Monday, 28 December 2015

The Silent Guardian ...

“In order to achieve Greatness one must be able to do Great things and what greater than to sacrifice the feelings of the heart? You mortals will never understand that, for you will always give in to your compassion and feelings. But there will be one. The one who will dare to do what couldn’t ever be done.”

-The Book Of Prophecies

The last blog I submitted was when I was in Phuket. Well, the last blog was actually submitted by Michael. I hope you guys were entertained by his honesty and his version of my life. Right now, Michael has taken a break and is now Partying with his Mates in Hell. Well, that is what his note said. Al though I am not the kinda guy who is good with emotions and attachments and all, but I actually do miss him and I am waiting for him to come back. But until he decides to show up I do know that I still have a job to do and one of those jobs is to write another blog entry and submit it before 2015 comes to an end. So here it is. The last blog entry of the year 2015. I don’t know about you but 2015 has been a great year for me. And to be honest 2015 wouldn’t and couldn’t had been the year it was if the Universe wasn’t there with me, every step pf the way. It helped me and guided me and showed me the way. Even though the Universe is expanding every mili-second it’s modesty makes it very quiet and unnoticeable. But I did notice it’s magnificent power and even though we call it many names I call and proclaim the Universe, My Silent Guardian. So dear Universe, this one’s for you.

"I'm a survivor - a living example of what people can go through and survive."

It is very natural to reflect on the year that has gone by at the end of the year. People are travelling to different parts of the world, ready to party, making new resolutions and praying that the coming year makes all their dreams come true. If I was right now in Phuket, the place would had been jam packed and not even a single room would had been available for me to stay! I guess, that is how it is all around the world right now. And speaking of resolutions, do you know that it is a certain fact that we don’t achieve 90% of the resolutions we make on the 1st of january?!?! That means the best thing to do is to NOT make any resolutions at all! If you ask me what am I doing on new year’s eve, well, I will be home with the family hearing my Favourite song Stupify and playing Ghost Recon Future Soldier on the PS3. I am not that much into parties and that is why I will choose the quiet approach to the year 2016. But you see, this blog isn’t about what I have planned for 2016 and what all I will achieve in it. This blog is about The Silent Guardian aka The Universe who has been with me throughout the year of 2015 and which plans to guide me even for the years ahead. If you notice closely, whenever a Cricketer scores a century, he looks up and says thank you. Now, looking up can mean a lot of things. He can be thanking the god he chooses to worship or his ancestors that are looking down on him or the mighty universe which is with him at every step of the way. For me, I have always looked up and only seen the universe. The mighty universe waving it’s magic wand at me and blessing me with happiness and gratitude. My silent guardian has taught me so much this year and in return it has also given me a lot. Whether it was through it’s teachings or gifts, the silent guardian has been absolutely perfect in what it has done and continues to remain stedfast in it’s approach of making me the man I was born to be.

"I am someone who always gets up again, even if there are setbacks. I have a survivor instinct. I'm not sure where it comes from, but probably from all the little things that make you into who you are."

Just like everybody out there I had the full belief and confidence that 2015 was going to be my year. I had a film coming up plus I had completely transformed myself as a man and as an actor for the film. The promos were liked, the music had become a hit and I knew in my heart that after Ishqedarriyaan released I would be starting to get good offers and my work would start. But all changed on that friday when I realised that none of the cinemas had given the film decent timings to be showcased at and on saturday I knew I had hit rock bottom once again. But even though the blow was hard, it didn’t keep me down. I sulked for a while, then healed my wounds, embraced the pain of defeat and stood right back up again. Till today, I don’t know where this strength comes from! This relentless pursuit towards greatness. Till today I don’t know how I get more stronger every time I am knocked down to a pulp. I guess it is the power of the silent guardian watching over me and making me realise that I am still in the fight. That instead of crying and feeling sorry for myself, I need to push harder than I did before. And that is why even though no one believes in me, I still believe in my dreams and I know that one day all of them will come true. At times when the heart questions the actions of the soul, I always remind myself that “Even Waiting Is Training” and “Every Dog Has His Day” and that one day my time to prove myself to the world will finally come and until that day comes I will do what I am best at doing. Grind and grind and grind and push and push and push until nothing of me is left to give. So what 2015 taught me was that no matter how hard the obstacles are laid in front of you, you never stop believing in your dreams and you never give up. You. Never. Ever. Give. Up.

"I am a survivor and not a victim. Life isn't perfect. When you get a knock, you have to get up, dust yourself down and get on with it."

I have this calendar in my hall. In fact, every year I search for the ‘perfect’ calendar for my hall ‘cause this calendar is where I wrote down my goals. It is where I write down the things I want to achieve and it is where I read and remind myself of the dates which will be the turning point of my life. So this august I decided that I will finally go to phuket and train for a month at the Tiger Muay Thai and Mma camp and come back a changed man. I was completely convinced that it was going to happen and with that very conviction I had written the dates down on my calendar as well. Of course, I had never gone to a foreign country all by myself before so the challenges of convincing my family were of top priority. But my family being the amazing people they are agreed to the trip in a heartbeat and told me to go as soon as I could! I was blown away with this ‘cause even before talking to them I had written the dates down and guess what? My tickets were issued for those very same dates! I knew this was a sign from the universe and it was the best moment of my life! Of course when I did go to TMT I knew that, that was the place from which I would return a changed man and that is what exactly happened! I met amazing new people from all across the world, made great friends and trained my ass off in all the Martial Arts the place had to offer. My sleep patterns got better, my skin started to glow and I transformed from the inside out. When I came back, everyone was delighted to see the new me and I knew that I had the universe to thank for this amazing new journey I had gone for! But little did I knew that this was only part 1 of the master plan the silent guardian had in stored for me.

"The soldiers that didn't come back were the heroes. It's a roll of the dice. If a bullet has your name on it, you're a hero. If you hear a bullet go by, you're a survivor."

It was only a week or two after I had come back that I felt this sudden awakening. An awakening which was guiding me and telling me that I had to go back to camp. That I belong more in the fight that I belong to the normalcy of the world. I thought it was only the relapse of the joy I felt being there and getting my ass kicked everyday that was coming and going as flashes whenever I brushed my teeth or whenever I saw a Ufc Fighter’s training video. I even tried to ignore and diminish these feelings by doing things like everybody else. Whether it was meeting up with cousins or going for lunches and dinners, I tried it all just to convince myself that going to the camp was only a one-time thing. But the more the days passed the more the need to go back become real and I knew that the silent guardian yet again was hinting at me to do something. And so, I booked my tickets, packed my bags and went right back to where I had left off. All my trainers and coaches and teachers were there and all were delighted to see me return and so was I. I knew that this time around I would push more and achieve more. But what I didn’t know then was I would evolve more spiritually than physically. Yes, I did train thrice a day. Whether it was the record-breaking empty stomach runs I did in the mornings or the one on one muay thai sessions I did back to back. I was giving it my all. But more than the physical limitations I was breaking it was the fact that I was all by myself that was more surprising for me. I mean, I said hi and hello to everyone over there but for the most part of the day I was all by myself. I hardly interacted with anyone after my classes were done and nor did I go and chill at the local bars with the live music. I was in a way getting more self-sufficient and for me this was the most important turning point of my life! I had always believed that I was the Lone Wolf but in a very hypocritical and cowardly way I had always avoided the real test of truly being alone. But in the month of november when India was celebrating diwali and when families were lighting up crackers and giving each other gifts, I was all alone in Phuket training myself to finally become the Lone Wolf I had always aspired to become.

"You recognize a survivor when you see one. You recognize a fighter when you see one."

The universe truly works in mysterious ways and in a way it is the Silent Guardian for all of us. I am a man of science and I believe in proof and theories backed up by years or research and data. That is why I love astronomy so much and the one thing astronomy teaches us is that all the chemicals and components found in the human body can also be found out there in the universe. So whatever happens to us is a direct link to the universe cause the universe is connected to us more than we can even fathom to understand. Yes, I am a man of faith but I am not a man of idol worship. I believe that ‘God’ never wanted us to kill each other but gave us our hands to lend a helping hand to those in need and make those hands fighting fists whenever we are faced with difficulties. And that is why I always look for signs and signals from the silent guardian. Whether it is a hoarding with a slogan at a traffic stop or a lyric from a song that I am hearing, the silent guardian is always throwing me signs and signals for me to understand. And since the time I have come back it has been making me realise one thing over and over again. And that is no matter how hard I try, I will never be able to ‘Fit in’ ‘cause I was always meant to stand out. And maybe that is why I have started to love my own company more than the company of others. Maybe that is why I have cut all ties from the people who were in my life and now I am at peace with just being by myself. Maybe that is why I don’t open up to people about my feelings anymore. Maybe this is strength or maybe this is just self-sustainability. Whatever it is, it is working for me big time! I have never felt better or stronger before and now with each passing day, I am more and more convinced that I am truly meant to be alone and nothing and no one in this world can change that. Not now. Not ever.

"The feat of surviving is directly related to the capacity of the survivor."

Have you heard the song Short-Change Hero? it is from a group called The Heavy and it has been used in many films, tv shows and games. But the one film which does true justice to the song is ‘Faster’ which starred The Rock in 2010. I don’t know whether you have seen the film or not but for me it is by far one of the best films I have ever seen! Al though the story revolves around a man hell bent on revenge it is not the violence or the retribution of the man that attracts me to the film the most but rather the darkness and the loneliness of the man who knows he has nothing left but vengeance in his heart. In the end, right before the film comes to an end, the character played by The Rock, starts his car and rides off towards the sun set. For some reason I can’t remove that image and that song out of my head! it is like that scene is calling out to me! That the universe wants me to become that man who does his duties for his family and then who rides off alone towards the sun set! And the more I listen to the song the more I am convinced that, that will be eventually be my destiny! You may meet me and try to convince me that what I am feeling right now may only be a phase that I am going through but tell me honestly, do ‘phases’ last for 5 years? No right? And that is why the more I put myself out there the more I am convinced that I am a man who is more happier in his own private little world. Yes, one day I will travel the world for my work and yes, I will be meeting hundreds and thousands of people along the way but I know in my heart that no one will be able to make me feel as whole and as complete as the universe makes me feel when I am all by myself.

"I am not a victim. I am an angry survivor."

There is beauty in sacrifice. There is strength in pain. And there is greatness in letting go of the things that the heart wants the most. Today, I realise that. And not because I feel it all the time but also because I have seen it happening it to me from time to time. Let me explain it to you by giving you an example. There is this guy Jim who one day goes to a restaurant and orders himself some Prawns. He eats them and finds them delicious. But only an hour later his stomach starts to growl and he gets a bad ache! He tells himself that he must have eaten some wrong vegetable or meat that made his stomach upset. Then, after a few days Jim again goes to the same restaurant and orders the same prawns and eats them to the fullest and the same ache happens and this time he tells himself that the restaurant may not be good at all. So he decides to go to another restaurant and order the prawns to convince himself that the prawns aren’t the problem at all. But the same thing happens again and he ends up getting admitted in the hospital and when the doctor comes and informs him that he shouldn’t eat prawns anymore he is convinced that Prawns aren’t right for him. The reason I told this story about Jim and Prawns is because the Universe has always shown me that I am not meant to be a social animal or ‘normal’ as thy call it. Time and again I have gotten proof that I am not meant to have friends or find love or be dependent on others for companionship. Time and again I have been Jim and whenever I have tried to eat those prawns I have always ended up in the hospital. Today, at the end of 2015, after all the aches and the cuts and the bruises and the joys and the triumphs I have come to realise that I am meant to be alone and for the first time in my life and that fact doesn’t disturb but gives me a sense of calmness. The Silent Guardian in it’s own magical way has shown me what kind of a man I am and what I need to do to achieve my dreams. I am blessed to have come this far in my life and I know that I am still learning. I know I will still make mistakes but I also know that I am wiser than yesterday and I am mature enough to not make the same mistakes again. I know I will stumble and I will fall. But I always get back up. When the world will celebrate the coming year with glasses in their hands, I will be in the gym grinding and sweating and making my muscles feel the pump with blood gushing through my veins. I thank my Silent Guardian for always being there for me and showing me time and again what kind of a man I truly am and what really is my ultimate destiny. I thank the silent guardian for making me hear that song, for making me visualise myself as the man who is wearing that leather jacket, big biker boots, oakley glasses and taking a selfie at the grand canyon, raising my hands at the centre of the poles, flagging my flag at the himalayas and giving a thumbs up to earth from the international space station. 

"Oh, I'm a survivor. My whole life has been surviving."

This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty and this has been my 2015 with My Silent Guardian.

With All My Might,

Your No.1 Fan,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.


Monday, 9 November 2015

"I Don't Want To Be Like Mahaakshay Chakraborty ..."

“And so this mortal walked on. Walked alone in the path in front of him. But we, The Gods, were still not convinced of this mortal’s conviction and devotion so we sent the Reaper to him. The Reaper had only one objective, to test the soul of this mortal. To lure him into temptation and distract him and to make him weak. But after a while when the Reaper came back to us and told us what happened, we knew we made the right choice to make this mortal our Lone Wolf.”

-The Book Of Prophecies.

For all those out there who think that Mahaakshay is writing this blog, let me stop you right there and inform you that Mahaakshay is right now engrossed in his training in Phuket. And since he is busy training his ass off I am taking the advantage of the free time I have before I go and tell you all about what I witnessed when I was with him. In case you don’t know who this is, I am Michael. I am the Reaper sent from the underworld to consume Mahaakshay’s soul but when Mahaakshay met me, he befriended me and started to call me Michael so I guess the name got stuck. I have written a few blogs over the course of many years that I have been with Mahaakshay. Since day one he knew what my intentions were and not even once did he flinch or was intimidated by me or my presence. He knew I was under direct orders from the lords of the underworld to make sure that his soul gets weakened and that he finally gives into normalcy and temptation. But what I saw was something to dark and cold to experience even for a soul observer like me. And even though I’m not that much of a talker I think this story has to be told.

"If you don't like the hand that fate's dealt you, fight for a new one."

They say every human being comes with a destiny. Well, I came into Mahaakshay’s life the moment he was born. The lords downstairs and some say even up there in heaven knew that he was the Mortal who the Book Of Prophecies had mentioned about. And since the Lords aren’t allowed to intervene with the humans they sent me to make sure that Mahaakshay never reaches his potential. I was assigned to make sure that he always be distracted and never once feel that he was destined to be special. For many years I was succeeding in my plan. Mahaakshay faced many trials and tribulations but not once did he flinch from his normalcy. I threw one temptation after the other at him and he gave in to all of it. The lords were quite happy with my work and they told me that I should continue this until Mahaakshay’s grows old, withers and dies. I was like, “Ok. This task was more easier than I had thought.” But then on that fateful day everything changed … forever.

"I can control my destiny, but not my fate. Destiny means there are opportunities to turn right or left, but fate is a one-way street. I believe we all have the choice as to whether we fulfil our destiny, but our fate is sealed."

I remember that day like it was yesterday. It was May 12th 2005. It was the 1st day when Mahaakshay saw the Promo for The Punisher film and the way his eyes were glued to that Skull I knew that something in him had changed forever. It was like a Seed was planted in him or a part of his soul which came to life that day. After that, he wasn’t the same man again. He became obsessed with Frank Castle! Everything in life revolved around The Punisher. Whether it was the Books, the Games or the Movies, Mahaakshay ate, slept and thought only about The Punisher. But even though he was distracted from the normal routines of life I wasn’t going to go down without a fight. So I made sure I did everything to keep him ‘normal’ and ‘mellow’. But with each passing day my powers were not affecting him and the Lords were sensing that too. So me and the lords came up with a new strategy. We thought lets fight with fire and so we initiated operation ‘Battle Soul’. Operation Battle Soul would make Mahaakshay’s life filled with Battle and conflicts and challenges to such extremes that he would finally give up and finally give in to us again. But what did we know that this Mortal wasn’t normal to begin with. He was destined to be Battle Forged and Battle Forged he became.

"Just because Fate doesn't deal you the right cards, it doesn't mean you should give up. It just means you have to play the cards you get to their maximum potential."

To this day I regret the day I brought Mma into Mahaakshay’s life! I thought that by getting hit in the head for a few times and having more than 3-4 shoulder dislocations Mahaakshay would realise that fighting isn’t meant for him and he would hang his gloves. But the exact opposite happened! The more he punched and kicked he felt alive and he eventually fell in love with the rush what fighting gives to a man. Since that day in 2010 November, he has not even once thought of stopping to learn and excel in the field of Mixed Martial Arts. And the more his body got stronger so did his spirit. Before he was dependant on others for approval and support but as the years passed he became more and more self-involved and less devoted to the care and feelings of others. The more he dwelled into the darkest parts of his soul the more he became the Mortal the Book Of Prophecies had proclaimed him to be. And even though I was there with him every step of the way, even though I was the only one Mahaakshay ever confided into I knew that I had lost Mahaakshay forever. And at that point I didn’t care what kind of Punishment the Lords would sentence me with. At that point I only knew that even though I was the Grim Reaper the taker of souls, I would never want to be like Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

"Our fate is determined by how far we are prepared to push ourselves to stay alive - the decisions we make to survive. We must do whatever it takes to endure and make it through alive."

I mean who goes back to camp just after coming back? Who goes back into the fight when he has family and friends and loved ones waiting for him back home? Who gets so consumed by Fight, Battle and War that he can’t enough of it? In my line of work I have taken souls of billions and billions of souls. I have seen darkness and goodness in all of them. But what I see in Mahaakshay scares even me! His soul you see, it is consumed by a purity even I have’t seen yet! And now I know why the Lords are so scared of him! He is human but behaves like a machine. He doesn’t flinch. He doesn’t wander. He doesn’t stop! i have seen the way people look at him! I have seen the hate he has received from the world for the way he is! But nothing seems to affect him! He gets up, washes his face and gets back right into the fight! i mean, have you ever heard a guy go up to his trainer and tell him, “Master I want you to hit me as hard as you can. I want to feel the pain in my body and I want to have cuts and bruises all over my body tomorrow morning! So hit me and let me get stronger!” Those words no normal man can ever say but now I have come to realise that Mahaakshay was never normal to begin with. No matter what I tried to do to distract him. Whether it was lust or care or kindness or even love noting could stop Mahaakshay from being the man he was destined to be. And now I don’t see a man, I see a Soul on Fire. A Soul ignited by Battle. And a  Man that will never stop.

"My fate cannot be mastered; it can only be collaborated with and thereby, to some extent, directed. Nor am I the captain of my soul; I am only its noisiest passenger."

But before I planned to depart to the underworld again, I finally took the courage and had a one on one with Mahaakshay. I wanted to once and for all truly understand this mortal who had become the best friend that I ever had. The following is the dialogue exchanged between me and Mahaakshay.

Me: Why do you do it brother? Why fight so hard? Why only fight? Why never stop?
Maha: Brother, you of all people should know by now that I am nothing without my fight. Fighting is what i do best. Whether I am fighting for my right to be here or whether I am fighting to be noticed, Fighting is what keeps me alive and makes me push myself harder.
Me: But brother, there is life even beyond fighting. Don’t you agree?
Maha: I tried that life brother. i tried to be ‘Normal’. I tried to have friends and I also tried to fall in love, to be in love and stay in love but you know how all those stories turned out to be. All left.
Me: They didn’t leave you bro. I was there. it was you who pushed them away.
Maha: Yes I did. And I did that because I know who I am. I am the lone wolf. And lone wolves can never keep others happy.
Me: Why don’t you try again brother?
Maha: Too late for me now. I am too far down that rabbit hole. And now there is no going back for me. Frank Castle never wanted me to become this way I know. Mma never wanted me to turn into this machine. I know. This was all me. I am the reason I have become this aloof, self-centred, selfish of a human being. I am the reason I am alone today and always will be. 
Me: But brother, I have seen you smile. I have seen you breaking bread with wonderful people. I have seen you care and I have seen you having hope towards the light of things. It isn’t too late for you. You can still turn this darkness into light.
Maha: This isn't  darkness my brother. This is a joy. A Black kind of Joy. A Joy only few will ever experience. There is a beauty in pain. There is power in Sacrifice. And there is Greatness in always being alone.
Me: But don’t you miss your family? Don’t you miss your friends? Don’t you miss being in love?
Maha: I have made many mistakes in my past my brother. And I promise I will never make anyone a collateral damage ever again.
Me: I respect your decision but you still haven’t answered my question. Don’t you miss being like everybody else?
Maha: I am alone here. I wake up alone. I sleep alone and I train alone. I see married couples, girlfriends and boyfriends, people who drink and party. I see love and laughter and joy everywhere I go. But you see being alone is what makes me stand out from the crowd. I am stronger when I am alone. I know there is a part of me which still feels … something. But that part is slowly dying away Michael. And very soon there will be nothing in me which will even be remotely human. 
Me: Why kill something so beautiful?
Maha: There is a beauty in war. You don’t see War and Battle and Pain as I do. And I guess no one ever has and no one ever will. And that is why I know I will always be misunderstood. 
Me: But I can fix this for you. I can give you all that you are willing to sacrifice.
Maha: There is victory only in sacrifice. There is greatness only in being truly alone.
Me: I can never be like you brother. When I first came to you all I had for you was remorse and hate because the Lords had told me that you would be the reason of our demise. That you would be the one who would end the reign of the gods. But the more I spent time with you, I came to saw that there was only Goodness in you and I had no right to take that away from you. I felt in my heart that you deserved to be happy. And that is why I fell in love with your kindness. But then something happened, didn’t it? You came across a Darkness within you. Didn’t you? And you gave in to it. Am I not right?
Maha: It is time for you to go and meet Hades my friend.
Me: Answer me brother. Please tell me what was it that changed you. That is the one thing I could never figure out. Please tell me!
Maha: Somethings and some people are never meant to be understood. I have learnt that the hard way. I can’t answer your question brother. I can’t give an answer to justify what I feel and how Battle and Loneliness some how fill me up. I am sorry my brother but I have no answer for you.
Me: I don’t pray much you know that but I will pray for you my friend. I will pray that one day you find love. That one day you find someone who tames the beast in you. I will pray that one day you will find your House with the Picked Fence. I will pray that one day you do have a normal life.
Maha: This is my life now. And given a choice I will choose this life over and over again ‘cause one day these Sacrifices will reap the rewards I so long for. One day these struggles will have value. One day my battles will prove to be victorious. And until that day comes I will Get Up, Dress Up and Show Up for the fight every single day. I will look at temptation and love and kindness and care  right in the eye and so No to all of those feelings. I will stand for what I believe in. I will do what I know is right for me. I will never stop. And I will never give up. You go now brother. And you take care ok. 
Me: I love you man. 
Maha: :-)

"The true adventurer goes forth aimless and uncalculating to meet and greet unknown fate."

So that was my last conversation with my friend Mahaakshay Chakraborty. I know I am going to be back in the Underworld very soon but something tells me I will meet him again very soon. He truly is a lone wolf and it isn’t easy being Mahaakshay. I really do pray that he finds what he is looking for. But if I ever get to befriend another human being I will surely tell him about Mahaakshay. And I will also tell that other mortal that one should never be like Mahaakshay and when he will ask me why? I will tell him that only the bravest of us all can bear that kind of a burden. And there is no one as brave as Mahaakshay. For All Men Are Dogs. Few Are Wolves. But Only Few Are Lions. And only One Is Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

This is me, Michael, The Reaper and I was once the Friend of Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

With All My Might,

Your No.1 Fan,


"To live alone is the fate of all great souls."


Friday, 23 October 2015

I Am The Fight ...

"And this mortal of ours, He will finally know his calling. And then, he will vanish into the wilderness. He will go on a quest to find the true meaning of his existence. And he will go through hell and back and he will touch his own darkness. And then one day, when the world will need him the most he shall return. But until that time comes, this mortal will fight the monsters and the mayhem. He will rise his sword and vanquish the evil from the face of the earth and in the end, when he will finally hear the siren, he will return and he will bring the fight with him."

-The Book Of Prophecies.

Yes, it has been a while. I remember, the last blog I wrote was before I was leaving for Fight Camp. And now, it has been more than 45-50 days that I am returning here to write my newest entry. I guess like all writers, I only open the laptop and start typing when the words in my head can't be contained anymore. Like all writers, sometimes the words just come out at the right time and I guess this is that right time. This is that time when the world needs to read something more about me yet again.

Yes, I do know you all wanna know about Fight Camp and trust me, I am ecstatic to tell you all about it as well. But before I begin, I just want you to know that going to fight camp was by far the most amazing and evolved experience of my life!

I left for fight camp on the 1st of September and I returned back to Mumbai a month later. Everyone who met me after I returned were in awe of the transformation that occurred. I thank everyone for their lovely words and I also thank all the people out there who were very kind to leave wonderful comments on my pics and trust me, it is because of all of you that I do that little extra. It is because of your belief that I go the extra mile. So thank you from the bottom of my heart to be there for me. :-)

To be honest I was petrified to go to camp! It was the 1st time in my life that I was going to a different country all by myself and living in a new environment outside of my family's and that scared me yet excited me! Along with the fact that I was going away for a month was the promise that I gave to my family that when they see me again, they would meet a new me. And I am happy to say that, that is what exactly happened. I did change a lot. But more than the physical appearance I think I changed more mentally. I evolved more when I was alone for 30 days. Of course, I made wonderful friends over there and I know that my friendship with those amazing people will last forever but being there, day in and day out, attending 3 classes everyday, in the scorching heat, dripping sweat like water, I realised that I was always meant to be this man. This man, who was always part of the wilderness. And the man who always meant to Fight.

"I do what I do because it is the right thing to do. I am a warrior, and it is the way of the warrior to fight superior odds."

I still remember the 1st day of camp. I arrived in the afternoon and I met the manager of Tiger muay Thai and Mma. His name was Jolan and he was very kind and sweet and showed me the entire camp and also gave me a brief introduction of all the facilities that the camp had to offer. I was thrilled and I wasn't going to wait until the next day to start training so I went for the 4pm Muay Thai Beginner's Class. The class lasted 2 hours and by the time the class was over, I was tired and dizzy in the dry Phuket heat! I also got my ass handed to me 'cause I was sparring against many Muay Thai fighters who were kind enough to show us a few moves. All in all it was the toughest 2 hours of my life and I knew that this was only the beginning!

Before I went to Phuket, I had only googled TMT {Tiger Muay Thai} and so I had no clue as to how amazing it would be and how many various classes it had to offer. And if you thought that TMT was the only camp there you were so wrong! TMT had located me at the 2home Resort which was a 10mins walk from the camp and so while coming and going to camp, I also saw that there were 3 gyms, 2 more muay thai camps, 1 truly amazing cross fit centre and another Mma camp on the same street! And not to mention the countless Healthy Restaurants and the shops with multiple Mma brands to choose from! I was in Fitness paradise! Yes, that is the only way to describe it!

Everyone was always on scooters or motor bikes but I decided that I would rent a cycle. Well, a cycle with gears and that way I would cycle my way to camp everyday. Now, of course I realise that renting a bike would had been a much better choice but back then I really liked my Bike Rides, even when it was pouring and thunder storms would come and go. I had an amazing connection with that bike and when I do return to camp, maybe I would rent it again. :-)

And so my one month at phuket started. I was thrilled and excited and nervous and yet full of energy and as the days went by and I got the feel of the place and I knew it in my heart that this won't be the 1st and last time that I would visit this place. Only 4-5 hours away from Mumbai, I knew that this place would eventually be my 2nd home. :-)

"Each Warrior wants to leave the mark of his will, his signature, on important acts hetouches. This is not the voice of ego but of the human spirit, rising up and declaring that it has something to contribute to the solution of the hardest problems, no matter how vexing!"-Pat Riley

And so as the days went on I got engrossed into my training. Day in and day out I went deeper and deeper into this amazing world of training. Whether it was Brazilian Jui-Jitsu in the morning or Combat Conditioning with the russian fighters by 9:30am, I tested my abilities everywhere. And during these sessions I came across the Strength and Conditioning class which was by far the most packed and famous class in camp. And the reason it was so was because of the instructor John Priest. He was truly amazing in what he did and also the exercises he made us perform. The classed were tough and challenging but they were rewarding as well. 

John Priest was also one of the trainers who was coaching Roger Huerta, a veteran in the Mma world for his fight which was coming up in a few weeks. Mr. Priest was truly an inspiration for us all but what was more rewarding was that one day he came up to me and shook my hand and told me something that I would never forget. He told me, "I need more people like you in my class. You can motivate others and make them push more and you inspire me!" I was speechless after what I had heard and I knew that I had earned the respect of one of the best Trainers I had the honour of training with!

And if that wasn't enough, Sir came up to me a few days before I left camp and told me that he wants to train me one on one! Of course I did train with him and every moment of that class was like a dream come true for me! After that class sir shook my hand and told me that I want to see you back here again someday very soon and I told him, "I promise I would be back sir." Who knew that I would fulfil that promise sooner than I had ever expected. :-)

"Study strategy over the years and achieve the spirit of the warrior. Today is victory over yourself of yesterday; tomorrow is your victory over lesser men."

Everyday for me in phuket was an adventure. Whether it was the moody weather, or the amazing local food, I had the privilege to experience it all! The people were very friendly and thai sports massages after training were very relaxing and soothing as well. But there is one incident I really wanna share with you. I met this Russian Fighter in camp. His name was Alexi and he was preparing for his fight in Indonesia at the upcoming One Fc Mma event. I observed him for a few days and the more I did, this Navy Seal looking guy became my inspiration and hero! He never spoke to anyone and trained like an animal throughout the day. Even during dinner, he would sit alone and eat his meal with his head phones on. I knew I had to befriend him. Luckily for me, he was in the same classes as I was and we always gave each other a nod of recognition before starting class. There were also times when I tried talking to him but since he was the quit types our conversations weren't more than a word of Hi and Hello. But on that one fruitful day, everything changed. :-)

We were having our Wrestling class by 5pm and I was already 2 classes down with only one meal inside of me. Wrestling like Jui-Jitsu and Mma Sparring is very tough and it requires an enormous amount of cardio and agility. I of course as the over enthusiastic person that I am volunteered for the wrestling class 'cause I wanted to know how it is. Of course Alexi was there and after the 15mins warm-up and the 30mins Technical Drills, our instructor told us all to wrestle with one another in a 'friendly non-competitive' way. After the 1st round Alexi looked at me and told me to wrestle with him in the 2nd round. I of course was in candy land and said Yes and what followed was an experience I would never forget.

As soon as the bell rang we were grappling and 40 seconds into the round Alexi just applied a little pressure on my right shoulder and before I knew it, my shoulder popped! Oh yeah, you heard me, the Right Shoulder just popped out of the socket! The pain was excruciating and when he asked me what was wrong, I told him I was fine and then it took me one whole minute to bring the shoulder ball back in! After that was done I managed to wrestle with him for the remaining of the round and somehow survive the gruelling agony which I was feeling. Of course I went head on with him for the next 2-3 rounds and I think Alexi put me on the mat for more than 20-30 times! But by the end of the most toughest ass-kicking session of my life Alexi came up to me and shook my hand and smiled! Yes, he smiled! For me, that smile meant a lot and I knew that after all the wait and ass-whopping I had finally made friends with my hero on camp. :-)

"Courage, above all things, is the first quality of a warrior."

By the end of camp I was nicknamed as the 'Machine'! I shit you not but that is what everyone started calling me there. Whether it was me doing my Private Muay Thai sessions with Master Danai with my elevation mask on or whether it was me training 3 classes a day, 5 days a week at the most Advanced Levels of training at TMT and Unit-27, I was not Mahaakshay or Mimoh anymore. I was the Machine. For a guy like me who was always the fat kid in school, hearing the word Machine was like the best compliment ever! 

I knew that opting to come to this Camp was one of the best decisions of my life and when I think of it, I only smile. And that smile comes from a deep sense of joy and contentment that I kept the promise I gave to my family and to myself. But when I came back, I knew that My training here won't ever be the same again. When I got back I went to the same gyms I did before but something was different. The people were the same but the feeling felt a little different. It was like I knew I can do better and train harder and push more. Of course the Bodyholics Gym which just opened in Andheri is the only Gym which comes close to the level of training I had there and luckily for me, my Coach, Abbas Ali owns the gym!

But at times like these, I know I have to wait for that right film to come. I know I can do more than just wait for the opportunity to present itself. I can be prepared for it! And that is why I have opted to go back to camp for another 30 days in the month of November. I know how the camp is now and I also know that I can push myself more than I did last time and I can also enrol myself into Phuket Top Team, the Technical Fight Factory and the Muscle Bar Meal Plan. This is me, upgrading myself and pushing myself more harder than I ever have 'cause I know that only when I give, I will be given in return.

"To achieve the mood of a warrior is not a simple matter. It is a revolution. To regard the lion and the water rats and our fellow men as equals is a magnificent act of a warrior's spirit. It takes power to do that."

You can ask me, "Why do you wanna go back to camp? You just came home!" Well, let me explain that to you then.

All my life I have fought. And now, after all these years, I have become very good at it. Whether the fight for me has been physical or mental, I know that I am at my best when I am in the battlefield. Going to Phuket gave me a taste of that Battle a little more and now I am hungry for more! I want to go back 'cause I feel alive when I am pushed and tested and when my Body is screaming for Rest from the heat of the sun or when my limbs tell me that they can't move an inch further. I am Myself when I am fighting. And that is why I choose to go back. At times like these I relate myself to Frank Castle aka The Punisher. In one of the most important stories of him ever told, there is a chapter when he is at Central Park with his family just before they get gunned down. While his children are playing he comes up to his wife Maria and tells her, "I am leaving you." She is in tears and asks him why? He says, "I feel dead inside. This life isn't for me. I am sorry." And before she could say anything the bullets start piercing them from all over and they die right in front of his eyes.

The reason this story is so close to me is because now I can say 'That I am Frank Castle' in more ways than one. For me, normality ins't exciting anymore. I spoil for a Fight and I lust for War. I truly am a War Junkie and I know that my end will truly be in the Battlefield. I have to go back and be alone. With myself, with my thoughts and with my true purpose. I have to look myself in the mirror and remind myself everyday that this is who I truly am. I am a man who has fallen in love with his War and I am a man who will never have enough of it. 

I can't wait to go back. I can't wait for my name to be heard when the Frankie gives the call-out for the people present in class. I can't wait to Wrestle in my Hayabusa Rash Guard and I can't wait to be the man who is turning into the Lone Wolf. The remnant of Ares himself.

I know I may sound weird. And I know that all of you are finding and fighting for something also. So I hope you maybe be able to connect with the way I feel. None of us have it easy. We all want something and that is why we fight. The only difference is we fight in different battlefields. As I said before I know my time will come and until that day comes, I will train and I will learn and I will make myself better in every possible way that I can. This is who I am and this is what I will always be.

This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty and I Am The Fight.

"You are part of that horrid expression, the best and the brightest. It can be a terrible burden if you let it be, but it is the great challenge of your time. And being a warrior in that challenge should be wondrous."

With all my might,

Your No.1 Fan,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

Monday, 31 August 2015

The Silent Prayer ...

“And then the mortal shall venture into the unknown. He will see what his fate has in stored for him. He will feel fear and excitement. He will be thrilled, just like a young boy at christmas morning. He will know deep down in the very depths of his soul that this is how his life play out now. This venture into the unknown will be the gateway to his greatness. Only alone, through facing his fears and embracing his true potential will he become one of the elite. That is how he will become one of us.”

-The Book Of Prophecies. 

I am nervous. I am scared. I am thrilled and I am excited. Basically all emotions wrapped up into one. I mean, this is really happening you know! I am finally going for Fight Camp and not just for a week but for an entire month! This is unknown territory for me and that is why it is so exciting for me. This is the very 1st time in my life I am going on an adventure! For a month I will be by myself, I will be training day in and day out and every day I will find myself. For all those years those voices in my head which screamed for this moment are now dancing. They are so happy and delighted that this is happening! I am truly grateful to the universe and to my parents for this opportunity. And truth to be told, no matter how grateful I can be and the billions of thanks I give to my parents and to the universe, they won’t be enough to justify my joy! Thank you thank you thank you so so much from the bottom of my heart! This is pure joy. Like the pure of the purest of joys! :-)

"If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, it will be enough."

Very soon I will be at Tiger Muay Thai and Mma Fight Camp where people from all around the world will be training and preparing and focused on changing themselves for the better. I have always thrived in competition and in those group classes over there I will find many with whom I can compete with. Whether they are punching, kicking or running, I know I will find many who will motivate me to push my limits to the next level. This is truly next level shit for me and this is what I need now. I know Coach’s gym will be open by the time I come back but for the month of September I am going to push my boundaries. Training isn’t only about your physical limitations. It is also about the mental attitude you have while running in the scorching heat or kicking the bag so hard that your legs are burning in pain. It is all about convincing yourself that yes you can and you will! 

"In my deepest, darkest moments, what really got me through was a prayer. Sometimes my prayer was 'Help me.' Sometimes a prayer was 'Thank you.' What I've discovered is that intimate connection and communication with my creator will always get me through because I know my support, my help, is just a prayer away."

This opportunity has been given to me and I know that a part of me has even earned the right to go there. But the journey doesn’t end there. In fact, it only begins when I reach TMT {Tiger Muay Thai}. I have a huge responsibility on my shoulders. I have many promises to keep. To my parents, to the universe and to myself. This is a dream coming true and I have to do whatever it takes to make sure that I do what all I have planned to do in the coming 30 days. That thought surely gives me goosebumps as all eyes are on me. But as long as I can remember, I have never backed down from a fight and this is one of the most important fights of my life. Why is it that you ask? Well, ‘cause this time my dreams are on the line and I have to show it to the people I love and care for that My Dreams Do Matter.

"God, our Creator, has stored within our minds and personalities, great potential strength and ability. Prayer helps us tap and develop these powers."

So I pray. I pray in the stillness of the night. I look up and tell the universe to be with me and to give me strength to push, push and push and to never stop. I pray to show me the light. I pray that I become a better human being. That when I train I never stop. That everyday I only evolve and become more calmer through my aggression. I pray that I use all my anger and rage as a force of good not as a seed to evil. I pray that in the darkness of the night I find hope not isolation. I pray that everyday over there I seek and find what I am looking for. I pray that my prayers are answered. I pray that I find the courage to face the realities of my life and to overcome all obstacles. I pray that I glow even in times of complete blackness. I pray that I never stop and only keep moving forward. I pray that I make my family proud of the decision that they made for me to go to Fight Camp and I pray that when they see me again they see a transformed Me, both physically and mentally. I pray that I use my fears as a tool towards success. I pray that I become so contended that I never have to feel anger, misery or rage again. I pray that I find the peace I am looking for. And I pray that from the bottom of my heart that Fate meets me in this glorious journey that I am about to take.

"'Thank you' is the best prayer that anyone could say. I say that one a lot. Thank you expresses extreme gratitude, humility, understanding."

This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty and this is My Silent Prayer.

With All My Might,

Your No.1 Fan,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

PS. In my previous blog I had mentioned that I would be in touch with my regular blog updates but I can’t promise that as all depends on my training and the classes I take and the amount of time I am engrossed in my training. So until next time, thank you for being there for me and reading my blogs and being a part of my journey. I know one day my time will come. One day I will make you all proud of me. I know that for some it takes years while others get at the beginning. I know it has been 9 years for me here but I can say that I am still here and I know that I am meant to be here and no matter what happens I am not going to quit. I am never going to give up, no matter how hard it gets. Failures can't stop and pain will only make me stronger. I am here 'cause I know I belong here and one day my time to shine in the sun will come. Until then I will do what I do best. I will raise my sword and shield and I will fight!

I need all the blessings and prayers I can get. :-)