Wednesday, 21 January 2015

War Daddy ...

“All Men Go To War. Only Few Embrace It.”

-Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

There was a time when I used to post blogs every week. That phase of mine was only three years ago. But now, I don’t do that anymore. I guess back then all I wanted was attention from people who didn’t even care of my existence. Or maybe it was just my fear and insecurities which were telling me to ‘Post Every Week’. I look back at myself and only laugh at my own immaturities. This proves that in time all men evolve. And the wise amongst us understand this growth and only become better. I know I am a billon miles away from actually becoming a ‘Good’ person but I do know that I am on the right path to be so. Hope you all liked my last blog, ‘World War P’. I have decided that from this point on, one blog will be Fictional and the other will be Non-Fictional. This way, I can make my Fictional Writing a little better and also express myself and talk about my Evolution. Balance you see, Balance. I am a firm believer in it. And why do I believe in Balance? Well, ‘cause for starters the entire universe works in a certain balance and without that balance there is only chaos and I know that no one likes chaos. But balance works both ways. You give, only to be given. And when you aren’t given, you feel a void. A void which can’t be filled. But what if I tell you that I have found a way to fill that void? What if I tell you that you are the answer to all your questions? What if I tell you that once you embrace who you are, you feel complete? What if I tell you that once you realise that you are alone in your fight and war, you just don’t become a bad-ass … You become a War Daddy

"Battle is the most magnificent competition in which a human being can indulge. It brings out all that is best; it removes all that is base. All men are afraid in battle. The coward is the one who lets his fear overcome his sense of duty. Duty is the essence of manhood."

Betrayal. It is a harsh word, isn’t it? No one wants to feel betrayed. Betrayal just doesn’t cause us hurt, it causes us a pain unimaginable. And we feel more pain and anguish when we come to know that we were betrayed by the ones we love. No wonder Treachery is the worst and deadliest of all sins and is found in the last and ninth circle of Hell! Well, betrayal is what I am feeling now. Of course, I would love to spill out all the details and disclose all the names and the people and the incidents behind this betrayal of mine but I know that by doing that I won’t be any different from the people who have betrayed me. I have a choice now. To either unleash a Fury scorched and fuelled by vengeance or to either stay still and become silent. I choose the latter. Why the Silence you ask? Well, ‘cause for all these years the only thing I have been doing is screaming for people to understand me and not let the pain come back. But all those attempts have only proved to me that people are flawed and they are selfish even though they don’t admit they are and they will always and I mean always choose their own happiness and priorities over yours. Don’t get me wrong, I am a selfish prick also. In fact, one of the worst out there but I know there was always a part of me which wanted to give and whenever I did give I felt happy. Happy in giving my time to others. Happy in helping others. Happy in surrendering my feelings and joys and fears with others. But all I am left with right now is a dark anger and a whole world of hurt. I want to confront them. I want to tell them how much pain they have caused me. I want them to feel this pain and anger also. But I know I won’t. I know I will choose to burn alone. I know I will choose to keep this wrath inside of me. For people whom I have hurt in the past, this is a victory lap as for them Karma has finally succeeded and I am being punished for my sins. But you know me, I will use these emotions. I will remember everyday the pain I have been caused. And I will use all that anger as my fuel. I will consume myself with all that hatred. I will give in to my darkness. And from a boy who just wanted to fight and win the race, I will become a man who will embrace his war and become a War Daddy.

"Build me a son, O Lord, who will be strong enough to know when he is weak, and brave enough to face himself when he is afraid, one who will be proud and unbending in honest defeat, and humble and gentle in victory."

Someone very close to me told me a while ago that all this War and Fighting are just my Immaturities and signs of me never willing to 'Grow Up'. Of course, at that point of time I was heartbroken by what I had heard. But today, after this time in my solitude, I understand that people never actually got the facts right. They never could really decipher the code. They never could actually solve the puzzle that is Me. Yes, some of them loved. Some of them truly loved. But you see, loving is not enough. Love isn’t the ultimate answer or the strongest weapon a person can have. A person is only complete when he or she truly understand themselves. When they truly consume themselves. And when they truly accept themselves or the people who matter to them. Today, I know I have understood myself and the people with whom I come in contact with on a daily basis. Today, I know who I am and I know what I am good at. I am the Lone Wolf. The Ronin who walks alone the path which is in front of him. The man who embraces his War and comes out a Giant. And in my defence I know I have tried. In all these years, I have tried so hard to fit in. To mingle. To be social. To be ‘chilled out’ and take each day as it comes. To be ‘Normal’ as they say. But every time I have ventured into the world of the social man I have felt a tingle inside of me. Like a nerve in my brain twitching and telling me that I am not complete by fitting in. A voice screaming inside of me and reminding me that I was born to stand out. And after all these years of trial and error I have finally come to the conclusion that I am in fact a War Daddy. Whether it is my competitive spirit  or my ‘Never-Give-Up’ attitude, I know that I am the man who loves to fight. And a man who loves his war. A man who deserves the title of War Daddy.

"To be prepared for war is one of the most effective means of preserving peace."

So what is a War Daddy? Is he the courageous leader which Brad Pitt portrayed in Fury? Or is he the Silent yet Lethal Sniper Chris Kyle which Bradley Cooper played with an exceptional performance in American Sniper? For me, a War Daddy is a man who is a combination of both. A man who is so tuned with himself that he realises that all he needs is his War and his will to Fight. That is what a War Daddy truly is and that is who I wanna be. Now, I have reached a stage of complete knowingness of myself. I am now calmer than I have ever been. And most importantly I am now Self-Reliable. I always wanted to be Self-Reliable. I always wanted to be Self-Dependant but at the back of my head, I always knew that I wasn’t strong enough. That when negativity and sadness clouded me, I always gave in to care, support and love from others. But recently I went through a Transitional phase for the very first time in my life and at that time, I truly needed those people. The people who always ’Stood’ besides me. Who were always ‘There’ for me. But as you guessed, no one was there. Even though that may seem sad, it was an eye-opener for me. It was somewhat of a Revelation for me. And after I went through that, I promised myself that I will never hurt anyone again and neither will I ever let anyone else hurt me again, no matter even if I have to be alone for the rest of my life for it. I have come to realise now that all the Choices we make define us and make us who we are. And that is why I have made the decision, {FINALLY} to fight this war on my own. And since I have made that decision, I know a power in me has been unleashed and for the first time in my life and I am seeing the power that I possess. They say, “You never know how strong you are, until being strong is the only choice you have.” I have made my choices and I have chosen my path. I don’t choose to be a Mere Mortal. I choose to be a War Daddy.

"If we desire to avoid insult, we must be able to repel it; if we desire to secure peace, one of the most powerful instruments of our rising prosperity, it must be known, that we are at all times ready for War."

A person I knew who was once suffering from cancer told me that I am a spoilt brat and that I don’t cherish my life. Oh, how much I wish to show her that I am now finally happy. Happy in my own solitude. Happy in my war. So does this blog change anything? Does this blog awaken the truth in you? I don’t know. And I may never know. But I hope it does. I hope you become stronger than you were yesterday. I hope you become a Good person. I hope you never hurt anyone and never get hurt again. I hope the universe blesses you with abundance and joy and prosperity. And I hope that in the end, you find peace. Today is a Wednesday night. The worker bees must be dead tired from work while the younglings must be waiting to paint the town red. Me on the other hand, I am home. I mean, I choose to be home in my own solitude. I am already planning my tomorrow. I have always been called a ‘Planner’ and too ‘Organised’ to enjoy the life bestowed upon me. But I see it otherwise. I see myself as a man on a mission. A mission to become the very best version of myself. I see myself grinding and giving and sacrificing everything that I have and that I am to achieve my dreams. I envision the Perfect Mahaakshay in the mirror. The man who faced the trials of life, who faced all the hardships and the man who in the end triumphed, All By Himself. So yes, for me, I am a War Daddy. I am in love with my War. I am in love with the joy of Fighting. I am in love with this Purity in me. I am in love with this Loneliness. Here in this battlefield is where I truly find myself. This is the place where I roar. There is where I am the King. This is where I was meant to be. And I will fight. Until there is a single ounce of fight left in me, I will fight and I will never stop. I will not quit. And I will never give up.

"I am tired and sick of war. Its glory is all moonshine. It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood, for vengeance, for desolation. War is hell."

This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty. But now, you can call me War Daddy.

With All My Might,

Your No.1 Fan,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.