Beyond The F@!k ...

Destiny Grants Us Our Wishes, But In It's Own Way, In Order To Give Us Something Beyond Our Wishes. - Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe.

Thoughts. Thoughts are the creation of everything. They are basically the seeds of our very being. Like all the others out there, My thoughts dominate Me too. But before you think that this blog is about a one-night-stand I had recently and My sexual escaped during it, well My readers, I am sorry to disappoint you because none of that happened and neither this is about that. This is about that thought. That one singular thought which takes a lot of time, experience and maturity to come into place. This thought is called "Beyond The F@!k" because there comes a time in a man's life when he stops thinking and reacting to the silly, bitter and small things which are a part of his life and looks beyond the phrase, "I don't give a f@!k anymore!". I am right now in that phase of My life and I am glad that I am …

There are many things which go through in a person's life. And mostly all of them include hardships, tensions and struggles. Some of them even include jealousy, envy and even hatred. In the world we live in today, it is very difficult to be 'sane' and 'normal' and 'peaceful' when everywhere you go, you face the battles which life throws at you. So it is natural that in order to 'fit in' we become these social-attention-hungry animals always trying to be the One-Up from the rest. For a very long time I was one of them. Hearing about others. Loving the gossip which spread like a virus and also rejoicing in others failures. I was that guy. I enjoyed being that guy. Maybe it was because that was the only thing that kept Me going because back then, I was a failure too. As they say, 'Misery loves company'. And so, I wanted the world to burn as much as I was burning inside with the emptiness that failure gives you. But Since I have started working again, I have changed. I am still trying to figure out how that happened. These things don't happen through planning. They just happen when they have too …

As you all know I am right now filming for My very 1st Bengali Film Rocky. My Dad is here, helping Me with the Dialogues and the Diction because I really want to give My best to this Film. Recently, we filmed a very important sequence of the film which consisted of monologue-long dialogues of My character. The day before we shot, you have no idea how nervous I was! I didn't know whether I could had pulled it off. But I did. I was very proud of Myself but I knew, at the back of My head, that no matter what I do, once the film releases, people and critics will still find flaws in Me and if there aren't any, they will create them. These 'practical' thoughts used to affect Me before but now, I don't give a sh@t  anymore or in My words, I am right now beyond the f@!k. It doesn't matter to Me anymore what people think. What the critics will say, what the haters will tweet and what even god decides. I am now Beyond The F@!k and proud to be …

No matter how many examples I give. No matter how simple I break it down. And it doesn't even matter in which language I write this, in the end My words will always mean the same. I am where I want to be. This is where I belong. This is what I was born to do. And this is where I will die. And that is why I have become this man. This man who is now Beyond The F@!k. Who just doesn't care anymore. I know for the world I have now become this godless-soulless-machine who is so cold that even the arctic has a complex against him! But I am this man. I know I am. And to be honest, for all of My life, I wanted to be this man. This unstoppable force of nature who knows nothing besides his goal. Who feels nothing besides his relentless pursuit to win and make all things possible. Who is so consumed by his own wrath that he knows nothing beyond his own dreams. For the world I am simply a Monster.

But there are times. Times when I slip even when I don't choose too. Those quiet moments during the wee hours in the mornings. When I wake up and prepare Myself for the Work ahead. When I check My Bbm and Instagram. When I see the world celebrating diwali and going out for parties and hooking up for love and sex. There are times when I envy those people. Times when I can't stand their happiness. When I realise that they have something more than Me. Something that I deserve more than them. There are times when I slip and fall into the abyss of jealousy and hatred. But then I tell Myself, I remind Myself who I am. Who I Truly am. It is a lonely place where I am. Here , the only companions I have are My Electronics and the beats I hear when I put on My Dr.Dre's. Here, no other soul understands and now I know that no one ever will. For out there, people do give a f@!k about others and are only concerned with the failures of their enemies. But here, I am Beyond The F@!k …

People don't care. People are not concerned. They say they do, they say there are. But the truth is, they are as selfish as the person next to them. I am glad I figured that out now. Now, when I am just beginning the most important chapter of My Life. The Chapter of Responsibility. Many people may read My Blog and call Me a pathetic loser because how lonely can a man get that the only way he can vent out his true emotions is by typing them down on his laptop! I may agree with them in some six degrees of separation but I am not affected by them. I no longer am because I am where I belong. This place, this lonely dark place may not have the pleasures that the world has to offer but there is something here that the world out there can never give Me … Purity. Yes, this place is pure. It gives Me exactly what I want and it has made Me the man I wanted to become. Ask any man who searches for peace and he will answer that he has to first find the madness. Go beyond the norms of society and Beyond The F@!k. I am in that place now. I am where I belong. Judge Me however you want. Call Me names and even spit on My face if you want too. I don't care because I am not looking for redemption. I am not waiting for the after-life and neither am I waiting to see what god looks like and the virgins he offers Me in heaven. No, I am just a man who is exactly where he wants to be. I am a man who is Beyond The F@!k …

This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty. And I Am Where I Belong … Beyond The F@!k …

With All My Might,

Your No.1 Fan,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.