Thursday, 7 November 2013

The Darkest Night ...

"It Is Always Darkest Before Dawn."

-Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

We all fight. And I have realised that we all have too. I know my blogs have mainly only been about fighting but to be honest, that is what I have been doing since the last 8 years. And even right now, I am fighting. A year ago my fight was for vengeance but today I am fighting for hope. For now I know I am facing The Darkest Night. Do you know what the darkest night is? It is the night which decides your future. It decides whether you will fight back or be lost in the darkness. It is the night which is filled with fear and doubt. The night filled with horrors and nightmares. This night has come many a times in the past. It has come the day before The Allied Invasion over Germany during World War II. It has come when the Towers fell. It has come when every kid prepares for his board exams. And in my instance, it has come before the friday when my film is about to release. The Darkest Night is also the longest night of your life for you feel trapped in eternity. You feel all alone and like the walls are closing down on you. When nothing feels right. And your inner demons come out to play. This night is one night I pray no one faces. But this night also comes as a sign. That the hell we are in will end soon. If we somehow survive and fight back, we will see the rays of the sun. We will see the light. We will triumph. The Longest Night is a curse for many but a blessing for only the few …

"When you focus on being a blessing, God makes sure that you are always blessed in abundance."

I am a Leo. So that means a part of me is very proud and won't admit to my defeats. But life is such, it moulds you and makes you the way it wants you to be. I remember when I started preparing to enter into films, my intentions were completely different and now when I think of them, they were very childish. But as time went by my notions and ambitions began to change and before I knew it I became the ego maniacal bastard who only thought of himself. I started hurting others for my selfish motives and in time I became the devil's favourite son. But now, after all the hell and struggle and hardship, I have become humble or at least started to become humble. I somehow still feel that I haven't found my redemption and I am still being Punished for my sins. But that is just one of the many angles I look at my life now. Today, my life is filled with fear and doubt. But even through this despair, I have a will. A will to keep on fighting. To never stop. To fight and fight and fight and never stop fighting. Believe it or not, even the astrologers will say that these are my darkest times but even after knowing that I have this will to fight back. I am a huge believer in fate and I know that everything happens for a reason and maybe that is why I am going through these trials. Trials, which define a man and his legacy. How strong or weak he is. How much he can take the pain and still push further. Maybe that is why I am now Facing This Night. 
"If patience is worth anything, it must endure to the end of time. And a living faith will last in the midst of the blackest storm."

I am not writing this blog for your sympathy. And neither I am in a self-pity mode. I am writing this blog to you to tell you that I am a survivor. I know there are many people out there who are fighting more tougher battles than me. Maybe the skinny kid in school is always getting bullied. Maybe a lady is fighting cancer. Or someone who is facing heart break. I know I can't relate to your pain but trust me folks, I know what pain is. I know what it does to you. I know how it changes you. You feel disconnected. You loose hope. And you stop talking to god because you think he is only punishing you. But now I know that isn't the case. We are his children and we all should have faith. Faith grows when there is no one who believes in you. It grows when you are alone out there running the tracks. It grows when the world laughs at you and you smile back with humility. It grows when all have given up on you but you still believe in yourself. You see faith is a very powerful thing. It makes You stronger. It gives you hope that in the end everything is going to be alright. That no matter whatever hell you are going through, in the end you will be greeted into heaven. Take this from me. I know how that feels. I know how it feels to have fear and doubt and be scared. Even when I face this darkest night, I have faith that this won't last forever. I may cry, I may stumble and I may even fall. But I will get up again and fight for my dreams. I will never quit. Even through this darkest night, I know I will stay undefeated.
"Faith is the strength by which a shattered world shall emerge into the light."

I know 8 years is a long time. And a weaker man would had quit. But I know I can't. This night makes me see my demons. This night tells me to hate again. It shows me a reality Im not ready to face. This Night isn't for the ordinary. Only the ones who have greatly sinned and those who will overcome all obstacles can face this night. I face this night every moment. In fact, this night has always been around me like a shadow. Trust me, you don't wanna know the things I have gone through. The lowest level I have fallen or the humiliation I have faced. This night is meant to break you. This night is the last and most toughest degree of punishment god inflicts on man for his sins. I have known many who have packed their bags and left. Who have chosen other paths. Who have settled for the ordinary. Who have redeemed their sins without facing this night. But I know I am not one of them. I know what all I have done. The good and the bad. And I know what all I have to also go through. And at this very moment, I am going through my own trials. I am going through my punishment. I am being branded my god as the one who has done his share of bad but now is here redeeming his soul. It's like feeling a hot metal rod burning through your skin every second. It hurts like hell. But I know this is needed. For I am meant for greater things and to reach greater heights I have to go through this hell. I have to face The Darkest Night.
"Faith consists in believing when it is beyond the power of reason to believe."

So my friends, this is me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty. I am just a regular joe, just like you. I feel the same pain you feel. I face my demons and fight my battles, just like you and one day when I overcome all of this and look back, I know I will see you all in my journey also. I will thank you all for somehow, some way, you have believed in me. And when I meet you, I will look into your eyes and I will see the struggles you have been through to come this far. All the humiliation, all the hardships, all the losses, all the despairs, I will see them all and just smile because you and me both will know, that we made it. We survived. We survived the darkest night. We overcome all the odds and believed. Even when no one believed in us, we believed in ourselves and fought for our dreams. We sacrificed. We resisted and we didn't give in. In the end, that is all that matters 'cause pain only makes you stronger. Even right now, when I feel there is no Hope in my life, I have My Faith. And I have a lot of fight left in me. And I am still a believer that in the end, everything is going to be alright. I know one day this wait will end. And I will be ready for my opportunities. I will be ready to face the world. One day I know I will be loved by billions. And until that day comes, I know I will never stop fighting. Even when my body breaks, I will go to the gym, I will push my limits and cross through barriers that before were seen as impossibilities. I will survive this darkest night. I will survive this hell. And one day I will enter the light. One day I will finally be forgiven by god. One day I will make my parents proud. One day I will stand tall as the man who never gave up. So my friends, have faith and believe that it is only darkest before dawn. I promise you, very soon that dawn will come. Very soon your life will be filled happiness. Very soon, you will see the light. Fight back my friends. Never quit. It is at times like these when our faith is truly tested. Never settle for the ordinary. History has been written by men and women who endured hardships. By people who survived The Darkest Night. So believe in yourselves … As I will always believe in you. 
"This Blog Is Dedicated To All Those Brave Warriors Out There Fighting The Fight. I Salute You And Something Tells Me We Shall Meet Very Soon." :-)
This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty. And I Am Now Surviving The Darkest Night. I Hope You Do Too.
With All My Might,
Your No.1 Fan,
Mahaakshay Chakraborty.
"God will never give you anything you can't handle, so don't stress."

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