Wednesday, 24 June 2015

Why Do We Fall?

“And we will choose many men and women. People who will go through unfathomable acts of struggle. But out of all the souls there will come one. One who will change everything forever. And this soul will be tested. He will fall, he will be destroyed and he will be broken. But in the end, when all hope will be lost he will emerge once again as the fiery phoenix. And he shall prevail. He will be the one amongst the trillions. He will be the Lone Wolf. He will be the Last Man Standing.”

-The Book Of Prophecies.

I have a dream from time to time. And it may sound a little unusual to you but it is a dream which always manages to bring a smile to my face. In this dream I am alone. I wake up in this great mansion where sofas are made of leather and chairs made of crystal. This place has no one else except me. I have everything that I need at my disposal. Whether it is a luscious meal or a glass of chilled water. This mansion has tennis courts and swimming pools. It has theatres and bowling alleys. It also has a super market. You can say that this mansion is a world on it’s own. But as I said earlier, I am all alone here. Not even a robot to talk too. People are social animals I know of that but for some reason, I am don’t go crazy being alone here. Here, in this small little world of mine, I train, I read, I shower and I eat. I do everything a human being should do. Everything besides human interaction. This is a dream I have time to time. I don’t know but it always lingers in my head. Like a calling waiting to turn real. Blogs are meant to be a mirror of a person’s soul or it’s point of view and maybe that’s why I thought it was necessary of me to share this dream of mine with you also. You may question why do I always write stuff of being alone or why do I choose to be alone. Well, the truth is for many years I have been convinced with this one single belief. That in order to be Great we have to have the ability to Sacrifice. And sacrifice the things we want the most. And what is it that we human beings want the most in this world? We need love and support. So what if I gain the power and the ability to kill those emotions? What if I become so self-efficient that I don’t need anyone anymore? I believe that if I harness that power, I will, only then be truly deserving of Greatness. And that is why, for more than 15 years I have been in this quest … a journey you can say, to the vey depths of my soul and try to find out if I can. And when I looked deep into the blackness of that well, I fell deep into it. And when I did every emotion I ever felt came alive. A feeling I can’t possibly explain. But then, when I was in that pit, in that darkness of nothingness, I understood it all. I understood why I fell and how I will rise again.

"Courage is knowing what not to fear."

We all go through struggles. We all go through hardships and we all go through our own suffering. Even right now, as I am typing this, someone, somewhere must be suffering from something. Whether it is something to do with health or wealth or heart break or simply just the lack of joy, someone always is going through something. So I can’t say that I am experienced enough to know and understand that. But I can say is that in all of my 30 years of existence, I have come to understand that I won’t be able to relate to your sorrow and neither will you be able to experience my joy. We go through our own journeys. And the sooner we figure that out, the sooner we become free of emotions or bonds that only bring us down. My coach said a very beautiful thing the other day. He said, “Only a few in this world can endure such tremendous struggle, pain and sacrifice.” He was 100% right on that. Not all can bare the burden of moving ahead even when everything is against you. But this blog isn’t about my struggles I have had or the struggles I will. The body struggles everyday just to breathe oxygen! So I think I am in a very good place in my life right now. No, this blog isn’t about the War I love fighting. This blog is about what happens to a person after they stumble and fall. Before, not a very long time ago, I wanted people to pick me back up. I wanted people to be there for me and at the end of the day all I wanted was to feel loved. But then, just recently something happened. Well, it happened exactly the opposite way of how I was hoping for it to be. And when I went through that shocking and nightmarish moment, I should had gone to the people who would had been there for me. But I didn’t. This time in fact, I didn’t do anything. I just remained still and let the moment just happen the way it was mean to be. And after the storm had passed I looked at myself in the mirror and I didn’t see tears rolling down my cheeks nor did I see my face turn red with anger. I just saw a man who was stronger than he had ever imagined himself to be. A man so strong that he knew, that nothing or no one will ever be able to break him again.

"We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light."

If you meet me now, you won’t find any change in my mannerisms. I am still the same guy I was yesterday. In fact, all thanks to Dubsmash, people have started seeing the funny side of me! But underneath all that funniness and tweets and pictures, there is a man who has a soul on fire. A man who is relentless and a man who refuses to give up. I have told you this before and I will tell you this again, I am in Love with War and Battle. And I will always need a war to fight. Whether it is for my own survival or to make my dreams come true, I will always be a part of the fight and that is why, the universe is still moulding me and making me the man I was destined to be. Yes, I do believe that we are the tools of the fate that has bestowed upon us and that we are the makers of our own end. And everything that has happened to me. Every event, good or bad and every human being, no matter how noble or evil has brought me to this juncture of my life. Just when I thought I would never withstand failure, I embraced it. Just when I thought I would not survive alone, I stood alone and just when I thought I was broken I rose again. I will never stop trying. And I will never stop fighting. But till today and I kid you not, I haven’t met one individual who understands this journey of mine. I do agree that earlier in this blog I did agree that we all have our own journeys to fight but what happens is that after a point when you don’t have anyone like you, the battle you are in consumes you and then there is nothing left in you besides the fighting spirit which gives you strength to fight on. And then, when your body is broken and sore and full of bruises and when you are in pain, you realise that you were always meant to be alone. And for people like me, loners like me that reality is the only reality which makes sense. We were chosen even before we knew we were. Someone once told me that if you look long and hard enough, you realise how blessed you are. I agree on that thought. Today, I really do count my blessings and when I do, I realise that I have more to be thankful for than to hate about. 

"We are twice armed if we fight with faith."

So what is next for me? Do I wait for opportunity to knock on my door or do I go out there and find it? The answer is I find ways to be contended. I think that would be the right answer. So that is what I am doing. I wake up everyday and plan the events ahead. Whether it is training with Abbas Ali {Bodyholics} in the gym for 3 hours a day or whether it is doing a new course with Coursera on The Paradoxes Of War with the University Of Princeton. Whether it is doing Mma Drills and uploading them on Snapchat or whether it is trying to reach 100kms on the Nike+ App. I get up everyday, gear up and fight on ‘cause that is what I do best and that is what I love doing the most. The stronger me knows I have to do this alone. And this decision isn’t out of disappointment or heart break or betrayal, this decision has been made from a calmness deep within my soul and it has been weeks now I have been following this new approach and I gotta tell you, I am in love with it! There are no answers to be questioned or responsibilities to abide. It is just me, everyday facing my tasks all by myself. Of course, fear and insecurity have a of creeping up and finding me but it is only when you are truly tested, do you know how strong you truly are. I know now I am the strongest that I have ever been. Not because I choose not to express my feelings or be dependant but because I now have the ability to stop myself from ever letting that happen. And who said I was alone? Just like you, I have the universe with me. I have it’s energy sprinkling it’s magic charm on me and whenever I am in doubt, the universe always shows me the way. Maybe that is why I still have that dream of me in that mansion and maybe that is why I wish to travel the world alone. And visit Ireland and Scotland and go to those small towns and sit in those pubs and have jugs of beer and hear those people sing. Maybe that is why I have the dream of buying a Harley or a Triumph and driving on the back roads of America and taking selfies with the sunsets. Maybe that is why I wish to go to Thailand and Sweden and Los Angeles and enrol into Mma training camps. Maybe that is why I wish all those wishes in which I am all by myself. Maybe that is why I know now … Why Is It That We Fall.

"People are like dirt. They can either nourish you and help you grow as a person or they can stunt your growth and make you wilt and die."

Don’t take me wrong. I am not here to prove a point or to tell you this is the right way. For all I know, I am still the crazy one and the outsider and the misfit. This is just me expressing my growth to you. This is just me showing what time and battle does to a man. And I am here to tell you that it is ok to Fall. I heard a very beautiful saying once and it said, “Don’t curse the darkness. Light a candle.” And that is what I am doing. Instead of crying myself to sleep in the darkness I sit there in the nothingness and ask myself, “Why do we fall?” And do you know what the answer to that is? The answer is We Fall ‘cause Only Then, We Can Learn To Pick Ourselves Up Again. And every time we rise, we only become stronger than we were before. Just like a Saiyan from the Dragonball Z Universe or the Egyptian Phoenix, you always come back stronger. So it doesn’t matter what turmoil you are going through, know that it won’t last forever. “Tough times don’t last but tough people do.” And the reason I am saying this to you and the reason you are reading this is because you are one of the tough ones. You are one of those brave souls who knows how to endure pain and struggle and still move forward. And for that I salute you. Maybe one day during my trip around the world I may meet you and even though we won’t sit and chat and have a good laugh, we will know that we are one of the few who rose after we fell. So for now, that is all I have to say. And I hope somehow and in someway you understood my transition into this Lone Warrior Breed. I hope you don’t take me as a monster but as a friend who knows what Fighting truly means. I thank you all for being so patient with me over the years and thank you all for trying. But I guess that time has come in my life where I can say that I am now 100% Self Proof and as weird as it may sound, I may never need another soul again. So you take care my readers. Keep fighting and maybe the next time I write a blog, it would be from that mansion I keep on seeing in my dreams or from the hills of Scotland or maybe from a Coffee Shop in New York. But no matter where I will be, I know I will never stop. And I know I will always Rise After I will Fall.

"The first and greatest victory is to conquer yourself; to be conquered by yourself is of all things most shameful and vile."

This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty and This Is My Story.

With All My Might,

Your No.1 Fan,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.