The last entry of 2012. I think I should go out in style. New year resolutions popping up in my head. So many of them. So many I want to do. I think I have already begun. Let's see. New me. That is my priority now. New changes. Fresh changes. This is the new me. The evolved me. I know it will take time but I will get there. Kinda like self-therapy. No more messages to the world. No more trying to convince the people. They wanna read these blogs, they will log in and read them. Off the grid. Ya, that is what I wanna do. I know I can't completely but I am still going to try. I want a fresh perspective. And in a way 2013 is that fresh start for me. I am clean now. I have a clean slate. I am happy that I do. I have already worked out 4 times in the last 48hrs. Is that a good thing? No, I think it is a great thing. I want to be better. I want train harder. Become better. Become like steel. I will get there. I have the universe backing me up. So many thoughts running through my head. How do I put them all down, all at once? I can't. Maybe my actions will. This is already feeling good. I mean, I am already feeling better. No more concerns for the outside world. I am free. I want to be. My Dad is cooking Chinese for kaushik and nadira, since they have come over for new year's eve. I am happy they are around. Bhushan is being missed in the mix but he needs to be with his mom. I understand that. My family is here. That is what matters. That is what always did.
I think I shouldn't give spaces between my lines anymore. I wanna write these blogs in one go now. My sister is watching the greatest music videos of 2012 on vh1 and 'hall of fame' comes up. It is like the universe is trying to tell me something. Like it is always with me. I have always believed in the signs and the signals that the universe has given me. Whether it was Warrior on star movies the other day or hall of fame right now on vh1, the universe is telling me that stay on track boy. You doing good. Just keep going. This is who you are. This is who you will always be. Stay the track boy. Stay the track. I feel good. I know the powers above are with me. They have always been with me. I feel a strange confidence when they are around. This feels good. This freedom. This freedom from my own pretence. We have a new puppy in the house. We have named her alaska. She is so small and white, we can't catch her from the naked eye if we don't look carefully. Adorable she is. But my bulldog partner is showing her attitude. That always happens when there is a new arrival in the house. But after a point of time, they all start gelling. They all become a family. I am trying to find a relative theory between the words I just wrote and what I am about to say. But here it goes anyways, what I am trying to say is that we get used to anything if we stay around it for a while. That is our speciality. Us humans. We get used to people and we even get used to not being around them ...
Am I making sense? I don't even know anymore. I think I even don't care. There is a certain calmness in me now. This new me. This new change has brought a certain calmness in Me and I am glad it has. Step by step, that is what I keep on telling myself. This change won't happen over-night but it will certainly happen one step at a time. This is necessary. Very necessary. I want to evolve and I will so. I think just like Me, even my blogs will have a new makeover now. A new me means a new blog too. Nice. Change is always good. But I still have one fear. I want to be completely honest in My blogs from this point on. But I don't know who I will. I guess I need more strength in My balls than I thought was required. Let's see. I have a whole new year ahead of Me. A fresh new start in the future and whatever fate holds for Me. I can sit here and write down all the things that happened to Me during this past year but I know what all I went through. The good and the bad. And I think this makeover is the culmination of what all I went through. And besides I have learnt a lot in this one year and I wanna keep the past where it belongs. In the past. I now have a glorious year waiting for Me ...
I usually write 5 paragraphs for every blog entry that I do. I think it kinda gives justice to my words but this time, right now, listening to green day on vh1, starving my ass off for some yummy chinese, I can tell myself that I am blocked. I mean I know what I have to do but I don't know what I have to type. I guess it happens. I ain't gonna take it to My grave. There are things that matter and then there are things that don't. I am going to learn that now. I am going to evolve. I am going to be better and I am going to be more self-absoverved. I guess that is where the true genius of a man lies and in 2013, I am going to find that in me too. I miss writing in my diaries. There were much safer. These blogs are out in the open for anyone to peek in to my thoughts but I guess I started writing them in the 1st place. And I am going to continue to do so. I am a loyalist. These blogs have helped me a lot. To vent out. To feel good. And I guess they will continue to do so. This felt good. This 1st step towards my therapy. I wait 2013 with awaited breath. For the change is in Me and for I am the change that I want to see ...
End Of The Last Entry 0f 2012.
I think I shouldn't give spaces between my lines anymore. I wanna write these blogs in one go now. My sister is watching the greatest music videos of 2012 on vh1 and 'hall of fame' comes up. It is like the universe is trying to tell me something. Like it is always with me. I have always believed in the signs and the signals that the universe has given me. Whether it was Warrior on star movies the other day or hall of fame right now on vh1, the universe is telling me that stay on track boy. You doing good. Just keep going. This is who you are. This is who you will always be. Stay the track boy. Stay the track. I feel good. I know the powers above are with me. They have always been with me. I feel a strange confidence when they are around. This feels good. This freedom. This freedom from my own pretence. We have a new puppy in the house. We have named her alaska. She is so small and white, we can't catch her from the naked eye if we don't look carefully. Adorable she is. But my bulldog partner is showing her attitude. That always happens when there is a new arrival in the house. But after a point of time, they all start gelling. They all become a family. I am trying to find a relative theory between the words I just wrote and what I am about to say. But here it goes anyways, what I am trying to say is that we get used to anything if we stay around it for a while. That is our speciality. Us humans. We get used to people and we even get used to not being around them ...
Am I making sense? I don't even know anymore. I think I even don't care. There is a certain calmness in me now. This new me. This new change has brought a certain calmness in Me and I am glad it has. Step by step, that is what I keep on telling myself. This change won't happen over-night but it will certainly happen one step at a time. This is necessary. Very necessary. I want to evolve and I will so. I think just like Me, even my blogs will have a new makeover now. A new me means a new blog too. Nice. Change is always good. But I still have one fear. I want to be completely honest in My blogs from this point on. But I don't know who I will. I guess I need more strength in My balls than I thought was required. Let's see. I have a whole new year ahead of Me. A fresh new start in the future and whatever fate holds for Me. I can sit here and write down all the things that happened to Me during this past year but I know what all I went through. The good and the bad. And I think this makeover is the culmination of what all I went through. And besides I have learnt a lot in this one year and I wanna keep the past where it belongs. In the past. I now have a glorious year waiting for Me ...
I usually write 5 paragraphs for every blog entry that I do. I think it kinda gives justice to my words but this time, right now, listening to green day on vh1, starving my ass off for some yummy chinese, I can tell myself that I am blocked. I mean I know what I have to do but I don't know what I have to type. I guess it happens. I ain't gonna take it to My grave. There are things that matter and then there are things that don't. I am going to learn that now. I am going to evolve. I am going to be better and I am going to be more self-absoverved. I guess that is where the true genius of a man lies and in 2013, I am going to find that in me too. I miss writing in my diaries. There were much safer. These blogs are out in the open for anyone to peek in to my thoughts but I guess I started writing them in the 1st place. And I am going to continue to do so. I am a loyalist. These blogs have helped me a lot. To vent out. To feel good. And I guess they will continue to do so. This felt good. This 1st step towards my therapy. I wait 2013 with awaited breath. For the change is in Me and for I am the change that I want to see ...
End Of The Last Entry 0f 2012.
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