Saturday, 12 October 2013

The Soul Connect ...

"A True Warrior Is He Who Learns To Suppress His Emotions And Has The Ability To Use All His Power To Excel Himself. The Warrior Should Be Prepared To Give The Ultimate Sacrifice. The Warrior Should Know That His Actions Will Either Give Him Recognition Or A Silent Death.  "

-Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

We are human beings. There is nothing alien about us. But no matter how different our finger prints are, we have a lot in common. And the most common thing we share our feelings and emotions. Although our situations may be different we all feel joy and pain. We all experience success and failures. But in my 29 years of being the resident of earth, I have come to realise that beyond love and hate and hope and despair, we beings seek for a Connect. Whether that Connect is with God or with the person standing next to us. We want to feel a Connection. A pull. Or an Attraction. There are 7 billion people on this planet but in our life time we only connect with a handful of human beings. But as we mature and become wiser each day, we understand that it is not just human beings that make us feel connected. We start to feel connections with the things that we do. Or the books we read. Or the places we travel. So this is Me, writing in this blog. About My Connects and My Dis-Connects. But before I begin that, let me take you with me to a small journey. To a place called Seoul, where I discovered many things about culture, heritage, respect and War ...

"Each Warrior wants to leave the mark of his will, his signature, on important acts he touches. This is not the voice of ego but of the human spirit, rising up and declaring that it has something to contribute to the solution of the hardest problems, no matter how vexing!"

Once in every 6 months me and my family plan a short trip to a country where we haven't visited. This time we chose South Korea. What can I say about the trip? I enjoyed every moment of being there in Seoul. To be honest at first, I was hesitant to go there but once we reached, we loved the city and it's people. I must say South Koreans are very kind and gentle and above all very helpful. They went out of the way to help us with instructions and every day we visited a historical or tourist spot. The city was very well-maintained and all it's residents respected the law very much and that is why there was such order there. The palace in seoul was amazing and so was the local food. I am very happy that I managed to train there even though everyday went in either shopping or travelling. I can say, I somehow survived the break and the holiday food. That this trip was a boon for me. I somehow connected with myself more over there and found out that I always had the will. It was only my fear that was holding me back. And because I trained and dieted I was also rewarded there. I visited the only Mma Store there and got some cool Mma Gear and to top that I met The Korean Zombie! He is a world famous UFC Fighter and he was very humble and kind when I went to meet him. He in fact waited 30mins for me and showed me around his gym and told me to come and train with him the next time I visit Seoul! Now how cool is that? Plus I visited Gangnam where the Famous Gangnam Style song was inspired from. But beyond the Mma Tees and Gangnam Style was the moment when we visited the DMZ area of South Korea. It was breath-taking at the same time heart-breaking 'cause of all the horrors what happened during the Korean War during the 1950's. It was a brutal war which took the lives of 6 million people! During the tour we happened to even see a small video of the war and trust me it was very disturbing. But once I got back to the hotel room and I was analysing that tour when something hit me. Like a moment of revelation. Do you know what it was? It was the knowing that I am War. Yes. I. Am. War. That even when I am in a family holiday half way across the world, I am reminded by mother earth and the powers above that I am a Product Of War and I will always be this War Junkie who will never have enough of it. And at that moment my connection with the powers that be grew more stronger 'cause after all in the end, it is that connect that gives us meaning ...
"There are no contests in the Art of Peace. A true warrior is invincible because he or she contests with nothing. Defeat means to defeat the mind of contention that we harbor within."

I am a Leo. We Leos have known to be emotional people. It is not because we are weak. It is because we trust blindly and we give ourselves completely to the ones we surrender too. This sometimes is a big pay off and sometimes a huge mistake. I have been a victim of this many a times. But now I have realised that in order for me not to get hurt I have to do the one thing for which the world will hate me for. I have to become the bad and cold guy who pushes people away. I have always wanted to feel the soul connect. The feeling of completion and call me old-school but I believe when two sould connect, whether for love or friendship, they automatically, through their souls know how each other feels. I mean, you don't have to beg for their attention or tell them your problems for them to help you. Sadly, I tried feeling this feeling with people many a times but every time I have been the one who has felt unloved or mis-understood. But I am not here to bitch or complain. I am here to explain to you that we humans were meant to be imperfect 'cause in the end, if we are set loose we would literally burn this world. My brother told me a beautiful thing. He told me, we humans were born monsters and that is why are tamed to become civilised. I understood that the hard way and through all the successes and failures of my life, I have finally accepted who I am. I am look like an oak from the outside but from inside I am mellow as jelly. I fight everyday and punch and kick but a single unnoticed thing from a loved one breaks my heart. From the outside I may smile but from inside I know I am broken. So? What does a broken man do? How does he find his connect? Where does he go? Does he seek prayers from god? Or acknowledgement from the devil? 
"To achieve the mood of a warrior is not a simple matter. It is a revolution. To regard the lion and the water rats and our fellow men as equals is a magnificent act of a warrior's spirit. It takes power to do that."

If I was in such a situation a couple of years ago, I would had given to anger and hate. But things are different now. I have learnt to make my anger my fuel. And my pain my strength. Today, I don't crib or cry or go into self-pity mode. Today I fight. For today I have realised that I have a power in me. A Warrior in me. Today I live by a code. Today I remind myself that I am stronger than I was yesterday. Yes, there are days when the shit hits the fan and there are days when I feel miserable, lonely and defeated. But during these trial times I don't self-induldge myself in pizzas or chocolates. I go to the Gym and Train. I pick up the weights and dominate the machines. I use all my aggression there and at the of those 3 hours long workouts I feel a whole lot better. Today I use my energy for self-improvement, not for self-distruction. Today I find my connect in Weights and Punching Bags than I do with people. Today My Soul-Connect is with My Training and preparation. Today, I find a connection with the soreness I feel the next day after a huge Dead-Lifts Day. Today, I know I am more connected to the War within me than to the peace people may or may not give me. Today, I have learnt to suppress my emotions. Today, I have learnt to do things which I thought impossible for me a while back. And it is not because of the Will in Me. It is because of the Soul-Connect I have with these things.
"There is something of the warrior in me."

As I mentioned earlier, I now only feel a connect with War. It is not only because in some twisted kind of a sick way, my war gives me peace, it is because I love it so much! But war does come with consequences. It takes away the part of you which makes you human. it eats it up and then leaves  you being a monster who is hungry for more and more. Whether it is my training everyday with my coach or the Mma classes I go for, I know I want more. I wanna be submerged in training because those gruelling hours of blood, sweat and tears make me forget my reality and trust me, my reality is scary as fuck! But even when my body is broken, my mind says keep pushing! And then again push harder! But what do you do that even when you are there, in the gym, dominating those weights, there isn't a single soul in there who gets you? What do you do when you enter your Mma class and see men quit within 30 seconds of training? You go looking for more, 'cause even when the body has been long been broken, the mind is still strong and it is always looking for a fight. That is why I wanna train throughout the day. And train until I drop. I wanna go to America and be a member of the Ufc Gym in Los Angeles. I wanna be a part of LA Boxing which deals with Mma. I wanna do the Spartan Race. I wanna be called a Tough Mudder. Trust me, once you give in to this connect to War, the Beast within in you only gets hungrier. And now, the beast within me is very hungry. I may have failed connecting with people. Whether it was my expectations from them or whether it was my old-school thinking that love shouldn't be less than madness, I now I can't connect with another soul anymore. But there is Hope. There is always Hope. Even for Monsters like Me. And until that day comes, when I will excel in Fitness and Fighting, I will never stop, no matter what the cost. So before I go, I ask you this, what is Your Soul-Connect? Is it a Person? Or the Dumbbell in the Gym?
"I'm different, and I have to be a warrior to be that way. But I have had some success; I hope I have touched the lives of some wonderful people, all by being what I see as myself but some others people see as different."

This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty and now you know My Soul Connect.
With All My Might,
Your No.1 Fan,
Mahaakshay Chakraborty.