“If You Want To Make God Laugh, Make Plans.”
We all have dreams. All have hopes. All want to be rich. All want to be famous and live the luxurious life. But sooner or later we all realise that no dream is beyond their own fate. In my life of struggle and waiting I have understood one thing for sure. That no one and I mean no one can outrun their destiny. What is meant to be is meant to be. The scariest and the most exciting part is that we don’t know what is in stored for us. We are just passengers in this journey called life. And we all are playing our roles. Roles that are being controlled by our creator. Freedom in the end is only an illusion. A false pretence to make us feel better that somehow we are the masters of our own fate. But if you see closely, we are just puppets in the grand theatre of life. All we can do is hold on tight and pray that we don’t fall of the ledge when the shit hits the fan.
"God will not permit any troubles to come upon us, unless He has a specific plan by which great blessing can come out of the difficulty."
I love being on the sets. The feeling of putting on make-up, making your hair, wearing that costume, being under the lights, hearing action and cut, that is bliss for me. I love it with all of my heart and nothing in the world gives me more happiness than working 24/7. Since I have come here to Georgia, I have been on the sets almost everyday and I work for more than 16 hours a day. To be honest, the others can’t take the workload but me on the other hand, I love it. I love it when my body craves for rest. I love it when I know that I am going beyond my limits and I love to know that I am stronger than the others and that if given a chance I would never stop. I have told this many a times in the past and I will continue to say this in the future as well, “I Have A Dream And In That Dream I Never Stop.” Yes, that is the truth, I never want to stop. I want to keep on going. I want to fight a war that never ends. I want to give it my all and die in peace. I want to be a machine which never runs out of oil. I want to be a man who died at the battlefield doing what he loves the most. But you see, sometimes it isn’t the way we hoped it would be like. Sometimes, fear wins. And sometimes, you have to think of a Plan B.
"The most important lesson that I have learned is to trust God in every circumstance. Lots of times we go through different trials and following God's plan seems like it doesn't make any sense at all. God is always in control and he will never leave us."
Will Smith once said that one should never think of a Plan B, ‘cause the moment you start thinking of it, Plan A will never happen. I agree with him but on my defence, I am right now helpless. You know being helpless is more worse than being wrong. At least when you are wrong, you know you did something to do that. But when you are helpless you know you want to do something but you can’t. That is how I am feeling right now. Trapped in my own web of sorts. I see evil happening in front of me. I see hate flourishing and there is nothing that I can do to stop it. All I can do is wait and absorb it all. That is what I have been doing for all these years. That was the only choice that I was ever given. I want to man up and take charge. I want to give every sick fuck the Punishment he deserves. I want to show what will and power can do. But for now, I have to stay silent. I have to wait. And I have to carry the burden of guilt that some how for some reason, all this is happening because of me. I wish, I really wish I could had been more open and honest in my blogs. But this is as far as I can go. Too much on the line now to be emotional. Too much on the line to be sentimental. This is only a somewhat honest confession. And I confess that I am afraid. To be more real, I am petrified. Petrified that life may have something else planned for me.
"You can never plan the future by the past."
I can’t believe it but this is the first time I have written three blogs back to back. When I started writing blogs, it was a once-a-week-my-voice-to-be-heard blogs which I really enjoyed sharing with everyone. But now, due to my insecurities I have increased the rate of my posts. I think it is because fear has finally caught up to me and maybe I am sensing the end. Now, there are two ways to see this so-called end. One, that this is truly the end of an era of fighting, waiting and believing. And two, that this end is the path to a new, more glorious beginning. I prefer to choose the latter as it gives me some kind of a hope. Since last June, I have started to be more practical with my life. I guess that happens to you when you fight a never ending war. You start seeing life from a different perspective. I made myself prepare for this. These so-called twist and turns of fate. And I have also envisioned a different life than what I am living today. I wish and pray that I don’t have to ever live that life but a part of me won’t regret if I do. If you ask me what that life is, well, it is a life of Mixed Martial Arts. And you know what? I have had this conversation with a close buddy of mine as well, the possibilities of living a life of a Mma fighter. His words were very practical and honest and I appreciate them to the core. He told me that I am 30 now. Older than most guys in the Mma field. As Mma is a gruelling sport it may take a toll on me and some injuries may never let me recover. Plus I have a Kelloids deficiency which will leave scar tissue on my face after cuts and punches and also my left shoulder which has a loose tendon will be a major weakness when fighting the enemy in the ring. Plus Ufc is very very strict and tough in their selections so to even get noticed by them will take another 5 years or so with 6 hours of training everyday! After hearing all this anyone would feel that their life is definitely over. But I do believe that if plan A doesn’t sum up the way I have planned it, I know that Plan B surely will, whether or not I know what that plan really is.
"Our goals can only be reached through a vehicle of a plan, in which we must fervently believe, and upon which we must vigorously act. There is no other route to success."
Have you seen the 2004 Punisher film? Before the climax Thomas Jane aka Frank Castle writes his own obituary, declaring what he is about to do and that no one else should be blamed for his actions. It was a Declaration Of Intent. I somehow feel that I am doing the same with this blog. Yes, it may look a lot like a negativity infused rotten version of myself asking for some pity from the universe but as a matter of fact, this is just the opposite. I am here telling you that I am trusting in the universe. That I am being honest and declaring that I am afraid and that I am ready for whatever the universe has in stored for me. If Plan A isn’t what is written in my destiny then I do know that Plan B would be. Since I am being honest about everything, well, nearly honest about everything in this blog I do have another small confession to make. Whenever I talk to Michael aka The Reaper, I sense this Dark Joy in me. I don’t know how to clearly explain this to you but if you would had read The Punisher Max series first book titled 'In The Beginning' you would know what I am talking about. Whenever Frank Talks to the Reaper or to his own darkness he experiences a certain dark joy. A dark joy he feels only when he sees the misery of others and of the ones who deserve to be punished. I can’t tell you in detail as to when I feel this but I can openly say that I do feel this Dark Joy from time to time and these moments with Michael are the ones I truly cherish. Even though life may have a plan b set for me I know that Michael and his Dark Joy will always be with me. I am here telling you that even though it scares me to admit that I am afraid, I am afraid of the unknown. But in the same time I have prepared myself for the plan b if that time ever has to come. Life at times may throw a curve ball at you and it may hit by the blind side when you least expect. But I know one thing for sure. If you Hope for the best and prepare for the worst, nothing and I mean nothing can stop you.
"Happy is the person who knows what to remember of the past, what to enjoy in the present, and what to plan for in the future."
This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty And I Am Ready For Plan B …
With All My Might,
Your No.1 Fan,