Thursday, 26 April 2018

Of Gods, Monsters And Men ...

“You know who we are. We are the Architects of creation and time itself. We were here before and we will be here after. We have seen what was and we know what will come to be. But even in our immortal journey towards the nothingness we have never encountered a more fierce and dangerous being like the one we call The Lone Wolf. This being isn’t a being at all. He … He is something else entirely …”

-The Book Of Prophecies.

She is so beautiful! Yes, she is! If you were here you would had agreed with the same. This woman is truly a creation of god and in my entire lifetime, I have never met a soul who could make my heart race the way she does. She sleeps peacefully. Not a worry in a world. Her hair which is like silk, beautifully touches her neck and she inhales breathe like a music tone. I can’t blink, I don’t want to blink because if I do, I will miss out a second of looking at her. This woman is the woman of my dreams. She gave me love and showed me what love truly was. I have never felt more alive before, never felt so complete. I knew that I was destined for great things but I never knew that I would be meant for such love, joy and bliss. I don’t want to move because I don’t want the creek of the wood to wake her up. There have been so many days in our lives when I have woken up before her just to see how beautifully she slept. There were times when I wanted to just hold her and cry. Cry tears of joy ‘cause I could feel that joy engulf me whenever I looked at her. But today, I am not waking her up because I won’t be able to look at her. I won’t be able to look at her when I pull the trigger of the magnum which is pointing at her. But before you hate me for the horrible crime that I am about to commit, I would want you to know how I got here. That how a being like me, who found everlasting love, could find the strength to destroy the one thing that makes him complete. Well, for that you have to go back to the beginning. The beginning where I wasn’t just a being … but a God!

"Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you."

-Friedrich Nietzsche

Eons ago. Heaven. Yes, heaven. A place every human has his/her own iteration off. A place which co-exists with words like peace, joy and tranquility. But sorry to break your bubble, it isn’t all birds chirping and animals dancing. This is the place I used to call home. Oh, I am sorry, I didn’t introduce myself to you. My name is Lucifer and I am God’s second son. You see, heaven, just like every other place in the cosmos had management issues, dirty politics, bitching and inferiority complexes. And that is why when I revolted, I was punished. I was punished by dad for not obeying him. And why did I choose to defy him? It was because I refused to love his creation more than I loved him! I mean, call me old school but I was taught to always love your parents first and when Dad told us that from now, our one true goal and mission was to love humanity, I jolted from my seat and said No! Of course, there was a eerie silence which followed that but then Dad being dad wouldn’t let anyone else be more commanding than him. So he did what he does best. He showed his might to us all and gave me a punishment I didn’t expect. I was thinking the worst the old man would do would be to banish me to hell for a 1,000 years! But instead he said I would be stripped off my wings and would be cast down to earth! Before I could say anything, I could feel the floor beneath me crack open. There was the sound of rumble everywhere and the eyes of every other angel was on me. It wasn’t the look of shock but a look of shame and disgust. I could sense their judgmental eyes prying me and I bet there was a slight smirk in all off their faces as well! A moment later I fell and kept falling. It felt like time had slowed down ‘cause I could feel my wings tearing away from me. I felt it all! Every feather withering away, every nerve ending getting bled out, I felt it all. And in the distance above, I could see heaven sealing it’s doors to me for all of eternity. The place I called home, the place where I truly belonged had casted me out only because I was brave enough to have a voice against an authority who didn’t like to be told what was good for him! A moment later, which felt like centuries I fell on earth! Like a dying meteorite I fell in this lush green land. When I gained the strength to wake up and finally accept this fate which befell upon me, I, for the first time saw earth and at that very moment, I truly wished that I was in Hell!

"If you battle monsters, you don't always become a monster. But you aren't entirely human anymore, either."

-Jonathan Maberry

This place, apparently dad’s ‘greatest’ creation wasn’t that great to begin with. I mean, sure it had a lot of colour and tress and plants and animals and rivers flowing with crystal clear water and ya, sometimes the view of the sun setting was beautiful but overall, I didn’t like it here. This wasn’t a place for me to cherish, this was my prison. A place where I was damned for all eternity. I tried going back. I tried killing myself so my soul could go back but dad, being the wise ass he was, gave me unbreakable skin and an unimaginable amount of strength. It was like he was still toying with me. He took away my wings but left the rest, some kind of a half-cooked joke with no laughter at the end, well at least no laughter for me. I knew that every time I screamed my lungs out and sat alone in a corner with tears rolling down my face, the angels up there in heaven, especially my elder brother Michael would be having the laugh of his life! That angel was always trying to impress dad and he did a fine job at it. Always noble. Always following orders. Phff! What an obedient, kiss-ass child he is dad must be thinking. Maybe that’s why dad threw me here. Maybe he saw me as a threat. Maybe that’s why I become this … this thing from a god! After what felt like years, I gave up. I stopped screaming. I stopped the yelling and I stopped feeling sad for myself. Maybe, just maybe I thought that if I would actually embrace this punishment I would show them upstairs that I am worthy of their forgiveness. So I did what any immortal being would do, I started walking. Yes, walking. I just walked and with every walking step, I took it all in. The breath, the air, the light, the night, the weather, everything. But one day when I was walking my eyes spotted something. Something that didn’t quite fit the bill of this so-called ‘Paradise’. I saw two men fighting. From the distance I couldn’t understand why they were doing what they were doing but one was protecting himself and screaming, “Don’t do this Cane!” while the other had a knife in his hand and was screaming, “I hate you Abel!”. And in the very next moment I saw that knife pierce through that Abel fellow and then, there was blood everywhere and then he was gone. He died! Like, gone forever! I thought that wasn’t possible here on earth. But that moment for some sadistic reason, a smile came on my face because I knew right there and then that God didn’t create his most precious creation … what he made was monsters!

"I think you have to know who you are. Get to know the monster that lives in your soul, dive deep into your soul and explore it."

-Tori Amos

That was earth’s 1st murder. A human killing another human. It was unexpected. I mean, sure, God gave these creatures a thing called ‘Free Will’ but who knew that they would end up killing each other with that kind of freedom and power. But what happened, happened and I told myself that isn’t my business to attend too and I resumed my long walk to nowhere when suddenly I heard a very familiar voice. At first, I thought it was a trick. A trick by the ones sitting upstairs to make a mockery out of me but when I turned around, I saw that he was standing there! All commanding and all powerful! It was my Dad, God himself, here on earth! He had surely made some upgrades to his appearance from the last time that I had seen him. I guess he wanted a more human look to ‘fit in’ here on earth. Long, white hair, with a grey beard and a silk robe with a bag on his right shoulder and those wooden slippers humans wore. I had to admit, the all-powerful creator knew how to look good! As I approached him, he had his eyes looked towards the horizon. No Hi, no Hello, no greeting, just a creepy silence which made me very uncomfortable. I wanted to ask him … I wanted to know whether this was the end of my punishment here. Whether it was finally time for me to go home. But before I could ask him, he started talking. He told me, “I flawed. I … I didn’t create that something perfect I wanted too. Look at this travesty. Look at this sadness that has engulfed this beautiful planet. I can feel the stench. I can feel the anger and hatred in the hearts of men growing. Mankind is flawed and I know that I and only I am to blame.” This was typical dad. Good at taking the sympathy but none of the blame. He had a way with things and I realised this wasn’t the moment of my salvation, so I started walking again and tried ignoring his presence but then he called for me and I froze dead at my tracks ‘cause after centuries I heard him call my name. He said, “Luci, … I need you to do a task for me. I … I need you to clean up this mess for me.” I didn’t know what to say ‘cause I had never felt such anger before! I mean can you believe this guy! Not only does he loathe in front of me but he wants me to do his bidding now! And then I said, “What makes you think that I would ever listen to you and do your dirty work for you? You banished me here, remember? You left me here to rot and now suddenly, I am the one who will get the job done? Oh hell no! I would rather be stuck here for all eternity than to ever listen to you again!” And then I just started pacing away from him because I knew that I couldn’t stay a moment longer in his presence. But then, … oh that smart intellectual being gave me that yorker. He told me something that even if I wanted I couldn’t ignore. He told me, “Luci, my son, do this for me and I promise you, you will come back to heaven.”

"The monster was the best friend I ever had."

-Boris Karloff

“What did you just say? I would be allowed back in heaven? You sure you aren’t just busting my balls again?”. “No Luci, I swear I mean it. If you do what I ask of you, I promise I will come and take you back up there myself.” Even though I didn’t believe a word he said, I was truly intrigued to know what it was that I had to do. “So what is it that I have to do?”. “Luci, you saw what happened here. it was a crime, an atrocity. And now I know that mankind will always be flawed. There will be people who will stand for good but I also know that there will be men who will choose evil doings. Who will choose hate over love and give in to their temptations. And being God, I can’t just sit and watch this happen. So what I want you to do is to make these evil men pay for their sins. I want you to rid the earth of the evil that it will produce.” “So what are you saying? I go and kill these people because they are causing havoc and terror on your precious earth?”. “Luci, my son, listen to me, I do have all the might and power and yes, I am the divine creator of everything but even I know that there are things that I can do and things I can’t. And when I gave these mortals Free Will, I also gave them the power to choose what choice they will make. And as I said, there will be many who will choose good but there will also be people who will always want evil to triumph over the good and if you really want to impress me and show that you are worthy of coming back to heaven, then obey my command!”. There it was again, his commanding, egoistic voice. That rise in the pitch came every time he sensed his position wasn’t being valued or respected. “Fine. I will do as you command. I will scorch the earth of all the evil there is. I will become your instrument of justice and show these evil men that when you choose evil, you will be Punished.” “But Luci, there is one thing you should know.” I knew the old man wouldn’t make it easy for me. “What is it?” I asked. “You have to always be in the shadows. You can never let mankind know of your existence. I mean yes, they do believe that a heaven and hell exists but as immortal gods we can’t physically show them that we exist, ‘cause that would break their fabric of reality. You can never show case your talents of justice and vengeance to the world. You will do my bidding but in the stillness of the night and from the shadows. No one will know who you are and no one will know the power you possess.” Now, what do I say to that? “So that does it. From now on, I give you the strength to be my bounty hunter. To be my instrument of justice. To become a Punisher. Wherever and whenever evil persists you will take it down. You will destroy the evil from it’s very soul and sent it straight to hell. And when earth no longer has evil brewing, you will be given your right to come back home.” “Fine, I will become your rider. I will become the monster who will fight these monsters. I will become your Punisher.”

"May the same Almighty Goodness banish the accursed monster, war, from all lands, with her hated associates, rapine and insatiable ambition!"

-Daniel Boone

And so it began. My journey. The long road ahead was looking at me with it’s emptiness. God had left the building and left me to watch over earth as he had commanded me to do so. I was the Lone Wolf who walked the planet in search of evil. And yes, I did find it. I found it in men and women. I found evil when people lied, when they cheated and when they killed each other. Whenever there was a crime committed, I could feel my stomach turn. Like a vomit I needed to throw up. That was the sensation that evil was meant to be Punished. I had my ways. I would sneak in to their houses when they slept. Would creep in into their nightmares. Or I would just confront them when they were in their weakest moment and judge them. I would sometimes burn them alive. Sometimes I would slit their throats and sometimes, just for fun I would just give them the stare of penance. At first, it was like a task. I mean, evil was everywhere you know! But as days turned into months and months turned into years, I started enjoying this. I guess there was a part of me which was made for this. I really started understanding human behaviour. You won’t believe how much you can learn from the shadows. Human beings are weird. They are capable of giving each other endless love and they are also capable of completely destroying each other. Slowly slowly, I figured them out. I understood why they fought. I came to realise not all killing was murder. Some fought for freedom while some killed to protect their families. And so, I decided I would amp up my lust for blood and Punishment. So I became one of them. I pretended to be one of them. I started talking like them and behaving like them but at the back of my mind I knew the condition that the almighty laid on me. “Never let them know who you are.” So I became the servant who would serve kings their food. I became the guard who would protect the queens and in time, I became the Soldier who would be in the formation line, ready to die for country. And I saw great men rise and fall. I was there when the greatest warrior in history touched his feet at the beaches of troy. I was there when the king of the new world conquered it all. I was right there beside him, with shield and armour when he defeated the Persian army. I was there when the scariest Moghul rose and conquered villages in the east. I was there when men with their golden armour hanged a man who I truly believed was the son of God. I was there when a great man from the west fought to abolish slavery. I was there when the world united and hit the beaches of normandy to rid the earth of the most horrific evil it ever created. I was there when men in uniforms bombed and destroyed a regime which only wanted people to live in fear. I was witness to it all. From the outside, you wouldn’t ever believe I was the Punisher of Evil. But from underneath I knew what I had become. I was truly a monster who knew only bloodshed and relished on death. I became the Grim Reaper and with every strike of my blade, with every life I took, I had become the thing I was truly destined to be. I had become The God Of War.

"When someone asks, 'Does success make you into a monster?' I always say, 'No, it enables you to be a monster."

-Simon Cowell

There is a famous saying I’ve heard humans say to each other. “If you wanna make god laugh, then make plans.” I never knew what that meant until I met her. It was nearly 3000 years since Dad commanded me and since then I have had many names and identities. Sometimes I was the young lad who just graduated from oxford, sometimes I was the quiet guy people avoided and sometimes I was the man who gave everyone those awkward smiles. Now? Now, I am a Marine named Michael Shaw who just came back from his third tour and is now residing in Tennessee. Since all the wars I have fought and the lives I have taken, Earth seems to be in a very calm place. Maybe, my job is done or maybe evil will rise up again for me to take it down. If I am still here that means my job of killing isn’t over yet. In these days of normalcy, I had decided that I would visit the local library and see if my name or something about me had ever come across in the history books, ‘cause I don’t want Dad to find anything to keep me here. As I was strolling this quiet place,I came across a woman. Yes, a woman. A stunningly, beautiful woman. For the record, I have met many of them in my time here. But this woman, … there was something very different about her. You remember that stomach turning feeling I used to have before? Well, this time I did feel my stomach turn but it was more like there were a thousand butterflies flapping their wings together at the same time! My face turned pink and when she smiled at me, I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I mean, I am a God and Gods don’t get bowled over by humans. Never happened and never will. But for some reason those rules didn’t apply when she came near me. As she was approaching me, I could feel my heart skip beats. My heart?! When did I ever know I had a heart! I mean, my logic of my existence was seizing to exist the closer she was approaching. And then, it happened. She asked me, “Are you reading that or dropping that?”. For, I guess 30 seconds I was quiet and then when my senses came back in order I replied to her, “Oh, huh, I was just browsing through it. You can have it.” “Oh thank you. By the way, my name is Elizabeth. Elizabeth Perkins. But my friends call me Liz.” “Nice to meet you Elizabeth, uh, I mean Liz. My name is Michael and uh, I, I guess everyone just calls me that.” “Haha! You are funny Michael, with no nick name.” “Thank you … I guess?” “Hmm, a man of few words and a gentleman.” “ :-) “ … “So Michael, would you like to have a coffee with me once I am done carrying this book to the counter?” “Uh, uh, yes, yes I would love to have coffee with you!” After that, well, what do I say? I was taken. I was hers. I belonged to her. My every fabric was meant for her. I knew it didn’t make sense but I didn’t care. I started smiling. I laughed when we were together. We went to see the movies. We went on Dates to the mountains and the beaches. I swear, whenever she used to gaze me with those enchanting eyes of hers, I could feel like I was in heaven. Whenever we kissed, it was like time had stopped moving. And when I was in her arms, the only thing I could feel was peace. Somewhere, deep down in that blackened, destroyed soul of mine, I knew that this was my reward. That after all those years of being a monster and killing and death, I was finally rewarded with this abundant feeling of joy. I was … I was in love. And as the days passed and the  more I spent time with Liz, I could feel the monster peeling away and I was more human with her. More of a man who just wanted this woman’s love. Who wanted the simple life and make that white picket fence and make a family with her! Oh, I tell you, it was like a dream. A dream I never wanted to wake up from. But alas, not all things go the way we want 'cause we all know who actually holds all the strings …

"I'll say this: The scariest monster in the world is human beings and what we are capable of, especially when we get together."

-Jordan Peele

It was a night I wouldn’t ever forget. For the world, it was just another summer night with the wind teasing the leaves and the moon light just piercing through the clouds. But for me, it was a night Dad came back. I was lying in bed with Liz who was fast asleep when I felt a sense. It was a eerie feeling which I had felt before and I knew that in all of the cosmos there was only one being capable enough to make me feel this. I stepped out of bed and tried to be as quiet as I can and walked towards the hall where I saw him standing next to the window. Hands folded and yet again looking out towards the horizon. I didn’t wanted to speak because for the 1st time I didn’t wanted to go back home because I was home with Liz. But then he spoke with his all-powerful voice. He said, “You look good Luci. And I like the fact that you used your brother’s name as your own. I bet no woman would be charmed by a man who calls himself Lucifer!” He then smirked and I saw that smirk filled with taunt and insult. “What do you want dad? I kept my part of the deal. I did exactly what you asked of me. And before you say anything, I am telling you, I don’t care what your opinion or verdict is, I don’t wanna go back. I am happy where I am, so please leave and never come back.” “Hahaha! You think it’s that simple my boy? Don’t you remember I promised you that when the time comes I will personally come and take you back? Well, now is that time boy. Pack your bags, you are coming home.” “No! No, I won’t go back. I told you, I am happy here. I am happy being a human being. Please just go away. See, I am sparing you all the trouble. You don’t have to ever hear from me again. It was like I never existed.” “We are who we are son. No matter how hard you try to run away from it, no matter how much you try to convince yourself, in the end, our true selves always prevail.” I don't know why those words shook me. Like some part of me wanted to hear that. “What … what do you mean?” “You are a God my Son! A God Of War! Do you know how much you have killed? Do you know how many souls you have taken and do you know how much you have enjoyed it? You are a monster Luci. Always were. Always will be.” What was he doing to me? Why did everything he say make so much of sense? “What, what are you doing to me? Why am I feeling so weird? What is this? Is this some kind of spell you are doing on me? Stop it dad! Please stop it! What’s, … what’s happening to me. Why, … why do I feel such incredible power? What is happening to me?” I swear I could feel my blood pump. My muscles got tensed and I could feel my soul on fire. Like a light had been switched on. “Nothing is happening to you my son, I am just reminding you, the real you, who you truly are!” Why was he so right? Why was I agreeing to him? “I … I can feel it! This power, oh my, this incredible power! It’s coming back to me. I … I remember everything! All that killing! All that Punishment!” “Yes my son. Don’t you remember how much you loved it! How much you relished all those battles and wars!” “I remember father! I remember who I am. I am your Bounty Hunter. I am Your Punisher and that is who I always will be. I hated the fact that the old man was indeed right about me! Love, … love is not who I am! It won’t ever make me feel whole. War will! Blood will! Death will!” “Yes my son, my dear Lucifer, come back to me!” “Tell me what should I do Father.” “Do this one thing for me and become the son I know I can grow to accept as a boy who did that one mistake. Become the god I know I created you to be. Take this gun and put a bullet through that woman’s head who is sleeping in your room. Kill her and end this charade of love you think you deserve. Destroy this mirage and end this false reality of yours. Do as I command my son!” “Your … your wish is my command father.” He was right. He was right all along!

"There aren't that many monsters. It's very hard to create a new monster."

-George A. Romero

And there I was. That magnum in my hand. Pointing straight at her. Point blank range. The moment I squeeze the trigger, her life would seize to exist and all that I shared with this beautiful woman would be gone forever. But I know I have too. I have to end this torment. I have to end her suffering because only by doing that will I ever be free. Now I know. Now, I know that this was Dad’s plan all along. This was the Punishment he wanted to inflict upon me. It wasn’t the countless lives I took. It was this. Making me kill the one thing which made me feel whole. I could sense him standing there, besides the door. Piercing me with his eyes. Still judging me and wanting to see my suffering. I could feel immense power in me but I knew that even with all my might, I couldn’t battle the all-mighty creator. But as I saw the gun pointing towards her I sensed a feeling in me. It wasn’t anger or hatred. It was something else. A feeling of complete sense and enlightenment. I suddenly knew what it was I was meant to do. So the next moment, just before I was about to squeeze the trigger, I lowered the gun and leaned down to kiss her forehead. This one final time, I kissed her gently and looked at her. Looked at her with all my might because I knew I would never be able to look at her again. I sensed a tear fall on my cheek. And I let it. And then I walked towards dad. You would had thought I would had tried the shoot the cocky bastard for pulling such a stunt on me. But no, I didn’t do that. I gave him the gun and just hugged him. Oh yes, I hugged the old man. I hugged him tightly and I felt like I never wanted to let go. “Luci, … Lucifer, what are you doing? What. Are. You. Doing?” “I am sorry dad. I am so sorry! I never wanted to object you. I never wanted to insult you. I made a mistake and for that I am truly sorry!” “Lucifer, its … it’s ok. Let go. Let go. Let …” And then you would never guess what happened. My dad started crying. He hugged me tight and cried! Cried like a little baby! We both were crying! And oh my, it was so magical! I had never felt such tranquility. It was a moment I would never ever forget. After we regained our senses and tried pretending that it was just the ‘dust in the air that went in our eyes’ I told him what I felt had to be said. “I don’t belong in heaven dad. Truth be told, I never did. But I don’t belong here either. You were right about me. I am the God Of War and no matter how hard I try to hide that, I know I won’t ever be able to deny it. I love Liz, I truly do. But we both know she deserves better. I am not good enough for her. I have blood on my hands and a Beast like me deserves to be alone.” “What are you saying son?” “I am saying send me to Hell. Make me in-charge of Hell. I will command the dark demons there and I will torment the souls that have done evil here on earth. it was where a Monster like me truly belongs. A place surrounded by death and decay and war and waste.” “Are you sure this is what you truly want? There is still time to go back to your normal life Luci.” “No dad, you coming here was actually the truth I was hiding from. I mean, yes, I do have love in me but it took you one moment to remind me who I was. Something for years I wanted to forget but we all know that you can take the dog out of the fight but you can never take the fight out of the dog.” “Ok, my son. As you wish.” “No father, it will be as you wanted. As you had commanded all those eons ago.” “In all of my creations I never knew I would make a something so incredible as you my son. I am … I am proud of you.” “Dad, before the ‘dust’ creeps thought the window again, I think it’s time you do what you must but before I go I have just one request.” “My son … anything. Just say.” “Promise me that you will give Liz the most happiest life a mortal can have. Make her find love again. Give her strength to face all her challenges and make her the beacon of kindness and care. Make her forget me and give her all that she deserves.” “Consider it done my son.” “Thank you dad and I … I love you.” “I love you too my son and remember, you aren’t a God or a Monster or a Man … you are something much more. Something I will never be able to name.”

This is Me Mahaakshay Chakraborty and this was a story of a being who was much more than a god, monster or a man.

With All My Might,

Your No.1 Fan,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.