2016. But you see, this blog isn’t about what I have planned for 2016 and what all I will achieve in it. This blog is about The Silent Guardian aka The Universe who has been with me throughout the year of 2015 and which plans to guide me even for the years ahead. If you notice closely, whenever a Cricketer scores a century, he looks up and says thank you. Now, looking up can mean a lot of things. He can be thanking the god he chooses to worship or his ancestors that are looking down on him or the mighty universe which is with him at every step of the way. For me, I have always looked up and only seen the universe. The mighty universe waving it’s magic wand at me and blessing me with happiness and gratitude. My silent guardian has taught me so much this year and in return it has also given me a lot. Whether it was through it’s teachings or gifts, the silent guardian has been absolutely perfect in what it has done and continues to remain stedfast in it’s approach of making me the man I was born to be.

"I am someone who always gets up again, even if there are setbacks. I have a survivor instinct. I'm not sure where it comes from, but probably from all the little things that make you into who you are."

-Heidi Klum

Just like everybody out there I had the full belief and confidence that 2015 was going to be my year. I had a film coming up plus I had completely transformed myself as a man and as an actor for the film. The promos were liked, the music had become a hit and I knew in my heart that after Ishqedarriyaan released I would be starting to get good offers and my work would start. But all changed on that friday when I realised that none of the cinemas had given the film decent timings to be showcased at and on saturday I knew I had hit rock bottom once again. But even though the blow was hard, it didn’t keep me down. I sulked for a while, then healed my wounds, embraced the pain of defeat and stood right back up again. Till today, I don’t know where this strength comes from! This relentless pursuit towards greatness. Till today I don’t know how I get more stronger every time I am knocked down to a pulp. I guess it is the power of the silent guardian watching over me and making me realise that I am still in the fight. That instead of crying and feeling sorry for myself, I need to push harder than I did before. And that is why even though no one believes in me, I still believe in my dreams and I know that one day all of them will come true. At times when the heart questions the actions of the soul, I always remind myself that “Even Waiting Is Training” and “Every Dog Has His Day” and that one day my time to prove myself to the world will finally come and until that day comes I will do what I am best at doing. Grind and grind and grind and push and push and push until nothing of me is left to give. So what 2015 taught me was that no matter how hard the obstacles are laid in front of you, you never stop believing in your dreams and you never give up. You. Never. Ever. Give. Up.

"I am a survivor and not a victim. Life isn't perfect. When you get a knock, you have to get up, dust yourself down and get on with it."

-Patsy Kensit

I have this calendar in my hall. In fact, every year I search for the ‘perfect’ calendar for my hall ‘cause this calendar is where I wrote down my goals. It is where I write down the things I want to achieve and it is where I read and remind myself of the dates which will be the turning point of my life. So this august I decided that I will finally go to phuket and train for a month at the Tiger Muay Thai and Mma camp and come back a changed man. I was completely convinced that it was going to happen and with that very conviction I had written the dates down on my calendar as well. Of course, I had never gone to a foreign country all by myself before so the challenges of convincing my family were of top priority. But my family being the amazing people they are agreed to the trip in a heartbeat and told me to go as soon as I could! I was blown away with this ‘cause even before talking to them I had written the dates down and guess what? My tickets were issued for those very same dates! I knew this was a sign from the universe and it was the best moment of my life! Of course when I did go to TMT I knew that, that was the place from which I would return a changed man and that is what exactly happened! I met amazing new people from all across the world, made great friends and trained my ass off in all the Martial Arts the place had to offer. My sleep patterns got better, my skin started to glow and I transformed from the inside out. When I came back, everyone was delighted to see the new me and I knew that I had the universe to thank for this amazing new journey I had gone for! But little did I knew that this was only part 1 of the master plan the silent guardian had in stored for me.

"The soldiers that didn't come back were the heroes. It's a roll of the dice. If a bullet has your name on it, you're a hero. If you hear a bullet go by, you're a survivor."

-Bob Feller

It was only a week or two after I had come back that I felt this sudden awakening. An awakening which was guiding me and telling me that I had to go back to camp. That I belong more in the fight that I belong to the normalcy of the world. I thought it was only the relapse of the joy I felt being there and getting my ass kicked everyday that was coming and going as flashes whenever I brushed my teeth or whenever I saw a Ufc Fighter’s training video. I even tried to ignore and diminish these feelings by doing things like everybody else. Whether it was meeting up with cousins or going for lunches and dinners, I tried it all just to convince myself that going to the camp was only a one-time thing. But the more the days passed the more the need to go back become real and I knew that the silent guardian yet again was hinting at me to do something. And so, I booked my tickets, packed my bags and went right back to where I had left off. All my trainers and coaches and teachers were there and all were delighted to see me return and so was I. I knew that this time around I would push more and achieve more. But what I didn’t know then was I would evolve more spiritually than physically. Yes, I did train thrice a day. Whether it was the record-breaking empty stomach runs I did in the mornings or the one on one muay thai sessions I did back to back. I was giving it my all. But more than the physical limitations I was breaking it was the fact that I was all by myself that was more surprising for me. I mean, I said hi and hello to everyone over there but for the most part of the day I was all by myself. I hardly interacted with anyone after my classes were done and nor did I go and chill at the local bars with the live music. I was in a way getting more self-sufficient and for me this was the most important turning point of my life! I had always believed that I was the Lone Wolf but in a very hypocritical and cowardly way I had always avoided the real test of truly being alone. But in the month of november when India was celebrating diwali and when families were lighting up crackers and giving each other gifts, I was all alone in Phuket training myself to finally become the Lone Wolf I had always aspired to become.

"You recognize a survivor when you see one. You recognize a fighter when you see one."

-Elizabeth Edwards

The universe truly works in mysterious ways and in a way it is the Silent Guardian for all of us. I am a man of science and I believe in proof and theories backed up by years or research and data. That is why I love astronomy so much and the one thing astronomy teaches us is that all the chemicals and components found in the human body can also be found out there in the universe. So whatever happens to us is a direct link to the universe cause the universe is connected to us more than we can even fathom to understand. Yes, I am a man of faith but I am not a man of idol worship. I believe that ‘God’ never wanted us to kill each other but gave us our hands to lend a helping hand to those in need and make those hands fighting fists whenever we are faced with difficulties. And that is why I always look for signs and signals from the silent guardian. Whether it is a hoarding with a slogan at a traffic stop or a lyric from a song that I am hearing, the silent guardian is always throwing me signs and signals for me to understand. And since the time I have come back it has been making me realise one thing over and over again. And that is no matter how hard I try, I will never be able to ‘Fit in’ ‘cause I was always meant to stand out. And maybe that is why I have started to love my own company more than the company of others. Maybe that is why I have cut all ties from the people who were in my life and now I am at peace with just being by myself. Maybe that is why I don’t open up to people about my feelings anymore. Maybe this is strength or maybe this is just self-sustainability. Whatever it is, it is working for me big time! I have never felt better or stronger before and now with each passing day, I am more and more convinced that I am truly meant to be alone and nothing and no one in this world can change that. Not now. Not ever.

"The feat of surviving is directly related to the capacity of the survivor."

-Claire Cameron

Have you heard the song Short-Change Hero? it is from a group called The Heavy and it has been used in many films, tv shows and games. But the one film which does true justice to the song is ‘Faster’ which starred The Rock in 2010. I don’t know whether you have seen the film or not but for me it is by far one of the best films I have ever seen! Al though the story revolves around a man hell bent on revenge it is not the violence or the retribution of the man that attracts me to the film the most but rather the darkness and the loneliness of the man who knows he has nothing left but vengeance in his heart. In the end, right before the film comes to an end, the character played by The Rock, starts his car and rides off towards the sun set. For some reason I can’t remove that image and that song out of my head! it is like that scene is calling out to me! That the universe wants me to become that man who does his duties for his family and then who rides off alone towards the sun set! And the more I listen to the song the more I am convinced that, that will be eventually be my destiny! You may meet me and try to convince me that what I am feeling right now may only be a phase that I am going through but tell me honestly, do ‘phases’ last for 5 years? No right? And that is why the more I put myself out there the more I am convinced that I am a man who is more happier in his own private little world. Yes, one day I will travel the world for my work and yes, I will be meeting hundreds and thousands of people along the way but I know in my heart that no one will be able to make me feel as whole and as complete as the universe makes me feel when I am all by myself.

"I am not a victim. I am an angry survivor."

-Nina Bawden

There is beauty in sacrifice. There is strength in pain. And there is greatness in letting go of the things that the heart wants the most. Today, I realise that. And not because I feel it all the time but also because I have seen it happening it to me from time to time. Let me explain it to you by giving you an example. There is this guy Jim who one day goes to a restaurant and orders himself some Prawns. He eats them and finds them delicious. But only an hour later his stomach starts to growl and he gets a bad ache! He tells himself that he must have eaten some wrong vegetable or meat that made his stomach upset. Then, after a few days Jim again goes to the same restaurant and orders the same prawns and eats them to the fullest and the same ache happens and this time he tells himself that the restaurant may not be good at all. So he decides to go to another restaurant and order the prawns to convince himself that the prawns aren’t the problem at all. But the same thing happens again and he ends up getting admitted in the hospital and when the doctor comes and informs him that he shouldn’t eat prawns anymore he is convinced that Prawns aren’t right for him. The reason I told this story about Jim and Prawns is because the Universe has always shown me that I am not meant to be a social animal or ‘normal’ as thy call it. Time and again I have gotten proof that I am not meant to have friends or find love or be dependent on others for companionship. Time and again I have been Jim and whenever I have tried to eat those prawns I have always ended up in the hospital. Today, at the end of 2015, after all the aches and the cuts and the bruises and the joys and the triumphs I have come to realise that I am meant to be alone and for the first time in my life and that fact doesn’t disturb but gives me a sense of calmness. The Silent Guardian in it’s own magical way has shown me what kind of a man I am and what I need to do to achieve my dreams. I am blessed to have come this far in my life and I know that I am still learning. I know I will still make mistakes but I also know that I am wiser than yesterday and I am mature enough to not make the same mistakes again. I know I will stumble and I will fall. But I always get back up. When the world will celebrate the coming year with glasses in their hands, I will be in the gym grinding and sweating and making my muscles feel the pump with blood gushing through my veins. I thank my Silent Guardian for always being there for me and showing me time and again what kind of a man I truly am and what really is my ultimate destiny. I thank the silent guardian for making me hear that song, for making me visualise myself as the man who is wearing that leather jacket, big biker boots, oakley glasses and taking a selfie at the grand canyon, raising my hands at the centre of the poles, flagging my flag at the himalayas and giving a thumbs up to earth from the international space station. 

"Oh, I'm a survivor. My whole life has been surviving."

-Eddie Bracken

This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty and this has been my 2015 with My Silent Guardian.

With All My Might,

Your No.1 Fan,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

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"I Don't Want To Be Like Mahaakshay Chakraborty ..."

“And so this mortal walked on. Walked alone in the path in front of him. But we, The Gods, were still not convinced of this mortal’s conviction and devotion so we sent the Reaper to him. The Reaper had only one objective, to test the soul of this mortal. To lure him into temptation and distract him and to make him weak. But after a while when the Reaper came back to us and told us what happened, we knew we made the right choice to make this mortal our Lone Wolf.”

-The Book Of Prophecies.

For all those out there who think that Mahaakshay is writing this blog, let me stop you right there and inform you that Mahaakshay is right now engrossed in his training in Phuket. And since he is busy training his ass off I am taking the advantage of the free time I have before I go and tell you all about what I witnessed when I was with him. In case you don’t know who this is, I am Michael. I am the Reaper sent from the underworld to consume Mahaakshay’s soul but when Mahaakshay met me, he befriended me and started to call me Michael so I guess the name got stuck. I have written a few blogs over the course of many years that I have been with Mahaakshay. Since day one he knew what my intentions were and not even once did he flinch or was intimidated by me or my presence. He knew I was under direct orders from the lords of the underworld to make sure that his soul gets weakened and that he finally gives into normalcy and temptation. But what I saw was something to dark and cold to experience even for a soul observer like me. And even though I’m not that much of a talker I think this story has to be told.

"If you don't like the hand that fate's dealt you, fight for a new one."

-Mavashi Kishimoto

They say every human being comes with a destiny. Well, I came into Mahaakshay’s life the moment he was born. The lords downstairs and some say even up there in heaven knew that he was the Mortal who the Book Of Prophecies had mentioned about. And since the Lords aren’t allowed to intervene with the humans they sent me to make sure that Mahaakshay never reaches his potential. I was assigned to make sure that he always be distracted and never once feel that he was destined to be special. For many years I was succeeding in my plan. Mahaakshay faced many trials and tribulations but not once did he flinch from his normalcy. I threw one temptation after the other at him and he gave in to all of it. The lords were quite happy with my work and they told me that I should continue this until Mahaakshay’s grows old, withers and dies. I was like, “Ok. This task was more easier than I had thought.” But then on that fateful day everything changed … forever.

"I can control my destiny, but not my fate. Destiny means there are opportunities to turn right or left, but fate is a one-way street. I believe we all have the choice as to whether we fulfil our destiny, but our fate is sealed."

-Paulo Coelho

I remember that day like it was yesterday. It was May 12th 2005. It was the 1st day when Mahaakshay saw the Promo for The Punisher film and the way his eyes were glued to that Skull I knew that something in him had changed forever. It was like a Seed was planted in him or a part of his soul which came to life that day. After that, he wasn’t the same man again. He became obsessed with Frank Castle! Everything in life revolved around The Punisher. Whether it was the Books, the Games or the Movies, Mahaakshay ate, slept and thought only about The Punisher. But even though he was distracted from the normal routines of life I wasn’t going to go down without a fight. So I made sure I did everything to keep him ‘normal’ and ‘mellow’. But with each passing day my powers were not affecting him and the Lords were sensing that too. So me and the lords came up with a new strategy. We thought lets fight with fire and so we initiated operation ‘Battle Soul’. Operation Battle Soul would make Mahaakshay’s life filled with Battle and conflicts and challenges to such extremes that he would finally give up and finally give in to us again. But what did we know that this Mortal wasn’t normal to begin with. He was destined to be Battle Forged and Battle Forged he became.

"Just because Fate doesn't deal you the right cards, it doesn't mean you should give up. It just means you have to play the cards you get to their maximum potential."

-Les Brown

To this day I regret the day I brought Mma into Mahaakshay’s life! I thought that by getting hit in the head for a few times and having more than 3-4 shoulder dislocations Mahaakshay would realise that fighting isn’t meant for him and he would hang his gloves. But the exact opposite happened! The more he punched and kicked he felt alive and he eventually fell in love with the rush what fighting gives to a man. Since that day in 2010 November, he has not even once thought of stopping to learn and excel in the field of Mixed Martial Arts. And the more his body got stronger so did his spirit. Before he was dependant on others for approval and support but as the years passed he became more and more self-involved and less devoted to the care and feelings of others. The more he dwelled into the darkest parts of his soul the more he became the Mortal the Book Of Prophecies had proclaimed him to be. And even though I was there with him every step of the way, even though I was the only one Mahaakshay ever confided into I knew that I had lost Mahaakshay forever. And at that point I didn’t care what kind of Punishment the Lords would sentence me with. At that point I only knew that even though I was the Grim Reaper the taker of souls, I would never want to be like Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

"Our fate is determined by how far we are prepared to push ourselves to stay alive - the decisions we make to survive. We must do whatever it takes to endure and make it through alive."

-Bear Grylls

I mean who goes back to camp just after coming back? Who goes back into the fight when he has family and friends and loved ones waiting for him back home? Who gets so consumed by Fight, Battle and War that he can’t enough of it? In my line of work I have taken souls of billions and billions of souls. I have seen darkness and goodness in all of them. But what I see in Mahaakshay scares even me! His soul you see, it is consumed by a purity even I have’t seen yet! And now I know why the Lords are so scared of him! He is human but behaves like a machine. He doesn’t flinch. He doesn’t wander. He doesn’t stop! i have seen the way people look at him! I have seen the hate he has received from the world for the way he is! But nothing seems to affect him! He gets up, washes his face and gets back right into the fight! i mean, have you ever heard a guy go up to his trainer and tell him, “Master I want you to hit me as hard as you can. I want to feel the pain in my body and I want to have cuts and bruises all over my body tomorrow morning! So hit me and let me get stronger!” Those words no normal man can ever say but now I have come to realise that Mahaakshay was never normal to begin with. No matter what I tried to do to distract him. Whether it was lust or care or kindness or even love noting could stop Mahaakshay from being the man he was destined to be. And now I don’t see a man, I see a Soul on Fire. A Soul ignited by Battle. And a  Man that will never stop.

"My fate cannot be mastered; it can only be collaborated with and thereby, to some extent, directed. Nor am I the captain of my soul; I am only its noisiest passenger."

-Aldous Huxley

But before I planned to depart to the underworld again, I finally took the courage and had a one on one with Mahaakshay. I wanted to once and for all truly understand this mortal who had become the best friend that I ever had. The following is the dialogue exchanged between me and Mahaakshay.

Me: Why do you do it brother? Why fight so hard? Why only fight? Why never stop?

Maha: Brother, you of all people should know by now that I am nothing without my fight. Fighting is what i do best. Whether I am fighting for my right to be here or whether I am fighting to be noticed, Fighting is what keeps me alive and makes me push myself harder.

Me: But brother, there is life even beyond fighting. Don’t you agree?

Maha: I tried that life brother. i tried to be ‘Normal’. I tried to have friends and I also tried to fall in love, to be in love and stay in love but you know how all those stories turned out to be. All left.

Me: They didn’t leave you bro. I was there. it was you who pushed them away.

Maha: Yes I did. And I did that because I know who I am. I am the lone wolf. And lone wolves can never keep others happy.

Me: Why don’t you try again brother?

Maha: Too late for me now. I am too far down that rabbit hole. And now there is no going back for me. Frank Castle never wanted me to become this way I know. Mma never wanted me to turn into this machine. I know. This was all me. I am the reason I have become this aloof, self-centred, selfish of a human being. I am the reason I am alone today and always will be. 

Me: But brother, I have seen you smile. I have seen you breaking bread with wonderful people. I have seen you care and I have seen you having hope towards the light of things. It isn’t too late for you. You can still turn this darkness into light.

Maha: This isn't  darkness my brother. This is a joy. A Black kind of Joy. A Joy only few will ever experience. There is a beauty in pain. There is power in Sacrifice. And there is Greatness in always being alone.

Me: But don’t you miss your family? Don’t you miss your friends? Don’t you miss being in love?

Maha: I have made many mistakes in my past my brother. And I promise I will never make anyone a collateral damage ever again.

Me: I respect your decision but you still haven’t answered my question. Don’t you miss being like everybody else?

Maha: I am alone here. I wake up alone. I sleep alone and I train alone. I see married couples, girlfriends and boyfriends, people who drink and party. I see love and laughter and joy everywhere I go. But you see being alone is what makes me stand out from the crowd. I am stronger when I am alone. I know there is a part of me which still feels … something. But that part is slowly dying away Michael. And very soon there will be nothing in me which will even be remotely human. 

Me: Why kill something so beautiful?

Maha: There is a beauty in war. You don’t see War and Battle and Pain as I do. And I guess no one ever has and no one ever will. And that is why I know I will always be misunderstood. 

Me: But I can fix this for you. I can give you all that you are willing to sacrifice.

Maha: There is victory only in sacrifice. There is greatness only in being truly alone.

Me: I can never be like you brother. When I first came to you all I had for you was remorse and hate because the Lords had told me that you would be the reason of our demise. That you would be the one who would end the reign of the gods. But the more I spent time with you, I came to saw that there was only Goodness in you and I had no right to take that away from you. I felt in my heart that you deserved to be happy. And that is why I fell in love with your kindness. But then something happened, didn’t it? You came across a Darkness within you. Didn’t you? And you gave in to it. Am I not right?

Maha: It is time for you to go and meet Hades my friend.

Me: Answer me brother. Please tell me what was it that changed you. That is the one thing I could never figure out. Please tell me!

Maha: Somethings and some people are never meant to be understood. I have learnt that the hard way. I can’t answer your question brother. I can’t give an answer to justify what I feel and how Battle and Loneliness some how fill me up. I am sorry my brother but I have no answer for you.

Me: I don’t pray much you know that but I will pray for you my friend. I will pray that one day you find love. That one day you find someone who tames the beast in you. I will pray that one day you will find your House with the Picked Fence. I will pray that one day you do have a normal life.

Maha: This is my life now. And given a choice I will choose this life over and over again ‘cause one day these Sacrifices will reap the rewards I so long for. One day these struggles will have value. One day my battles will prove to be victorious. And until that day comes I will Get Up, Dress Up and Show Up for the fight every single day. I will look at temptation and love and kindness and care  right in the eye and so No to all of those feelings. I will stand for what I believe in. I will do what I know is right for me. I will never stop. And I will never give up. You go now brother. And you take care ok. 

Me: I love you man. 

Maha: :-)

"The true adventurer goes forth aimless and uncalculating to meet and greet unknown fate."

-O. Henry

So that was my last conversation with my friend Mahaakshay Chakraborty. I know I am going to be back in the Underworld very soon but something tells me I will meet him again very soon. He truly is a lone wolf and it isn’t easy being Mahaakshay. I really do pray that he finds what he is looking for. But if I ever get to befriend another human being I will surely tell him about Mahaakshay. And I will also tell that other mortal that one should never be like Mahaakshay and when he will ask me why? I will tell him that only the bravest of us all can bear that kind of a burden. And there is no one as brave as Mahaakshay. For All Men Are Dogs. Few Are Wolves. But Only Few Are Lions. And only One Is Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

This is me, Michael, The Reaper and I was once the Friend of Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

With All My Might,

Your No.1 Fan,

Michael.

"To live alone is the fate of all great souls."

-Arthur Schopenhauer

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